Thoughts

Cleo's Mom birthday is this week. That means the countdown to Cleo's birthday has begun, and I still haven't figured out what I'll get Cleo. What makes it worse is I can't even ask her friends for advance. The only person who might have a clue of what Cleo wants is Daphne, and I'm not about to ask her. So my only option is asking Cleo loads of questions to try and get an idea of what to get her.

I try my very best not to give her a hint that I'm buying her a gift for her birthday, I wanna make it a surprise. So every day I ask her a different question. "What's your favourite colour, what's the one thing you wish you had, are you the type who wears jewelry, how about watches, etc etc"

The only problem is she pushes my questions away with a giggle, saying I ask too many questions and that I'm acting silly. She's not making this any easier. And as I try to figure out what to get her, I still have to balance that with my hectic school life and keeping this relationship a secret.

That's a lot for a sixteen year old to handle.

Cleo is the type of girl who makes you do things you never thought you'd ever do in your lifetime. We spend our Saturday mornings together at the Saturday Highlights, in the afternoons who go to the library and attempt studying together. She got me hooked on her type of girly music, so now every time I listen to those songs I feel like I'm turning slightly girly.

She calls me her boyfriend, but I can't return the favor yet for it really holds so much pressure and responsibilities.

Sometimes I question if she wants to stop playing hide and seek with our relationship, or maybe she's already there. I'm just not there with her though, and I feel I'm being selfish thinking that way.

Her Mom's birthday eventually came, and Cleo tried to invite me to the party. But I lied and made up an excuse. I'm not ready to meet her parents, especially her Dad.

But I may have avoided this party but Cleo's birthday is coming up in a couple of days. She already handed out invites, and guess who was the first person to get one. I question how that will go, how I'll be looked at by everyone at that party. I don't fit in with any of those people.

Cleo tells me not to worry, she keeps telling me, I'm not coming to her party for them, I'm just there for her. But she doesn't know the kind of pressure I'm feeling. I don't even have a gift for her. And I know the other people's gifts will probably cost more than my own life.

Cleo is turning seventeen this year, she's older than me by six months. I'm pretty sure her Dad is going to get her a car this year. But she hasn't even gotten her license, then there's me who has his license but no car to show off my driving skills.

My life sucks

I really need to figure out what I'm going to get for Cleo's birthday and fast.