I Wanted to Stay in His Arms

Clay:

The maid took me to a room that was relatively far from where I remember Lynne's being. My room was much smaller than his. It was still nice enough, but nowhere near as extravagant. The room really only fit the bed and a small night table. The walls were a brownish beige colour; the bed had a pale blue blanket on it.

I thanked the maid for bringing me here and shut the door behind me. The light was dim, and there was only a small window, but it was still the nicest room I have ever called my own. A tight, but warm feeling swelled inside of me.

All I wanted to do was hop into that bed.

I took off my uniform and fell face-first into the warm welcoming sheets. It was so soft; it felt like I had imagined landing on a cloud would feel like. I stuffed my face into the soft cushion at the top of the bed. I closed my eyes and let my mind go blank, just enjoying the soft sensation on my body. It felt surreal like I was in a dream…

Until I dozed off into a nightmare.

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Underneath my body was hard ground. The familiar smell of moss and mildew. My body felt cold and heavy. My mouth felt so dry that I felt like if I moved my tongue it would crack and bleed. It took all of my energy to lift my head, in an attempt to move my arms and legs I heard chains smacking together, reminding me that I was shackled.

Was it all a dream…? Did I never escape? Never met Lynne? Was I never free…?

It was pitch black. A darkness that was so intense that I couldn't even see my body or the wall right behind me. How long have I been here for…? A week? A month? 

That's when I heard that sound. The sound of sharp metal scraping against wood. I held my breath, my heart thumping against my chest so hard it must have been cracking my ribs.

"Do you know what you did…?"

That booming voice, gruff and jagged. He snarled, emerging from behind the door as it slowly creaked open. Rusty hinges making it sound like the door was screaming in agony.

The minute the light from outside poured in my eyes burned like acid was being dropped into them. I squeezed my eyelids shut and winced in pain.

"Answer me!" The voice snapped.

I tried my best to respond but my throat was so dry that no words came out of my throat. "No answer?" His voice was getting angrier. I was so dehydrated that no tears came to my eyes. "I asked if you knew why you've been in here with no food or water for… what is it… 2 days now?"

It had only been 2 days?

I tried to open my eyes just a crack, through the slightest hole, through my eyelashes I saw the outline of that man. He was holding a whip in one hand, a lance in the other. I swallowed hard, no saliva left to go down my throat. Despite that, I forced myself to speak, anyway.

"I… l...o...s...t…" Somehow I knew the answer.

That's when he grabbed my neck and lifted me onto my feet. They collapsed from under me the minute he let go, but I knew falling meant more punishment so I threw my body into the ragged wood wall behind me so I could stay standing.

"That's right! You lost! Do you know how much money you cost me!?" He yelled, reaching over and ripping my ragged shirt off and tossing it aside. The jagged wood against my back poked into already raw flesh, making me bite my lip. Since it was already dry, I felt blood drip down my chin.

"N...o… S...i...r…"

I felt like a well-trained dog. But at this point, I had no sense of pride left to be embarrassed by my obedience. He raised the whip, and I knew that meant it was time to turn around. So I did, without another word, pressing my forearms against the wall to keep me propped up. The cuffs pulled against the skin of my wrists; the chains were thick and heavy making me feel weary.

"870,000 Tlabana!" He announced, cracking down the whip on my back. I gritted my teeth together as the sting and force of the whip caused my body to shake. "If it was up to me, I'd whip you once for each Tlabana I lost!" 

Another crack of the whip.

"But… I'm a nice guy. So 87 will have to do!"

Another whip.

I could barely stand anymore, and we were just at two. I knew if I fell, if I dared to sit down there would be hell to pay. So I endured. Biting my tongue so hard it bled. Holding my breath for so long that my head spun.

I tried my best not to cry out but eventually, I lost the energy to hold my voice back. It seemed like the louder I yelled, the harder the whip would crack down on my back. I was so close to making it. I was at whip 50… but somehow the next whip felt like lightning struck my body, harsh enough to make me scream and fall to my knees.

I lost consciousness, but he would not let me go that easily. He was trying hard to shake me away, shaking me as hard as he could. I could hear him getting angrier, his voice getting louder the longer my eyes remained closed. I knew what came next. Now he'd switch to that lance. I kept trying to open them, kept trying to stand up.

Desperately wanting to beg for forgiveness but my mouth too dry to speak.

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"CLAY!"

My eyes snapped open when I heard my name. I leaped from my horizontal position and stood up. My legs almost collapsed from under me, my back felt like it was on fire. I had to lean against the wall to stay upright. "F-Forgive me!" I cried and winced, bracing myself for another strike. My voice sounded foreign to even me, high pitched and ragged like I hadn't had water in days.

It took me a moment to take in the surrounding information. I was in a normal room. Standing in front of me was Lynne, his eyes were wide.

It wasn't a dream… I was free... I was...

"Clay… thank god." Before I could even say anything he wrapped his arms around me. I felt so cold… I was shaking. I panicked for a moment, trying to trash out of his grip but I didn't have the energy to push him away. Lynne couldn't see me like this. I was weak. I needed to get away before he…

"The maids got me. They heard you screaming. They tried everything, but you weren't waking up!" His voice was so broken it stopped all of my thoughts in their tracks.

I screamed in my sleep…? I wondered how many times I had screamed while having a nightmare. How many times I had been forced to relive the entire memory. Thanks to Lynne, this time it was cut short.

I couldn't see Lynne's face, but his voice was shaking for some reason. I tried to speak, to open my mouth but when I did no sound came out. Only a weak whimper. Lynne held onto me tighter. "It's ok. You don't have to say anything. Give yourself time."

I choked back the tears clawing at my eyes, weakly wrapping my arms around Lynne in return. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing. This is ok. Just for now… just for a few moments…

I wanted to stay in his arms.