2

I had never been angrier about anything and I'd never felt the urge to shout at someone the way I did.

Mum and I don't have the best history together. I didn't grow up hating her obviously, she's my mother. In fact, she was like my best friend. She just failed her part as a mother, especially after Dad died.

Four years ago, Dad was diagnosed with a heart-related issue.

Knowing Dad, he handled the situation solely whilst leaving both mum and I in the dark and took care of himself because he felt like he could which he did, but not for long.

The signs were beginning to show at some point; he would stop eating some certain types of food and he would blame it on weight reduction. I for one did not believe because dad was very fit for his age grade, but of course mum did. He began to stay off work for some days which was totally unlike him, he just wasn't himself anymore but he still acted like he was fine.

As a dancer, my team always participated in competitions, be it local or national and it was something every dancer looked forward to.

That year, I was chosen to represent my state in a solo competition, national level. Yes, it was huge because if I were to win, I would have automatically qualified for internationals which was every man's dream, well dancers.

My parents were stoked for me, I made sure I gave my best into it, I toiled as hard as I could, I put my best into the practices and I was certain that I was going to win.

The day of the competition finally came, one could tell how nervous and anxious I was. And coupled with that, I was also very excited about the news mum promised to tell us right after the competition.

Mum was already in California with me but Dad was going to drive over because he had worked the day before so he couldn't go along with us.

It was about an hour to my turn but dad wasn't there and he was supposed to get to California hours ago considering it was a two-hour journey from San Diego.

Mum went ahead to call him and as a doctor, his phone was always with him because he never knows when an emergency would come, or at least that's what he said.

After a while she came back, looking so distraught and panicked when she mumbled that she got a call from dad's phone. Only that it wasn't him.

His best friend, Sam called to let us know that he was presently in the hospital because he had an attack on the highway but fortunately, he was the one on the wheels not Dad.

After hearing everything, nothing mattered more to me than my dad. I forfeited my competition as we left for the hospital provided to us.

When we finally got to see him, I couldn't recognize dad with all the tubes attached to him. All I could think about when he squeezed his cold hands in mine as I burst into tears was why he was there and how it was all my fault;

'I'm so sorry dad, I'm sorry for making you come' I sobbed in our hands.

'N-o don't say that honey, it's my fau-lt actually' his voice faint and shaky.

'What do you mean?' Mum inquired.

'I was diagnosed with coronary heart disease six months ago' my eyes widened.

'Heart disease?' Mom gasped.

And I shouted 'Six months?'

He nodded faintly 'My heart's failing and I don't think I can survive this'

'No don't you ever say that' mum warned him while I just sobbed, taking in the information all at once.

'I've tried to keep this situation under wraps for a while but now, it seems like I may not make this and I just want to be with you both even if it's for the last time' he smiled weakly.

Everything he said was hitting me in the stomach and I knew I had to face the fact that he was going but mum, she just couldn't.

I couldn't blame her; she was going to lose her soulmate and her best friend. I was losing my rock, my coach, my teacher and there was nothing I could do about that.

I knew it was somewhat the end of the road for him, I just knew it in my gut that things weren't ever going to be the same for the Collins family. I figured it was time for me to step up and be the strong one even though it hurt me more than I could imagine, I just needed to stand firm. The only thing was I just couldn't understand why he didn't tell anyone but I decided to keep that question in me.

'I love you' I smiled in tears as I reached for his hand and laid a kiss on it.

'Just keep dancing and make some friends please' he begged and I chuckled with tears. If only he knew how hard it was going to be to trust people now.

'No, you're not going anywhere John' Mum agonized.

'Everything will be fine. I love you honey'. And that was the last thing he said before he gave up.

'No-no-no. I love you and an-d a-nd I'm pregnant' she gasped as I froze in my chair, not knowing what to do with the overdue information. Mum pregnant?

A thousand things stormed through my mind but I managed to whisper 'What?'

'Yes, I'm pregnant' she sobbed. As I stared at the corpse of my father with tears flowing down, I thought to myself

'He didn't even know he had another child'.

Mum was out of it, months after he died. I was also not myself but mum needed someone strong by her side and I was the only one to take care of her and the growing child.

Sometimes Aunt Stella, mom's sister stayed with her, tried to cheer her up, made effort in making her feel better but it just didn't work and eventually, she had to go back to her life.

I took care of her and the baby throughout the nine months. It was very tough for me because I was just seventeen and I had to take time off regular school and dance, in fact, my whole life but it was for mum so I didn't care.

After she gave birth to Abby, I began to see a new side of her. She changed completely, she never once took care of Abby throughout her first year, she was deeply and only concerned about her work and using men, not thinking about her children for once.

She succeeded in abandoning us at home for days, sometimes weeks, never called, always arriving late due to work or she was just out using men for the money she already had. It became a cycle so I was used to it.

Dad being the successful man that he was, left more than enough money to feed Abby and I so I didn't see the need to work then.

Schoolwork became so tedious, I had to get homeschooled for that year because I had nowhere to leave Abby, I was just seventeen at that time and I was still considered a minor in the eyes of the law and I didn't want child services to get involved knowing that if they did, they would take Abby away from me.

After Abby turned a year, I enrolled her in Mrs. J's daycare and I went back to school.

One particular night, mum came home all sobered up and she promised to play a part in Abby's life. Even if mum wasn't going to take care of her, I made sure that she took Abby to daycare on specific days because I had to meet up with my school work if I wanted to graduate with my class. I wasn't exactly a model student, but I was still good with my books.

Surprisingly she didn't object to my idea, and that rule went on till this very day.

My thoughts were suspended by the sound of the front door.

My anger resurfaced as I stormed towards her "What the heck is wrong with you huh?"

"Look I don't have your time; I have to be up early in order not to miss my flight to the UK tomorrow. So, move" she dismissed in an attempt to push me away but unfortunately for her, I had stamina.

"Oh, you have to have my time. You forget your four-year-old daughter at home, for a whole day and you call yourself a bloody mother" I spat.

"I don't want her and I never did. What I want is gone so I don't care" she shrugged.

My head boiled as I tried to calm myself, taking deep breaths "You think it has been easy on me? I had to take care of you for nine months, I struggled to keep up with home school, quit the only thing that I love just to take care of you. I went back to school to people sending curious and pity stares my way. I went there feeling like an outcast. Yes, I never had any friends but everything was fine until I had to be there for you. I lost him too but you know what I did? I was strong FOR YOU! and this is what I get? You are ungrateful but don't worry, I don't regret it" I grit my teeth in anger.

"We'll chat about this later, I'm getting a big client tomorrow in Uk and I need to rest for it" she yawned but I couldn't miss the look of remorse in her eyes.

I scoffed in anger "You know what, I'm leaving. I can’t deal with you anymor-"

"Since when did you apply for school?" she said, suddenly taking an interest.

"I am going for a masters degree mother and I got a scholarship, not like you ever bothered to know and I'm taking Abby with me. As far away from you as possible because you aren't any good for either of us" I surprised myself by declaring that. I had no intention of taking Abby with me, but I needed to get that girl away from this woman. God knows what she'll do to her when I'm not there.

"Great! Take the kid with you. Your father had a lot of money so take it. I don't care, I just don't want to see you when I get back from my trip" she sauntered away.

I gulped hard, the feeling of absolute disgust overwhelming me as I stared at her retreating figure.

Only if Dad was here.

I suddenly remembered Abby could have been listening in on our argument, not that she'll understand fully but I just didn't want her to know how her good for nothing mother felt about her. I walked back to the kitchen and I found her asleep on her chair.

Even in the midst of the turmoil, she still slept.

I smiled sadly at the young child in front of me. She had a father who didn't know about her existence and a mother who doesn't care about her.

Shaking the forthcoming tears off, I carried her to her room.

I can't deal with this woman anymore "I guess it's time to leave for good, girl" I whispered to her before planting a kiss on her head as a good night.