You Promised

Hey do u wanna watch a movie at my house?

Oh Brian, we're going with Netflix and chill tonight? I don't see a problem with it, so I guess I'll go. Good thing I already finished my homework and my parents aren't home until tomorrow. I could sleep over, not to mention, I would much rather sleep with him than by myself. I get more nightmares when I'm alone. I don't feel like taking a bag though, so I guess I'll take his clothes.

Sure. Be there in a little while

I put my phone and keys in my pocket and put on a jacket. I leave my house and walk to Brian's house, which is fairly close to mine. On the way, I stopped at the liquor store and got 4 bags of gummy bears to put in a bowl. I might not even eat them all, I might just throw them at him. I knock on the door and he opens it with a smile.

"Hey, Brian."

"Hey." He moves to let me in and I walk inside, hanging up my jacket and laying down on the couch. He closes the door and examines my bag.

"Gummy bears?" He rases an eyebrow. I give him a wide grin.

"Gummy bears," I say, handing the bag to him. He looks inside and then back to me, confused.

"What?"

"Why'd you get so much?"

"So you can put them in a bowl and just eat them like popcorn." He shrugs and goes to the kitchen.

"What are we watching?"

"Pitch Perfect." I laugh at him. I love that movie, but why would he want to watch that?

"What the f***?"

"What? Don't girls like those kinds of movies?"

This b****.

"No, you have it wrong. I like these types of movies, according to me and my taste, but not all girls have the same taste, bruh." He comes back and sits the bowl of gummy bears on the coffee table.

"Not all girls have the same taste, bruh," he mocks.

"Shut up." I pick up a gummy bear and throw it at his face. He catches it before it falls to the floor and eats it.

"That wasn't very nice," he says, laying down behind me.

"You're not nice." I take the remote and press play. Throughout the movie, Brian doesn't talk much, which makes me think he actually likes this movie. It's whatever, he could've just said so and I would be cool with it. This movie is hilarious.

"Tara, I have something to tell you." I'm not completely paying attention, but I know something's up.

"What?"

"I love you," he says, defeat in his tone. I turn around to face him.

"You can't be serious." I laugh nervously, not knowing how to react. Is he serious?

"When I told you about that girl I really like, I was talking about you." My smile quickly fades.

"Brian, please tell me you're just kidding because this isn't funny."

"I'm not laughing."

"Brian. Please."

"And I wanted to ask if you want to go out with me?"

"No, I can't. We can't. You know I don't feel that way."

"There's always a chance."

"But I can't. Not now."

"You're turning me down? But you said you would be here for me."

"I know what I said, but I didn't know it was me you were talking about."

"You promised."

"I wouldn't have if I knew you were talking about me." God, this is all wrong. I need to leave.

"I have to go." I get up from the couch, grab my jacket and leave. I didn't even think twice about my gummy bears, I just left. The sorrow in his face was just too much to see. I walk home and the first thing I do is take a warm bath. I need to relax. I don't know what to do.

~

Brian POV

"Tara, I have something to tell you."

The day I told her I loved her was supposed to be okay. But it wasn't.

"What?"

It was supposed to go like I imagined. A movie, the confession, and making her mine for good. But it didn't.

"I love you."

It hurt so bad not to tell her, and then it felt like a slap in the face when I told her.

"You can't be serious."

She laughed at me. Then it was like, why the f*** am I even doing this? It's hopeless.

"When I told you about that girl I really like, I was talking about you."

I screwed up. We could've been all good and we could've had sex instead, but I f***** it up by telling her.

"Brian, please tell me you're just kidding because this isn't funny."

"I'm not laughing."

I was so ready to cry. Yes, cry. Only this girl can make me want to cry for the first time in years.

"Brian. Please."

"And I wanted to ask if you want to go out with me?"

"No, I can't. We can't. You know I don't feel that way."

"There's always a chance."

"But I can't. Not now."

"You're turning me down? But you said you would be here for me."

"I know what I said, but I didn't know it was me you were talking about."

"You promised."

"I wouldn't have if I knew you were talking about me."

And she meant it.

"I have to go."

Then she left. Walked right passed me and left her gummy bears. I shouldn't have even told her anything. I thought we had a chance. And then, I cried. I f****** cried for such a long time over her. I shouldn't have wasted my time.

~

Tara POV

F*** my life. I honestly feel so conflicted because I want to go back and tell him I'm sorry for being kind of harsh, but then he'll probably start thinking that I have feelings for him when I don't. Ugh, I never wanted this to happen. I thought it would've been me catching feelings, but it was the complete opposite and I feel like s***. I didn't want to turn him down like that the other day, but I just had to. Even if I eventually start feeling the way he wants me to, he's still a f***boy nonetheless. He could break my heart if I give it to him, even though I probably just broke his. I'm just not ready for that and I don't know what to do. I just don't want a Goddamn repeat of this summer. And I can't even tell my best friend, Julie, because she knows how much of a f***boy he is and she won't believe what he says either. I haven't even told her about us this whole time because I know she doesn't like Brian. She hates him. I don't know. Sooner or later, I'll have to tell her. But I need time to figure it out.

Can we talk?

I just need to think

I don't want to talk about anything right now. I need to think. I need a tree.

Every time something in my life is messing with my head, I go to the park and climb my tree and sit on a branch for a while, maybe hours, just thinking or relaxing. Sometimes I just go there to cry, since the tree is far away from the playground and the kids. I don't like anyone bothering me when I'm there.

I get off the couch and walk towards the door.

"Where are you going?" My dad asks.

"To the park." I don't want to lie about where I'm going.

"Why?" But I don't want to tell him why.

"To get some fresh air." He nods. I leave and jog there. When I arrive, I immediately run to my tree, climbing up and sitting on a branch. I plug in my earphones and start to listen to music.

Man, I don't know where to start. Brian really is a nice person, I've come to find, but I just don't know if I buy this. F***boys always say they love you, but when you talk to people, you find out that they say they love 10 different girls, just to hook up with them. But Brian makes me want to believe him. He already had me to begin with, so why would he tell me he loves me to make me stay? Let's be rational, here. He knows I wasn't just going to leave him for no reason, so why? There really is more to that, and I think he really does have at least some feelings for me, even if he's just saying that he loves me. I don't think he loves me because he doesn't even know what love is. It may be true that he has feelings, however. Eventually, I could feel something for him. I just don't want to lead him on. It's not that hard to catch feelings, but I need a way to find out if he's not just saying these things. Also, I did promise him I'd be there for him. That's a fact. I don't want to go all cold turkey on him, but how was I supposed to know he was talking about me? How am I supposed to get through this without him holding this against me?

Are u ok?

Not really

I close my eyes and I hear my phone vibrate again.

All feelings aside tho, I kind of need you rn... Sexually. Can we still?

I don't want to deal with him right now. But I'm not ready to stop. I still want him, as always. If he needs me, then I feel obligated to uphold our agreement even when I shouldn't feel that way. Maybe one day I'll have the strength to say no, but not today.

I'll be there in a bit

I take a deep breath and hop down off my branch. I ride the bus to his house and knock on the door. He opens the door with noticeably dark eyes, pulling me inside and closing the door before pushing up me against it and crashing his lips into mine.

*

"Bye," I say, my voice quiet. I reach for the doorknob and he pulls my other arm and pulls me flush against him. He kisses me tenderly and then my cheek and then under my ear.

"Bye, sweetheart," he whispers. Oh s***, I just got chills. I'm gonna miss that... He lets me go and I walk back home. My dad greets me as I walk in.

"Hey, baby girl." I hug him and sit on his lap, kissing his cheek.

"Hey, Dad." He lifts my arm up and sniffs my armpit before wiping my forehead with his hand. Gross. I cringe at him.

"Have you been running? You're sweaty and you kinda stink," he says, bopping my nose with his finger. Wow, an insult and then being cute. His signature.

"Yeah, I went for a run. Got a problem with it?" I ask, bopping his nose with my finger. He kisses my cheek.

"Yeah. Go take a shower because like I said. You. Stink." He says still bopping my nose with those last words.

"Why don't you love me?" I ask, dramatically.

"I don't love people who stink," he teases.

"Well then." I get up and go to the bathroom, ridding myself of my clothes and taking a shower. When I get out, I go to my room to put on a hoodie and panties, laying down in my bed.