Chapter three: Micah

I sat my bag down beside my desk and sat on my bed making it squeak under my weight. As I laid down my body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. I looked at the dull grey and blue walls. My room wasn't made of much. It was small with so little to decorate it. It had a work desk beside my bed and a dresser next to the door. I wasn't allowed to have much. I had a picture of my mom and I from a weekend trip to the coast on my dresser.I was recently given a laptop for school work. They monitored it of course and my phone was blocked from certain apps too. I hated having so many eyes on me. I heard a knock on the door and let out a groan of protest and sat up.

"Come in."

"How was school?" My nurse asked as he sat a tray down on  my desk. He was a young slender African American male. His dark hair was curly and cut short. He had big welcoming brown eyes and his face had soft calming features.

"It was fine. Did Dr. Perez say I could go Thursday?" I looked in the small paper cup and saw the bitter tasteless pills. I begrudgingly took them and grabbed the fruit bowl and began to eat it.

"She said you can go. But you can't be out super late. She wants you back by seven."

"Okay. Did mom call today?"

"Yes she'll be stopping by later today." He sat down in my work chair.

"Will I be going to her house this weekend?"

"That's the plan."

"Will I get to leave soon?"

"That's a Dr. Perez question. She'll be dropping by tomorrow. When you do leave I'll miss visiting you."

"Sadly I won't miss any of you. I'm sick of being here."

"Understandable. Hopefully you can go home soon."

"I don't even know why I'm here! I mean I know my lack of memory is part of it but, shouldn't they want me to remember?"

"We've been over this before. And you know that's not the only reason you're here."

"But I don't even see him anymore!" Frustration built up in my chest.

"We can't be too sure. Look, if it were up to me, I would have released you already. But Dr. Perez thinks you need to be here still."

"I'm just sick of being constantly monitored. At school I feel normal."

"We're doing what we think is best for you."

"See that's the problem! You do what you think is best! Never once has anyone asked 'hey Micah, what do you think is best?' You pull me out of the bathroom when I have a meltdown but that's the only thing that helps! Not your series of questions or the bright lights of my room. But you only do what you think is right."

"We're just-"

"I don't want to talk anymore. Please leave." I sat in the corner of my bed with my knees tucked to my chest and my arms wrapped around my legs. I rested my chin on my knees and looked at the picture of my mom and I from across the room.

"I get-"

"I said please leave!" I tried to be polite about it but I wanted him gone. When he left I crawled under my blankets and listened to music. A few hours had passed when I heard a knock on my door. Before I had time to respond my mom walked in.

"Hey honey."

"Can I go home please?"

"Not until Dr. Perez clears you."

"You put me here didn't you? So why can't you take me out?"

"Now is not the time to discuss this." She sat down on my bed. Her perfume suffocated me. I could tell she just got off work. She was still wearing her suit and heals and her hair was pinned up in a tight bun. Her middle aged face was painted with makeup.

"How was school?" She asked rubbing my back.

"It's good. I met some new people."

"That's great!"

"We're getting ice cream Thursday."

"That sounds like fun! Are you excited?"

"Yes."

"That's good. Sadly I can't stay long. I have to go work on a case. And I still need to get dinner. I'll see you Friday. I love you." She hugged and kissed me.

"I love you too."

I was once again alone. I curled up under my blankets and laid awake getting lost in my thoughts. Eventually I slipped into the abyss and was consumed by sleep.

Wednesday (8 21)

The morning was quit and tension hung in the air. I silently got ready as my nurse sat a try down. I took the medicine and slammed the paper cup down. It crumpled under the pressure. I put my shoes on and hastily ate the breakfast bowl. I looked in the mirror and examined myself. My grey, silky hair fell a little above my shoulders. it was only a matter of time before it touched the tops of them. I parted my bangs in three sections as to not obscure my soft grey eyes and freckles that speckled my nose. I had big soft eyes that welcomed any person and my jaw line was distinct and defined. I pulled back part of my hair  and put on my glasses.

"You've got this." I mumbled as I squished my cheeks between my hands.

"Alright let's go!" I stood in the doorway of my bathroom. My nurse stood up and put his phone away. I grabbed my bag and we made our way down the long narrow hallway. I couldn't wait for the day where I could walk down this hallway to leave. The morning was cooler than normal and the air was crisp and fresh. We pulled into the school drive through and I saw the group waiting for me the girl from yesterday was there and it looked like Ollie was helping her with work.

"Hey guys!" I said as I walked up to them. Ezra put his arm around my shoulders and handed me a hot chocolate.

"So I was thinking a sleep over!" Ezra gave a big goofy grin.

"I'm not sure I'll be allowed but I'm allowed to get ice cream tomorrow though."

"Well I'll establish a report first I suppose."

"No. Aven that's not the right formula. You keep getting the two mixed up. You use this to for triangles and this for circles."

"But why they look the same."

"How many times have you used these interchangeably?"

"Like. On every test." Ollie faced palmed his forehead and shook his head.

"Why?"

"Sweet baby Jesus. Let's pick this up after school. You're in serious need." He put his binders back in his bag and stood up.

"Hey Micah. Are you able to go tomorrow?"

"Yes!" I smiled and rocked back and forth on my heals.

"Cool!"

"So I have something to show you guys! I would have been finished with it yesterday but I was helping my dad work on his car." Parker walked beside me. She was a little taller than me.

"I wonder what it is." Ezra said.

" I also brought the stuff we need to start your collage. If you don't finish tonight bring it tomorrow and we can work on it together when we get ice cream."

"Okay thank you!"

"No problem." She gave me a reassuring smile.

The morning was slow and boring. No one said much during first period. We were all working on our projects. Parker said earlier she had something to show us but I guess she forgot. Second period was the same way. Parker gave me tips on what I should and shouldn't do for my project. I asked the teacher if she could watch it while it dried and she had no issue with it. I was my fourth class  because we were going to watch a video and analyze it.

"All right class!" Mrs. Hinderson said as she stood in front of the Smart Board.

"Today I want you to write a response to this video. I'll be splitting you up into groups of three. You'll write your response and discuss it in your groups." I zoned out until I heard my name. I didn't hear the people I was grouped with though.

"You're Micah right?" A short girl with shoulder length brown hair and side swept bangs asked. She had big green eyes and freckles dotted her nose and cheeks.

"Yes."

"I thought so!" She sat in the desk in front of me.

"I'm Sarah!" She oozed with positivity and happiness.

"Guess you two are my group members." A boy asked. He had black hair and was very pale. He wore a face mask so I couldn't see much of his face. He was short, shorter than me even. One thing stuck out about him, his nails had chipped black polish on them.

"Are you Lim?" Sarah asked.

"Yup." He sat down in the desk next to me.

"Well it's nice to meet you! I'm Sarah!"

"Look, I'll be honest, I'm only here because I have to be. If I had it my way I wouldn't even be here at all."

"Sucks for you I guess!" She always sounded so happy and upbeat.

"What's your name? I guess it would be nice to know it if I have to work with you."

"I'm Micah."

"Alright, these will be the people you work with for the rest of the year. If you absolutely can not work with someone then I'll change your groups. Other wise you're stuck with each other."Mrs. Hinderson announced. She sat at her desk and started the video as a student turned off the lights. The video lasted until bell for lunch rang.

"When you get back we'll discuss what you thought in your groups."

"Do you guys want to sit together?" Sarah as as we waited for people to leave.

"No." Lim pushed past the group and made his way out.

"I already sit with a group but you're more than welcome to join." We finally made it out and we walked down stairs to the lunch room together.

"Sounds good to me!" I met up with Parker in the lunch line and we all met at our table.

"So who's the new friend?" Ezra asked as we approached the table.

"I'm Sarah!"

" 'Bout damn time we got another female in this group."

"What about Aven?"

"She's not our friend." Ollie grumbled as he sat down.

"What happened?" I asked.

"She's dumb as a rock!" We all laughed as his eyes got big and his voice got squeaky.

"That's what you get for offering to help." Ezra laughed

"Are you going to introduce yourselves?" She asked awkwardly as she stood there waiting.

"Oh sorry, I'm Ezra."

"Oliver but just call me Ollie."

"I'm Parker. Nice to meet you."

"No your name is Park bark."

"No it's not!"

"Nice to meet you all!" Sarah grabbed a chair from a different table and sat it between parker and myself.

"So Mr. Roe is taking us on a field trip next week." Ollie sat the form on the table.

"You're already going on field trips?" Ezra asked.

"Yea we're Going to Blue Bay Rehabilitation Center. It's an intro into our unit. We're learning about how the brain works and how fragile it can be."

"By taking you to a mental hospital?" I picked at my fingers as the conversation went on. I didn't hear most of it. I was getting further and further lost in thought. What if they find out I go there? What if they think I'm a freak or weird? Should I tell them?

"Micah!" Ezra's voice broke though he grabbed my hands and pulled them away from each other. I looked up and worry was painted on his face.

"You're making yourself bleed. What's going on? Are you okay?" I looked down at my hands and saw that I pulled off all the hang nails and was picking at skin and not just the nail.

"I'm fine."

"Is something bothering you?" Parker asked.

"Did we say something wrong?"

"No! Just stop with the questions please!" I yanked my hands back and shook my head. I wrapped napkins around my bleeding fingers.

"It's fine. I'm fine just please stop asking questions."

"Alright. We're sorry." Ezra said in a calm voice as he held up his hands in defensive like manner.

I understood they were trying to help. And they don't know about anything which isn't their fault. I wish I could tell them how I hate being questioned or how I live in Blue Bay. But fear was too controlling. I couldn't tell them because then they would think I'm weird and leave.

"So how are your projects coming along? Oh that reminds me I never showed you my finished picture from Monday!" Parker exclaimed as she dug through her bag.

"I'm done with mine." Ezra said proudly.

"I have three more slides and I'll be done."

"I'm finishing mine tomorrow." My voice was quieter than I intended it to be.

"Here's why I was working on Monday!" She held up a hyperrealistic drawing of me sleeping.

"That looks awesome!" Sarah said. I could tell she felt a bit out of place. No one really spoke much to her or had a conversation she could relate to.

"I was bored and wanted to draw. Well, more like needed to. I need to build up my portfolio before I send it off to M.I.T."

"I'm sure you'll get accepted." Ollie managed to say through a mouth full of noodles.

"Hopefully." We finished our lunches and it was long after that the bell rang. The discussion for the video took up the second half of class. The rest of my day went by in a blur. It always felt like it flew by after lunch. Before I knew it, we were going home for the day.

"So I have a dilemma." I said sitting down on my bed.

"What's up?" My nurse asked setting the tray down.

"So my friends don't know I live here. And tomorrow we're getting ice cream and Ezra offered to drop me off. On top of that. Ollie and Parker are having a field trip here."

"If you want I can pick you up from the ice cream shop. Also, I heard about the field trip from doctor Perez. They're going to be in the lobby and she's got a power point and video for them. I doubt they'll know you live here."

"But what if they do find out?"

"Relax. Or else you won't have any skin left on your fingers. Did you do that today?" He noticed my torn up fingers the bleeding had stopped by know but they still looked terrible.

"Yea."

"Okay. Well, take your medicine and eat your snack I'll be back in a second with band aids. And don't forget doctor Perez is seeing you today." It was the same thing as yesterday, pills water and fruit bowl. He came back a few moments later. I washed my hands dried them well and held them out so he would put the band aids on. After that I was alone again.

I wasn't assigned any home work and Parker and I are going to work on the project tomorrow during study hall and when get ice cream so I didn't have to worry about that. I didn't really know what to do with myself so I just laid on my bed and stared off into space. I hope they weren't mad at me for accidentally snapping at lunch. My head was filled with questions and thoughts. I wanted it to shut up. It was so loud and I just wanted silence. I didn't know how long I stayed there thinking. I was pulled out of the trance by three knocks on the door.

"Hi Micah." Dr. Perez's short stature appeared in the door way. I sat up as she took a seat in the chair.

"Sorry I haven't visited sooner. I've been pretty busy."

"Can I go home?" I asked abruptly.

"That's what I came in here about. You've showed great signs of improvement over the past few years. You haven't caused much harm to yourself. I see today you broke that streak but, that can be fixed at home. Your mom and I are going to do an evaluation week. If I see that you're well and your mom takes the proper training then you'll be sent home. But, during that week, if you shows signs of regression, you'll be staying here for another two months before you get another evaluation. Does that sound fair?"

"So you're saying that next week, I can go home?"

"Yes." I felt a surge of overwhelming happiness course through my body. Tears began to pool as I smiled and laughed.

"I know how excited you are but you have to pass the evaluation."

"I know." The words sounded watery as I finally let all the emotion out. I hugged Dr. Perez tightly as I sobbed into her chest. I could finally go home and be normal! I didn't have to walk down these dimly lit hallways or have food brought to me! I could do what I want and see my mom and invite people over! I couldn't express the amount of happiness I felt or amount of joy. I couldn't really do much except cry. For as long as I could remember Blue Bay was I saw as home. I could finally be free and be happy.

"Was Nurse Harrison in on this?" I asked as I pulled away from the hug and wiped my eyes.

"Yes he was. Next week you'll be monitored twenty four hours for seven days. The only privacy you have is when you're in the bathroom."

"How will the monitoring work?"

"You have two options. Stay here for a week or have your nurse go with you to school." My happiness was snuffed out by dread. Not matter what choice I picked they would ask questions. If I picked stay here, I would miss a weeks worth of school and possibly run into Parker and Ollie while they're on their field trip. But I picked go to school every one will know something weird is going on with me. Then everyone there will ask questions.

"The choice is yours to make."

"No matter what I pick they'll ask questions."

"I know you don't want your friends to know you go here. But I'm sure they'll find out eventually."

"I guess, I'll stay here."

"Alright. Get the class work from your teachers and when you go back to school the week after, I'll make sure you get a note." She hugged me one last time before she left the room. I couldn't help but smile to myself. I could go home.