Chapter 4

She looked into my eyes, with an expression of disgust and confusion.

Not confusion but rather... uncertainty.

It was written all over her face, she was clearly uncertain what she is going to do now.

I can't blame her.

"A pervert who was waiting to assault a woman in a toilet." is what she must have thought.

In her situation, I probably would shout for help, or maybe try to fight the criminal, in this case being me.

She was a slim girl so fighting me was out of question.

Not that I am strong or something.

She had just no fighting will... I guess?

The only answer would be then, screaming.

Not a bad solution, yeah.

But I would be in trouble.

Some reaaally serious trouble.

Actually, I take that back.

Bad solution.

With hand signs, I tried to signalize her, that I had no bad intent at all.

My hands went up and down, back and forth... I was waving frantically, like a mime trying to express something.

Looking back, this probably did not help in any way.

She kept starring at me, now even more uncertain.

No, this time it was confusion.

I definitely looked like a clown in this situation.

"Please do not cry? If we talk this out... you would surely understand this misunderstandi-"

"ahahahahahahha", she burst out laughing

"AHAHAHHAHAH--HAHAHAHA"

Now it was me who was confused.

In fact my face was speaking for itself.

I was visibly confused.

After all this girl who was in a, in theory, dangerous situation, started to laugh with tears in her eyes.

"Eh-?"

"Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh?"

"Is something wrong?" I politely asked

This was surely not the type of question to ask in this situation

I had a feeling that something really troublesome would happen now.

And my gut feeling proofed me right...

... something troublesome was bound to happen.

***

"No-No... nothing... aaahahaaahahahah" she replied with a peal of laughter.

"Er- No... I mean- Are you not scared?

"HAHAHAHHA... scared, you say?"

"Pshhhhhh! Please don't be so loud!" I whispered.

"No of course not... Well maybe when you grabbed my mouth I was kinda disgust, in fact, I'm still disgusted"

I knew it.

I'm done for.

I'm going to be accused of sexual harassment.

"But there is no way I would feel scared of a guy who still has some toilet paper hanging leaking out! And then your mimics? What are you? A clown?"

"Don't worry I won't tell anyone you were here, living out whatever fetish you have. As long as you don't tell anyone I was here, either. "

What a relief, she won't tell anyone.

Wait-

Did she say toilet paper?

I looked down and realized that there was still some leftover toilet paper.

I turned bright red.

"You got this wrong... I- I wanted only-"

"Yeah sure sure, Mr. pervert", she said.

"Please this is a serious misunderstanding! Can we talk about this?"

Ironic.

I who did not have any kind of attachment to this world was embarrassed.

Quite embarrassed actually.

The girl walked towards the door and tilted her head back to me.

"I have nothing to say, you fetishist."

"Wai-!"

She has already walked out of the toilet.

"..."

"She does know how to use her words to precisely hurt people, huh?", I thought.

"...Fetishist? If she would have at least tried to understand what happened.

"What an idiot..."

***

I once again woke up in the hospital room I was staying.

"So it did happen?", as soon as I opened my eyes, these were the thoughts that crossed my mind.

"I could have at least asked for her name to find her and clear this misunderstanding..."

"..."

"Probably better to not bother her any more than I already did..."

I was constantly thinking of her.

Why did she decide to not sell me off?

Why was she able to laugh so carefree, despite being in a hospital?

Moreover, despite being in an endangered situation.

But there was solely one major significant point that made me keep thinking of her.

Not her attitude nor her laughter.

Something rather insignificant, which was for me clearly not.

Her beautiful, yet bizarre eyes.

I did not know why that kept nagging on me.

It just didn't let go of me.

These eyes just kinda felt...

...warm and familiar.

"Whatever", I reached out my hand to the ceiling, imagining myself grabbing that lightbulb.

"Need to avoid her. Don't want to cause too much trouble, before my discharge."

"Here are some people in need of rest, after all."

At the same time, a nurse entered my room, to check up on me.

"If I still had the common sense", I heard her saying to her fellow colleague.

"I am still in the room, you know? Even mental stable right now.", I thought to myself.

"But I really don't know what I will do if you keep talking bad about me behind me... I'm unstable after all"

The nurses looked back at me as if I was talking to them.

"I-I'm sorry"

Oh.

Guess I just said that out loud.

Well whatever, at least they won't bother me as much anymore.

"I'm joking... just joking... ahaahahaha"

"ahahahahah" they replied "Sir? We would like to do some examinations on your body."

"Uhmm, yeah sure"

I wanted to ask them if they knew a girl with two different eye colors.

I wasn't sure if they knew her, nor if they are allowed to tell me who she is.

"Ermm...", I hesitated "Do you know someone with uhmm two different eye colors? She is also hospitalized here if I'm not mistaken. I don't know her name bu-"

"No."

She answered dry and fast like a gunslinger's duel.

A straight "No".

"You sure? I'm pretty sure she is he-"

"No there is no such a person here. Even if there was, we are not allowed to give you such information."

"I-Is that so?... Ok then"

That's what I thought.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to confirm her existence.

But without a doubt, it did happen.

Last night, I mean.

***

Days passed and I did not see her again.

I was not searching or something...

...but maybe hoping for a lucky encounter?

The Doctors said that my state of mind was stable and only needed to rest my body more.

I was feeling fine, my body was intact.

Probably doctor's caution.

I was hit by a damn truck after all.

Hospitals often have some community activities for patients, right?

And so does this one.

In order to do something against my boredom, I participated some times in these activities.

And man, let me tell you something.

It was boring.

All they did, was watching movies or playing some Board games.

And of course-

- my old man's movies were not missing.

So I stopped participating.

Some people would refer to this as "childish" and yes it was indeed childish behavior.

But I was a teenager at this point, with some serious educational problems.

My father did basically neglect my existence and my Mom passed away while I was young.

Watching the movies made by my father as if he keeps rubbing under my nose that I'm worthless scum, did definitely not help me with my "Trauma".

This "Trauma" was also reinforced, by the fact that I was staying in the exact same hospital in which my mother passed away.

Tell me, is this really a childish behavior, or rather just a teenager who had no one and did not know what to do with his own life?

So in the end, all I did was going to the hospital library and read some novels.

Yes, a hospital library. I was lucky to have such a facility in a hospital, which fulfilled my needs.

I read many things.

Fantasy novels, Romance novels, Sci-fi novels... basically everything that had a title and cover which sounded and looked at least a bit interesting.

One night, I was staying again in this library, this time reading a Japanese novel, called "More longer human".

It was a good read.

So good that I couldn't stop reading it and eventually fell asleep.

In my sleep, I had a vision of my Mom singing me to bed, with the same song she sung to me every night.

"One mischievous little woodpecker

Another day, pecking your holes

Ruining the woods, tree wrecker

The angry old forest god turned your poor beak into a poisoned knife

Poor little woodpecker

Your nesting holes are all tainted, your food with toxins rife

Touch your friends, and they all will die falling at your feet

Oh, sad little woodpecker

Poisonous tears, shining brightly, as they stream down your cheeks"

Looking back this was a really brutal and disturbing lullaby.

Especially for a 4 years old boy.

But it was all I had and all I could remember, except her warm embrace.

The only thing I could cherish...

I opened my eyes and felt the tears running down my face.

"Ah...I slept...", I thought

"Wish I could hear that song one more time..."

A foolish desire, which would be impossible to occur.

But you know what?

Nothing is impossible in life.

Love is not only given by solely one person but rather given by many people and accepted by someone.

And that someone was no one other than...

...me.

Something that I had yet to understand.

You may ask yourself if this is important?

It may not be important for you.

But for me, it was all I was clinging to.

And this desire would soon come true...