Sorry

So I've decided to tell you about how I feel about you.

In fact if I tell you, I promise you that you won't be cool.

I like you, I really do

But it's hard for me to call you boo

And I know that you'd like me too.

This is really hard for me to do

So here goes nothing.

Every time I think about you or even smell your perfume on my clothes

The first thing I do is not call you or even look at pictures of you on my phone.

The first thing I do is try my best to forget you.

Throw you far away like my old Nike shoes.

It's something that I choose to do.

I'm ashamed of it.

When I choose to think about you, I tend to be in this blissful place where it hurts me. Ironic right?

Let me explain

When I go into this place, I'm just reminded about how grateful I am to have you and how you treat me, for some reason I feel like I don't even deserve that. I'm used to… you know

So it hurts me to think about you in the same way that it hurts me not to think about you. It's confusing. It's a daily thing. I hate it. In this state of self confusion. It's part of a self defense method that I'm fighting and caring about.

When I look at your name on my contacts I have this edge that wants me to hear your voice but most of the time it never happens.

If you think that I'm doing or writing this just to be sweet. I'm not.

If you get angry at me I'll understand.

If it makes you sad that you hurt me while I try and try not to think about you, just try to understand.

-@MellowSoul 🥀