Our father would be the head of the family when my grandfather gave up control. My parents had us at an early age, my mother was only seventeen when she had Mikael and my father was barely two years older. They weren't ready yet for the responsibility that parenthood entails, nor were they ready to take on the grandfather's job, much less to take responsibility for both.
__ The grandfather decided to stay ahead for him, he did what was best for the family. Thirteen years later I was born, things had not changed much, my father did not want to take charge, but being the only child he did not have a choice. Many partners were unhappy with him and he was already making enemies by the time I was five years old. After many discussions with the grandfather he decided to accept, but only if it was after he returned from the anniversary trip he had planned for my mother. They just didn't come back, they even made it to the airport, they were intercepted on the way.
God, it's horrible and seeing her pain in telling it makes it even worse. Gabriella was only five years old when her parents were taken from her, just a few younger than me. The lump that forms in my throat keeps growing like it's not planning to stop until I explode.
__ At the same time they attacked our house, Mikael had returned from school, we were playing in the garden when the shooting started. At the same time, the wall protecting the surroundings broke on the south side, raising a large cloud of dust from the explosion. Following that, several cars began to enter through the opening and armed men got out of them to the teeth. Seriously Suhaila, I have never seen so many weapons in my life __. Gabriella squeezes one of the pillows against her chest very tightly as if that protects her from the memories. It is devastating to look at it.
__ Mikael took me in his arms and ran inside, took me to my room and left me on the floor to open the closet and ask me to hide there and not make noise. I couldn't stop crying, all I wanted was my parents. I wanted the noise to stop, for everything to stop.
__ After he left leaving two men looking after me, everything was worse. I could see through the slits how the guards moved restlessly from one side to the other, the bullets sounding closer and closer, until one of them raised the revolver by removing the safety.
__ That little click is still in my mind as if it were now that I hear it. The other guard who was looking out the window slowly turned around. He was even able to formulate the first word, the weapon detonated causing the bullet to hit his forehead. I couldn't scream, I wanted to, but I couldn't, nothing came out.
__ I closed my eyes, she was small, but I knew what that meant, I heard her footsteps echoing in the wood, one after another approaching me. Opening them slightly, I looked at my hands and squeezed my toy tighter. The sun's rays entered through the slits, making visible the specks of dust that fluttered in the air, until his body covered everything, leaving me submerged in darkness. I closed them again with more force, I felt the handle give with a slow movement, I stood there waiting, waiting for it to pass.
His voice fades at that moment, his eyes are still closed and the pillow is compressed between his hands, but there is no pressure on it, only the weight they provide. So I know.
__ Mikael __ managed to whisper swallowing the urge to cry.
__ I hadn't noticed it, but there were no more noises. Just an almost deafening silence that was broken by one last blast.
Gabriella sits on the bed, now giving me a better view of her face soaked from the tears that had been trickling down her sides. Now they lowered freely and untethered, glinting off their hazelnuts.
__ I had never told anyone __ he whispers almost inaudibly.
I stretch my arms until I find her and pull her towards me wrapping her in my chest, it is illogical, but I try to cover her as if with that I could protect her from the pain. I know I can't, but I try to. A sob escapes him squeezing my blouse between his fingers, he hides in the hollow of my neck releasing all the pain that he has hidden from the world.
__ I miss them __. This is how a soul sounds when it breaks for the thousandth time, a being that should only exude joy and its only suffering should be, not being able to go for a walk because of punishment.
But in the world there is an evil, one that lives in the hearts of people, does not distinguish or flinch before the innocence of a child when he wants to satisfy his hunger. I know him well, I have seen his face more than once.
Without knowing why, I look up at the door. A tall, muscular body, impeccably well dressed, stands in the doorway, staring at us. His face does not show the slightest feeling, nor does it reflect the slightest thought. It is as if he is empty, as if in every part of his skin, in every corner of his soul, there is only the most absolute darkness wrapped in emptiness.
Nothing gives him life, hell is his food and his flames call you to wake him up from his intense black eyes.
Mikael Bernardi is hell.
Without further ado, he turns away into the corridor, leaving the echo of his footsteps as the only proof of his presence.
____ 💛💛💛 ____
I get out of the shower and dry my hair, I slide into the closet taking the first thing I see in my hands. A simple dress that falls with a wide skirt down to my knees. The square cut fits my chest without showing too much of my skin, the fear of showing my body is something that is still rooted in my guts, like bad grass to the earth. I don't think that will ever go away, if I'm honest with myself.
I leave closing the door without looking at myself or in the mirror, it's not that I'm interested in what I find in it, the truth is that it even scares me. The girl who looks back at me is too strange in my eyes, sad if I recognize myself in her. My cheeks are fuller because of the hunger that I no longer suffer, a small pinkish blush decorates my cheeks, it is due to the sun that caresses me in the morning when I go out to the balcony. My skin no longer looks pale and sickly, it feels softer from all those flower-scented foamy creams.
For a change, the mansion is quiet, normally at this time only part of the staff is working. Many must be getting ready and others sleeping. I don't know what it must feel like to sleep in the morning, long ago my body got used to waking up at an early hour and although the leisure of my days is what reigns, I cannot get to be in bed after the sun rises.
I get to the main corridor next to the stairs and I sit on the shelf that days ago was decorated by a flower arrangement and that now the staff has moved to another place, this being my usual place. From here I have the perfect view to look at the entrance and with it the security shift changes. Like every day, Royer arrives on time rubbing his nose due to the allergy caused by the morning fog. Together with Rafael, he greets the two men who are attentive at their posts. After a few words they leave to enter their bedroom through the service entrance until nightfall and their shift begins again.
Every day is the same, the same people, the same routine. There is never a variant in the staff that takes care of the house, I have been giving it back for days. Gabriella's story does not leave my mind, it hurt as if it were firsthand to hear it. See his rudeness displaced by the most absolute fragility, his harsh character being vanished by the streams of tears that did not stop emanating from his hazelnuts.
At least now I have some things clear and little by little some pieces are taking shape. That man who wanted ... I even dare to formulate it. That man who was about to shoot her as a child was working for them, must have been trustworthy when Mikael, at that time, left him in her care in the middle of the shooting. If I have learned anything in all the years I have spent at the Korkmaz mansion, it is that only the strictly trustworthy and the most capable personnel are designated to the residence. He was a trustworthy man and they still managed to reach him, through bribery or blackmail, but they came and it almost cost her her life.
That explains why shift changes with the same men always, always at the same time. Not to mention that from what I have observed in these weeks, none of them have had a day off. As I learned from the gossip in the kitchen, whenever they travel there are never days off. Mikael and Gabriella are from Italy, that is their native country and their employees always come with them anywhere. Unless they are in Italy, leaving the territory is prohibited.
Something smart, that prevents information from being leaked or any of them from being bribed. His staff are totally trustworthy and just for good measure, every corner of the house has cameras, both inside and outside, including motion detectors and God knows what else.
__ For God's sake!, you never sleep.
__ Hello penguin __. Esteffan exhales in frustration, he's too polite to roll his eyes.
__ You should find something to entertain yourself __. He turns taking the first steps in the direction of the kitchen.
Automatically I get up and follow him __. Give me a stick and a broom and truthful how you get rid of me.
__ Not to mention __ sentence looking at me in horror as if I had just blasphemed in a thousand religions.
__ Esteffan I am a slave, I have spent more than half of my life scrubbing floors and dusting __. This conversation is getting repetitive at some point every day __. What else do you expect me to entertain.
__ I don't know, but I won't let you do any of that __. He opens the door holding it for me to pass with his usual helpful air __. So now you will see what it does to kill your free time.
__ Insensitive __ I sentence crossing my arms.
I never thought I missed work, sitting idly is definitely not my thing. Being here with nothing to do is the worst torture. Mornings pass me agonizingly until Gabriella finishes her virtual classes.