IV• Exhausted, Distracted.

Hayden was exhausted.

When he woke up that morning, his eyes were red from lack of rest, his head aching and his mind wandering nonstop.

He couldn't count how many times the twins' words had replayed in his mind.

Their voices had been full of hero worship as they talked about Raven.

They'd gone on from telling him about her successful parents and sibling, to how she was allowed to sleep in classes because she'd covered the syllabus and taken the all the exams, to how she hung out with the popular squad but cared so much about everyone, and down to how she was in their opinion, perfect.

Everything Hayden had heard only drove one thing home clearly, he was way in over his head if he thought she would spare him the time of day.

Raven was clearly liked by the schools' populace, even if as Padma had recounted sadly, she rarely ever spoke except she had to.

Hayden had seen first hand, how the perfect looking guy had doted on her so attentively the previous day, he could see the looks the other guys threw her way too, and even Connor who was a people hater had thrown in a surprising 'Yeah, Raven's aiit'

And there Hayden was, dressed in third generations of hand me downs he was sure someone's grandad had worn in his youth.

He was worked to the bone, hopping from one job to another everyday just to be able to pay the rent for his apartment.

He didn't know what he had to do to convince his heart that didn't want to budge that Raven could never be his.

Not when the organ kept replaying the sight of her smiling shyly at him, and definitely not when some part of him was convinced that the emerald-eyed girl didn't feel nothing for him.

He might've been selfish for wishing someone as beautiful as her, a person as repulsive as he was; He might've been heartless to wish a precious stone to mingle with a roadside pebble like himself; and he — maybe— might even be the worst soul the world had yet to see to wish something so good, something as tainted as he was; but Hayden couldn't help but hope.

Even as he wheeled his bicycle of out the building, the chilly air slapping him in the face as he pulled his woolen sweater a little pit tighter, he felt the anticipation in him to see her.

***

When Hayden finally got to school, he parked his bicycle and quickly ran to class.

The bell had only just rung when he jumped in, followed almost immediately by Mrs Kate.

"Mr Hayden" The petite woman smiled, no....beamed, at him.

"Morning Mrs Kate" He greeted, feeling quite flustered at the intensity of her smile, especially when she'd been so furious with him in her last class.

"Thank you, dear. Have your seat now, let's get this class started" She said, smiling warmly as the sides of her eyes crinkled.

Hayden nodded, glancing towards the spot Raven sat as he walked to his seat.

She was already looking at him.

Hayden felt something jolt through him, stepping over his own toes on his way to his seat.

Raven, for the first time in a long time, didn't attempt to sleep away the period. She didn't even plug in her earpiece.

She'd found a new distraction.

Like the creep she was becoming, she sat on her seat, her body inclined towards where Hayden sat.

Her senses were like scraps of metal being pulled to a magnet, and she found herself just watching him.

To everyone else, Hayden was the picture of a normal schoolboy in a classroom, doodling on his book as he watched Mrs Kate teach.

But to Raven, everything he did was a form of magic she'd never seen.

Watching him in itself was magical.

She noticed every little thing about him.

His hair looked a bit softer than it had the previous day, a new conditioner perhaps?; the shirt he wore today had no tears in them. His trousers were ripped, however, just below the knee. Raven found herself wanting to ask him if he'd put them there purposely.

Raven watched in awe as he listened to Mrs Kate with eyebrows furrowed in attention, and when Mrs Kate would crack a little joke, she would see the beginning of a smile start at the side of Hayden's lips until they would spread evenly across those lips, and his dimples —Lord! his dimples! — they would form a deep crease in his cheeks, casting a look of innocence that Raven just couldn't handle.

And when Hayden would turn his head towards her seat, Raven would avert her eyes. Watching silently as his eyes searched for a brief moment before they'd hold hers.

Raven had heard from her more 'woke' schoolmates that intimacy was getting a guy to make out with you in a way that made your head spin, she'd heard that it was making sweet love to a guy in a way that made you feel loved, she was told that it was in being taken to fancy restaurants, and being given roses and chocolates.

But no one had ever told Raven that intimacy could be in seeing eyes that shone with innocence search for yours, that it could be in the way those eyes would disarm you for a moment as the wind was knocked out of your lungs, in the way they would hold yours as you tried to learn the language they spoke.

She was never told that it was in the way that smile would creep up on your face so sneakily that you wouldn't know it was there until your cheeks began to hurt.

But Raven was beginning to understand.

"And that class", Mrs Kate said concludingly. " Is where we end this topic today".

Raven packed her untouched notes into her bag rather sluggishly.

She didn't know why she was being very unlike herself, but she wanted to stall for time.

Hayden was talking to Mrs Kate, looking very uncomfortable indeed. The woman, however, didn't get the hint.

Raven waited even as everyone left the class, until it was only herself, Hayden, Mrs Kate and the girl Hayden sat next to, Hilda.

Soon, the girl too left, motioning to Hayden that she'd meet up with him as she walked out.

Raven pretended to scribble on her notes, heart beating furiously.

"Ah, Miss Stone" Mrs Kate called out to her, motioning for her to come.

'It wasn't meant to happen this way!' She thought, appalled.

Reluctantly, Raven got up from her chair, making her way to the woman.

She could feel Hayden's gaze on her, feel his eyes trail her movement.

Her stomach churned with the millions of butterflies that had been let loose.

It wasn't a pleasant feeling.

"Yes ma'am?" She managed to speak, feeling that same intense gaze on her face.

The look Mrs Keating had on her face was mischievous, knowing. She regarded Raven with a pointed expression, her smile extra wide.

"Well, Mr Keating, I'm sure you might've known by now, especially after your rather........persistent survey the other day, but nevertheless, may I introduce Miss Stone to you" She smiled.

Raven watched in awe as Hayden flushed, his gaze wandering everywhere but at her as he mumbled, "Hi".

Raven only nodded. For once, not because she didn't want to speak but rather, because she couldn't.

She'd lost her voice.

Mrs Kate had a conspirational look in her eyes as she looked between them both, and you could practically see the glee radiate from her as she smiled.

Everyone knew Mrs Kate was a hopeless romantic; It was evident in the passion with which she recounted the tale of Romeo and Juliet, in the breathlessness with which she discussed Mr Darcy and Elizabeth of Wuthering heights and how utterly besotted she was with Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.

Raven was seeing the woman in her element.

" Miss Stone is my best student her at West hill high. I'm sure you should be able to extract one or two things from her", Mrs Kate said to Hayden, before turning to Raven.

"Miss Stone, you'd better watch out for this one" Mrs Kate said, laughing.

Raven could hear the hidden meaning that was tucked beneath her casual remark.

She made it seem like she was telling Raven to be careful because Hayden could take her spot as best in the class, but Raven heard her disguised advice.

'Watch out for this one, he's a keeper'

Raven smiled a little at the woman, "Will do".

Hayden looked more than uncomfortable in that moment. Raven almost laughed at how he tried so hard not to look at her.

" Nice to meet you, Hayden" She said, surprising herself and Mrs Kate.

Hayden looked more entranced than shocked as he kept staring at her.

Just then, Mrs Kate coughed awkwardly, mumbling something about needing to use the restroom.

"Uhh, I'm sorry. It's nice to meet you too" He said, after a moment, averting his gaze once again.

From the distance between them, Raven could clearly see his face as he bit his lip nervously.

Her throat suddenly felt dry.

Her hands itched at her sides, wanting to touch him.

She was going mad!.

Raven could almost cry from how much she ached inside, an emotion so primitive creeping into her heart.

She felt the need to possess, the need to have Hayden cover the distance between them but she managed to reign in her emotions.

"Are you going to the cafeteria?" Hayden asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.

His eyes were magnets, locking her eyes to his.

"No" Raven didn't recognise her voice. It sounded croaky and unlike hers.

Hayden looked curious, eyes a shade lighter under the illumination of the fluorescent.

"Library" Raven said simply, not finding the words to convey her thoughts properly.

Hayden looked at her again, eyes full of that emotion Raven just couldn't quantify.

"C-Could you show me to the library" Raven looked surprised at his request.

Hayden must have noticed Raven's change in expression, because the next thing he did was to try to amend his words.

He was a stuttering mess as his eyes widened, "I don't mean, I'm not....", he looked frustrated.

A smile was beginning to form on Raven's face by now.

His nervousness was endearing.

" I'm sorry I bothered you, I'll just find my way" He finally said, making his way out of the door hurriedly.

Raven felt panicked at the sight of his retreating form, the words escaping her before she had the chance to stop them.

"Wait", Hayden halted slowly, looking back at her with a vulnerability in his features that made Raven's chest hurt.

" Would you come with me?" She asked in a small whisper, her eyes pleading.

Hayden looked startled for a good minute before he smiled back at her.

"Sure".

**********

03/11/2020

~Ameenah