Chapter 2: Alika

It's rough. Extremely rough. Growing up it's always been just me and my mom. My father was killed when I was only a little girl. He was wrongly accused of grabbing and abusing a white woman. It was not a jury of his "peers" nor was it a fair trial. It was an execution. They had predestined his fate before he stepped into the court room; because of his skin color and because of his activism. It isn't right when man tries to play God. They crush the seeds of trees that still had so much growing left to do.

I spend a lot of time reading and in my thoughts. When I get the time that is. "Alika!" my mother yells for me from kitchen. I walk into the kitchen and smile when I see my beautiful mama. She has always taught me to forgive and to be kind. Her smile is what always keeps me going. For us. My mom is completely deaf in her left ear and partially in her right. Her speaking voice is beautiful, but we both learned ASL at a young age in order to communicate more effectively. We were both lucky to learn at all. There are hardly any good colored schools in Georgia and even less good schools for the deaf. My best friend Violet's mom is a deaf teacher; her and my mom taught me ASL.

My mom smiles when she sees me and signs to "come sit and eat breakfast Alika." I sit down, say my grace, and thank her for making this for me. My mom was brought up in the church and always found it important for me to be apart of the church as well. We go there every Sunday and listen to the worship. It's one of my safe spaces. I get up to put my plate in the sink and look around the fridge for a drink. I see.. orange juice? I close the fridge and sign to my mom "When did you get this?" "I wanted to surprise my beautiful daughter with something to make her day" I smile, grab it out the fridge and pour some into me and her glasses.

Afterwards, I raise a toast and sign "to us".

As my mother raises her glass to mine and lets the sweet juice travel down her throat, my eyes begin to shimmer and tears cloud my vision. Thankfully she doesn't see me, but her small acts of kindness make my year not just my day. Me and my mom are tight on money. After my father died and my mom Adana's hearing gradually got worse, she could no longer support us. Luckily, I was able to finish high school and didn't have to drop out. I took on 3 jobs but lost 2 last summer. I wipe my eyes and smile at my mom.

"My beautiful daughter, that's why you're named Alika you know." "Yes I know you tell me all the time mama and I love you for it." I sign to my mom "the phones ringing" and stand up from the table to grab it. I quickly pick up the phone before it's last ring "Hello?"

"Yes, Morning to ya is this Miss.. Alika?" "Yes this is her" I say. I was hoping this was the second job I applied for calling.

I had applied to work for a local bookstore near me. The bookstore is white only but my job at the grocery store is not enough to provide for us at this point.

"Well.. miss Alika I got your letter and I assume you know this IS a whites only bookstore correct?" "Yes Mister I know I won't be any trouble now, I just need this job for me and mom." "Well then Miss Alee- or however you pronounce it you're hired. But I hear one bad thing and you're out understand? I assume from the contents of your letter you're well behaved." "Yes, Yes sir I am thank you...when do I start?" "You can start this afternoon at 3:30. Be on time. Bye, Bye now" "Bye sir"

I put down the phone and sneer. Well behaved? Him, just like most people in this town see negro people as dogs. When they find out we're trained dogs they almost jump for joy. I check the clock and its 1. I still have to get dressed and shower! I walk quickly back into the kitchen and sign to my mom that I got the job and have to get ready for work. She's excited for me but I don't have time to indulge in her excitement. I rush into the bathroom and to get ready.

After blow-drying and pulling back my hair into a bun I'm finished. I put on a little makeup and pull a maid uniform out of the closet. I iron it as best I can and slip it over me. My mom tried to make it as big as she could but it still hugs my curves in a few places. She picked up sewing and became an herbalist after not being able to be hired. She sells her herbs to family friends and church members because it helps with their hair. I'm grateful to have the products because in the eyes of those hiring its deemed "unprofessional" for my hair to be unkempt and I can not afford to lose another job.

I kiss my mom's cheek goodbye and she signs me I love you and until we meet again. I say the same in response and head out the door.

My mom loves to tell me "until we meet again" rather than goodbye. She thinks goodbye symbolizes a chapter closing for her and that person. She says everyone deserves an open chapter until the day she dies. I choose to keep everyones chapters open as well. As hard as it might be sometimes.

Consumed with thoughts of my mothers' words, I don't even notice that I've arrived at SMITH'S , until I almost run straight into the door. "Get it together please Alika" I say to myself. I enter through the back and slowly make my way to the owner. Mr. Smith is sitting casually at his desk read the daily paper. I tap gently on the desk to make him aware of my presence.

Mr. Smith looks at me and exclaims, very loudly I might add, "READ the sign girl, if you can read that is, it says WHITE'S only." His tone scares me. I had not planned on bringing ANY unwanted attention to myself. But to be honest, his ignorance his irritating me. Begrudgingly I mumble,  "But sir, I really need this job and over the phone you said I could start today. I.. won't be in anyone's way now- I just can do the cleaning." Mr. Smith takes time to process what I'm saying and then suddenly calls a young man by the name of Anthony out from behind the shelves. Apparently, he was watching us.

To be honest I've never laid my eyes on a young white man in my life. All the white men I have encountered are older and I'm not fond of them. I try to keep distance from white people in general but I soften my gaze slightly watching this.. Anthony. I don't let him see the softness and turn my head back to the ground.

His skin is slightly tan with a hint of rose across his cheeks. His eyes are sea blue and he has deep brown hair with a bit of a curl to it. He looks about 6 foot 6 foot 1 inch. He is lean and but still muscular..not bulky. His jaw is chiseled and he has the whitest teeth I've ever seen. His lips are a soft pink and slightly full. He is wearing a green dress shirt with cuffs on the sleeves that expose his muscular frame. His beige pants are pleated and he is wearing a simple brown belt around them. His clothes fit him as if they're made for him. Good God he's entrancing. I feel dumb for being so infatuated with this man and turn my attention back to my conversation with Mr. Smith.

Mr. Smith has decided to leave the decision of me staying at this job to this man. I am extremely nervous about the fate of my livelihood being left up to whoever this is but thank the Lord he says I can stay.

Anthony leads me to the back shortly after Mr. Smith leaves. "What's your name miss?" I pull at my skirt a bit. "My name is Alika." I'm wary of talking with him. I'm not here to make friends or be seen with him. "My name is Anthony it's nice to meet you" he smiles and reaches his hand out to shake mine. "How easy it must be to have that freedom" I think to myself. I tell him I can not grab his hand. If a customer were to see us touch I could be fined or arrested. He seems to curse himself and drops his hand. "Im glad to be met, but thank you.. for earlier" I say. I am unwilling to let down my guard for a pretty face. But I am grateful to him for helping me to keep my job. He directs me to the supplies cabinet and says I can keep my cleaning to the back. I nod and hurry off to grab the materials. I make it through the day with relatively little to no issue. At 10 minutes till closing Anthony goes over my payment and sends me home with receipts and documents. My eyes find his again as his strong hands graze mine to give me my papers. I'm speechless truly.

Hoping he didn't notice I quickly tell him "Until we meet again Sir" and leave out the back.

A mile into my walk I stop to gaze at the clouds. I don't usually but the sky reminds me of Anthony's eyes a bit today. Thanking God for the view, I go to carry on and then I'm stopped. Three white men, all extremely large circle me. Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest I assume. They look slightly older than me but not by much. One of them snakes behind me and his lips graze my neck. "Look what we got here boys one of em' coloreds."

"She's pretty for a colored girl ain't she Joe" "Yes she is." As they're all conversing with each other I'm absolutely revolted. His lips are dry and I'm praying to God they step the hell away from me. The other two watch in complete satisfaction as , Joe I figure, slips his hands over my legs and under my uniform. I pull from him and he's able to grab me back by my bun. "We have a fighter here it seems."

The other two chuckle and Joe roughly bites my neck. I scream but I'm able to kick him where I know it hurts. My foot launches in between his legs and I dash off. "You'll pay for that bitch!" he screams in pain. I was a runner in high school and I'm quickly able to outrun them. They try to keep up with me for a mile or so but eventually get lost. Once I see they are no longer behind me I fall to my knees in the dirt and scream. My scream is so loud the birds around me scatter and I am left alone. I don't want to have to explain this to mama. I don't want to have to run for my life. I don't want to have to see them again. Hate and anger rises in me and I find myself being mad at Anthony for something he hasn't done. " Goodbye, Anthony". I wish I could be more like my mama but I can not leave chapters open for people like this/ like him anymore. Regardless of how kind he was to me." Goodbye" I say again and keep walking home as the pouring rain masks my tears.