Chapter 45 I Miss You

Guozhao Zhiqiang sat on the porch with his feet dangling on the edge of the porch, with two small pots of wine beside him. Guozhao Zhiqiang held the third jar in his right hand, leaned forward, and looked down at the town. Tomorrow will be the first day of the Mid-Autumn Festival, so the town is brighter than usual with lanterns.

Guozhao Zhiqiang could smell Deming's scent from a distance. Deming stood behind Guozhao Zhiqiang, Guozhao Zhiqiang sighed and asked, "Why are you here?"

Deming stood behind him, his voice harsher than usual. "Are you free to talk now?"

Guozhao Zhiqiang didn't look at Deming and said, "You should be asleep by now."

Deming said, "There are too many things inside my head that I can't fall asleep."

Guozhao Zhiqiang asked, "What do you need to talk about?" He took a sip of wine.

Deming walked onto the porch and sat beside Guozhao Zhiqiang. He said, "You left without telling me. I was worried about you. I ran around every day trying to figure out where you went."

Guozhao Zhiqiang took a sip of wine and said, "Ah Bao, Ah Qiu, and Xiao Mei have told me."

Deming scoffed, "You knew?" He glared at Guozhao Zhiqiang frantically.

Guozhao Zhiqiang, "Mm." He took a sip of wine.

After learning that Guozhao Zhiqiang knew that he was looking for him, Guozhao Zhiqiang did not come to him, but hid to make Deming even more angry. Also, the hug and intimacy between him and Yang Chuntao, made Deming more angry.

Deming's voice trembled with anger, "You know I'm looking for you. Why didn't you come to see me when you got back?"

Guozhao Zhiqiang, "I already told you, I have something urgent to attend."

Deming glared at him angrily, "If my memories served me right. Nothing in your life is more important than me." He looked at Guozhao Zhiqiang. He hates to know that Guozhao Zhiqiang's eyes are no longer looking at him. "Is it because of this body?"

Guozhao Zhiqiang did not answer and continued to drink.

Deming asked, "So, you said that even if my appearance changed, you would still love me, is that true?"

Guozhao Zhiqiang, "It's true."

Deming asked madly, "Why don't you look at me?"

Guozhao Zhiqiang sighed and grabbed another jar of wine.

Deming madly kicked the jar of wine off the porch and shouted wildly, "Answer me?"

Guozhao Zhiqiang said, "Because I know my Deming died long ago, you are not my Deming." He continued to sip his wine. "My Deming, he, had a hard life. We had the same pain. We made a promise to each other to make good memories together." He stood up and looked at Deming. "When I saw how happy you were, I realized I had no right to take your happiness away. Everyone deserves a second chance, and you deserve the same."

Deming was both shocked and hurt. His lips were trembling, and his eyes were wet, "You chose to let me know about this today, because you know very well that your lover Hu Dingxiang will be here tomorrow." He gritted his teeth. "If you want to chase after Hu Dingxiang, you don't need to beat around the bush, be a man and say it directly."

Guozhao Zhiqiang, "Hu Dingxiang is not my Deming, I have no reason to pursue him."

Deming couldn't hold back his anger any longer and roared, "That's your excuse. You know very well in your heart that the person you have always loved is Hu Dingxiang. Therefore, you never wanted to avenge my death. You cowardly hid inside Cloud City these past three years." His voice grew louder. "You did all this to protect him, and you chose to do it knowing that your actions would hurt me. Guozhao Zhiqiang! I hate you! I shouldn't have left Haven Mountain to come here to find you. Everything you and Hu Dingxiang did was just to hurt me."

Guozhao Zhiqiang stood up and hugged Deming tightly. He said, "Deming, this has nothing to do with Hu Dingxiang. Today, with or without Hu Dingxiang, no one is more important to me than you."

Deming held back his tears, "I was Deming a few days ago, so today I am not your Deming. Tell me​​, do you still want me by your side?"

Guozhao Zhiqiang said, "I want you by my side, but I can't have you by my side." With a heart that was about to break, he felt that his throat squeezed even harder by his own greed. He knew that Deming is his weak spot, and those greedy hunters had no problem targeting Deming's life just for a small chance to hurt him. The longer Deming stood before him, the weaker his heart would become again, and sooner or later his greed would drag Deming into a dangerous world full of greedy hunters. Deming's beautiful smile would fade again. "When I saw you and Li Bingqing together, your face was full of happiness." He smiled. "That moment I realized, you're not my Deming, the one who always has that sad face and hardly smiles at anyone or anything." He reached out and patted Deming on the head. "I hope you keep smiling all the time. I don't want you to lose your smile." Guozhao Zhiqiang patted Deming's left shoulder lightly. "Let's forget who's who. Now you're Dong Enlai, someone with a beautiful smile, and I love that. I hope you will always have that smile."

Deming's mind was blank, he couldn't think of anything else to say to Guozhao Zhiqiang. He was angry, disappointed, and hurt. He broke free from Guozhao Zhiqiang's arms and back away towards the bedroom. He said, "Brother Guozhao, I understand. I'm sorry to disturb you so late." He walked out of the room and walked down the mountain road with tears in his eyes.

Guozhao Zhiqiang watched Deming run down the mountain road and murmured, "Deming, I'm sorry... I just don't want to lose you again. As long as I know that you are happy and safe, it is good enough for me."

Guozhao Zhiqiang sighed, leaned his head against the railing, and cried softly. Tears fell from his eyes to his knees, and Guozhao Zhiqiang recalled the first time he saw Deming. They are in their teenage years. Deming was beautiful from the outside to the inside and from head to toe. In ten years, when he saw Deming again, he was still a handsome man with beautiful red hair, and when he kissed him on the training ground, Deming's lips were still as soft as the first time he kissed Deming. He admitted that he missed Deming's face. He admitted that he missed Deming's lips. He admitted that he missed Deming's red hair. He admitted that he missed the feeling of Deming's original body in his arms. He admitted that what he missed most about Deming was his voice. He knew he would never hear Deming call his name again for the rest of his life. He admitted that he had a hard time admitting that the teenager standing in front of him had Deming's soul.

Guozhao Zhiqiang sobbed softly, "Deming, I miss you so much."