Loving (the Idea of) Him

Do you ever..have feelings for someone?

Have you ever thought about..having a life with that person?

Maybe a nice movie night, midnight cuddles or maybe...-

Maybe just the idea of being with them.

I don't know if I love him or not.

But for him, I'll hide it for a while until I see opportunity.

I'll go to sleep, think of how to start the conversation and hope for the best!

Even if I miss my shot..I'll just be in love with the idea of loving him.

My heart doesn't race but instead changes it's beat. The tempo of the drums go faster and my body just...my body will shut down.

I'll dream the dream of having a life that everyone dreams of..Right?!

Can he promise me..to love me even if I laugh when he has bad news?

Can he stay up with me until I fall asleep?

It's not an obsession it's just the thought.

If he just wants to be friends, that's fine.

I will go back into my hoodie and give him the biggest smile.

I can laugh in pain and use it as an excuse to leave the room.

"It wasn't even that funny"

It was my heart stepping out of place.

She's already mad so, I'll call in the afternoon when she allows me to wake up.

My head might hurt but it's worth spending time with the people I love.