Nightmares and Smokescreens

I barely turn the shower knob on to minimize the temperature and struggle to keep my breathing level as flashes of that day come in and out.

"You're not there anymore. You're not there anymore," I repeat to myself, not thinking about the toll trying to speak has on me as I desperately scrub my body. Even after all these years, it still feels like I have him on me, his blood, his… him.

Annoyed at me for not grabbing a towel when I rushed into the bathroom, the November cold hits hard as I open the bathroom door. Crossing the room, my eyes can't help but get dragged into my reflection.

Joined with the scars from Sectumsempra, the mystical bruises, and magical welts of my childhood are the marks from my time at Hogwarts. Dark bruises from the troll and that group caress my sides. The third-degree burns that lather my right hand from absorbing that spell Snape threw my way.

Grabbing a towel, I dry myself off and beat my hair into straightness. It's not like these marks are unhealable. I could go to the Hospital Wing but it's not like I deserve healing. I brushed off Madam Pomfrey after the troll, saying that I collapsed due solely to Mana exhaustion. I didn't go when Snape asked if I needed it. I'm the reason our house lost thirty house points; they have every right to be mad at me.

Slipping on my slightly oversized uniform, wand holster with wand, mask, and black glove for my right hand, I once again look into the mirror to make sure as many scars are as hidden as possible. Father offered to get me a tailored uniform but I rejected it. Satisfied, I vault over the railing and land on the bottom floor silently.

"Miss Catlyn!" A high pitch voice squeaks from the sitting area. Turning around, I give Cimsy a genuine smile as I grab my notebook from my bag hanging on the newel post of the stairs.

'Good morning Cimsy!' I greet her, her appearance lighting up my mood. As I look at her, the content smile of a child that once spanned her face lowers. Concern filling her eyes she uses a mixture of clumsy attempts at running to me and apparation to scurry closer to me.

'What's wrong?' I ask as she gets to me, blood pack in one hand.

"Miss Catlyn's eyes seem to have bags. Cimsy is worried about Miss Catlyn," Cimsy quavered. Turning to the mirror, I confirm Cimsys' claim. Between the pain, the nightmares, and extra work, I haven't slept all that well.

Smiling at Cimsy, I try to ease her worries, 'Thank you for worrying but I'm fine! I just didn't get much sleep recently.'

"Is Miss Catlyn having more nightmares?" Cimsy asks, eyes big and teary. Cimsy started to wait in the common room every morning for me. I didn't want her to be hurt or abused by any of the other students so I showed her where my room was and gave her a time she could come in.

This led to one day when I was still stuck in a nightmare by the time Cimsy came. Cimsy decided to crawl in my bed and act like a stuffed animal for me. When I woke she was sure I was going to punish her. I still remember her response when I asked why she did it, "Because that's what Cimsy has wanted." Ever since we've become much closer.

'Yes. have you?' I ask, her body responding for her, 'you know you can always come and snuggle if it would make you feel better.'

At my words, Cimsy lights up as she jumps and apparates around the room in joy. A chuckle tries to escape my lips at her expert use of the spell. Even though Cimsy is way older than me, I can't help but see her as a small child; a little sister.

'How has work in the kitchen been going?' I ask, sipping on my blood pack as I move us to the couch in front of the, lit, fireplace.

"Cimsy has been good! Gorsuch gave Cimsy a new job. Cimsy now gives kitchen utensils or anything a House-elf asks for. Cimsy also brings everything to the dishwasher. Gorsuch even told me Master Dumbledore allowed Cimsy to use apparation for work!" Cimsys words fly out of her mouth almost as quickly as Professor Babbling.

'That's great!' I praise, happy that my suggestion to Dumbledore turned out for the better.

***

'Shouldn't you head back down to the kitchen to help with breakfast?' I ask, checking with my internal clock and the orange sunlight that can just barely be seen poking through the window on the overhang. Eyes at their widest, only her actions answer back as she apparates away.

Short laughter bubbles up but fails to leave my mouth at her panic as I grab my bag and insert the silver crest in the rotating bookshelf. Coming out the other side, I scramble the house books and hide the crests in my bag. Pulling my mask up, only candlelight illuminates the way as I navigate through the Ravenclaw Labrinth.

Finally popping out to the Commonroom, I look out from the landing at the almost empty, massive, room. I say almost empty because across the room, stands a group of six Ravenclaws in the middle of the room; with one by Earl, distracting him. Looking closely, my fears are confirmed as I see Dick and recognize the group responsible for most of my bruises.

"Over there," my vampiric ears allow me to hear one of their voices as they point in my direction. Even with my white hair, I'm really unlucky to have been spotted. Not wanting to wait and confirm they're after me, I take off along the landing and dash into another opening of the Ravenclaw Labrinth. This is going to be bad. The last time they tried this I was pointed out by Professor McGonagall for a good grade. I don't want to know what they'll do considering I lost the house another five points after missing classes yesterday.

Opening myself up to Mana, I can immediately tell their heading to the same area I am. Cursing, I make a mental note to ask Penny if any more passageways led out from the common room. Panting, I strain myself to go at top speed. Why didn't I take Cedric up on his offer to join his daily exercises? Flipping my hood up, I can feel a bully coming from both directions. Of course, they're passageways within the Labyrinth! Gears turning, I cringe at the action I have to take.

"I found her!" a third-year girl yells, shooting up a Red-sparks spell as she turns the corner and blocks my path. Turning back around, I'm met with another bully.

"We have her cornered!" Dick laughs, doing the same.

Sticking my hand in my pocket, the absence of my bracelets absorbs more of the Mana beads than I want as I draw my wand and twirl it in a spiral.

"Fumos!" The rune blocks my words as smoke billows out of my wand's tip. Twirling in a circle, the grey smoke envelopes the row. Turning my wand to point back at me, I concentrate to not have my arm get in the way and perform the wand movement in reverse.

"What are you waiting for? Stun her!" Dick's command can be heard past the smoke.

"Flipendo!"

"Stupefy!"

I get my spell off first as it hits me and sends me flying up and into the row parallel to the previous one. If only the Levitation Charm worked on humans! Reaching the apex of my flight, weightlessness flows through me as I do my best to twist my body. I do my best at imitating a cat as my stomach drops.

The wind throws my hood back as I plummet to the floor. Squeezing my eyes shut, the impact of the ground hits my side and radiates through the rest.