Sunday (9 1)
I sat anxiously waiting for Dr. Perez and Nurse Harrison to come back from the meeting. I paced my room twisting my hair trying to keep my mind at bay. I heard my door creak open. My mom and Dr. Perez both entered to rapidly shrinking room.
"Have a seat Micah." Her voice sounded so solemn.
"As you know you've been here a long while. For reason that can't be disclosed to you yet. Over the past year you've show great strides in recovery. Your mom has passed her training so now we need to talk about the evaluation."
My breath kept getting caught in my throat as I tried so desperately to breath. But the air wouldn't get to my lungs.
"I had nurse Harrison evaluate you. I do have to say I'm going to miss you. He wrote nothing but good notes in your summary. Though he did mention the day of the field trip. But I believe you're cleared to go."
"Wait. What?" Tears welled up as the air rushed into my lungs.
"You're coming home honey." Mom smiled at me. I let out a sob and felt my body release all tension. My mom pulled me into a hug but I couldn't put my arms around here. I couldn't move. All I could do was cry.
"I know you've been waiting for this for a long time. And I'm glad I can finally send you home.
You will have to go to therapy and you will be reinstated if you regress. Tomorrow after school you'll come back here to pack your things. After that you're free to go home." I hung onto my mom as my body shook as relief washed over me. I wanted to say something I wanted to tell her thank you but my words were drowned out.
"I don't understand anything you're saying." Mom laughed as she rubbed my back.
"I'll give you two some time. I'll be back in a little bit."
"Why are you crying?"
"I'm so happy."
"I know you are. So am I. I can't wait to have you home."
I managed to finally calm down and have a proper conversation with Dr. Perez and mom. Nurse Harrison even stopped by for a moment. It was the happiest I've ever felt in a long time. But despite that happiness there was still a weight on my chest.
Monday (9 2)
I looked around the dull room for the last time. My bed was neatly made and my bag sat on top. It was cold and lonely in this confinement but was I really going to miss it? After years of wanting to be set free was I really having doubts of leaving? Was it because I'm used to this place?
"Come on Micah, you're going to be late."
"Okay." I sighed and closed the door.
"What's wrong? Aren't you happy?"
"I am but I'm confused."
"It's okay. Hey you could throw a house warming party with your friends!" I choked on my water.
"You alright?"
"Parker and Ollie saw me here! How am I supposed to tell them!" My eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my head.
"Well, you'll have to figure that out." It felt like I was on a roller coaster of emotions. I want to be happy but at the same time there was so much uncertainty with everything going on I couldn't help but feel scared. When we pulled into the parking lot, they were there, waiting for me.
I slid out of the truck avoiding all eye contact. They tried to hug me but I dodged them. I could tell they were speaking to me but I couldn't hear what they were saying. Some one out there hands on my shoulders but I brushed them off and kept walking.
"Micah!" Ezra's scream sounded so angry and sad.
"Would you snap out of it and listen to us!" I didn't stop walking and I didn't pay them any mind.
"So what you come back and ignore us." Parker asked.
"Is it about Blue Bay?"
"If he's going to ignore us just let him go."
"Whatever." Ezra mumbled as he tossed something in the trash can.
It was awkward sitting with them during home room and first period. They kept giving me glances as they continued to talk like I wasn't there. During third period I was able to sit away from Parker. I didn't like hurting them but if I spoke then I would say things I would regret. I wonder how Sarah and Lim would react. Would they even care? Did they even notice?
"So you leave for a week and come back all doom and gloom?" Sarah asked in her usual bubbly self.
"Personally I think it suits him." Lim said emotionlessly.
"That's so rude!"
"You guys seem to have gotten close."
"With you gone we had to."
The day passed with minimums interaction. I didn't like doing this to them. But I didn't know how I could face them. I sighed and watched the leaves blow by as I waited for my ride. A familiar pair of sneakers stopped in front of me. I looked up and Ezra loomed over me. He didn't seem to look like his normal self.
"So." He bitterly said sitting down next to me.
"Are you too good for us now or something? You leave for a week and return treating us like we don't exist. You need to explain things to me before I decide that this isn't worth my time."
"What is there to explain?" I couldn't bring myself to look at him.
"The fact that you were gone for a week. The fact that they saw you at Blue Bay. The fact that you've been avoiding us."
"What does it matter to you?"
"Maybe I'm worried. Maybe I care." He tried to place his hand on my shoulder but I flinched away.
"But if I tell you you'll leave. You'll think I'm weird or crazy."
"What is there to be afraid of?"
"Everything! If I tell you you'll leave and I don't want that! I just want to be normal!"
"Why would we leave? All because you've got shit wrong up here?" Ezra leaned forward. I could see his big goofy smile in the corner of my eye.
"Do you think they care that I have to take antidepressants or that I have to stay with Ollie because my mom is crazy? It doesn't matter what's wrong up here. As long as you're a good person. And I know from the time we've spent together that you are a good person. I'm not going to leave because you what? Had to stay at Blue Bay for a week?"
"It wasn't a week." I looked away trying to hide my face from him..
"I was there for seven years. Last week was my evaluation week. And I get to go home today."
"Do you think our friendship is going to change because of that information?" I shook my head and bit my lip.
"You know what Parker and Ollie told me when they got back?"
"What?"
"The first thing they said was we got to see Micah today, I hope he comes back soon. They didn't care that you were a patient. And neither do I. So please stop avoiding us."
"I'm sorry." I cleared my throat and picked at the skin on my hands. He grabbed my hands and pulled them away from each other
"I get why you would be afraid to tell us. And I'm sorry you couldn't tell us when you were ready. But I promise you that it doesn't change anything."
"Thank you." I sighed as he pulled me into a hug. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
He sat with me until my car arrived.
"Stay safes see you tomorrow!" Ezra called after me as we left for practice.
"You too!"
"How was school?"
"Uh, crazy. To say the least."
"Well, Your mom would've picked you up but she's running a tiny bit late. She'll meet us at Blue Bay."
"Okay."
We pulled into the drive way and Dr. Perez and Bernie waited outside for me.
"We're going to miss you." She hugged me close.
"Don't forget to visit me." Bernie patted my shoulder.
"I've got a question for you."
"I have an answer for you."
"What's stopping you." I smiled and walked past him. He smiled and shook his head.
"You got me there kid." I heard him chuckle.
I walked down the stale halls for the last time. A sense of relief and grief made its way into my heart. Was I really going to miss this place? Was I really going to miss being here? I grabbed my bags from the now empty room. Nothing remained in it. The bedding was gone the items from the desk were gone. It was bare.
"Don't want to keep your mom waiting any longer." Harrison said as he guided me down the hallway.
A small silver car sat parked outside. Mom was talking to Dr. Perez. Her face lit up when she saw me with my bags.
"You ready to come home!" She cheered pulling me into a tight hug. It was weird not calling this home. I nodded my head and smiled. The car ride home was almost a somber like drive. I was happy to be going home but, a part of me didn't feel right.
We pulled into the driveway of a medium sized house. The house had an "L" shape to it. There was a garage and an over grown stone fence around the front porch. There was a wooden bench next to the base of the stairs. When I walked into the house I was enveloped with a sense of familiarity. The living room kitchen and dinning room all connected into one big open space. Most of the far back wall were made of glass. There were two sets of sliding glass doors. One behind the couch and the other behind the dinning table. There was a very beachy feel to the house.
There were two sets of couches one faced the front door the other faced a tv that was opposite to the kitchen and arm chair that was angled to face the tv and the couch opposite to it. In the center was a coffee table. The kitchen was medium sized with lots of counter space. There was a bar with an island attached to it and the stoves were on it. Next to the kitchen was the dinning table. It fit in a cubby made by part of the living room coroner and the back wall.There was dark hallway that formed a partial wall for the kitchen. I could see a door before it turned. Th the right of the entrance was another partial wall made by a bedroom. On the wall with the tv is was another door.
"Your room is right there. Mine is right next to yours." Mom said as she walked into the house.
"I'll go over ground rules after you got yourself unpacked. "
I walked over to my room and sat my bags down in front of the accordion styled door. The doors revealed a small quaint bedroom. The bed took up most of the space but I didn't mind. A big fluffy mattress rested on a metal rustic bed frame. It was made up with white bedding. There was a night stand on either side of the bed. And at the foot of the bed was a long dresser that took up the space between my closet door and bathroom door. There was a narrow space between my bed and the dresser. On the opposite wall from my door was a big window. Even though it was small the pale yellow walls made it feel bigger than it actually was. I unpacked my bags and went to the living room.
"Want anything to eat?" A small dog trailed behind my mom as she left her room.
"No I'm not hungry right now."
"Let me know if you need anything. " I sat down on the couch and looked around.
"So I'm just going to go over some rules okay?" The dog jumped in my moms lap and laid down.
"First rule, don't go to the upstairs part of the house. There's nothing In There for either of us. It's best for both of us to not go in there. Next, you can sleep in until ten unless given permission or you're sick on weekends. Next breakfast is from ten to eleven lunch is from twelve to one and dinner is whenever I have time to cook or we order food. You can get snacks between lunch and dinner. Other than that you're free to do what you want. Just go to bed at a reasonable time and make sure the house is clean if you're go out or you invite friends over." She quickly explained before getting on her laptops
It was great to be home but it felt like an evil lingered in the home. It was that familiar darkness when he's around. A chill went down my back at the thought of him coming back. I looked around the house and notice there weren't any family pictures hanging up. Something was missing. There was no life in this house. I looked over at my mom who was deep in her work now.
"Have you been here by yourself this whole time?" I asked looking at the mostly bare walls.
"Yes. But it's best if we don't talk about it."
"Do you not have any family photos of us?"
"I do." She sounded annoyed like something bothered her.
"Where are they can I see them."
"I think that's enough questions."
"Why can't I see them?"
"I said enough!" She put her laptop down and looked at me with stern eyes.
"I'm just curious."
"I understand but some stones are better left unturned. I'm not trying to lose you again."
What did she mean by that? Does it all have to do with him? Why did I feel so out of place and cold now that I was home?