10. Keya

I’m still contemplating on the decision I’m about to make. Clearly, the father of this child doesn’t want the responsibility. And if so, I don’t want him to recognize the baby anymore.

He insulted the hell out of me, and yeah! I get it. I deserve it for hooking up with a stranger. And because of that I have decided to never ever see and ask for that man’s help anymore. This whole thing was just clearly caused by me being an irresponsible adult but he doesn’t have to insult me by insinuating that I am some sort of a gold-digger bitch that is only using the baby to benefit from him.

Bloody hell! Out of all men in the world why would I have to land on that asshole? Honestly, I have been crying for like three days since I talk to that Hollis.

I absolutely need my mom right now. I want to ask her why she kept me. I want to ask her how did she managed to let my father know who I am despite of the fact that he didn’t want us. However, I just can’t. I don’t want to be a disappointment to her!

I don’t want anybody in our small town in Southshields to know that I got knocked up just like my mom. I have seen how many people judged her for being a single-parent raising two kids. Not that I hate what she had done, I love her beyond anything else. She is a strong, wonderful, independent and loving woman. She’s so full of love that despite of the struggles she faced just to raise us all on her own, she kept us without asking for any favors from our father.

And that is why I haven’t scheduled any abortion yet, because part of me doesn’t want to get one.

I placed my hands on my flat belly feeling the small heartbeat of an innocent little humanoid forming inside. I want to keep it. Christ! I really want to. But every time I think about my situation, I just don’t know what to do. I’m studying and working at the same time to support myself, how can I bloody do it without someone’s help?

I want to tell my mother already, surely they’ll forgive me once they found out that I am pregnant. However, I was thinking that if I tell them they will absolutely want me to go back home and I don’t want that.

I want to stay here in Houston! My studies is still my priority.

About the baby? I still don’t know what to do either.

-

I’m six weeks in, and I haven’t still decided yet whether to keep the baby or not. I’m still way too confused about everything, and as well as occupied with my two jobs, my thesis proposal, and my new class schedules plus throwing up every morning!

Honestly, I fucking hated it! Puking every minute is so draining that makes me want to sleep during class. If I still keep on feeling like this once my instructors’ starts to give a bunch of paper works, I surely don’t know how to deal with it.

Professor Sarah Donald is currently assigning the students with topics for the reporting and I’m not surprised about it. She was my Understanding Poetry professor last semester and this is what she did during her class, she assigned me to discuss Greek Mythology and I know why she specifically assigned me to that. She knows I’m a huge fan of Greek mythology after she asked me about my final paper last semester where I included mythological comparisons and metaphors on my poems, so probably she thinks that I am going to nail the presentation.

As the professor talks about further instructions and class rules I checked my phone to see Jessy’s text wanting to see me at the Fenway Hall for lunch. She just got back from Australia three days ago and surely she’s way too exhausted, she even texted me earlier that she’s been skipping her classes to take further rest. She was so eager to check up on me when she found out that I was pregnant, we haven’t seen each other since she got back so I’m definitely sure she’ll bombard me with so many questions later.

When Donald dismisses us, I immediately stood up grabbing all my things to go when I suddenly felt dizzy. Bloody hell! Not again!

I stopped right in a second as I close my eyes, waiting for the whole world to stop from spinning.

“Hey, are you okay?” A guy asked but I still refused to open my eyes.

“I will, in a bit.” I said as I slowly moved my hand to put my bag on my shoulders. I felt the guy touching my hands clearly helping me not to fall or whatever.

I heard him chuckle. When the dizziness finally subsides I decided to slowly open my lids and in my great surprise, Thomas Underwood is standing right in front of me. Bullocks, what the hell does this guy doing in my class? There’s no way I’m sharing the same class with him and I haven’t noticed.

“You sure?” He asked again and all I can manage was a quick nod. I can’t talk right now, he’s making me nervous.

This is the closest contact and the first conversation I have had with him. We shared the same Psychology class together during sophomore year and I got an instant crush on him right away. He is a senior too majoring in History and one of the most popular jocks in school, he’s the team captain of the American Football team. And can I add that he's from Great Britain too?

I’m not usually into jocks because I definitely know how the majority of them get so cocky inside the school grounds sometimes, but Thomas is someone who begs to differ. He doesn’t walk around campus that wearing way too cocky smirks and shows up with different girls on his arms. I’ve seen him play jokes with his teammates but every time I see him out in the football field, he is all but serious and gives me a mysterious and intelligent vibe which makes me want to know him better.

However, this guy just seems so oblivious. I’m not even sure that he knows me, and even if he does and wants to be friends with me or beyond that, it is already way too late because I am fucking pregnant and the father seems to be oblivious of me too.

“Thanks for your concern.” I told him and started walking towards the door.

“No problem. I’ll see you around!” He said smiling and my whole entire system just freaked out. He’s really handsome. Damn it! What’s wrong with me? This is the exact reason why I got pregnant today, it’s because I am so weak around guys and get easily charmed.

I seriously hate myself!

Few moments later, I meet Jessy on the hall. I’m even surprised that my three other friends are here too waiting for me. When I arrived at the table, I immediately dropped all my things and rested my head on the table releasing all the bloody nervousness that I got caused by my quick conversation with Thomas.

“Are you okay Keya?” Alexa asked immediately.

“I had a quick conversation with Thomas at my elective class today.” I said without lifting my head up.

I heard Jessy chuckled. “You still got a crush on that football guy?”

“Clearly.” Lily answered giggling. “Seriously Key, if you just pay attention with what’s around you. You’ll definitely see lots of guys drooling at you.”

“Of course they are.” Jessy agreed. “Because aside from your sexy accent, you are a gorgy hun yourself. Seriously, all male students in here wants to tap you for looking exactly like young Nicole Kidman.”

That’s what they all keep on saying, but dating was never my priority actually. I am way too occupied to have one. I tried giving dating a go last year with a guy from Dallas U but it only lasted for like three months and we broke up since I am way too busy juggling different jobs and school to go see him all the time.

“Oh shut up. I am not! They will surely stop thinking about tapping me if they found out that I am pregnant.” I said rolling my eyes.

“Speaking of that,” Lily chimed in. “Are you already sure about not bothering Tyler anymore?”

“Urgh! Why do you have to remind me of that asshole?” I said as I grab a piece of carrot from Alexa’s plate.

My friends already know how the baby-daddy insulted me after I talked to him at one of the convenient stores downtown. I was seriously about to lose my shit after his humiliation, I even cried the whole drive from that store to Lily’s place. After what he said, I feel so disappointed with myself that I even felt like taking my own life just to stop from thinking about the insulting words he have thrown at my direction.

“I mean, what’s the point? He clearly doesn’t want the baby.” I added adjusting on my seat.

“What’s your plan then? Are you going to get the aborting procedure?” Paz inserted letting her voice low to avoid people from hearing.

“I still haven’t decided yet.” I replied in complete frustration because I still can’t decide on whether I’ll abort the baby or not.

“What about your family? Are you planning to tell them or what?” Alexa asked.

“I’m going home on Christmas.” I said. I’m not sure how will they react but, they do need to know but only when I’m already in there. Whether I keep the baby or not, they still need to know, I don’t hide any secrets from my family. I can’t, but I just need more time and courage to do it.

“If you keep the baby, what will you do then once you give birth? You’re studying full-time Keya, and you’re also working too.” Jessy reminded me.

I know, I have been thinking about that too. However, that is few months from now if I want to keep the baby. There’s going to be a lot of things to happen in the span of eight months right? I can still figure this out myself.

“I’ll figure it out soon.” I only replied.