| A Girl's Life In Times of War (Part II)

Soo-Ah allowed for her hand to be guided by gravity until it landed on the woman's face. It was a more powerful blow than she expected, making her face swing sideways. Enough for those around to start cheering and to come at the woman to strip her out of the military uniform clothes. Her palm stung and turned red, just like the woman's cheek. It was as if she was punished as well. She was quite the hypocrite.

Soo-Ah got a couple of pats on the back but that only deepened her guilt and her shame. Then she was pushed out of their circle. A shadow landed on her face and when she raised her eyes she saw Duri.

"You did good, Young Master," he commended, gripping her shoulder as if to make her feel good. "You want to stick around while we make her take the walk of shame? You're old enough to see a woman naked." He leaned closer and raised an eyebrow, looking amused. "You've seen one before, haven't you? Maybe it's time I – I teach you something else. What are you now, 12, 13?"

Soo-Ah understood his meaning and suddenly felt queasy. Though she had heard men talk in detail about encounters with women, she would rather be dead than witness one once more. And then die a second time than partake in such an ordeal. She did die a little inside at the thought of Brother Duri putting his caring hands on a woman in that rough manner.

"Brother Duri, do you see these kinds of women too? How about that girl you said you are to marry?" she asked incredulously.

Duri looked at her embarrassed, "Well, how to put this? Sometimes I –"

But Soo-Ah could not listen to his answer. She shook her head and took a couple of steps back. "I am going back, brother Duri. I'm not feeling well." Her stomach ached in a strange way and she thought it was remorse, guilt and pain from facing Duri's hidden truth. He was incapable of controlling that snake of his and was capable of such horrendous things. It hurt her to see him in this new light and be prudent around him from now on.

There was one thing that Soo-Ah did not understand about being in the army. Why were women of comfort following the troops and why they would submit themselves to such rape-like treatment?

She would see them laugh and make jokes with the men and she could not understand. She knew they were doing this for money, so she thought they had to pretend to enjoy themselves. But she still felt money did not justify their actions. And her puzzlement only increased when she heard the men talk about how women were enjoying such acts but she knew those were lies. Lies these loose women were selling to them. Whatever they were selling she wanted nothing to do with it and avoided being around them.

Walking fast back to her room, Soo-Ah gripped her belly which sent needles throughout her body. There was strange wetness on the back rise of her dark-coloured pants. Something was not right with her, no doubt the Gods punished her for her deed against that gisaeng.

With anxiety she returned to her chamber, relieved no one was inside. She pulled down her pants. Horror, pain and blood awaited her.

Her hands trembled as she did her best to wash the stain with water, but blood stains were not easy to remove and this was to be her first lesson. She rummaged in her trunk for something to add more layers and absorb the flow that was still coming from between her legs. But if it would not stop, a stain would be the least of her problems.

If she could only find her grandfather, but at this hour he was still caught up in his periodic inventory inspection and was surrounded by people. There was no one who could help her now. For a second time in her life, Soo-Ah thought of dying. Because this would be her end if the bleeding would not stop.

She remembered one of the soldiers who had a blood illness. He cut himself once, then bled out for hours. The doctors with their books and medicine boxes hovered over him but could do nothing to stop the bleeding. In the end, they called a shaman to commune with the spirits and the bleeding stopped. He was discharged as he was as useless in the army as a sack of sand filled with holes.

Soo-Ah never found out what happened to him but now she feared he might have walked on his steps towards the realm of the dead. She was feeling drowsy and her belly ached so something must be wrong with her also. Something like the Blood Illness.

For the first time, she gathered enough courage to slide her hand inside her pants and feel around her crouch. With horror, her fingers discovered a deep hole that she previously thought to be only a slit. And her fingers were stained red when she pulled them out. She dipped them quickly in the water basin, coloring the water red.

Soo-Ah did not recall having suffered any injuries, but something must have ruptured inside of her. She had been doing a lot of stretches and physical effort with the sword this morning. Then the geese chased her. Maybe this was why girls were not allowed in the army. Their bodies were too delicate to sustain the physical effort.

She was doomed.

How could she call the doctors when this illness was between her legs? And what good would they be? They could not help her any more than they could help that sick soldier.

And how could she talk to her grandfather to tell him she was about to die? All she could do was hope the bleeding would stop and enough blood would remain in her body to live another day.

Water and bone marrow were used for the injured who had lost a lot of blood. She gulped down enough water to make her feel queasy. But she had no bone marrow.

By the time night came and she was having dinner with her grandfather, the blood flow was still heavy.

"Something wrong with the food, child? You haven't touched it."

Soo-Ah raised her head from over the plate and stared at him, feeling her eyes sting. She lifted from the chair and came to hug the old man.

Min-Jun patted her back, hesitating. His voice was tinged with emotion."Well, this is unexpected. You could hug me more often, you know."

When Soo-Ah looked at his warm smile, tears flooded her eyes and her voice trembled. "I am so sorry grandpa. I don't think I'll be able to hug you anymore." Uncontrollable sobs escaped her mouth.

"What is this nonsense, now?"

"I will bleed to death and I do not know how long I have left. It started this morning and I am still bleeding." Soo-Ah launched to hug him tighter.

With great discomfort, she told him where the blood was coming from. But her grandfather's face turned from confused to amused and she did not understand why. Her malady was serious.

"I had hoped it would take a little longer, but I should have been in a hurry to have this talk with you." Min-Jun lifted from his chair and went to search for a strange package. He unwrapped it in front of her eyes and called the strange bundles of cotton pads.

"I made some inquiries and it turns out these come in silk or cotton, but they say cotton is the best. Since we find ourselves in such a dire situation, in case of emergency any rags would do. You are to wash and dry them, after – well, after you use them. But you must do so discreetly." He placed the items in Soo-Ah's hands.

Then it was Soo-Ah's turn to be confused. Min-Jun took a deep breath and explained the truth behind it all, or at least all that he knew about it.

Soo-Ah's ears must have caught fire. Or perhaps it was too hot in the room because Min-Jun's cheeks appeared too coloured for his natural complexion.

But the relief of not facing an impending death was short-lived. Min-Jun had another warning for her. He explained with gravity the risks she now faced. Her womanhood was catching up on her and she would have to deal with the tedious, never-absent, monthly bleeding. He kept the natural implications of a woman's flow for another time when she would be older. But Min-Jun explained at length the other changes she would face.

Soo-Ah stared at her crotch. Suddenly pretending to be a soldier did not promise to be as easy or to keep her safe. Soo-Ah began to view the passing of time with dread. It was the month of the tiger and of the flurrying of snow and she had just gone through her twelfth winter.