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  "My head is throbbing." I said massaging my temples. 

  I was standing just outside the operation theatre. I have just done an operation for two hours. But I'm still worried if the patient would survive or not. 

  His brain tumor was seriously out grown. There was not much hope. But letting it there was more complicated, so I asked Chief's permission and did the surgery today. 

  My heart was heavy with the thoughts of sudden outcome. I did not want any of my patients to die after their long fights with the disease. But that was not always in my control. 

  I wanted to be able to save them all, but all the times it was not what happened.

  The first time I was not able to save my patient was last year when I had just started as a permanent doctor. 

  I still remember I continued giving him CPR, thinking that just might be his heartbeat come back but it never did. He was dead.