Validation

*BEEP BEEP BEEP*

Y/n POV: I couldn't even open my eyes but I looked under my covers and it was my phones alarm. It's 6:20 and I need to get up for school and it's Monday morning and it's raining. I absolutely love rain but if it means I'm walking to school like this then maybe this gives me all reasons to hate the weather. I stay in bed for 5 minutes and wonder if I should actually shower or rest there for a bit and I decided to shower.

I haven't showered all weekend and my hair is matted it takes 20 minutes just to brush through my hair. It's not 6:47 and I kinda just listen to the water run and the light above me gives off a yellowish tint to it, it's comforting but sad at times I get out I almost slipped. That for sure jerked me awake and I brush my teeth for the first time since Friday it's feels refreshing. I quickly change into some baggy jeans with a hoodie and put my eyeliner on because it makes me feel good. I take a quick look in the mirror and my jeans look a bit wrinkled.

As I walk out of my house my mom groans at my wrinkled pants and tells me no boys will want me. Most of the time I didn't want a boy to get me I was actually pansexual (not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.) many times though I'd probably prefer any other gender than males I don't have anything against men at all I'm actually a feminist but males are just what I sometimes not prefer so much, although I do crave male validation every single day so maybe my mom was right but I walked out like this anyways.

School ended for like what felt like forever. It's 3:10 as I'm walking out I check snap and some guy has texted me responding to my story after I had posted a picture of me, I felt pretty there and I hoped to catch someone's attention and go be called pretty by them. While checking I heard a holler.

I looked back only to see James. He was quite annoying but I looked at him questioningly. All he had to say was "nice a**" it was a disgusting remark but part of me felt good yet at the same time disgusted. I just turned back around and said nothing I smiled just a little only to keep walking home and everything was wet and soggy.

I once read that people who have had trauma with men seek male validation or don't like to be touched at all, for me in a way it was both.

Validation let's me feel pretty.