macaroni, cheese and sleep

My mouth feels dry. I would like to drink some water, but I cannot say anything at the moment with the burning eyes of Prince Frederick staring at me. It feels odd for him to be here. How did he become aware of me passing out? So many questions burn through my mind this very instant. But these are questions I will ask father when the prince is not in our midst. I am lost in thoughts, thinking of so many things, but what mostly clouds my mind is the ton of essays I need to write. I know I will lose a ton of money for this.

“Jamie, are you listening to what the doctor is saying?” father says. I am once again being distracted by my own thoughts. I look towards my left side, only to find a female doctor talking to me. She seems to be in her mid-thirties from the way she looks. She has really nice long hair and a perfectly well-structured nose. I have never seen a medical practitioner so pretty. She seems to be talking to me, but then I am staring at her, with my thoughts moving around. I am only well focused when I hear the prince's voice for the first time since I opened my eyes.

“Did you hear what the doctor said?” prince Frederick says.

“I beg your pardon?” when I say this, he almost rolls his eyes at me, but then he doesn’t. Instead, he takes a few steps backward, heading towards the direction of Charlie to sit down. He looks angry, but I honestly do not care. I do not want people who are not family to know about my personal affairs. In as much as it is nice of him to be here, he shouldn’t be.

I am once again facing the pretty doctor. From where she stands, I can smell the nice scent of her perfume. It must have cost a ton to get something this nice. Why do I have so many things on my mind at this very moment? I should really focus on my health.

“Jamie. When was the last time you had a decent meal?” when she asks me this, I can only think of the burger I ate some days ago. I can only defend myself at this point, or father would scold me.

“Doctor. I do eat a lot.”

“We both know that’s not true. You have a history of hypoglycemia, meaning your body lacks a ton of sugar from the kind of food you eat. And from what your father says, you have lost a lot of weight since he last saw you. Your low energy is causing you to faint.

When she says this, I want to tell a lie, but then again. I can only tell the truth.

“Do you know a lot of people die from eating disorders?”

“I am sorry, doctor. But I do not have an eating disorder. I do eat. I do not just have enough time to eat, and aside from that, I need to make a lot of money to save for my personal business. And an eating disorder is a sensitive topic. You don’t just go out there saying I do have one when I don’t.”

“Well, you can say you don’t have it. But you do look like someone who has an eating disorder. You do not eat, and you have lost a couple of weight. I can actually see your collar bones. I know this is something most people don’t address, but boys can develop eating disorders. The symptom’s from your body structure, and test results say it all. You may not intentionally do it? But, you do have it.”

“I do not have an eating disorder, doctor.”

“Most eating disorder patients always admit they do not have it.”

“Take a look at me; I am a man. I can’t have that.”

“If you say so. Eating disorders are not just attributed to a particular sex or gender. But in the main time, you have to be with some family or friends for the next few weeks. If you do not eat properly or add up some weight, it may affect your life. And all that you have been trying to achieve would go to waste. And if on your next weight check you don’t add up some weight. I am sorry we would have to admit you to our rehabilitation Centre.”

“I cannot do that. I have school to think about.”

“Jamie, the doctor is right. You need to take care of yourself. You have lost a lot of weight. The last time I saw you, you looked a lot better. the last time something like this happened was the month your mum left.” Father says.

I do not feel comfortable with him bringing up my mother's topic in front of strangers, so I quickly change the subject.

“I honestly do not like being treated like a child. I am nineteen, for goodness sake.”

“I think the doctor is right too. You don’t really eat much, Jamie, “Charlie says. All this while I had thought Charlie had been asleep. But here is he awake. At this point, I expected he would help in defending me, but he is doing the opposite.

“Charlie……,” I call the name of Charlie. But I do not say anything. I am speechless once again.

“Why is Prince Frederick here?” I ask father immediately without caring if he is sitting next to Charlie.

“Well, you do not need to ask your father that while I am sitting almost close to him.”

“I can ask my father if I want to. You are not a relative. Why are you even here?”

“Jamie, that’s not how you speak to his highness.”

“It’s fine, Logan. It’s okay.”

“You should apologies Jamie,” father speaks to me again. At this point, I do not want to say anything anymore. I just turn my face towards Charlie. From the look on Charlie’s face, I know he wants to speak up, but then his lips are sealed. He should defend me, or is it because I refused to eat my burger in his presence? They all suddenly feel I have an eating disorder.

“The prince happened to be at the kitchen corridor speaking with some of the workers when a call came through that you had passed out from low blood sugar. He heard my conversations with Mr. Williams, your boss, and He offered to bring me to the hospital, even when I declined,” father says.

“What a kind prince," I say, looking towards Prince Frederick.

“Your exams are still far ahead. So you can take a break, and work from home. I can help in picking up notes from a few friends of yours while you can rest and take care of yourself,” Charlie says.

“My job,” I say, trying to explain to Charlie as he speaks.

“Your boss is aware of your present situation. Good thing he just hired someone some days ago.

“Well, that didn’t take long for him to do.”

“CSP. You know I care about you. I want you to take good care of yourself. There is something my mother used to say… oh yes, she would say health is wealth.” As Charlie keeps talking, he moves a little closer to me, holding my hands in a warm handhold. Charlie’s hands feel so much warm, but I suddenly have the urge to look towards Prince Frederick, who seems to look at both Charlie and me. I suddenly feel a bit of discomfort and quickly take off my hands from Charlie.

“So everything has been decided. You are coming back to the castle with me, and you will be with me and your elder sister jenny since she would be keeping watch on your eating habits until you get better.” Father says.

“Well, before he goes. I will just prescribe some medications and dietary supplements for him. He needs them. It will quicken his weight gain.

“Yes, doctor Susan,” father says for the umpteenth time.

“When am I getting discharged?” I ask

“Ohh, whenever your father decides.”

“Father, Can we leave this place. The smell of this hospital makes me sick.”

Father doesn't say anything anymore. Instead, he just nods his head.

I am sitting in the back seat of the prince’s car. Father sits at the very front seat with a driver. At the same time, the prince is sitting close to me in the back seat. When I look behind the dark car windows, I can see many escorts driving behind us. It’s been forty minutes since we started heading towards the castle. The atmosphere in the car is quiet. But then father breaks the ice by talking to the prince.

“I must say, your highness. I really appreciate your love and hospitality towards my younger son. You do take Jamie like a younger brother. You have always treated him like one. Thank you so much for everything you do for us.”

From the way father talks. It feels like the prince and I have been friends before. I do not care, actually. I just want to be home so I can rest. Even if I have to work from home, I can still make a ton of money. The only difference is that I do not have to go to Shirley’s every day. It may not be bad, because I will be around the beautiful castle again, getting to see my father’s daily routine. And it is a good thing jenny would be home too. Ever since she got married, I hardly see her. I do miss my big sister. This will be a time to catch up on everything.

By the time we get to the castle. The prince’s driver drivers immediately towards father’s house. As I step out from the prince’s car, I notice some of the servants are out coming to welcome him. They all look serious, which does not bother me. At this point, I really just want to be home to rest.

“Logan, you and your son should have some rest. I will come over to see how things are with him tomorrow.”

“Thank you so much, your highness,” fathers thanks the prince again. I do not bother saying thank you. Even though father owes the prince his loyalty and respect, he should expect that from me. I believe loyalty and respect is something one has to earn.

“It’s fine, Logan.” The prince says finally. With this, I see him climb back at his car while his driver drives the car with his two other car escorts.

I am being assisted into the living room of the familiar place I called home for a long time by one of the servants. She looks familiar. I must have seen her from somewhere, but I do not remember the exact time.

I sit in the living room, resting myself on the couch, while I watch father bring in the rest of my things. I am even more surprised that he was able to access my apartment. It must be from the help of Charlie. I am still seated on the couch, thinking of how I will adapt to my castle's stay again when my phone rings. When I look through at who is calling, I see it is a call from Charlie. On the second ring of my phone, I pick it up.

“Hello, Charlie.”

“How was your ride home? Are you okay? I promise I will come visiting tomorrow.” I am not sure charlie knows strangers are not allowed to just waltz into the castle without an invitation from the royal family.

“It’s fine, Charlie. I am okay. In no time, I will be back at school.”

“CSP. I’m still going to come see you.” Charlie says. I know if I object, he would only counter me. I do not say anything. I am still speaking to him when I see my elder sister walk in with a food tray. I haven’t seen jenny in a while, and the first time I am seeing her in months, she is walking in on me with a tray of macaroni and cheese. The whole world must be aware that I have low blood sugar at the moment. I try to get up from my seat, trying to meet my sister in a hug. It seems Charlie seems to get I am busy with family because he immediately ends the call when I recheck my phone.

“Oh, tiny. Look how tiny you are,” Jenny says. Yes, that’s what she calls me. She calls me tiny, even if I am a lot bigger than her. She would always say, as a man, I am supposed to be a lot bigger than the way I am.

“I missed you so much, jenny.”

“Oh, tiny. What happened to you? Why haven’t you been eating? Is it because of mum?”

“Why do you think it is about mum?”

“Don’t try to get your way out of this tiny. I know how much you think about mum. Is that why you don’t eat anything. You know you can tell me anything. My best friend is a therapist. You know I can book an appointment for you both to meet twice weekly.” Jenny keeps talking that she doesn’t let me say anything. At this point, I am overwhelmed. But then all I can say is okay. Because if I object to seeing her therapist friend, she would only start to cry about how much she cares about me and my health.

“Okay, sister.”

“That’s my boy. In the main time, why don’t you have some food and freshen up yourself? I will be on my way back home. Father told me you both were on your way, so I quickly had to bring this for you. I made some meal prep for you for the next few days. They are all in the fridge. I will be on my way now because I have to pick up your twin nieces. promise me you will be okay.”

“I will be okay, jenny.”

“Alright. I will be here in the next few days to check up on you.”

When she is done talking, I watch her as she helps me fold up my clothes before leaving. When she is done, she picks up her food baskets and leaves. Father is not home at the moment. Since he had not been at the castle for a while, he had to work immediately. I am left alone at home, and the only possible thing for me to do now is have some food, watch TV, and sleep.

I eat up my macaroni and cheese. It is extra cheesy, just like the way I like it. Jenny sure does remember a lot of things. Nothing on TV really catches my attention, and so I am watching Nat geo wild. I do like watching about nature and wildlife. My stomach is all stuffed up from eating.

I eat a lot more than I had bargained for because I am trying to add a ton of weight to go back to my regular life. And the only way to do that is proving to father and jenny that I am okay. They need to know I do not have an eating disorder. I just stopped eating a lot because I have been trying to save up for my apartment rent.

When I am done taking a shower, I lazily walk towards the couch to watch Nat geo wild one more time. This time I am too tired that I fall asleep immediately.

I must have slept really deeply because the doorbell bell keeps ringing, And I do not hear it at first. But then, it wakes me up instantly. I know it is not father. Father works and comes back home in the evening. When I check the giant wall clock in the living room, it is exactly eight in the morning. I cannot believe I slept for this long. It must be the macaroni and cheese, or maybe for the fact that I haven’t had this kind of proper rest in a long time. I sluggishly wrap up myself with my sleep robe so that I can answer the door. It must be one of father's friends who also works in it the castle. As a little kid, whenever I fall sick, they always came home to check up on me, making sure to see father's youngest son.

Still walking sluggishly towards the door. I do not bother checking the mini peephole to see who is at the door. When I open the door. I immediately freeze from who I see. It is Prince Frederick. What is he doing here this early? I suddenly swallow the spit building down my throat.