Coined ~ (Diary Entry #3)

"And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.

He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death."

[Revelations 21: 6-8]

Hello,

Jaded. Tricked. Duped into thinking one way so that wickedness could thrive. I feel like such a fool. It is no wonder why this emptiness is so consuming. It is no mystery as to why I am so stiff and consistent. The lies I've been fed by those I trusted so dearly. The thoughts I have clinged to everyday. It sucks. Wow, it really sucks.

So, what now? How can I make up for all of the mistakes that I have made? The false sense of confidence I proudly carried? Dead. More dead than stabbing a fish in the head and watching it stop moving. There is not a single soul to count on. Not as many as I falsely believed. Who do I call? Where should I go? What can I do? How much can I do? ...Is it too late for me?

Well, I am alive. There is time ticking on the clock. I possibly could try. Maybe I won't be so ready today, tomorrow, or even the next week. But still, tis something. The lines have become so blurred that I can barely see what has been crossed. If honesty is the best policy, then, where is it? Since You are the truth, should that notion not be accepted broadly by all of existence? Because if it is not...then...

Ugh, I am confused. Frazzled. Scared. All it can take is one moment to change a life. To light a fire underneath and fuel the drive to keep pushing through. But, then there's being forced to a halt. Stuck in limbo for a while without a clear sign of how to escape. And I should say to search for a compass and use it to discover a new pathway. But, maybe sometimes...it takes moving a step forward despite not knowing what is destined to occur. Where you are going to go and why. I don't know You very well. I haven't spent much time getting to. But, now I am here. And if You can hear me loud and clear, I'm lost. I need help. Please come and save me.

Sincerely,

Writer