Chapter 40: Another Day (Christians POV)

Another day, that's what it was for me at least. I felt almost like a robot at this point, as I hardly felt any sort of emotion for any thing. When I got out of bed, such as I was trying to do at this very moment, which felt kind of hard as well, and that was a bit strange to me too, as I was used to not getting all that much sleep.

I knew that was what the problem was, as I had not gotten the best sleep over the last few months. There was not much for me in my sleep it felt, as it was always over run by nightmares. I had lost so much, and I knew it. I had lost it all... How was I even alive at this point, what was the point in all of this in the first place.

It felt like God damned me to this place, as I should have ended up like my wife and my young child, and gone up to heaven with them. Did I really deserve it though? I was a bad person before all of this, and at times, I still felt like I was a bad person after all it, as I did not seem to show hardly any emotion, nor did it seem like I cared about any one.

I cared about Lilly... I was not in love with her, such as she was for me, but I went to her house to always make sure that she was okay. She was the one person that I actually enjoyed spending any sort of time around, and now, just like every one else that I had in my life at one point, she was gone too.

Well... I suppose that her death was a little bit different than the death of my wife and child. I felt like telling this story to my self, every so often, as it was a memory of what I used to have. I knew it was never good to dwell on the past, and the bad memories that you tended to have.

But this memory, it always came up for me when I was in pain, and I was in a lot of struggle. It did not help me at all, and I some times wish that I could talk to some one about this, and just get it off of my chest, as it always seemed to bother me, as it always came back to me for one thing, and the other was that I had never told any one about it either.

People usually thought of me as a loner, and they thought that was how I wanted it to be, but the truth was, before the world had gone to shit, I felt like I always needed some one by my side. Perhaps that was my mistake, and that is why I still felt the pain and the hurt that I felt to this very day. Maybe I should be the person that people thought I was.

I should have opened up to the kid... I had done it for his father, or rather step father as he was, but that man was gone, just like every one else that I had ever cared about as well. I was worried that if I got any sort of close to the kid, the same thing would happen to him, that seemed to happen to every single other person that I cared about.

I felt cursed, even though a lot of people told me that things such as that were not real. I had felt that way since I was a young kid, as it felt like only bad things seemed to come my way. My father told me it just felt like that, because I had a negative out look on my life.

Shortly after he had told me that how ever, he soon passed away in a car accident just a few days after telling me so. I knew that I could not get too close to the kid. He was a good kid, and he had been raised well by my best friend, and his wife. I just was worried if I felt any sort of emotion for him, that some thing bad would happen.

I let out a bit of a soft sigh, as I shook my head at the same time as well, as I did my best to shake off all of those thoughts. I turned my head over to the side of the bed that I was laying on, as I then looked over at my alarm clock that was sitting right beside me on the cabinet next to my bed side.

It was 2:30 in the morning... I knew that I needed to get some sleep, and luckily enough for me it was the winter, so at the very least as well, the sun would not get up until later in the morning. It seemed that my brain had programmed it in to me, that I was going to wake up as soon as the sun rose in to the horizon no matter what at this point.

I had not got any sleep at all at this point, as my brain seemed to be stuck on the same thoughts that it always seemed to be stuck on. Which was of course, the night that it had all happened to me in the first place. The night that I had lost my every thing, and all that had ever mattered to me in my entire life time.

I felt sick, as I turned my head over, to get away from the alarm clock, and try to shake off the reason that I had not fallen asleep just yet. I tried my best, but it all was coming back to me so fast at the same time as well, such as it always seemed to do, as I squinted my eyes quite a bit hard, as a single tear dropped from my left eye at the exact same time too.

I had to hold in the tears... I had to be strong... I was better than all of that, and I knew it... There was too many people that were looking up to me, and people that needed me for help. I could not help it how ever, as the memory of that night went back in to my head in just a flash.

I smiled, as I had a box of roses with me in my hands, which was quite hard for me to get, if I must say so my self, as the store had been packed for some odd reason or another, and there was just hardly any people working there at the exact same time as well. People seemed to be freaked out, and in a bit of some panic.

I was not sure as to what it was, as I did not hardly ever pay attention to the news for one, nor did I have a phone to tell me about any thing, or keep me updated on any shit that was going on in the world. I did not want to hear any of the bad shit, as it was like my father had once said, I was too negative, and the news was only negative.

Not only that, but I also did not have all that many friends for that matter for one thing, so no one told me about any thing. None of that felt like it should matter to me at all at this very moment, as I knew that this was a special day for me, and for my wife that was inside of the house taking care of our baby girl.

This was our 5 year anniversary since we had been married. Yes... It felt a bit crazy to me that it had some how been that long, as I was only 23, but we had got married at quite a young age. A lot of people had told me that it was a horrible mistake, and at first I had felt like that they had been correct with that as well.

I had a few cases where I had messed around, and I had talked to a few other women, and she had done the same with a bunch of men as well. After a bunch of big fights, we then decided that we were over all of that, as we threw away our phones, and we had both made promises that we would not talk to a bunch of other people from the opposite gender.

It had gone amazing ever since then, as it felt like there was no looking back on that decision that we had made with one another. I was the happiest that I had ever been in my life, as we had an new born baby, and she was pregnant with an unborn baby at the same time too.

I knew that was why she was feeling so sick in the first place as well, as she had been the same way when she had her last child. She was going to be fine, but she did have take a bunch of time off of work, which did make it a bit hard for me, as I was the one that had to provide every thing for this family.

It was okay how ever, and I made a decent income from work, so I knew that things were going to end up being alright. I shook my head, as I smiled a bit at the exact same time as well, as I knew that I should be the way that my father had taught me when I was younger. I needed to be positive, and I needed to go in to things with a smile on my face.

This was going to be a great evening with the woman that I loved, and I had to keep that in my thoughts, as I walked up to the front door of our house. I was tempted to knock on the door, and get her to open it for me, but I knew that she was taking care of our new born that was in the other room.

I put the box of chocolates on the ground, as I kept the batch of roses in my left hand, and I then reached in to my pocket, to pull out the keys to my house at the exact same time too. At first I was a bit worried that I had some how lost the keys, but then I realized that I was a bit of an idiot for thinking that it might how ever so be the case in the first place.

How had I got back home in the first place, if I did not have my keys. I was used to leaving them at my desk when I was at work, so that was the reason that I was a bit freaked out, but as I turned my head around, I then remembered that I had left it on the hood of the car, when I had been reaching in to get my batch of roses, and my box of chocolates for my wife.

I nodded to my self, as I let out a big sigh of relief at the exact same time as well, as I then began to walk over to the car, so that I could grab the keys off of the hood. I shook my head, as I kept on going, and then I picked up the keys to the car, and then I began to walk back to the front door of the house that was ahead of me.

I cracked the big smile that I had on my face from earlier, back on to my face once again, as I went up to the front door, as then I stuck my keys in to the lock, to unlock the handle. To my surprise, for some reason, it was already unlocked, which freaked me out a little bit, as I knew that I always locked it on my way out in the morning.

I shook my head, as I knew that I was heading right down the road of negative thoughts, that my father had been trying to teach me not to do before he had passed away. I knew that she said she had felt a bit sick over the last few days, so she could have just gone out to try and get a little bit of some sun.

Or, she might have gone to the store to get some medicine for her self, or perhaps maybe even some stuff for our kid as well. I shook my head, as I kept the smile on my face, as I then opened the door the house, only to see that all of the lights were off for some odd reason or another, which confused me a great deal.

I know that I had been doing my best to try to teach my wife that she needed to turn of the lights when she left a room, but surely she had not learned to do so that quickly right? I shook off all of those thoughts right away, once again, as I knew already where my head was going... It was going right back in to the negative thoughts again.

I shook my head, as I knew that things were going to be okay, and that nothing had happened. I was always worried every day, as I had been tempted to take some time off of work to take care of the house with her, as I knew that she had been quite a bit sick, and she needed some help.

But some one needed to be working, so that we had food on the table, and so that we did not lose our home. I shook my head, as I was sure that she was just in our bed room not too far away, making sure that the kid was okay, and for all that I knew, she could be asleep at this very moment.

I knew that she had been tired non stop over the last few months, due to the fact that she had to wake up every 2 hours or so, so that she could feed the kid. I was so happy for her, that we were growing our kid up in a safe home, in a safe neighborhood, and that things were going great so far.

I let out a bit of a soft sigh, as I put the chocolate, as well as my keys on the counter, so that I at least had one hand free to greet her after a long days of work for me. I kept the smile on my face, as I was fairly certain that I already knew where she would be at, at this exact moment, which of course was our bed room.

If not than she would likely be in the bath room, so either way, I already knew where she was at. I also knew that she was home as well, due to the fact that the door had been unlocked for one, but also due to the fact that her car was in the garage, as I had made sure to check before I had come in to the house.

I let out a bit of a soft sigh, as at first I had been tempted to scare her, like I some times did as a joke, but I knew that she was having a hard time as it was, being pregnant with another child. There was no reason for me to try to scare her at all, as I shook off all of those thoughts at the same time as well.

I turned on the lights to the room that I was in right now, as I then looked at my bed room door, which was left wide open to my surprise for some reason as well.

The lights were also turned off completely in that room as well, which confused me quite a bit. Usually when she went to sleep, she always made sure to close the door, but this time that did not seem to be the case. I thought that I might be able to say that she could have just left the room a few moments ago, but there were no other lights on in the entire house.

I let out a bit of a sigh, as once again, it felt like I was going right back to the same negative thoughts that I had been having not too long before now. I shook them off to the best of my ability, as no matter what, even if I was not trying to think negative, I had to figure that she just did not feel well and she did not have her head on straight.

It was a little bit of a disappointment to me, as I was not going to lie, as I had come in to this with the hopes that I was going to be making this a special evening for the both of us, but sadly, the fact of the matter was, if she did not feel well, and she did not want to get out of bed, than there was nothing that I could do at all.

I let out quite the loud sigh, which at first I thought she might be able to hear from the other side of the house, if she was in the bed, but I knew that if she was asleep, it would not wake her up, as it would just be quite the faint noise to her from the other side of the house from me.

I nodded, as I figured that I should at least go and wake her, so that I could give her a nice surprise, that I had bought for her. I smiled once again, as I took the batch of roses with me, and I began to head down the hall way to the bed room at the exact same time as well too, so that I could head in to the bed room, and show her the surprise.

I went down to the hall way, as I kept that same smile all the way down to the bed room that was now right in front of me. I felt like, maybe I should knock on the door first, to let her know that I was coming in, but I knew that if she was asleep, she would not even respond to that in the very first place.

I shook my head, as I was about ready to walk in, as I let out a bit of a soft sigh at the same time as well, and I swiped at the top part of my hair, to move it a little bit, and make sure that I had the best version of my self, before I walked in to the bed room with my wife, who I felt would not judge me, but I still felt like I wanted to at least look some what decent to her.

I nodded to my self, as I kept the same big smile on my face, as I then was about ready to walk in to the room. My father used to tell me to always have a smile on my face, and I was a bit lost as to why he said that, as I had asked him, 'what if I was not happy?', and the response I got from him was short and sweet, but it hit deep.

'If you smile more, than you will be happy more...', it hit kind of deep, due to the fact that I realized that he was in fact right with what it was that he had said to me. I always made sure to do that when ever I was walking in to a room such as this one, due to the fact that it made me happy.

I shook my head, as I shook of all of those thoughts at the same time as well. A lot of that was due to the fact that it hurt me to think about my father, but a lot of it too, had to do with the fact that this was not one of those moments that I should have my thoughts on some thing such as that.

This was one of those moments that I should have my thoughts on my wife, and only my wife. I nodded to my self, as I was ready to do so now, as just as I was about to let out a bit of a soft sigh to my self, to try to get my self to wake up, I all of the sudden heard the baby crying from in side of the room.

I stopped my self, as I felt like I was about to freak out, as that was what I usually did when I heard her cry, even if it was for some thing as simple as what it more than likely was about at this moment, which of course was, she was hungry, and she wanted her mother to feed her.

I sighed a little bit, as to my surprise, it was fairly quick for me to hear foot steps, which told me that she was awake. It was heading straight to the cradle, as it was clear that she too was going over to make sure that the baby was okay. This time, when I sighed, it was a bit of I of relief.

To my surprise as well, the baby got a little bit louder at crying at first, but it all of the sudden went dead silent. She must have been fast to have that bottle by the way side! I smiled, as I shook my head, as I all of the sudden then began to walk in to our bed room, turning on the lights as I walked in, so that I could see from in side.

It was a bit of a surprise to me, as that was usually the first thing that she did when the baby started crying, which was of course, going to check to make sure that she was alright. It did not matter to me though, as I was sure that she was quite a bit tired, and she more than likely was not thinking on such as that, so I should not be doing so either.

I nodded to my self, as it took a few seconds for my eyes to get used to the bright light, due to the fact that I had been used to it being dark in the house, as it was dark out side at this very moment. Once my eyes got used to the bright light though, I then smiled once again, as I then put my hand away from my eyes, so that I could see as to what it was that was in front of me.

I looked for a few seconds, as I saw that my wife had her head turned away from me, as she was looking at the baby that was in the carriage. I stood there for a few seconds, keeping the smile on my face whilst doing so as well, to let her know that I was happy, and that we were going to have a good evening with one another.

She did not turn her head over to me how ever, which confused me quite a bit, as I tilted my head, as I had not a clue as to what was going on with her. I knew that she was sick, but surely she remembered, or at least realized that today was an important day, and that I had just come in to the room that she was in as well.

She just stood there, with her head dipped a little bit low to the ground, as I waited for a response, but still, I did not get one. I let out a bit of a soft sigh, as I was about to draw closer to her, to let her know that I was here with her, as she might just be too out of it to even know what was going on at this exact moment in time.

I stopped my self how ever, as I blinked a few times as well, as I was not even sure what it was that I was looking at, at this very moment. Her white pajamas that she clearly had been wearing all day were stained in red. I began to get a bit freaked out, as I was not sure what it could be, other than it being blood.

I was fairly certain that we did not have any sort of red drinks around the house at all, as I had learned a long time ago that was a bad idea. I shivered a bit, as she seemed a bit out of it, and not complacent at all. I shook my head, as I then began to speak up to her at the same time too, quite a bit loudly, to make sure that she could hear what it was that I was saying to her.

"Honey I am home... Are you okay??? Why is your shirt covered in... What is this? Blood?" I asked her. As I stood there and waited to get some kind of response from her. She stood still for a little bit longer, as I was not sure what it was that I should do, as I was quite a bit worried for her.

I breathed in heavily, as I was doing my best to do what it was that my father had told me to do. I had to think positive... I stared for just a little bit more time, as I suddenly began to slowly walk closer to her, as I was not sure what it was that I should do in this exact instance.

As I took 1 solid step over to her, she then let out a bit of a groan. I was not sure what the groan was for, as I could not tell if it was a groan of pain or not. It seemed to be more of a groan that seemed to be a bit out of it. If she was that out of it, than I really did not want her trying to take care of our baby at this very moment.

I was about half way through the room, and over to her, when all of the sudden she slowly began to turn her head around, and I stopped my self at the same time too. At first I felt a little bit more safe, as it seemed like she was not too out of it, and she had finally responded to the fact that I had just got in to the room, turning on the lights, and also the fact that I had just spoken to her as well.

I was nearly about ready to smile once again, as I remembered what was so special about this day, when every thing about me just stopped all of the sudden. I blinked a few times, as my heart then began to flutter all over the place, as I was not sure what it was that I was seeing, and what was going on in front of me.

She had blood all over her... It was not just on the dress, but it was on her face at the same time as well. That was not what my eyes were focused on how ever, as I saw what was in her hands. It was our child... Or... What was left of her at least, as I could see blood all over the baby.

I gulped... As I was not sure what was going on, or if this was some sort of prank that she was pulling on me right now. It looked real... It looked like I was in a night mare. She had been tearing apart the baby, as if she was some little kid, going in to her very first birthday cake.

I stood there, as I was not sure what to do... Surely this had to be a prank right? Where was the real baby? It looked so real though! What was going on? I felt sick, as I began to freak out more and more by each passing second, as things were starting to hit me quite a bit fast, all at once at the same time as well.

What was the reason that the people were freaking out in the grocery store again? I blinked a few times, as I then shook my head at the same time too, as it began to hit me, that this was real. I saw the intestines of our new born baby laid all over the mouth of my wife as she was chewing it up.

My wife all of the sudden then dropped our baby in to the cradle. It was not a normal drop, like she was trying to let the baby rest. No... It was a hard drop, as I heard it land quite a bit roughly. This was real... I heard the baby crying, and it was coming from where she was at, right now.

My wife began to come over to me, but not as if she was excited to see me back home after I had a long day at work. No that was not the case at all... She had a blank look in her eyes, and when I say that, I mean... Her eyes seemed to be just pure white... Some thing that did not even look human at all...

She was not human... She had no emotion on her face, as she groaned once again, as she all of the sudden began to come over to me. That was when I woke up... Right when she got right up on me, as she had her mouth wide open, as if she was trying to eat me, just like I had seen her at our new born child.

She tried to get a bite on me, as I felt blood drip all over me at the exact same time as well, as I all of the sudden pushed her off of me at the same time as well. She fell to the ground, quite a bit hard, which would seem to be a bit painful for any sort of normal human... She did not seem to be a normal human in this case how ever.

She groaned once again, as she slowly began to lift her self up. As she got up from off of the ground as well, she looked right back at me one more time, as I looked at the look that was on her face, and I saw nothing. That was when it all of the sudden hit me... She was not any thing at all... This was not my wife at all...

I moved back a little at first, as I was not sure what it was that I should do, but when I saw her begin to head over to me, just as I had seen her do before... That was when it all of the sudden began to wake me up, as it all of the sudden brought out a bit of an unsuspecting new form of life.

I turned my head around, as I all of the sudden began to run out of the bed room that I had been in with her. I for some reason made sure to close the door behind me, such as she usually did when she was about to go to sleep. She was not asleep how ever... I was not sure if she was awake either though...

I was not sure what she was if I was going to be honest. I shook my head, as I realized at the same time that I had a bit of a cut on my hand. I wondered at first if she had bit on to me, but as I looked at it, I saw that it was quite a bit of a small cut. The roses that I had brought for her, they must have cut me a little bit.

I shook off those thoughts, as that did not matter at all to me at the current moment. I looked over at the counter that was in front of me, as I spotted the box of chocolates that I had bought for her, for one thing, as well as the fact that I spotted my keys. The box of chocolates did not matter at all to me in this case, but for some reason I picked it up, and took it with me, as I then ran to the front door of my house.

I opened the door, as I realized that I had not locked it like I usually did when I walked in to the house. That did not matter to me at all how ever, as I all of the sudden slammed it open, and then I slammed in closed behind me at the same time too, just as I had done when I had left my bed room.

I then began to head over to my car, as, as soon as I was close to it, I put the keys in to the door handle, and I then unlocked the door. Once that was done, I slammed that door open as well, and I then hopped in to my vehicle, as I felt nothing in side of my head at all, at this very moment in time.

It made me feel sick, as it did not feel normal at all for me to be feeling this way. I looked down at the steering wheel that was below me, as that was when, I all of the sudden began to cry. I cried for quite a bit of some time as well, as I felt like I was in the most pain that I had felt ever before on my life.

What was it that I had just witnessed? Was any of it real at all? I felt like, as I shook off all of those thoughts, as I heard some thing begin to head over to me, which confused me a bit at the same time as well. Even though I felt like I was out of it right now, I lifted my head up to see what it was.

I saw that it was a man... It was one of my neighbors. I squinted my eyes at him at first, as I was a bit confused az to what it was that he wanted with me. As I looked at him though, I saw him heading over to me with quite a bit of a limp. I was a bit confused as to what was wrong with him at this moment, and how could it be any worse than what it was that had happened to me.

As I looked at the man in the eyes how ever, I saw the same blank look that I had seen from my wife, and I saw blood all over his face, which was also the same thing that I had seen from her. He was coming right over to me... I did some thing that I felt like I had never done before in my life, as I put the keys in to the ignition of my car, and then I just began to drive.

I drove right over the man... I did not care at all... Was he really a man? I was not sure if I knew the answer to that question. I shook my head, as none of it seemed to matter to me at all at this exact moment in time. As I kept on driving, quite a bit over the speed limit if I do say so my self.

I did not care at all though, as none of it mattered to me. I did not even look back, behind me, as I kept on driving as far, and as fast as I could out of this place, as I did not want to look back on it at all. I shook my head, as I kept on going, not thinking any sort of thoughts in my head at all.

Was my father right with what it was that he used to tell me? That I needed to think more positive? I thought positive, and yes, I was a lot more happy... But what I just saw in my home... The only thing that I was positive of, was me being positive that the woman that I had seen in that room, was not my wife at all.

I felt like I was about to vomit, as I was nearly ready to open up the window and let it all out. I did not do so how ever, as I shook my head, and I then did some thing that I felt like I had not done in a very long time. That was of course, I turned on the radio, not for the music, but for some thing else much different. For once in my life, I felt like I was looking to the news, for answers...

I shook my head, as I did my best to shake off the thoughts of that memory at the exact same time as well. It was not the first time that it had come to my head, and I knew that it would not be the last time either. My friend, he had told me that I needed to let it go, but it was just so hard to.

It seemed a lot more like I held on to the bad memories, a lot more than me holding on to any sort of good memories. If I was going to be straight forward, and I was going to be honest with my self. Though I always wanted to think positive, this was not one of those cases at this moment.

It felt like I only had bad memories. I could not remember any good memories at all in my past. I only remembered pain and suffering, and the one time that I had felt like I could actually have good memories, that was when I had lost it all. Yes... I had good memories with my wife, and yes I did love her...

But what had happened that night, it that house, it got rid of any good memories that I had ever had with her at all. I felt sick, as I turned my head back over to the alarm clock that was in front of me, as I was nearly about to vomit on to the carpet that was in my bed room, but luckily I did not do so, as I held it in.

I let out a bit of a soft sigh, as I was not sure whether to be relieve at all, or if I should just go back to the thoughts of just straight pain. I shook my head, as I then looked at the alarm clock that was in front of me, and I saw that it said 4:00 AM. I had only 3 hours left, until I got up for the next day, and yet, I still had not got any sleep.

It was okay for me how ever... I was used to not getting all that much sleep at all. I blinked a few times, as I still felt like I should at the very least, at least try to get some sleep, as I knew that even if I was used to not getting all that much sleep, it did not mean that I was going to be wide awake for the next day.

I sighed, as I turned my head around, and I looked up at the ceiling for a few seconds. I wish that I could say that I did not feel tired at all, but of course, that would be a lie... The truth was, I was exhausted, and the thoughts of what it was that I was about to be getting my self in to tomorrow, only made me feel even more worn out.

I shook my head, as I knew that I needed the sleep. It was time that I had to stop fighting it at this point, as I then closed my eyes. I laid in the bed for quite a bit of some time, as I did my best to get a bit of a comfy spot on the pillow that I was laying on. Once I did so as well, that was when, I finally manage to fall in to a bit of a deep state of sleep.

I woke up, at first, I was tempted to open my eyes, but I did not do so like I usually did how ever. Besides, I could see that it was bright out side through my eye lids, as the sun light seemed to be burning right through them. I squeezed my eyes closed at first, but I then realized that there was no use in fight it, as I then opened my eyes.

I stared at the ceiling for perhaps a couple of seconds, as I then shook my head and I looked over at the alarm clock that laid on the counter that was right beside me. I shivered a bit, as it was in fact cold in this room, as this was the winter of course. I then shook my head, as I then began to speak to my self at the same time as well.

"Well... I guess its time for another day."