Chapter 11.2: Home

On the train ride home I filled the emptiness inside of me with the sad self-pitying sounds of guitar riffs, wailing vocals, and simple bass lines. Yes, only emo music was able to adequately represent my torn heart. While I knew it was silly and juvenile I couldn't help to feel the way I did. I wished for a button to turn off my emotions, to steel myself against the bone-crushing isolation but it didn't matter how hard I prayed, my plea got ignored.

My Auntie didn't though. She picked me up as she promised.

Arms-crossed, eyes closed, resting against her slick cyber steed stood a confident woman in front of the Suzaku station. She didn't have raven-black hair as I did. Auntie had the same honey-blonde hair my mother had, braided into a shoulder-long ponytail. It was a stark contrast to the jet-black leather jacket she wore.

"There you are," she said after I approached. Auntie's hazel eyes appraised me and widened as soon as she spotted my mechanical and protruding through my school blazer. "What is that, Meadow?"

I looked to the ground not daring to meet her eyes. "... A cyber interface."

"But you... ! No, let's not talk here."

With quivering lips, I nodded meekly. Auntie put her hand reassuringly on my shoulder. "It's okay. You're home now Come, hop on!"

She then mounted her cyber steed and offered me the helmet I used for years. It was an embarrassing hue of red, telling the world that I seek attention. But worst of all were the various stickers I put on it. Most were cartoon cats of my favorite programs on the grams, some flowers, and a derpy-looking sun with the inscription: 'Be Happy'. Seeing that made me smile inadvertently, half out of embarrassment but half out of real joy because the sun told me I was finally home.

Here out in the frontiers, we got unfiltered sun rays. No smog was covering the beautiful blues of the sky. The warm winds were heralding the arriving summer, embracing me like a long-lost child. We passed fields of wheat, herds of cowlings, and rice paddies on the country road home. Always towards the south, to the farthest reaches of civilization, to the place of my birth and my greatest trauma, Feywind.

There was nothing here not even a school or a market. The community lived off agriculture that got shipped to Heaven's Gate. People had to visit Suzaku-City, the capital of the same-named region to get any shopping done. Plum Manor, my former school, was also there. It was a hub for all the small villages and towns in the vicinity.

For the people of Feywind, Suzaku-City was a chaotic place where business was to be found but they believed that only thieves and cutthroats lived there. They despised merchants their like. It wasn't honest work in their eyes. Although they still idolized Haven's Gate even though it was even worse than Suzaku-City ever could be. The younger people all wanted to move into Suzaku-City, aspiring to be more than farmers. Moving to Heaven's Gate was in comparison only a pipedream. Only geniuses in cultivation and rich people could afford it. That was why I became the target of their envious hate. But if they knew what shithole the city was then they quickly would appreciate their simple life. I did, anyway.

Arriving at Feywind I appreciated the soundlessness of it all. Well, it was not like I didn't hear anything. The wind bustled through the crops, distance mooing indicated happy cowlings, the toads croaked and the crickets sang their first songs of love this year. It was silence compared to the unending noises of the city. The never-ending traffic, the continuous clicking of hard soles on harder asphalt, and the fragmented conversations of one drama or another were part of the cityscape. And I hated it.

This is what I yearned for! The remoteness of an unimportant village where everyone knew each other. Where the air tased like leafy greens, where the blabbering brooks were the loudest thing in the neighborhood. I dismounted and immediately stepped into cowling dung. Well, I never said it was perfect.

Right at the entry of the little town stood Auntie's little house which functioned also as the sheriff's station. There weren't many criminals from around these parts even if the people say that Suzaku-City was filled with them. No, the most clientele were fugitives who sought to hide in the farthest reaches of the frontiers. At first, the sheriff from Suzaku-City took on this burden but the situation got worse and worse. The fugitives congregated and even formed their own township up in the mountains. They sustained themselves through banditry and had Feywind and the neighboring villages practically under their control.

It was an insult to the local administration so much so that they hired a famous bounty hunter to clean out the fort and deliver all the criminals to the authorities, dead or alive. This bounty hunter was my Auntie. She did beat them up pretty badly but without killing a single one. Impressed the authorities offered her a position in the local law enforcement. It was pretty badly paid in comparison to her previous occupation but she took up the offer without hesitation.

Auntie wasn't just passing by. She was going to Feywind with the purpose to settle down. My parents died after a mecha beast incursion and left me orphaned. While the bounty on the bandits was a welcome last job to bolster her finances the position as sheriff was a lucky strike.

The house had two floors and a basement. A single prison cell was inside the basement making it our house to the attraction number one for the kids in the village. They played coppers and robbers all the time there. Except when it was actually in use, of course. Then it became a freak show where the kids sneaked in to see how real criminals looked like.

After cleaning my shoe in a nearby puddle I stretched and took in a full dose of home. It felt good. But I expected it to feel great. Ah, right because I was running away from my problems. It was not coming here changed anything.

One thing did change though. A man with wild-looking brown hair and a fitting stubble sat with sunglasses on his nose on the steps of Aunties house. Flaunting his muscular chest by either forgetting the existence of his buttons or ignoring them.

Auntie looked embarrassed and pissed off at the same time. "Clint, I said you should go."

"Babe, I was going to I swear but then I remembered that I couldn't be apart from you any longer." He jumped up and offered some hastily picked flowers, grinning winningly. "... You… I can't even…" She looked over at me but I grinned at her to giving her no way out. "Fine. But close your fucking shirt."

"I hope you also keep your trousers on," I added.

Both seemed to be embarrassed by that comment. Clint recovered faster though and introduced himself. "The name's Clint. Pleased to meet ya, Missie. Your Auntie talks a lot about you." He laughed teasingly which earned him a punch in the side. "Shut up and let's go inside."

The living room was like the day I left. Although not even a month passed not much should have changed. I feared it would like so many things recently. But no, it luckily didn't home still was like home, well, with the addition of Clint. "How did you two meet?" I had many more questions but I think it was the tamest one I could utter out loud.

"Well, your aunt and I go way back. She actually left me behind to take care of her niece. Told her I happily join her. But for some reason, she thought me not a good influence on a kid." He then lit up a sutra and inhaled deeply. Auntie was busy fixing up some cool drinks. When she saw her good for nothing, well boyfriend, she threw a slipper into his face. "How often do I have to tell you. I don't want your fucking cancer sticks in my home." Why did their interactions seem so violent but affectionate at the same time? "Yes, yes," he said while smiling widely and left to smoke in peace.

Auntie sighed. "Let's ignore that headache for now and attend yours first. Meadow, what's wrong, and what happened to your arm?"

I explained everything that happened. She listened without interruption but when I told her how it felt to lose my arm she inadvertently crushed her glass. She apologized and I resumed my tale. "I get the gist of it," she said while picking up the last remaining glass shards. "Now, what do you want to do? Come back?"

I shook my head. "I don't know!" What was I supposed to do?

"Meadow, your parents arranged for you to attend a school in the city and I honored their wish. It didn't mean it was the right thing for you though. Clearly, there are dangers lurking in the dark shadows of the towers. And I'll be honest I'd rather have you here than send you back. After hearing what happened to you…" She massaged her temples. "No, your parents knew of the dangers. And I accepted them too. At least to an extent. I won't force you to go back. There is no shame in quitting but think about what you want to achieve in your life. Feywind has nothing but farming for you. Do you want to end up as a farmhand? And your old home is overrun by mecha beasts. Without reaching the rank of an Immortal you won't get it back.

The last sentence stung. I bit my lips. Right, the fateful day of the mecha incursion into Suzaku took away everything, my parents, my home, my hopes of a quiet life. All that remained was a struggle. A struggle to accommodate my Auntie, a struggle to fit into Plum Manor, a struggle to find purpose in life. What was my purpose? I had none.

"Auntie, what should I do? I have no goal! Nothing to live for," I said while swallowing my sobs the best I could.

"Live for yourself, Meadow. Live so that you won't regret as few things as possible." She hugged me tightly. Her familiar smell comforted me.

"Auntie, can I visit Mom, Dad, and grandpa?" I asked into her chest.

She paused for a long moment. "Yes. Clint and I will escort you. Right, Clint?"

The guilty-looking Clint emerged from behind the door, clearly feeling embarrassed to have been caught. "Wait a minute. A visit that needs an escort? You don't mean to go behind the borders?" He laughed uncertainly suddenly not so confident anymore.

"Yes, I meant exactly that," said Auntie.

Going behind the borders was not something people did. Especially not people who did not yet cultivate to the rank of an Immortal. Auntie was a peak cultivator. As strong as a mortal could be but still mortal. She didn't hat the explosive fighting power an Immortal brought to the table. Still, she was confident to oppose at least a hundred of the weakest kind of mecha beast. The evolved forms were another question though. It was best to not think about if a pack of evolved mecha beast would roam that place. Though the probability was rather low. Normally, the mecha beasts only seldom ventured into the vicinity of the border and even rarer do they invade it. But still, every time it happened it lead to a disaster.

There were some steps to mitigate the risks. For one, to go out at night. Most mecha beasts weren't night active. It is not entirely clear why. Some speculated that they work on solar power, some say that the regular models aren't equipped with night vision. In any case, mecha beast activity dropped by approximately 70%.

Preparing several escape routes in case one would be cornered was also a smart thing to do. Easy enough. The most obvious action would be to never go out alone. Not only does it increase one's own fighting power but more eyes would prevent a possible ambush. That was why Auntie dragged Clint with her. He rode a dark blue vintage cyber steed. It totally contrasted Auntie's slick black machine, as if it was telling the world 'a real man rides this'. That got a big yikes from me.

We waited until nightfall to drive towards the hill of my sorrows. I couldn't see much but I noticed that there was practically no vegetation behind the walls. Everyone knew that the mecha beasts lived in badlands but no one knew why. I remembered that our home was filled with life. But none were to be found. Auntie and Clint stopped at the base of the hill and left me, against their will, alone. I needed to talk with my parents in private.

"And here I am. Any Questions? Anyone? I didn't expect any answers but it's nice pretending to think, you know, that you could answer. It really is lonely without you, Mom. And you never taught me how to fight with a sword, Dad! I Sitting here with you two and grandpa is really soothing. The apple trees are blooming already. You will have plenty of snacks. But… But I brought you some more things. Here a whole apple tart with fresh honey for grandpa. The biggest present for the oldest, hehe, like you taught me, dad. I brought you freshly baked bread from your favorite bakery with spiced cowling sausages. I know I can't go wrong with that! For mom I… I have stir-fried tofu with lemongrass, citrus soap, and a bouquet out of the brightest summer flowers… "

Torrents of tears were running down my smiling face. I couldn't keep them back. A sudden gust of sadness engulfed my very soul, "Mom, Dad, I'm sorry! I'm a disappointment!" I choked, "I swear I can do better! I will be better! I won't be beaten!"

Suddenly I had a goal in mind. Making this hill part of civilization again, no, I just want to visit my parent's grave whenever I damn please. It was a stupid reason, really. But I didn't care. I finally had a goal!

I never was determined to achieve anything in life but at this moment my resolve was beaten by the hammer of my misfortunes. It was steeled like adamant. There was no stopping me any longer! I swore to myself and to my parents that I would succeed and become immortal, to free her home out of the control of the mecha beasts, forever.

I stayed with my parents until sunrise. Before I left I decided to cultivate, calm my mind, refocus on everything. There deep within me lay a translucent verdant sea. Its size was not spectacular. Like in all regards, quantity was not all that matters. The once tranquil expanse was being disturbed by a thunderous black storm. My mending heart steadily decreased the intensity of this ominous apparition, until its violent nature completely disappeared. A tiny snake-like black dragon with golden plating was orbiting a single blade of grass as if to say 'It's mine!' How odd. But my mind was slowly returning to the real world. The first sunbeams touched my face, waking me from my meditation. It was time to go.

Auntie waited at the foot of the hill. Her silver-lined black cyber steed stood on the dirt road, ready to drive at a moment's notice. Clint smoked one sutra after the other while walking the same three steps over and over again, like a tiger in a cage. In this case, the tiger preferred to be caged because nature was way too scary. "Come on, Meadow! The sun is rising already!" She shouted toward me while I rapidly descended.

Luckily no mecha beast attacked while we were outside the borders. Did my luck finally take a turn for the better? Auntie and Clint were on edge though. They didn't want to be here by longer.

"I'm sorry, Auntie!" I apologized out of breath.

"Do you feel better now?" Concern was written all over her aunt's face but she was assured. "I do!"

"Then hop on!" I mounted the cyber steed and drove towards the new borders of the frontiers. I looked back one last time. "Mom, Dad, I will come back and I will make you proud," I solemnly promised into the wind once again, "I will take back our land, our home!"