His Doubts, My Concern

"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction." -Carroll Bryant

Months passed by easily and swiftly, all signs of the icy cold winter were washed away by the brightest hues of sunshine. No more the bare wands which held the magic of winter within its palm, just the fantasies of the upcoming Spring and its wonders. The sky no longer had the dense layer of grey fathom but replaced by the chaotic array of white puffy shapes amidst the azure. The previously denuded branches of the trees had decorated themselves with green exposing themselves to the spring. The wind no longer stole the warmth of the pedestrians but implanted late rays of sun in them. The birds had started their charismatic chirps and the animals resumed their hearty warmth. The ground, instead of being bare, has coated itself with the brightest colors in nature to ensure the enlightenment of humans with vivid blooms whose petals dance to the breeze. It was beautiful unlike anything in this world.

The spring brings us to hope that after the hard cold days of freezing winter, after the days of hardships and resentments, there may come a day when we can start alive, start afresh; to resume our lives, and again go on the quest for happiness.

In my case, it was right beside me.

My soulmate.

Life is going with the flow. I'd cracked the school board exam easily just like I'd calculated. I was sure I'd score a great score in it because the science subjects were comparatively easier than last year. It was not hard at all that the State Education Board has passed some complications in the evaluation; meaning it'll be strict. I didn't care, I knew I'll get good marks.

The life outside school, well though the pandemonium has died down my fame had not gotten any less. I had to take mom's car to go to the exams and I couldn't even get my alone time in buses and my beloved field. I kinda missed them too but what could I do? I'd been called into interviews but my mom refused politely saying I'd exams coming and I'd to prepare for entrances, somehow they understood and the weirdest thing's that they'd wished me luck; my mom's phone was full of messages from my well-wishers wishing me all the best on my exams. It was good though, it boosted my confidence. Also because of Jimin. He'd always give me a thumbs up and say I can do it with that bright eye smile of his. He'd right away brighten my mood and ease my nerves embracing me in his unconditional warmth and love. I just can't pay these debts back.

I'd not changed a bit. I'm still the same cold-hearted nerd who ignores any contact with humans though with Jimin's assistance I'd adorn my face with a smile whenever I met my so-called fans. At first, they seriously were a nuisance, but then I started to cherish them too. It was once in a lifetime opportunity to be treated like a celebrity even though I hate the limelight. Jimin always teased saying that I should be accosted to the spotlight because I was gonna be married to him in the future anyway.

Yeah, yeah he's still the same with his charismatic and bright attitude along with the flirt part too. But coming to the last week of my entrance exam preparation, his behavior and demeanor had changed a little. He'd comparatively become a little less bright and always refused to leave my side. Also, his hugs and kisses were more frequent than ever. I'm not complaining though but I could say that something was bothering him and unlike last time, instead of giving him space I'd straight away asked him what's wrong. But he always brushed me off with a forced smile or changed the subject. With the increasing study hour, I'd let the subject be discussed after my exams. I'd to know what's bothering him, I'm his girlfriend for shouting out loud!

Finally, it was the night of the day before the entrance exam and I was kicking up on my study table. My table was a mess with thick question banks, lecture notes, mindmaps, and my own personal flashcards. My walls and the noticeboard were adorned with flashy sticky notes, equations scribbled on them. Sheets and sheets of papers in which I'd jolted down derivations and integrations in the whole of the Physics department were laying on the ground. In conclusion; it really was a mess.

I was revising some mechanics equations, bouncing my leg impatiently glancing once in a while at the clock on the table. I scribbled down the steps hastily with much precision and right when the timer sounded its time I underlined the answer hurriedly, and placed my pen on the table to fistbump with the air muttering a 'yes'.

"You did it!" Jimin chirped and stood up to give me a fistbump which I happily did, "You cracked it in just a minute. You're awesome" he squealed. "I know you'll crack this too" he ruffled my hair with a smile.

"I hope so too," I closed my books and stood up. "This exam's considered one of the 12 hardest exams in the world. I've to be extraordinary"

"Oh c'mon, you just cracked the hardest question in a matter of seconds," he beamed grabbing my shoulder, "Besides, you're extraordinary"

"Yeah," I smirked at my own achievement.

He smiled.

A knock was heard on my door. I walked past him to open it.

My mom stood there with a wide smile and it took a moment for me to register that the dark green substance on her skin is a face mask. I blinked and gave a small smile her way.

"What's it, mom?"

"I just wanted to remind you to sleep early," she said, "You've to get up early, remember? The exam venture is two hours away from here, we've to get there on time"

"Yes," I nodded. "I was gonna sleep right now"

"Okay then, " she reached out to pat my head, "Don't stress yourself too much thinking about tomorrow. You'll do fine, okay? Good night and sleep tight1"

I cracked a smile, "Thanks, mom. Good night"

She gave me one last smile and went away.

I closed the door and turned to Jimin who was already sitting on my bed. I made my way towards him taking my phone from my study table. I unlocked it to see 'best wishes' from my dad and Ryan plus from some countable friends. I sighed replying with a simple thank you and set up an alarm at six in the morning. Actually, I didn't need an alarm at all because Jimin wakes me up, but just in case.

"C'mon," Jimin grabbed my hand, "You've to get good sleep to write the exam"

I smiled and nodded before placing my phone on the lamp table. I laid down on the bed with him by my side after he pulled the covers over our bodies. I immediately wrapped my arms around his torso and laid my head on his chest, listening to his more than clear heartbeat. He didn't even hesitate to pull me closer to him by my shoulders. I felt him planting his usual kiss on the crown of my head every night before I sleep. I smiled and sighed into his spring fragrance which I'd grown upon.

"Sleep well, my star" he whispered, his chest vibrating.

I hummed closing my eyes.

There was an eerie silence in the room excluding the crickets sound echoing through the peeps in the window and the airholes. I had some unpleasant feeling lingering in the corner of my mind, my instincts were cracking open with dismal anxiety. I frowned not knowing what's this outrageous gut feeling continuously pointing out something terrible is gonna happen. My mind and heart felt so...noxious?

"I'm sorry, Mia," I heard Jimin whispering while caressing my hair.

My eyes shot open, eyebrows scrunching in confusion as to why he was apologizing.

"Jimin..." I mumbled causing him to stiffen. I took it as a bad sign and lifted my head to meet his eyes, "Is everything alright?"

His eyes held...nothing as if he was masking his emotions. I was more than confused now. I'd never seen that expression on his face and it was the first time not being able to read him. That dreadful feeling filled my head again and I was not gonna back down not knowing the truth.

"Everything's fine, Mia" Jimin said smiling broadly. It'd no flaws, just natural.

"I know there's something bothering you, Jimin" I stated and reached out to touch his cheek, "You don't have to mask your emotions. Just tell me" I smiled reassuringly.

His eyes softened under my touch and he relaxed exhaling heavily looking away. He looked back into my eyes now his emotions readable but a part of me shouting out loud otherwise. I scooted a little away for him to turn to my side and face me completely. I stared at his conflicting eyes waiting patiently for him to take his time. I was happy to give him all the time he wants but I wanted to know what's bothering him anyhow.

"It's just that...I was thinking about what'd happen when I go back to my body?" he mumbled somehow despair evident in his voice, "I was worried about how we'll turn out after that" he looked into my eyes.

So, that's what bothering him, huh? Well, it's reasonable.

I raised an eyebrow, "That's all? That's why you were trotting like a toddler sulking with a silly pout on?" I rolled my eyes, "You know we'll work on it, right. I don't intend to end anything between us just because we're gonna be in two different countries with different time zones and cultures. Of course, long-distance relationships are hard but that doesn't mean it's impossible. I know we can do it".

His uncertainty had diminished a little.

I hit his head chuckling, "Yah! We're not living in ancient times. This is the 21st century aka the technological era. With all the technology, do you think we'll miss each other? I mean physically maybe because we can't cuddle and all but I can see you and so can you. Besides remember what Charles Dickens had said" I widened my eyes giving my point and quoted coughing a little to get a deep voice, "The pain of parting is nothing compared to the joy of meeting again"

Still, that uncertainty remained in his doe eyes.

"Just imagine!" I faced the ceiling to spread my arms dramatically in the air, "After many years, we meet again, for real. Probably in an airport? I don't know," I shrugged and shook my head, "Anyway, when we meet the happiness we feel seeing each other and the thumping of the heart. Woah! It'll be like those dramas you love so much" I squealed like crazy hugging myself acting all shy to lighten his mood. Then I turned to him with wide eyes, "What'll you do when we meet again?"

He chuckled completely forgetting his distress only minutes before, "Isn't that obvious? Of course, I'll hug you tight and kiss the breath out of you" he smirked.

"Yah! I'll slam punch you if you do that in public," I threatened pointing a finger at him, "I don't want to be chased by your 30% crazy fans"

He bit that finger playfully causing me to retrace with a hiss, "It doesn't matter. You're gonna be mine anyway"

I smiled in victory when his eyes widened in realization.

I nodded, "Yes, that's right" I held his hand on his chest, "It doesn't matter because I'm already yours, Chim. You don't have to worry about the sorrow we'll have to face when we part or about the years we've to spent apart. Just think about that joyful feeling we'll experience when we reconcile again. When I meet my Chim and when you meet your star, " I winked poking his nose making him blink like a cute puppy.

"Yes," he nodded grazing my cheek with his knuckles, "When you meet your Chim and when I meet my star" he held my hand in his warm one and kissed my palm, "You'll wait for me, right? No matter what happens, you'll wait for me, right?" his pain and vulnerability showed cleary.

I brushed the hair out of his eyes with a smile, "I will. And wait for me too... I'll be there to see you~" I sang.

He smiled, "I'll come for you~"

"Until the days of spring~"

"Until the days of flower blossoms~"

"Please stay there a bit longer~" we finished it together with a smile.

We stared at each other without a word. I stared into his soul through his eyes that held the entire universe for me to explore. Those eyes were a blessing for me, for they are orbs that shine lights and make even the realization of what healing must happen... possible. He had eyes as open and honest as any child, warmth, and safety. At that moment I found my home, my place to find company when the cold winds blow...I could see wind-stirred waves in his eyes. If one were brave enough to enter their depths, all else would blur and you'd fall so deep in love that you'd choose to stay there, no matter what. Of that, I'm completely sure and I never in my life wanted to abandon those without measuring its depth.

[Slight Mature Content Ahead]

He suddenly tilted my chin to press his feverous lips onto mine. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling with my heart throbbing and bumping against my ribcage. I kissed him back with the same passion and love he held, not a penny less but certainly more. Our chest rose and fell with our rhythm and I could care less when he pulled me closer to him, our chest pressed against each other, hearts beating to a steady melody, breathes falling in an elegant dance. At that moment I knew I'll miss this. I'll miss the whole of him and a minuscule part of me was terrified of the idea of losing him, but I'm not ready to let go, ever.

He broke apart and opened his eyes staring directly into my soul. "I love you" flowed through his lips effortlessly causing my heart to do a double flip. He kissed me again now with a new pace. It was sweet yet passionate, with undesirable love. He was kissing me with a need to make me understand how much I mean to him and I knew it was not a mere act.

I cared even less when he hovered over my form and nibbled on my bottom lip causing me to let out a quiet whimper. His full lips fully enveloped my comparatively thin ones while his hands fastened around my hips and momentarily traced my cheeks along with my hair. My hands were tangled in his chocolate locks, constantly making a groan to escape him whenever my fingers brushed his scalp.

Somewhere in between our hot make-out session, his tongue deluded into my mouth. I'd gasped to the new feeling but got used to it when he caressed my cheeks, voluntarily saying it's alright, and he was not wrong. His hands entangled mine from his neck and guided me to touch him, which I was hesitant to do. I traced his hard muscles with the tip of my fingers and I could feel him tensing and releasing quiet moans into my lips implying that he enjoyed it.

Right when his hands hovered over the hem of my shirt, I got all my senses back and immediately came down from the heavenly feeling. It was hard to resist maybe because of the influence of the soulmate thing or the hot atmosphere in the room but I had to and I did.

I gently pushed him away placing a hand on his chest. He broke apart breathless with his lips red and swollen from all the kissing. His hair was a mess and his cheeks coated a deep shade of red making him cute and hot at the same time. He was tempting, dangerously very tempting. Unfortunately, this wasn't the right time.

I averted my eyes from him. "I-I think we should s-stop here...for now" I stuttered out.

He absentmindedly nodded, obviously flustered with all the things that happened seconds ago. He laid down beside me facing the ceiling with wide eyes while I was flushing myself with guilt when I saw the embarrassment and hurt flash in his eyes for a moment. I turned to face him but he was still on high I think, with his abnormal breathing. He was trying hard to steady his breathing.

I decided to take the matter into my hands by pulling him into an embrace to ease him. He shakily placed his hands around me and caressed my hair. I felt him coming back to his normal breathing rate before he scooted closer to me.

There was silence now and the guilty feeling inside me was not helping. It was too calm and serene to relax. Questions filled inside me regarding my predicament and decision. Was it too much? Will he be ashamed to talk to me anymore? Did I mess up? Did I hurt his feelings? Did I? Did I? Did I?

I groaned internally.

"Mia..." Jimin whispered his voice afar. I stiffened and waited for him to speak, "Did I perhaps...m-make you uncomfortable?" Oh no. "Sorry if I went too fa-"

"Jimin" I called warningly, "Whatever you're going to say, no"

I looked up to face his pained eyes. My entire being softened seeing his puffed-out cheeks and the distinct pout on his lips. I ran my fingers through his tousled hair to style it. He closed his eyes with contempt under my touch. I retraced my hand and grazed his cheeks resulting in him opening his grey eyes.

I smiled, "I'm more than comfortable with you, Chim. It's just...I wanted it to be real. Not an act with a paranormal effect on it. I want to do it with the real you" I cupped his cheek.

His doubts went away right at the instant those words left my mouth. He exhaled as if a heavy burden has been taken off from his shoulder. He smiled broadly and pulled me into his arms.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you," I whispered into his ear amidst the hug.

"No, you didn't," he pulled away to gaze at me with a smile. "I was disappointed a little but of course I'll respect your decision. I want it to be real too, Mia and I'm gonna wait for you. Please come quick, hm?"

"Thank you," I grinned, "I will"

"That's my girl" he ruffled my hair with a goofy smile. "Now, let's cuddle"

I giggled when he pulled me close to him, guiding my head on his chest. I sensed him kissing my forehead and lingering his lips on them for a couple of seconds more before retracing.

"Sleep tight. Holding me" his grip tightened. "Good night, my star"

"Good night, Chim" I smiled closing my eyes and immediately blacking out with exhaustion.

Two words broke the tranquility after a moment.

"I'm sorry"

Only if I knew...