CH X

It was the D-day when I had to go all by myself to California to take the first step towards making my dreams come true. Joe was not going to be with me there, my lucky charm, my blue eyes. I felt the sad pull at the strings of my heart.

This pain was sweet but yet very painful. I never knew I could find someone who would love me so much for who I am and who would respect my dreams. Cuddling with him this early morning was just what I had always wanted as a woman.

Not all dreams can come true, but I wish they did. We can wish, yes and I wish with all my heart and soul and mind that this dream of waking up cuddling in his arms comes true very soon. I cannot wait for the day when he will propose.

WHAT AM I THINKING!!!! It's only been few days or a month at max. Am not the type to remember the first day we met and count the days since we met, I feel it's kinda crazy. I believe if you really enjoy each other's company then time and days don't matter at all, coz in your eyes all you will be able to see is each other. Is this what they call the honeymoon effect or period? Maybe but am lapping it up.

My Joe was all bundled up next to me, he was breathing calmly and his face held a serene smile. I felt complete and content right here. A fleeting thought to forego the signing also occurred to me, but I could not just throwaway this chance. He must have worked so much to get this opening for me. I have to make the best of this opportunity. I crept out of bed and tiptoed to get ready for the impending journey to the future that I had to take.

Walking out of the closet I noticed Joe was not in bed anymore. Moving to the kitchen I found him cooking breakfast for us. This was a sight I wanted to remember for a long long time. There he was standing, his back to me, all his concentration on what he was cooking. My mouth watered at the sight not cause of the smell but, my Joe was SHIRTLESS. He was not sculpted or muscled as you would say, but he was fit and this body of his made me hot all over again. Uh!! hormonal I am I guess, control yourself Levi, it's early morning. I walked and slumped down on the table nearby which am guessing he had set it up for us. My sighing must have have alerted him as he turned suddenly with wide blue eyes now questioning me.

"Are you alright Levi?" uh I groaned again that sexy voice of his. Why am I so horny early in the morning, maybe it's almost close to my periods I guess.

"yes yes am perfect. Good Morning." I put on the biggest smile I could muster trying to control my eyes from going below his face and walked to him.

"What ya doing?" I could not control my body, my hands looped around his torso sticking myself to him as he started to work again. He kept giving me surreptious glances which made me flustered all over again. It was like he knew the effect he had on me. aargghh!!!

I pulled myself away from him deliberately and spaced back to the table. I was startled when his cologne hit me so close. I looked up into his blue eyes and lost myself AGAIN. No matter how many times I look into those blue deep oceans, I could not decipher or understand the depth in them. Maybe we need more time together yes. Maybe I can postpone?

"No no you cannot. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and this producer is a friend of mine. You have to go to Cali and do this. For your future for OUR future, for me." I was taken aback by the serious tone Joe was suddenly using.

I didn't know I had spoken my mind out aloud. It felt like he was chasing me away, he wanted me gone. I looked into his eyes trying to read them, trying to understand what was it that he was hiding or if there was actually anything that he was hiding.

"ummm...."

"Look Levi, this is your moment. I will be here, always waiting for you with open arms."

He shut me up with a searing kiss that made my toes curl. I was horny before, now, I wanted to ravish him all over, I wanted to just....umm let's control. Yes control, I can control my body, am in control. Yes. I unwillingly broke away from the kiss, huffing to catch my breath or stop my heart from having a heart attack I didn't know.

"Ok ok you don't have to rile up a girl like that. You being shirtless and cooking is already driving me nuts and you had to top it off by kissing me. Huff!" I tried to be pissed, keyword "tried".

Looking at the smirk on his face, just made me all the more aware of my thoughts that I had just vomitted. I wanted to hide under a rock now.

"Stop it will you. You are not helping at all."

I heard his pearl like laughter which made my innards even more twisted and the butterflies or whatever it was, was just swarming in my belly and I WANTED TO JUMP HIS BONES NOW.

So he thinks he is all that huh and with that I literally jumped on him and gave him what was going through my mind - a mindblowing, heartwarming KISS -.

I was satisfied with the grunts and groans I was able to elicit from him, but he held me upto the kitchen wall, my legs found his waist and held him close to my throbbing core. I needed him. I was making sounds I didn't know I could even muster.

He was hungrily kissing me first on the lips and now down my throat and neck. His hands were all over me. I wanted it to go on, but was splashed with the alarm from my mobile for the flight I had to catch in 15minutes. I calmed myself and reluctantle pulled Joe's face to face me. Looking into those blue oceans now filled with lust and love for me, had me yearning again to allow this to go on, but I could not. I cannot allow his efforts to go waste.

"I have to go Joe."

At my words I could clearly see the light of lust go off and alarm set in his eyes. Then they went wide and he dropped me to the floor. He held me close to him before I touched the floor.

"umm am sorry Levi, I just....I just couldn't help myself. You just drive me crazy. All I want to do is ravish you every minute and every day of my life. You are so beautiful in and out, you have no idea how crazy you drive me. I love you Levi. I love you so so much."

I was shocked by this sudden declaration of love from him. Yes we did say we loved each other but the intensity that I saw in his eyes at this moment felt very different. It felt like he didn't want to let go but he has to and there for sure was something he is unable to tell me. He cupped my face in his warm hands sending tingles down to my toes with a slight touch.

"I will miss you more than you would ever know or fathom. I will miss your smile, I will miss your beautiful face, your laughter, your warm hugs....I will just miss you so so much. But you have to do this. You need this more than me."

This time it was me who hugged him tight. It felt like his last words of farewell and something was digging into my heart. I could not bear the pain and happiness that his words caused in me. I could not say anything. I just responded with a nod on his shoulder. With that we rushed to the airport so I can propel myself towards the dream I had always wanted.

The silence in the car was so thick, I could slice it with a knife. I glanced at Joe every now and then, but he was deep in his thoughts. Maybe it was separation anxiety for both of us. It's just honeymoon period in our relationship I consoled myself. Soon we had reached the airport and I had completed all that needed to be done. It was time now for me to board the plane. We did not utter a single word to each other after his declaration of love at his house.

Was he upset with me that I did not respond back? We looked into each other's eyes trying to talk. I wanted to tell him how much more I would miss him and wished with all my heart that he could accompany me to Cali, but before I could muster the courage to say anything he was gone. He was gone just like that. No hug or kiss or miss you or safe flight nothing, he just disappeared from my sight. Looking in all directions I could not locate him anywhere. Was I so muchin my thoughts that I missed him walking away or his words? I could not stop the tears that started to pour down now. I turned away and used my hair as a shield from onlookers. The more I tried to control my feelings the more depressed and broken I felt and the more tears.

"you didn't think I would allow you to leave without a good bye was it?" his voice enveloped me and his arms held me close to him. It was all I needed and the dam broke.

"I miss you so much Joe. I will miss you. I cannot live without you. I love you. I know am going only for a few days, but still I don't want to be away from you. Please come with me?" I looked upto him. There was sadness and something else in those blue eyes.

"Am sorry Levi but you will have to do this on your own. There will be many other opportunities, then I will make it a point to accompany you. Alright?"

"Hmmpff. Many other opportunities? Yeah right?" I pushed him away. I knew I was acting like a spoilt brat, but at the time all I wanted was him to come with me. Why couldn't he see that I needed him there with me.

"Levi,.." With a firm hand on my shoulder, he turned me towards him. "you got this. I promise there will be many more opportunities in the future. You are a great singer. Trust and believe in yourself. Give yourself this opportunity."

Saying that he gave a sweet kiss. I was not very pleased but hey, we were in a public place and Joe was not someone for public displays of affection. But it still got all the butterflies or whatever they were in my belly fluttering. I could not resist him nor stay angry at him. he was such a charmer, my charmer.

"I love you Joe." was all I could muster in a weak voice.

The final announcement to board the flight to Cali was being announced and I had no notion of getting away from him or letting him go. With a final sweet kiss to my forehead, Joe pushed me towards the gate.

"All the best Levi. I will miss you but I will be waiting for you eagerly. Have a safe flight."

I could not take my eyes away from him. He was receding from my sight. I was not walking, I was not moving at all so why was he going away from me. I looked down and my legs were still. I looked up to see that Joe had left me alone near the gate. It brought on another onset of tears I could not control. He left me. It felt like a break-up. I scolded my mind and heart for even thinking of something so stupid and lethargically trudged towards the gate. I turned one last time to look if he was hiding somewhere looking at me, but my searching eyes could not find him anywhere. Reaching my seat I plopped down with a heavy sigh with rivulets still streaming down my eyes. I didn't care about the curious eyes now trying to decipher the reason for my gloom. I hadn't noticed the elderly woman sitting next to me until I heard her.

"Are you alright dear?" It was like I was woken up from a dream to reality. I wiped away the sadness and gave her the brightest smile I could put on.

"yes I am thank you. I am fine, thank you."

"Don't worry dear. you will see him soon. It's just going to be a little while is all." Like she knew something that I didn't.

"huh?" was the brilliant response I could give.

All the emotional trauma must have got my nerves and the music playing in my ears lulled me to sleep.

I woke upto the announcement of landing in 10minutes. I turned to look at the lady next to me but there was none. She must have gone to relieve herself I thought. The usual checks by the air hostesses were done prior to landing but the old lady had not returned to her seat. I called one of the hostess and informed them of the missing person. After a few minutes she came back informing me that there was none sitting next to me. That seat had been vacant. I was bewildered and freaked to say the least. Who was that I had spoken to? Was it a dream or illusion or someone else? My tired mind must have conjured up some image I guess or the lady must be sitting somewhere else. I let it go and prepared myself for landing in Cali.

On landing, the Cali airport was packed. It is HOLLYWOOD obviously and this was expected. I was overwhelmed at the amount of people just walking and breezing through here. It was a huge ocean of people, human bodies just flowing forever.

Collecting my bags I moved to check at the exit if there was someone or anyone holding a sign board for me. I was devastated when I could not see my name. I was immediately scared as I had not thought to look up or reach out to whomever it was I had to reach out to in Cali. The hope that Joe would come with me still lingered to the last moment. I relaized I had come to depend on him so much, that I forgot I had lived on my own for so long. I kicked myself for depending on someone else and tried to fish out the documents Joe had handed to me about this company. This brouhgt on a new set of emotions were I was angry, irritated and tensed with myself but more at Joe that he did not come with me.

I was mumbling curses to myself when I could not locate the document I wanted to find in my bag.

"Sylvia is it?" The sudden male voice behind me alarmed me that I landed on my back in the airport.

"Ocuh" rubbing my aching back and my mood getting the better of me, I barked at this handsome guy.

"Can I help you?" ugh my hormones are really haywire today. Joe did not help the situation at all and my mind had to go and think this guy in front of me was handsome, uh the irony. Am just twisted.

"Umm... am Jonty Norton. Nice to meet you."

"ok?"

The name didn't ring any bells and I was just staring at him, maybe looking at him longer might help me recognize him? Nothing was going my way today and my brain and body were in total disarray. Not to mention my heart.

It was back there with Joe, he just broke it. I hope it doen't break anymore. Just thinking of his disappeareance at the airport and his absence here made my cheeks all wet again. I felt the tears pouring down. I could not control my body today. I looked down and tried to hide away from this stranger.

"Hey it's ok. You don't have to be alarmed. Am the manager of the recording label you signed with. Am here to pick you and take you to your hotel is all. Nothing to worry." His words made my cheeks heated up and I tried to curl up into a ball on the airport floor in shame. Could I be more unprepared and naive.

He was the manager, someone I would be working with and I was acting like a child. I cleared off any visible display of the water fountain on my face and pulled out any courage left in me and turned to look at his face. He was looking at me with a calm and collected face. I expected to see an irritated or a more annoyed look, but he was giving me a warm smile.

"hi Jonty. sorry about that. This day has not been so good for the start of my future as I expected. Am really sorry."

"It's ok. Are you really ok though." I could see concern in this strangers eyes for me. I didn't know him from before but he still felt familiar. He felt close. It's just Joe's absence and all the hormones, I reminded myself. Joe is my forever and only.

"yeah am alright"

"ok then. Shall we go to your hotel?"

"Sure. let me just just get my bags."

"No no let me help you with that."

With that we got into his car and drove to wherever the destination this hotel was at. I really wanted to call and let Joe know that I had landed safely, but my stubborness that he could just walk away from me like that didn't allow me to. I guess ego too. My emotions were all swirling by the time we reached the hotel. It was a beaustiful building with tastefully decorated interiors. Not a five star or something but it was more than enough for someone like me.

"you got this Levi. Trust and believe in yourself." Joe's words came to my mind. Yes I am worth this and more, nothing less.

"Sure you are. you are very talented I must say, otherwise we wouldn't have signed you." came Jonty's heavy voice. God I have to control my thoughts and body.

"Th..thanks I guess" I tried to smile at him.

No matter what the expression I had on my face his bright smile made my day, causing me to smile back at him. But it was nothing compared to Joe's smile and smirk that could turn me on anytime of the day. The thought of Joe made it all gloomy again. I missed him like crazy and I wanted to run back into his arms and just stay there forever. But this was reality and it was not going to happen. With that sullen face I trudged to check into the hotel and towards my room.

Jonty had carried the bags to my room and joined me in the room and I had not even noticed the beautiful suite that was booked for me. I was deep in my thoughts mising Joe, when a tap on my shoulder brought me back to reality. I expected to see the bellboy or the maid standing there but I saw Jonty.

"Oh sorry about that" Noticing him still carrying my bags, I rushed to get them off his shoulders."am so so sorry I had not noticed when we entered in here and you have had to carry all my bags. Sorry."

"Please stop saying sorry. Am glad I got to carry the bags of such a beautiful lady." These words would have melted anyother woman right there. Jonty was not too tall or short, he had fair complexion, well built and good looking. But my heart yearned to see blue eyes, the eyes like a depthless ocean. All I could do was muster a smile and say "Thank you."

"Umm....you must be tired. Take rest and I will see you in the morning say around 8. Is that ok?"

"yes yes it will be perfect. Thanks again."

"Not to worry."

With that Jonty was off and I was left alone with my thoughts and emptiness.

I could not sleep very well at night, with every minute waking up to check if I had missed Joe's call. But there was no message or call from him checking on me. To say I was hurt was an understatement. I pushed myself to assume he must be tired after all the day's work and slept off. He would call me tomorrow right. yes yes he will. with that thought I finally fell into dreamless sleep.

The morning sunrays streaming through the curtains woke me up to face the clock with only 30minutes before Jonty's arrival. It was a miracle that I even remembered the time that Jonty told he would come to pick me up. I rushed around getting ready for the first day of the rest of my life. I was trying to trust and believe I can make it in achieving my dream. Exactly at 8 Jonty knocked on my door and we were off to the company.

It was the casual greetings exchanged between both of us and then the car ride was pretty quiet. I checked my mobile for the umpteenth time and still there were no messages or calls from Joe. I gave up my stubborness and called him instead, wanting not to make him worry so much.

But it went directly to voice mail. That was odd. I thought probably some network issues. The plan per the contract was for me to stay for 3 days and record an album for launch and see how it goes.

Arriving at the office, it was located in the centre of Hollywood avenue. You could see the Hollywood sign from the windows. This must be a posh area and expensive too, were all the rich and famous come to or live even. I was flabbergasted to say the least to start my career at such a rich and uptight company. I was not familiar with the label, but I had learnt from Jonty that they too are just a startup and making it in this industry. They are ready to give a welcome for goodand promising artists such as myself. I was elated for the opportunity and again my heart only wished Joe was with me here at this very moment. Maybe like he said there will be many opportunities in the future. yes I had to believe there will be.

We started off with my introduction to the team I will be working with, then I was made to perform a number that I had written. It was lunch break and I was haivng lunch with Jonty when one of my colleagues came upto me and appreciated me. Then it was followed by many and even an elderly manager applauded me on the originality and freshness of my song. It was encouraging and I instantly fell in love with the people here. Jonty was with me all the time encouraging and pushing me to go further.

His try at jokes were for sure something that I would miss when I leave here. I was here not even one day and I had started to count my days to go back to Joe. To say the day was tiring was an understatement, I had completely run on adrenaline and the compliments I received. My appetite or ability to gulp anything other than water or some juice was very limited. My heart was aching and mind was numb. But singing always made me feel alive and Jonty used my mood to complete some songs that would suit this mood. He walked me all the way to my room.

"Thank you for today Jonty. If not for you I don't think I would have made it through. Thank you." I earnestly told him.

"umm....if you really want to thank me, would it be ok if you joined me for dinner tomorrow?"

Was it a date? Nah why do you always have to overthink things, you are paranoid, my mind ushered my heart. But there were some warning bells going off somehwere in my mind as well.

"umm...yeah sure, why not? So what time would it be?"

"Say 7ish I will pick you up from here and wear something casual and nice. Nothing formal don't worry. it would be just us." with that he winked at me and walked off.

What's with all the men just walking off. his walking off reminded me of Joe walking away from me. I had not checked my phone all day today after reaching the company. I urgently took it out hoping at least a message but nothing. Not even a missed call. I immediately tried to reach him but it went straight to voice mail. Would he consider me clingy if I called the club and asked for him? There were a lot of situations going through my mind and I didn't know what to make of them. I switched off my mind trying to give him some space and not suffocate him with calls and messages. I thought to wait for him to reach me instead.

What I didn't know was it would be me waiting for a really long time.