Lines of Devotion Part 3
/Astra pt 2\
Tossing and turning in bed as the sound of a ringing sound echoes through the apartment. Fumbling around searching for the phone I accidentally answered it before seeing who it was. I managed to glimpse at the time before speaking...jesus
"Hello...?"
"Astra...look I am sorry to call so late but."
Shit Dan which means that Cait ....
"Is she okay?... Where are you at."
"She took off and we can not seem to find her. I don't know what happened Astra I thought everything was fine we had a few drinks and then she broke down.."
" I will find her do not worry..."
"Astra I am really sorry to wake you up so late."
" It is fine you only call like this if it is an emergency I will call you back when I find her."
Without waiting I just hung up on him... god Cait why do you do this. Rushing to put on whatever clothes I could find I just rushed outside quickly...I took off in a Sprint towards her usual spots. This is my tenth time heading to look for Cait after getting woken up from a call. Why does she keep doing this to me and why do I keep running after her each time.
From the playground to the old Rec center they held a special place for us.... and was a spot for her to run to. Back in school we came here often before heading home, at the park was where I confessed for the first time.... Which means she must have gone back to that place damnit Cait. Forty minutes.... I have been running for forty minutes straight it feels. please let me find her soon I don't think I can take much more worrying....and just like that I heard her voice stopping me dead in my tracks. She came here again...Damnit Cait.
"Cait...come on you are going home now."
"Hey Astraaaa... I had fun tonight."
God you are wasted...
You never called me Astra and as if this night could not get worse...
"Hey Astra hands off my date we are not done partying do not be a spoil sport."
" Yeah Astraaaa don't be a spoil sport...haha"
I did not like her in highschool an I hate her even more now guess she does not learn...or do I not understand....
" I told you to stay the hell away from her Joy...Cait come on let's go home"
I was not the perfect child and I was never the best friend to those around me. I was always distant back in highschool...but Joy ran track with me so I knew her record with the girls and boys in school....but Cait just did not listen to my warnings.... history loves repeating it seems but I again could not hold back.... I just reacted. When she touched me I drowned her voice out and struck out as hard as I could.....damnit Astra you was not suppose to fight anymore....I just won't let her toy with Cait again.
" This is just like highschool Joy I told you stay the hell away from her... If I see you again I swear it will be worse then what I did in highschool for you....."
God why did I do that was it my adrenaline or jealousy. I swore I left that side of me in the past, but I will never forgive her. Maybe it's a lot of things causing me to react like this....god it hurts I have not been in fights since highschool and that familiar pain from hitting something just came back.
"Ash...are we home yet"
" Almost Cait just rest I have you.."
Carrying someone on the back was easier then dragging them especially since she is so light. I didn't even bother locking my door shit...Better put her down on my bed and take care of my hand. Looking at how peaceful she was sleeping it's as if the pain and sting in my hand was forgotten. Taking a shower was the only thing I wanted to do maybe I could calm down finally.... Why her Cait you should have known better so why...I really hate beating myself up like this but of all the people she went back to...Joy is the reason Cait rejected my confession back then, well mostly because I was to late..... If she had not ignored my warnings about her and just accepted my confession I could have saved her from all this...I sound so petty...maybe if I had not done what i did to Joy i could have brought Cait back to me.. Shit waters cold.
Slipping out from the shower throwing on the same clothes i managed to dry my hair before heading back to the bedroom. She was still asleep thankfully ....I just want to protect you but I don't know how to protect you from yourself Cait....
Slipping beneath the blankets I cradled her close to me without disturbing her... But I should have known better..
"I messed up again...."
She was way to honest when she got drunk like this...god what do I do.
'Yeah you did....but I'm here..."
"You won't hate me right.....I am sorry."
That same question has been asked so many times and I still hate hearing it.
" Never Cait....I love you to much to hate you..."
She wouldn't remember my words like all the other times...all my words where like on repeat as I said this to her while she was never gonna remember them in the morning... So I can keep to the line i drew... Nothing will change and she won't remember so I can stay by her side and stay devoted to her...
"Sorry...."
When I woke up she was already gone, nothing has changed I guess.....I should let Dan know either way..
"Hey Astra everything ok, did you find Cait.?"
" Yeah she is fine....I"
" What's wrong .?"
"Nothing just wanted to let you know she is safe. Tell Jean I said hi I have to get ready for my run."
" How long?."
"Huh?."
"Running how long can you keep running. You know you should talk to her this won't go away easily."
"Yeah.....I know but I am really good at running take care."
God I never hung up so fast before but if I didn't he would have heard me crying. Even though I faked a smile for so long....I am just sitting here crying...he is right but I was built to run and fight....Maybe I just have everything in the wrong order but I don't know what else I could do..... I fight to keep her safe while running away...I need air.
The jog from my apartment through the town i circled around a few times....i think it took nearly three hours before I finally stopped to catch my breath.....
"Astra?.."
God has a sense of humor today or is this just my luck in life...I wanted to avoid everyone today I am not ready.
"Hey Gina what are you doing here.?"
"Uh breakfast before work and I would ask you the same but...."
Dripping in sweat I felt every place her eyes traveled. I swear she was examining a map the way she took me in. The heat that began rising up was not from the run that's for sure...
" Uh yeah gym sounds good I could use some extra workouts today."
"Well drink this and I will finish breakfast then we can jog back to the gym....So what happened?"
What happened when?...I had no idea that I forgot.
"The hand is swollen a bit...Did you not notice ?"
God I really am a map to her.
" Oh this.... I accidentally hit it on the table this morning. Guess the run made me forget."
"Well I'm sure that table will say you have a mean right hook...Alright come on let's head on over to the gym."
She saw right trough me guess I just really suck at lying. I am not even sure why I agreed to go to the gym...something just said go and I went...Guess it does not help when I stare at her body so obviously.
" So why don't you take a seat in the locker room first and I will find some ice for that hand"
" Sounds good and thanks."
Once I took a seat on the bench it felt so good to be off my feet for sure...but lost in thoughts I did not even hear her enter.... Putting the ice on my hand felt good at least how did I forget to take care of my hand last night...and then a surprise I was not expecting....I didn't expect her to touch my legs like that jumping a little startled me but her touch was soothing.....it has been a while.
"Sorry you looked like you could use a massage...the run was a little overboard figured you could use some help."
" Sorry.... yeah I just got lost in thought so I kept running till exhaustion hit.....mm that does feel good though."
"Well instead of a routine take it easy and after my shift we could go to a bath house nearby. The steam will help you relax more then this message for sure."
"Yeah but you have a magic touch....."
Shit I just blurted that out without even thinking and it earned me a laugh from Gina. I could see her getting shy at the compliment.
" Well I won't deny that.. i mean my fingers do work magic. It is a gift."
God why did she have to be so smooth with it. Thankfully I was spared embarrassment as people started shuffling in for morning routines.
"You can head into my office till I'm done. The sofa is comfy it may help you relax."
"Thanks Gina..."
Heading towards the office I felt my legs burning... I guess I did really push myself to hard. Dan why did you have to say that.....I really can not keep running can I...Laying on this sofa was really comfy...i think I may fall asleep before the tears come again.....