Fighting (part 2)

George heard that comment and stabbed the knife he was holding,on the wooden counter and moved to the end of the kitchen so Eric could hear his reply loud and clear.

-Yeah,I knew.But what can I say? I was a baby that was dying and sharing my soul with you was the only way for me to survive.Don't forget others made the choice for me but if I had to make the choice for myself between you and death it would be one hell of a dilemma,I assure you!

George turned his back to Eric feeling an angry satisfaction that he finally was able to express his recent rage to him.The last few days have been a nightmare with Eric ignoring his calls,messages,texts. In other words,he refused to have any form of communication with George. All he wanted was a chance to clear this misunderstanding.Maybe it was about time for Eric to feel some agony as well.

The feeling of victory however ended all too quickly when he replayed the comment in his head. And he had to balance himself on the table because the feeling of guilt had already started to weigh down on him until it became so heavy that he collapsed on the floor sobbing.

He hadn't said that.It was in his head.He hadn't said it.He had controlled his rage,he hadn't lashed out like that.He hadn't said to the person he loved most in the entire world,more than his life,more than the fate of his soul ,that he was a forced necessity.By some miracle,he found the strength to rise up and literally run to the living room,wishing with all his might that Eric hadn't left.

Even though he felt he didn't deserve it,his prayers were heard and Eric was still lying down on the couch but the empty and pained look on his face almost made George fall down again but he somehow managed to land on his soul brother's knees.

-Eric,I'm so sorry.I didn't mean it.You know I didnt.I love you.Its true I can't detach myself from you but I don't want to.I was just angry but that doesn't justify my actions.I said you the worst thing that can be said between two soul brothers and it is unforgivable,I know.

Years.It took him years of trying to convince Eric that because he was banished didn't mean he was worthless.Nights upon nights talking to him,trying to help him deal with all his insecurities,helping him restore his real self confidence,not the facade he used to appear strong and prideful to others.Years trying to convince him that he wasn't simply a living problem,that despite his flaws,he mattered enough for anyone to fight to be close to him.

And he had destroyed it all.In a single minute.With a single monologue.All because he couldn't control his anger.Now,he was looking at Eric and was seeing the same person he first saw at age 20, roughly 20 years ago,when he first met Eric,although their first real meeting was during the soul exchange.A broken person.

George was willing to do it again.He was willing to help Eric heal all over again if that was what it took to get him back.But would Eric trust him again the way he used to? Would he confide in George like before? Or more was lost besides a smile?

-Life has proved that I knew the truth since the garden.

George's eyes darted up in fear when he heard Eric's words.He remembered their conversation in the garden of an old mansion years before and if Eric was still believing what he said then,then all was lost.

North France,George's mansion

George and Eric were both reading their books while sitting outside and enjoying the sun and clear skies of the French countryside.Suddenly Eric put his book down and started walking towards the estate's forest.George had enough experience by now to understand when Eric was having an attack of self hatred and was quick to follow him.

These attacks had become more frequent and more intense in the last couple of days.The day before yesterday, George found Eric slapping himself in front of a well.

So,George didn't waste any time putting his book down and running after Eric and found him shortly after, balancing himself on an oak while looking at its leaves bathing in the sun.

-There you are,Eric.Why did you run off like that?

-I was thinking of how many things in life we learn to like or convince ourselves that we like because we can change them or have not chosen them.Like this tree for example.It didn't choose where it was planted but it thrives here nonetheless.

-What do you mean,Eric?

-We are returning to Paris tomorrow.Our vacation is over.

-Yeah. We had a good time,didn't we?

Eric didn't answer and seemed to contemplate on what to say next.

-Maybe you should consider.....going alone on your next vacation?

-What? Why? You know I am not going anywhere without you, except if one of us is busy.Did something happen during our trip, Eric?

-You wasting your time on being my personal psychologist instead of enjoying yourself wasn't enough of a problem?

-No! We came here to relax and if that means that you allow yourself to express your insecurities and problems,then I will gladly repeat the trip next week.I want you to talk to me,Eric.Anytime.Anywhere.It means you are in pain but also that you are healing.

-It never bothers you? You have never imagined what your life would be like if you didn't need to be bonded to me? If you were free?

-Free from what? From you? Eric,I have told you before,my grandmother making me your soul brother was her choice but me staying here and fighting to be the best soul brother you could have is mine.

-I don't agree with you.I believe you have convinced yourself you had a choice to bear the truth easily.

George hugged Eric tightly

-I am here because I want to be here. If seeing you happy means I must sacrifice a few vacations,then I am happy the price is so low.You are not a problem,Eric and I most certainly are not trying to fool myself to withstand your presence.

Back to George's house

-No! No,you didn't, don't say that again.I was telling you the truth back then.What you heard minutes ago,was not the truth.It was an inexcusable burst of anger,full of lies.Im sorry,Eric,I will repeat it until you hear it in your sleep.Im sorry.I was so angry.You distanced yourself from me after the incident with Lily.You refused to talk to me and you simply believed an instagram post over me.You thought I would toy with your feelings and the ancient rituals of an entire class. You doubted me.You believed I had betrayed you in the worst possible way and it hurt,Eric.It hurt like crazy.And worst of all you used your work as an excuse to handle the distance between us.When I realized you hadn't even thought of the damage you had done to me,I snapped.

-Im here now.Tell me what happened.If you want.

-I want to but it's not the most important thing right now.Please,Eric,look me in the eyes and tell me you know I didn't mean it.

Eric indeed locked his pained gaze to George's anticipating eyes but didn't say a word and a second later, he looked away and that broke George in a way he didn't know it was possible,in a way that he felt that no secrets mattered anymore and a new wave of tears found his way to his eyes and sobbing he put his head on Eric's knee who continued to sit up straight looking ahead.

-The ring it was for you.I was planning to ask you to marry me as soon as you returned from your job.The first soul-brothers' marriage in millennia.I have no idea how it happened but I swear on my life,on our bond, that I didn't do it,I didn't propose to a woman.But none of this matters now.All I care is that I minimize the damage I just did.Marriage is a mere formality in our case.We can do it tomorrow,in 5 years,in 10 years,anytime you want

But what it can't wait for is your smile.Please,Eric,smile for me and show me that I didn't send you back to the abyss from which I struggled to save you.

Eric looked at him again and very slowly stood up,with George supporting him at first before Eric gently removed his hands from his shoulders and started walking alone towards the bedroom.George didn't follow him.

-I will bring you some soup later on.I put paprika in it which should help your energy system heal.

Eric neither answered nor smiled.