Chapter 6 See you again

No one likes goodbye. But in our lifetime. People tend to come and go. Goobyes are part of life. People leaving also letting go of people. A goodbye is the ending of everything. On how any connection that is made. Ends with that single word. Goodbye. In which is kind of ironic. Because is there anything good about it. Why does the word goodbye came from the rootword good. Even though saying goodbye and hearing it means pain. Still as people come and go. Life continues. Memories will be forever left. But people can move on. By creating new connections and memories to keep. We maybe reminded at times about those sad goodbyes. But still we move on. Expect me. Moving on is hard. Others can forget. Not me. I still remember everything. It continues to live a mark. That's why every moment I've spent with her is still here. I remember it like it was yesterday. Her voice when she sang. Her face when she's afraid or smiling. Her laughter. Her face. Everything I know about her is imprinted in my mind. And right now I can't stand this. I dont want to imprint what I'm seeing in my mind.

As I sat beside her bed. All I can do was stare at her. Wish for her to get well and wake up. Especially now. I want her to wake up this very moment while I'm still here. Yeah she may freaked or be weirded out by me. Because I know when she wakes up. I once again going to be a stranger. Yet that doesn't bother me at all. I just want her to wake up. Then once again I'll introduce myself. Hi I'm Joseph. I know it's impossible for her to remember me. I'm still hoping but it doesn't matter. Right now I dont care if she does not recognize me. All I want is for her to open her eyes and be ok.

It's already night time. Ana's parents came in and said that it's getting late I should go home because I have school tommorow. I actually didn't want to go home. I want to wait as long as it takes for her to wake up. But I also cant defy her parents. Best thing I can do. Is listen to them and be on my way. While walking I still think of her. Wondering if she already wake up. When I got home. I couldn't sleep. I'm still thinking of her. The image of her laying in that hospital bed replaying on my head. I can't help but not to cry. Then I just fell asleep as I break down cause of the fear of not being able to see Ana's smile once again.

The next day. I went to school. My mind is still an utter mess. Still wondering if Ana's awake by now. Wishing that I was by her side. I can't focus on the lessons. Can't listen to my teachers. I'm spacing out as I keep on thinking about Ana. After class I was on the way to hospital. A Little bit I was fine. Because I get to see her once again. Even though she maybe still laying in bed. As I arrive at her room. She wasn't there. I was both worried and relived at the same time. Worried where she coud be. Relieved that maybe she is home and well now.

I went to the information desk to ask. In which I was shocked. My social anxiety didn't trigger up. I managed to ask the about where is Ana. They say she's been discharged today. They gave me her adress. The only problem now is what will I do next. I know obviously I'll go to her. But what else will I do? Knock on their door and ask for Ana? Hug Ana when I first see her? What will I do? Here I am once again overthinking about the littlest of things. I'm wasting time that's why I just went on my way. And worried about what to do next later. I'll just go with the flow. Even though its impossible for me. Because I'm also a negative person. A guy full of self doubt. Who only knows how to think about possibilities without even trying first. I'm not brave and bold. I'm more of afraid and cold. Cold from loneliness.

I'm at their doorstep. Wondering if I should knock or ring the doorbell. I frozed. Afraid to do anything. I want to see her. But my fear is stopping me to do anything else. My heart is beating from the anxiety and fright of not knowing what will happen. Then John came. He was going to visit Ana too. He saw me and said.

"Hey its you what brings you here? Visiting Ana?"

"Yeah"

"You know she wont remember you right?"

It hurts to answer but what John said is the truth so I just said

"Yeah"

"Well as long as were clear about that it's fine I know you also want to see her. That's why I'll help you out. I'll say your a friend that came with me to visit her"

I didn't have much of a choice. At least now I wont have to think of lousy excuses and I'll be able to see Ana.

"Sure thanks"

"Its fine lets go in"

The door of Ana's house opened. Then there she was. Ana was the one who greet us. Wuth a smile on her face. A sight that I've been wanting to see for a long time now. But yeah on this scenario I was just a stranger and an extra. Ana dont know or even recognize me. Even if I say some hints and cues about our previous encounters. It'll be pointless. So I just sit idly by. As Ana and John talked. Seeing Ana ok was enough for me. Though I want to really talk to her. Yet I cant escape the fact that Ana wont recall any of the memories we had that's why I'm just letting it be. Seeing her talking again, and smiling even though I'm not the reason. Was good enough for me. Good enough to remove all the worries I have about her current condition. While Ana and John has their conversation Ana noticed me.

"By the way John who is he?"

"Oh this is my friend"

"Hi I'm Joseph nice to meet you"

No matter how many times. I'll keep introducing myself again to you. That's what's running in my mind right now.

Ana smiled at me and said

"Nice to meet you too Joseph I'm Ana"

Then for a while I was included at their conversation. But still feel out of place. Because most of the times Ana and John are talking about past experiences and their childhood. While they were both busy talking Ana's parents all of a sudden calledr me in their kitchen to talk to me. I'm kind of nervous being called out like this is new to me. Also what do they want.

"Hi again Joseph." Said her father

"Uhm hello"

"Well it's good to see you again. Sorry if we didn't tell you about Ana getting discharged. But anyway how did you found out?" Said her mother

"I asked at the hospital"

"Ahh sorry about the hassle but at least you're here now" said her father

"Its fine at least I got to see her again. That's all what matters to me"

Well this was what I was planning to repky with but all I said.

"It's fine at least Ana is all better"

A plain reply with only having a small factor of what I'm feeling. Afterwards the conversation went to a direction. That I dont want to listen to. What her parents is telling me is something I kind of cant accept. Because Ana's short term memory is getting worst. There is no way to treat it. But there's a way to stop it for progressing for a while. A particular surgery. That will put Ana in a medically indused coma. Then afterwards when they put her under certain conditions. They can do the surgery. I'm fine with Ana getting a surgery. But what comes next was something I can't take.

"The thing is Ana's treatment and surgery can't be done here. It could only be done abroad. We plan to leave in a week. After taking a leave from both of our jobs. We know she's important to you. That's the reason we are informing you rught now about what will happen. We also dont know if we are coming back"

I want to complain. I want to tell them about my opinion and what I thought about what they are saying. Ana has short term memory loss. Maybe she will be in shock if one day all of a sudden she woke up in a different country without knowing how did she get there. What if one day she freaked out all of a sudden and break down? These are only some of my thoughts that I wanted to say back then. But I can't. I'm afraid to speak up to her parents. So in the end I just replied

"Well if you think if its for the best do it because we all just want what's best for Ana."

Deep inside I was hurting as I tell them that's what I also wanted. Even though I want Ana to be just right here. But I dont have a choice. Except accept the fact that I may not be able to see Ana again. Inside I was emotional. This maybe the last time that I'll see her. My thoughts are overflowing. When I got out of their kitchen. I saw Ana with a smile on her face. Then things got clear if this might be the last time that I see her. Might as well say goodbye. Even though right now she doesn't know me. My mind went blank then that's when I started to organize what I want to say. To master up the courage to tell her everything

"Hey Ana can I talk to you for a second?"

"Oh sure what's it about?"

"Something personal can we talk outside for a while, John you mind?"

"Sure go ahead" said John

"Thanks shall we?"

"Ok hmm" she said suspiciously

As we step outside there I told her. A weird story about how we had met before and about her not remembering everything. After telling her my whole story. She was shocked and said

" Well you either a good story teller or what your telling me is the truth??"

"I'm not making this up. We've met a couple of times. There was even a time when I recite a poem I wrote for you. Entitled remember me"

"Hmmm doesn't really ring a bell will you recite it again for me"

"Can't but let me recite you something else this is entitled

See you again

I'm happy seeing you well

Hope you can tell

I feel like I'm under a happy spell

But I'm wishing to no goodbyes and farewell

Yet I dont have a say at anything

We met at a very wrong timing

That's why this is happening

Still dont worry I'll remember everything

The fun and joy we had

That one time you got mad

The moment when you helped me when I'm sad

Meeting you make me feel glad

So now here I am today

Willing to introduce myself to you everyday

But sadly you cant stay

Cause your about to go away

But please no goodbye cause that causes pain

The moments we had will always remain

In my mind you gave me happiness that I gain

That's why I'm hoping to someday see you again"

Then I just hug her. Again she was in tears.

"Well that was something. I dont know why am I in tears but that's a pretty good poem. And could you please stop hugging me cause you kind of still a stranger to me"

I just moved back and that's kind of awkward. She ruined the moment but still it made me happy seeing that I moved her once again.

"Sorry bout that. To make it up to you. Hi I'm Joseph nice to meet you again. So now I'm not a stranger right?"

She laughed cause of my reply.

"Haha yeah technically Hi I'm Ana. Sorry for me if this was the first time meeting you"

We talked for a while I said everything I wanted to say to her. Then it was that time. Time to say goodbye. But I hate goodbyes. Because which is really better goodbye or farewell? And also what the heck is good with the word goodbye? That's why I never say goodbye. Even though people say it to me many times. So here I was not saying goodbye. Because I'm still hoping to meet her. I just said to her

"Anyways Ana I should be going now"

"Uh sure goodbye"

"No not goodbye. See you again someday"

"Haha ok till next time. Hope I could remember you by that time"

"Hope so too"

As I walk away from her. I have hope to meet her again someday. To once again see that smile and face. To hear that voice. To move her once again with my poems. That's why Ana till we meet again. And Ana in my memories I will always see you again..