Chapter Twentieth

Chris finally walked up to me, his hands hovered about my face as he bent to look at it. I tried to fight him once… once only – I lost my nerve, defeated. He touched me as he studied my plight, brushed his thumb through my cheek, spreading my rolling tears and simultaneously watching them with keen interest.

"Hey…" he whispered softly. I frowned, pained by the warmth in his voice "Hey…" he repeated, gently grabbing my chin and pulling it up, turning my face to his – so close, his lips folding, teasing, drawn to mine but refraining, as if anything bolder was bound to scare that forceful peace away "It's finally over: all the lying and the pretending… That isn't so bad, is it?"

A sweet promise, something I'd have loved to hear… if only his weren't so much worse! My head ached with a throbbing pang.

"We can finally be ourselves…" softly, the knot of his fingers brushed down, framing my face, inviting my eyes to close… but a frown followed, awful images in the darkness of my lids – raw fear! His vapid blue eyes peering into mine when they opened.

"What?" he teased "Don't tell me a part of you never wanted this…"

"Y-you think I wanted this?" The words finally found an outflow, strangled as it might be. "Y-you think any of this is okay?!"

Stiff as I was, I didn't have the courage to move his hand away – but away they moved, as if pushed by the resentment growing in my eyes. Chris stood back, attentive – a mocking, condescending smile entertaining his face, as if I promised a show. That perception only made me angrier.

"You think that… I will be okay with this?! With… with you being a… a…"

The mood ruined, Chris dropped his head rather comically. The rage it inspired made the word smoother as it rose:

"…a killer?!"

My chest shook – outpouring:

"You're a killer! And you're a monster, and… And you're a liar!! A lying coward!!"

I grew braver as Chris shook his head from one side to the other disapprovingly, his mouth pulled in an awkward smile.

"And you've…" the realization hit me just as I'd say it "…you've used me!!!"

His eyes traced mine, no denial to that either.

"You son of a bitch…" I felt the weight of offense "You've used me!!!"

Chris listened quietly with his modest smile, so alien to the horror that shook me that the whole thing felt like a very ill-humored joke… a prank, cleverly planned between him and that cop to teach me a lesson. But I wasn't optimistic enough to entertain that illusion.

"You did… didn't you?!"

Chris sighed, reluctant.

"I'm afraid I have used your cleverness for my own benefit once or twice, yes… but only because you have so much to go around. It's impressive, really, for a kid your age. But I guess that's how you managed to stay behind in your parent's old place all by yourself… It's also why you've tricked me for so long, pretending to be this older, independent girl…" an amused smile "…and why I've trusted you with collecting your inquisitive little friend's fingerprints: You're a resourceful little brat, aren't you?" He looked affectionately down at me, pinning me against the wall, as if we would kiss…

"I must concede…" he sighed, relaxing "…it's pretty cute, in a way. Truth is you're a little too young for my taste…" that cocky, flirty smile lingering… mocking… "but even that you've managed!"

"What are you gonna do with that icepick?" I inquired, eager to have the upper hand in telling him I'd lied.

"Just…" he puckered his lip, belittling it: "…leverage. Something to defend myself with in case he decides to tell everyone about this guy at school, the one his 14-year-old friend couldn't help but follow around with a helpless little crush she had on him, no questions asked!" his smile stretched. "Not a very incriminating story on its own, to be honest."

"I'll say otherwise!"

Chris watched my bravado with meek, patronizing eyes.

"You think I won't?!" I fumed.

Chris chuckled, looked sideways, hesitating:

"Do you really want to know?"

"You think I won't?!!" I repeated in disbelief "You think I won't tell the world about you, just because I… I…" my eyes teared up just to think of that word – love! But I pursed my lips, sucked in my tears "You think things will just go back to normal and I'll pretend you're not this…this monster?!"

Finally, Chris laughed, dropping his head and shaking it sideways.

"Oh Abby… You think that's what's happening here, don't you? You really are a piece of work!"

"A-are you serious??! You think I won't – tell on you?!" I reaffirmed with extra fervor "I WILL! I won't sit around and just let you… you…"

"No, I'm not asking you to." He shook his head, declaring placidly "It doesn't matter."

"IT DOES TO ME!!" I screamed, losing my bearings.

Unfazed, Chris watched me hyperventilate my rage, before explaining:

"No Abby, you're not following. What I mean is: I don't expect you to. I'm not counting on your compliance or anything of the sort… I don't need it." He raised his brows as to elucidate, like a patient teacher "I don't depend on it. It's not part of the plan."

"W-why?" I ask naively, rage subsiding, growing insecure.

"Because… I won't let you." He stated the obvious, then watched me in sympathetic silence, leaving me with those words to process, until I finally got it.

His complacent smile slowly came undone… as did the heat in my veins, replaced with a shiver, and a pang of dread – one I hadn't confronted yet because I was too busy digesting that hard truth.

…And speaking of truth, no harm in hiding mine just one more time as I blinked cowardly, holding in the frenzy of my breath:

"I'm not afraid of you!" I shook as I said it.

"Oh… you're not?" he smiled, teased "That will make things a lot more interesting!"

And he stood up straight again, unpinning me, watching me from his height as if we played poker: as if calling my bluff and waiting on my next move… Waiting for me to put my money where my mouth was and act on my declared boldness, and he probably felt awfully generous for giving me such an opportunity, too!

I lingered, watching his own tranquil, aloof stance – his affectionate eyes, his half-smile… the policeman's card in his hand, pointed at me, like an invitation – like the chunk of cheese in a cartoon's mouse trap, when nothing about his poise seemed designed to threaten me. And yet… why did my legs become so stiff, and at once so wobbly? Regardless, I willed them forward – one single decided step to test the abruptness of his response… nothing came, so another small step followed, one carefully calculated to take into account his size, the length of his arm, the distance to the door. At last close enough, confident enough from his lack of action, I stretched myself and grabbed the card, yanking it so fast from his hand and springing back lest he might catch me midair. My successful attempt left my heart beating raw in my throat, and it drew a hearty chuckle out of him.

I felt silly clasping that card, attentive to Chris's every move as if he might pounce on me like a beast. His placid, teased smile… they made me feel silly, dizzy, caught in a prank, and I swallowed the vestigial apprehension of putting it all to lose with my exaggerate reaction…

…but if this was a prank, now it was the time to test it. I gathered my wits, bolted and stormed out of the room, marking only the fact that he turned as I passed by his side.

"Abby!" He called firmly, but in no rush. Nonetheless, his interest agitated me!

I ran down the steps faster than my mind could follow. Slowly, Chris took to following me.

"I'll call him!" I declared, giving him one last chance to reveal his big prank, if this was one.

"You don't want to do that…" he declared, coming down the steps "You don't want to upset me."

"Oh, but I do!!" I defied his conceited serenity, running around the banister towards the narrow phone stand on the corridor. "I'm gonna tell them all about you!"

I picked the handset from the base, pressed it between my ear and my shoulder as I held up the card, mumbling vengefully:

"If this is true…" I tried to focus my mind – my panicked, angry, stricken mind "if you really are all those things… then I'm gonna stop you… I'm not gonna let you find another victim…"

Chris puffed a laugh, now standing right behind me:

"You see, this is where you're getting it all wrong…" He dropped his head to enjoy the mirth of that scene as he held in the absurdity of his amusement. I turned slowly to see him, sinisterly inspired.

He lifted his head, the mirth of some sick joke played on me and me alone reflected on his teeth as he smiled:

"I already have!"