Chapter 14: Don't Feel The Same

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I looked at Pike for a few moments, as I was not sure what to do from what our mother had just said. She did seem a fair bit angry, and to be fair, it had been just as much our fault as it had been the fault of Nut. We were the ones that had made the decision in the end, that we wanted to go out, and see what the world was like, beyond the fence.

I knew that our mother, Nifty, was not going to view it like that however, as she seemed to blame Nut for a lot of her problems as I had come to notice from their friend ship with one another. I began to feel quite a bit bad for Nut, at the same time as well.

I had never been as fond as my brother and sister had been over him, but I knew that he was a good cat, and he did not deserve the way that our mother treated him at times. I shook my head though, as I knew that was not where my mind should be at, at the same time too.

I had to think of the future, rather than the past. I knew that we were going to be leaving Nut, and a part of me felt bad for him as well, but we had to start looking ahead. I blinked a few times as I turned my head over to my sister, as my brother seemed to be showing very little emotion at the moment.

As I looked at my sister, I could see that there were tears dropping from her face, and the only other time I had ever seen actual tears like that, were when our grand parents had died. It surprised me at the time, as I knew that she had never really been all that close to them, much unlike me.

I should have known that those same tears were going to roll down her face, now that we were going to be leaving Nut. I also realized at the same time too, that I should have expected that we were going to be leaving Nuts place at the same time as well.

Our mom had made it well aware to us, that this was just a safe place for us to spend the couple of moons of our life. She never told us what it was that we were going to be doing, after those few moons had come to pass.

I blinked a few times, as my sister noticed me looking at her. I expected her to try to hide her tears, like she had done when I had noticed her crying about the death of Brokenfoot and Pintclaw, or, like the times that she had gotten in to a fight with my brother Pike, and had gotten beaten up fairly badly.

This time she did not try to hide it from me, as I suddenly began to feel a bit bad for my sister, for perhaps the first time in the both of our lives. I lowered my head to the ground, for just a couple of moments, as I was not sure what to do, or how to handle all of this.

It was all so sad, but at the same time, I, much like my mother, as far as I could tell from her, was quite a bit excited for the next chapter in our lives. I just hoped that her mate was as cool as Nut had always been to us, at least, that was the hope.

I lifted my head up, as I suddenly felt so sort of natural instinct take over me at the same time as well. I began to go over to my sister, as she looked at me a bit surprised, as she was not sure how to react to what it was that I was doing at the exact moment.

I rubbed my fur up to hers, for perhaps the first time, ever since we had first been born, and were getting milk from our mother. She did not push me back, or move away from me to my surprise, as she just let me hold on to her for a fair amount of time.

I saw the look of shock on the face of my brother, as to the rest of them, it seemed as if this was all normal, but me and my brother both knew how mean Gift had always been to me. It was as if there had been a sudden change in her behavior.

Maybe she was beginning to realize just how important kin was to her. If that were so, than I was proud of her as well. I smiled at her, with a bit of a soft and sad smile, as she did her best to smile right back at me, and then we moved away from one another.

Me, my brother, and my sister stared at one another for quite a bit of some time, as I could tell that we all had the same thoughts in our head. It felt like we had now lost all that we had been born, and grown up with... Maybe it really was time for us to grow up.

I stared there for a little while, as I still did not want to face the facts. I knew at some point I was going to have to, as I was not going to live with my mother for the rest of my life. At some point she was going to die, and I would have to find my own way to make it through life.

I tried to shake it off, but it was so deep in my head at this point, it felt as if it were no use. I wanted to cry, as I was not sure what was going on with me. Luckily I heard the voice of Nut, as he began to speak to all of us, and it took away all of my thoughts, as I listened to what it was that he had to say to each one of us.

"Listen to your mother you guys... Me and her need to speak privately... You all go to your room." He said to us. We looked at him for a few moments, as I blinked a couple of times, which I felt that my brother and my sister also had the same reaction as me too.

Just based off of the reaction on the face of our mother, I felt like Pike and Gift were the exact same as I was. I saw our mother squint her eyes at us, as she shook her head at us at the same time as well. I got the jest at this point, and it seemed that so did my brother and my sister.

I looked at the both of them, as we all nodded to one another, and then we began to walk out of the room, at the same time as well. I saw a bit of a scared look in their eyes, as I could tell that they were afraid for what the future was, that was in store for us.

I felt more excited, rather than I was scared for the change. I was never that close to my mother, and I was closer to her parents, but they were gone now, so that no longer mattered to me. My brother was still going to be here with me, so I honestly could care less.

I only really felt a bit bad for Nut, as he was more of the odd man that was left out of all of this. I shook my head though, as I tried my best to not think too deep on all of it at the moment, and I continued to follow my brother and my sister in to the room that we slept in on most nights.

My sister went in through the cat door 1st, and then my brother moved in 2nd as I went in last. As I walked in to the room with them as well, I noticed that it had gotten a bit darker in the room, as I had not realized that it had been so late in the day either.

I realized it, because of, not just the fact that the room was so dark when I had walked in to it, but also the fact that the light in the room that turned on when it was dark, was flickering on and off in the room, as if it were deciding whether or not it was dark enough to turn on just yet.

I looked at the sad looks on the faces of my brother and sister still, as I still could not help but feel bad for them. I felt like I should tell them that they should be excited for all of this, but at the same time too however, I was not sure how my sister would react to me saying that to her.

I kept myself quiet, as I watched as my brother and sister just walked over to opposite sides of the room, and stared at the wall that was in front of them. I felt bad for them, but I shook my head at the same time too, as I figured that I should use this time a bit better than the both of them, and not wallow in my own self pity.

I went up to the cat play pen, at the edge of the room, that was right beside a window, and I then climbed all the way to the top at the same time as well. As I looked through the window, I felt a bit disappointed, as I had forgotten, not just the fact that this was not typically the window that I liked to look through, but also what I was going to be looking at, was not going to be nearly the same as actually going outside to see, and smell all of it.

I closed my eyes, as I tried to at least sniff a little bit, but all I could smell was the rancid smell of the dirt from the kitty litter that was right near the cat tower. It was also another reason as to why I rarely liked to be in this room, or stare through this window.

There really was not much to look at, besides a couple of bushes that you could see from the sides of the two leg den, if you poked your head out just enough. There was a fence that was really tall in front of us, as I just stared at it for quite a bit of some time.

I thought about it a bit more, as I thought of how we had actually jumped up that high. I had never thought that a cat could ever jump that high, much less a kit, or a kit like me, who had a physical disability. I shook my head though, as I closed my eyes.

It began to hurt just a bit more, now that I thought about it. This was the place that I had been at, and I had lived since the day of my birth. It began to make sense, just how much my brother and my sister were in such pain, though I doubt that was really what they were sad about.

I closed my eyes, as I let out a bit of a sigh at the same time as well. No one in the room noticed it, due to the fact that my brother and my sister were on the far side of the room from me at the moment, and they were too busy in their own head at the same time too.

I shook my head, as I was not sure what I should do right now. I felt like, if Pintclaw and Brokenfoot were here right now, than maybe they would go against our mother, and they might let us stay here with him. There was no use in thinking on that for very long though, as I knew that it just was not thes case.

I kept my eyes closed, as the room was dead silent, and there was no noise coming from the other room at the same time either. I opened my eyes, as I began to get a bit worried, that some thing might have happened in the other room.

I was not sure why I felt like that, as I knew that we were in a safe place right now, and this place had always been safe. I was just a bit confused why I could not even hear our mother, and Nut at least talking to one another at the moment.

I looked at my brother and my sister, to see if they noticed the same thing as well, but as I looked over at them, it kind of seemed more like they were trapped in their own world at the moment. I shook my head, as I then looked back out the window at the same time as well.

Just as I looked out the window however, I then heard the cat door, to the room that we were in right now, flap open. I instantly turned my head over at the same time, as I had thought that it had perhaps been my brother or my sister that had gone over, and walked in to the other room.

As I turned my head around however, I saw that both my brother and my sister were in the exact same spot that they had been in, just a few moments ago. I blinked a few times, as I was a bit confused, and then I turned my head over to the door of the room.

I saw that it had just been my mother, as I saw that she had a bit of a sad look on her face as well. I looked at her a bit confused for a few moments, as I wondered what was going on. She looked around at each one of us for just a couple more moments.

Had she somehow already finished speaking to Nut? That was very fast for one, and also, when she normally spoke to him privately, they usually got quite a bit loud as well. I squinted my eyes, as I was a bit confused as to what was going on, and what might have happened in the other room, the few moments that we had been in here.

Our mother stared at each one of us for a few moments, as she had a bit of a suspicious look on her face at the same time as well. I blinked a few times, as I had no clue as to what was going on at the exact moment. My mother dipped her head however, as she then began to speak to us, and I listened to what it was that she had to say to us.

"I am sorry... I just wanted to make sure that none of you were sneaking up and listening to what it was that we were saying... Like last time..." She said to us, mainly pointing her head over to Gift, who was the kit that she was speaking of at the moment.

I blinked a few times, as I felt like it was a bit fair for her to worry like that as well, especially if the conversation that they were having with one another really was private like she had said that it was. I turned my head to Gift at the same time too, as I too had a bit of a suspicious look on my own face.

I saw that Gift had a bit of a guilty look on her face as well, and I shook my head, as I then looked away from her. I knew that her thoughts were in a bit of a different place right now, so I doubt that it was what she had in mind at the moment.

At the same time though, it probably was a bit of a bad idea, for our mother, Nifty, to be giving any one of us, any sort of ideas either. Not that I was going to try to sneak up, and listen to their little private conversation, but I was not sure if Gift thought the same.

Based on the look on the face of Gift right now, I felt like she was more in pain at the moment, rather than perhaps thinking that she should go and listen to their conversation. Gift did not have any sort of response to our mother either, which I could tell was not a good response to Nifty.

Nifty had her eyes squinted at my sister, and I could tell that she was not too happy with her right now. I did not really blame either of them, as Gift I knew should not have been spying on them, but at the same time, I felt bad for Gift because I knew that she was just hurt right now.

I blinked a few times, as I felt like for once I should step up, and defend my sister. I moved my head up a bit, though I knew that no one had noticed it, as I then looked right at my mother, and then began to speak to her at the same time as well.

"We won't do it mom... Just let them have some time to think please... I don't think there is anything you need to worry about right now." I said to her. My mother stood there for a few moments, as I could tell that she was surprised that I had stepped up for my sister.

I saw that Pike too was also a bit surprised as well, as this whole time I thought that he had been paying no attention to what was going on, and he was just thinking to himself. I saw that he blinked a few times at me, as it was clear that he too was a bit shocked that I had stood up to defend my sister.

I looked over at Gift, to see what her response was to it, but I saw that she had her head to the ground, and she did not have much of a clue as to what was going on at the moment. It was a bit of a disappointment, but I was used to it at this point.

I then turned my eyes over to my mother Nifty, as I saw that she had her eyes squinted at me, as she was thinking about what it was that I had just said to her. She then looked back at my sister, as I saw that she felt a bit bad for her as well.

She then turned her head back over to me at the same time to. As she dipped her head to the ground for a few moments, as if she was a bit upset at herself. She eventually lifted her head back up though, and then she nodded to me, as she began to speak.

"Well... I will have to trust your word on it I suppose... I am sorry all of you... I know how close you were to Nut... But we have to move on at some point... I love you all..." She said to each one of us. She looked at my brother and my sister as to what she had said at the first part.

To my surprise however, she looked over at me, as to what she had said on the last part. It came more as a bit of a shock to me, due to the fact that I had not heard the words 'I love you' or 'I am proud of you' over come from my mother, unless she was talking to another cat.

It put a bit of a smile on my face as well, as it kind of made my day feel just a little bit better at the same time too. At this point though, my mother had her head turned away from me, as she was not paying any attention to me for any longer.

I was not hurt by it at all however, as I saw that she was walking back over to the cat door, that led in and out of the room that we were in. I watched as she walked through it, to go and continue on with the conversation that she was going to be having with Nut.

I stared there a bit sadly for just a couple of moments as well, as I then turned my head over to my brother and my sister at the same time too. It did not seem as though they had been paying any attention to what our mother had just said to us however.

I could tell that they were in a lot of pain at the moment, and I wondered if I should go and walk over to them at the same time as well, to try to make them feel a bit better. I then shook that thought out of my head, at the exact same instance too.

I knew that there was a reason that they were on far sides of the room from one another right now. They just wanted this time for themselves, to think, and to grieve. I looked away, as I could not bare it for much longer either.

I was used to them play fighting in this room, not them just staring at the ground, and just crying. It was a bit of a dim, and depressing mood that I did not want to think about at the moment. I did not by any means blame them for it, I just did not want to think like that at the exact moment.

I turned my head over to the window, as I stared at the large fence that was in front of me at the moment. I looked at it for quite a bit of time, until I noticed something out of the corner of my eye at the same time as well. I turned my head over to it, to see what it was.

I then noticed that it was a bird, and the bird was staring right back at me as well. I looked at it, a bit shocked, and a bit confused as to what it was that it was doing right now. I had never heard of birds staring at cats, and I had been told by Pintclaw, that the moment a bird had seen a cat, they would run from it.

This cat was staring right at me though, as it seemed to have no fear what so ever. I knew that it could see me too, as I turned my head around a bit, just to test something out, and I saw that its eyes moved around, in the direction that I was moving.

I was tempted to call for Pike or Gift, to show them, but I knew that they were too lost right now, to even care what I had to say, or to even believe it none the less. I blinked a few times, to see if it might just perhaps go away, as if it were just a vision.

It was still there though, and I was a bit confused as to what was going on. I stared right back at it for just a little while longer, hoping that I might scare it off, if I were to just look at it right in the eyes. This bird did not seem to have any sort of fear of any cats however.

Maybe it was not afraid of me, because I was a kit. I shook my head though, as I knew that I could easily kill it, if I were to get my paws on it. I tilted my head, as I thought that perhaps the bird might be blind, and just might not realize that I was there with it.

I shook my head at that theory to, as it still did not make much sense to me, that it would just be looking at me, directly in to its eyes. I then looked away from the bird, as it was beginning to freak me out at the same time too.

I just wanted to ignore the bird now, and perhaps pretend that it had never been there in the first place. I stared at the ceiling behind me, just as my brother and sister were doing. I did that for just a couple of moments as well, until I heard a loud flop on the window.

I looked at my brother and sister, to see if they too had heard it, but they were a bit too lost in their own heads, to seem to give any sort of care at the exact moment. I turned my head back around to the window, the see that the bird was right in front of me, and it was flapping its wings to stay in the air.

I tilted my head, once again, as I was still confused as to what it was that was going on with the bird. I then saw that the bird flew up just a little bit, and I saw something on its paws. I was a bit confused, as I was not sure what it was that was going on at the exact moment.

I then realized what it was that it was carrying in its paws. I stared at it for a bit of time, as I saw that it was a walnut, and I shook my head, as I was not sure what my brain thought that was so special about the walnut. I blinked just a couple more times, as I then saw the bird suddenly begin to fly away.

I watched as it flew off, as I was a bit confused as to what had just happened to me. I had never seen a bird act so crazy, but yet, so calm to be right in front of a cat at the same time too. I saw it go off in to the distance, as it went away, to never be seen again.

I then looked down at the ground at the same time too, as I was a bit confused as to what had just happened to me. I shook my head, as I tried to shake it off. I closed my eyes at the same time too, as my brain felt like it was just far too tired at the moment as well.

I was not really all that physically tired, though it was already very late in the day, but my brain just felt dead at this point, as it had done far too much thinking up to this point. On that note, I then passed out on top of the tall cat tower that I was on.

I woke up, as I blinked just a couple of times as well, as I was a bit confused as to where I was at, and what had happened to me. I looked around, as I was not in the typical place that I was in, whenever I woke up in the morning.

I also then realized at the same time too, that it was not the morning, as I saw that the bright lights that came on at night, were all over the room right now. I looked around, as I realized that I had fallen asleep on the tall tower, and my brother and my sister were asleep as well.

The bed was all to itself right now, and the spot that I was in right now, was really not all that comfortable, I jumped down from the tower, and began walking over to it, until I heard the voice of Nut speak loudly from just outside the door that I was at. I had no other choice but to hear what it was that he had to say as well.

"I-I-I don't know what to say... I took you in, your parents in, and your kits in, you know that I love you!" I heard him say, to what I had to assume was my mom, just based on the context of what it was that he had been speaking about.

I felt a bit bad for Nut, as it all came back to me at the same time as well, as to what had just happened today. I looked down at the ground a bit sadly for a few moments, until I heard the voice of my mother, as she responded back to him.

"I am very thankful for that Nut... Me and you will always be friends... You are a great cat and all... But I just don't feel the same..."