Never say never

Saving the world seemed to me to be the best thing we could do. I was dying to say yes, to be someone and have a place in this cold and lonely world, to fit like a glove into the puzzle of the world's society. It was what I had always wanted. From the first push, from the first beating in one of the shelters, I had always wanted to feel part of something that did love me, for which I did have talent, not because they gave them subsidies. My heart was filled with joy when I heard them say that I could be part of that strange club of superheroes.

"What are you telling us?" asked Lydia shyly. "Are you coming in or staying out? We will support you whether you come in or not, you are our friend."

I wanted to get in, I really did. Yet something inside my head told me that I shouldn't. It was something I should think about slowly, not in a few seconds. I took a deep breath, looked at them for a long time and started to move my leg up and down, making the chair shake. I didn't want to disappoint them, I didn't want to miss out a great adventure. But I didn't want to die in the stupid attempt to fit better into a society that proved not to be for me from the moment I stepped on the floor of each of the shelters.

As I have done many times and still do, I ignored the sensible part of my brain. That part that screamed at me: "You're going to die trying, don't be an idiot". Besides, isn't there a saying that says never say never again? I don't regret the decision I made and I don't think I ever will. It brought the three of us closer together than anyone would have thought, although not as close as we thought.

"I accept." That's what came out of my mouth. "Of course I do."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Hypatia expected that answer, Lydia not so much, as Hypatia asked for the bet to be paid after she left my house that afternoon. I saw them from the balcony of the large living room upstairs.

Before either could say anything, Hypatia got out of bed and stretched out for a few seconds. Lydia and I watched her until she returned to bed complaining that her legs had fallen asleep.

"Well," said Lydia, "I'll take care of the security cameras, communications and makeup parts. I'm the one who designs the suits for the missions."

"I take care of the cool instruments, you know, microphones, special glasses and I add the big electronic modifications to the suits that Hony prepares. As well as planning".

"That's great. Where do you do that?" I asked.

"In the garage of my parents' house" answered Hypatía. "They think we are putting together our great science work. You have helped several of them and you didn't even know it".

I tried to remember one of the many devices we had made together. There was a pair of gloves with changing fingerprints, two glasses, five contact lenses, eight pen-recorder-knife, seventeen computer processing chips and a chip with the prototype of an Artificial Intelligence.

"Everything is for the job." Hypatia seemed to read my mind at times. "You should try some."

Then Lydia held both my hands. She looked me straight in the eyes and wouldn't let go. Every time I went to tell something that was extraordinary for her, her eyes lit up in an extraordinary way. Like the chemistry teacher when she was teaching.

"We both steal, take turns depending on the mission. She usually prefers to sit back and watch, but don't let her fool you, she's pretty quick at getting things".

They had tried to distract me to do a little performance about the theft of my right hand bracelet, the one my uncle gave me and which belonged to my maternal grandmother. However, while they were doing it I had given her the change for a clip-on bracelet.

"Just like this" Hypatia showed the clip-on bracelet and was left with her mouth open when she saw that it was not the gold and ruby one I was wearing.

"Do you mean this one?" I gently let go of Lydia's grip and showed off the bracelet I had picked up with my foot. "It's a gift from my uncle. He gave it to me for my eleventh birthday."

"How do you manage your toes so well?"

"I don't want to talk about it, girls" I looked down and tied my bracelet tightly around my wrist. "Not today. I don't want to ruin the day".

When I looked up, they looked at me sadly. They didn't know my story, not because I didn't trust them, but because I didn't want them to look at me so sadly. Yes, my story is sad, very sad. I didn't want to see pity in their eyes, neither then nor now. However, I came to wonder what would have happened if I had told them. Would we still be together? I suppose not, because they can't stand murder. Killing was the only crime that was paid for in the group.

Lydia smiled at me and nodded, understanding that I was not well enough to remember such things, but that I would always be there, just like Hypatia, for when I needed to say it out loud.

After a few games of hands with the cards, they left. I turned on the special security system just as they left and added their biological matrices to the interface so they could enter the house whenever they wanted, without having to turn the alarms on and off. They were welcome at any time, even at three o'clock on a Sunday morning.

I went back down to the kitchen and opened the fridge. I was looking for something light for dinner, a ready-made salad or a piece of fruit. The chocolate for dessert was not missing either. I ate in silence, going over the words I had been told a thousand times.

In the end it turned out that I was going to be the bad guy in the history of the villains of my world. I liked the idea, but I threw it away when my uncle's portrait lit up. I don't know if he'll be proud of what I decided. Now, in my real time, I know he wouldn't be. Not at all. I made too many mistakes, I walked away from my brothers and sisters.

At that time the idea of being a kind of Robin Hood of truth was great. Now, years later and with much more experience, I see that I was wrong in visualizing such a life, but I don't regret it and I never will.

After dinner, I went down to one of the basements, which was large and had a gymnasium the size of a department store, which was the size of every floor in my house. I went to a cubicle that I designed when my uncle told me what had happened to my parents. I turned off its light, put a blindfold on my eyes and turned on the machinery inside.

I heard the engines getting hotter and hotter to get going, and then I heard it. I heard that sound of lightning striking the metal plates in the cubicle. They were lighting up from back to front, from the wall opposite to where I was standing to me. I stretched out for a few seconds and started training as I did every night. First, I was trying to dodge the rays, which were increasing in speed, heat and movement. Then, I opened the pool and went in to hold my breath. After that I would do 200 lengths. To finish, I would do some push-ups, sit-ups and run 20 kilometres. Sometimes I wasn't very tired when I finished and I stretched to increase my flexibility as well as practicing self-defense, martial arts or karate, like today.

When I finally finished all this, I turned off the lights, covered the pool and threw the used suits into the washing machine in the cleaning room. I waited until it was over, laid it out and went to bed.

I fell down as soon as I touched the pillow.

I dreamt of a room full of toys. Dolls, cuddly toys, action figures... I was about to start walking when one of them turned abruptly towards me. It was a clown. From its fingers came fine and powerful needles that it tried to stick into me when the clown came at full speed towards me. I was trying to escape from him, but the rest of the stuffed animals had come to life and them blocked the door, the windows and the air outlet of the room. On one of them you could read on his shoe: "Made in Japan".

The clown had a face as white as milk and his eyes were black as coal. He wasn't scary when he was standing still, but as he got closer, the black in his eyes started to run. The smile grew larger enough to see yellow teeth with fangs so sharp that they would dig in with little force. His face turned gray. The bright colours of her cheeks, mouth and eyes, became dark. Lifeless. Terrifying. Bloodthirsty. Of my blood.

The light in that room began to disappear. Cuddly toys pounced on me. They prevented me from moving. It was useless to try to move. It was impossible. They seemed to be made of lead instead of cotton. Their hands were so cold that I doubted that instead of grabbing me they were strangling my arms. And they were smiling more and more. Machiavellian. Empty. Cold. Anxious. Waiting to drink my soul. Emptying myself like them. To be one more. The little clown was moving slowly. Increasing my death wish with every second that passed. But I was already close enough to notice his fine fingers on my skin.

I woke up startled, sweating and still had the feeling of the clown's fingers on my thighs. So much so that I uncovered myself to check that there was nothing inside my sheets.

Something moved outside on my window sill. It looked like the clown's claws. I turned on the light, but it was only the branches of my parents' tree. The alarm clock started ringing loudly. I closed my eyes in disgust. It was still night, it wasn't even dawn. I wanted it to start at once when I woke up.

I turned to turn off that unbearable noise.

Two shadows looked at me from that side of the bed and were very close to me. I fell to the floor from the impression. I had to rub my head slightly to get rid of the pain from the blow I had received. I screamed so loudly that the two shadows also jumped when I saw them.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!" I tried not to sound rude or ungrateful for his presence, but the fright I carried in my body prevented it. "At 6:15 in the morning."

They nodded a bit embarrassed by their behavior.

"We're sorry for sneaking into your house like this... But we left our backpacks behind and had to pick them up." Hypatia apologized.

"Also," Lydia pulled out a paper bag from behind her back "we brought you breakfast. Dark chocolate muffin and red tea."

I really loved them. They were very attentive and kind, though crazy and unscrupulous. They were the ones who instilled in me the famous phrase: "All for one and one for all". They were the ones who helped me get out of the shit I had gotten myself into during my college years. And I tried in every way to be like them, to serve them equally, to be just as attentive... But I didn't succeed and I never will. People are different for a reason, aren't they?

When I got up from the floor, I remembered that they did carry the backpacks the day before because that was where they got the money for the bet they had made on whether or not I would accept the job.

I looked at them with half-closed eyes trying to decipher the real reason for their presence in my house at a quarter past six in the morning as I took small sips of the tea and nibbled on the giant chocolate chips in the muffin that Lydia's mother had made.

It's not that I don't want them inside, it's more, for me I kidnap them and let them stay with me all my life. It's just that it wasn't normal for them to come to my house in the mornings. They had never done so before. Unless it had something to do with our little job. That was new to me and they could act like that because of it.

"Now really, girls, what are you doing in my house?"