I Want You to Have Sex With Me

Clay:

"Are you in love with me?"

My chest was so tight that it felt like I could barely breathe. Something foreign to me was swelling inside of my body. I felt hot, but it wasn't just because I was angry. When I pictured Lynne with another person, with a woman, it made me want to hold on to him desperately. I felt like I was his pet, longing for his affection but unable to reach out and touch him.

The way his expression shifted and his face turning bright red. Lynne looked like he was frozen in place. "W-Well… you see…" Lynne stammered, trying not to break eye contact with me even though I could tell the longer I held it there, the stiffer his body became. "C-Clay… love… love where I come from… well it means… it means that you wanna marry that person… in theory... and well though I find you very attractive… and I like you a lot… I haven't known you for that long… and well... saying something like that… well something like that is… I mean… I'm-I'm engaged you see… and well my father… and I'm young… and you… you haven't met many people and…-"

"Fine!" I interrupted sharply. I couldn't take much more of Lynne's crazy ranting. "Forget love. I barely know what that means, anyway." I admitted. My voice still had that edge to it, but for some reason, I couldn't drop the tone. I just hoped Lynne wouldn't think I was angry at him. Asking about such vague feelings was stupid in the first place. Instead…

"Do you want me?"

I know nothing about health, but I'm pretty sure Lynne was going to have a heart attack. He tried to open his mouth but barely audible stammering came from him. I felt feel my own heart begin to race. For some reason… though I couldn't understand why… when I pictured him with somebody else I felt jealous? Just knowing that he was going to look at somebody who wasn't me… knowing he was going to say his stupid embarrassing comments to somebody who wasn't me.

It made me want to make him mine.

I couldn't tell if it was just because I couldn't have him. Maybe it was some sort of rebellious phase. I couldn't understand my feelings. Like, how I couldn't understand why my body felt so hot. Why I felt so embarrassed when we were changing in front of each other… why I wanted to touch him so badly that it hurt.

"W-W-W-W-Well… I mean… what do you mean by want!?" Lynne exclaimed, his voice cracking. "Because well… consent is important and you are your own person… and I mean like I don't wanna misread this question and say something that'll make you super uncomfortable… because well you know that could be like… like sexual harassment… and like well I know I kinda already did some stuff without your consent when we first met… but like, I thought you were a dream figure, ok!? Like now I guess I can just come out and ask but if you're not into it completely, then that's just creepy so unless I say it as a joke or to tease you I can't say it cause being rejected really sucks-"

Such a long answer to a brief question. I had never seen him run his mouth this much. Before I realized what I was doing, I closed my eyes and leaned into him. My lips pressing against his. They were soft and warm. A sort of warmth I had never felt before. Though it felt a little awkward at first, his lips were all tense, and so were mine. Yet, as we held there, both of us loosened up, feeling like our lips were melding together.

Was this what a kiss felt like?

I suddenly felt Lynne about to pull back, his lips pressing lighter against mine. But I wasn't done yet. I didn't want it to end. In my desperation to keep from that connection, I leapt and grabbed the back of his head, my hand tangling into his hair. I leaned quickly back into him, throwing my weight into it as my body collapsed on top of his. Lynne fell back onto the bed. Every inch of my body was touching him, my leg gently between his thighs.

I gripped his hair and pressed his face into me. My body felt like it was on fire now, a strange tingle coming from my bottom half that I attempted to relieve it by pressing harder into his body, but that only made the sensation more intense.

I didn't realize that I was holding my breath until my lungs burned. Eventually, I pulled myself back. Even though I didn't do any physical activity, my breath was laboured.

"C-Clay…" Lynne looked bewildered. I didn't blame him. I had been rejecting his advances this whole time… But I just didn't want to lose his attention. I know he can't be mine forever. I know he will never truly belong to me. But that won't stop me from claiming myself as his.... even if it was just for tonight. 

This was how to claim somebody. 

I moved my hand from behind his head and trailed it down the soft fabric of his shirt. Lynne shivered, holding his breath as my hand made its way down his chest, grazing past his stomach and slowly lowering between his legs. He made a choked noise, biting his tongue so it wouldn't be too loud.

I wanted to give my everything to him. 

Even if he uses me for pleasure and throws me away. That will be fine. I know that is what will happen, but just for one night... I selfishly wanted to know what it felt like to be desired above all others.

"Lynne..." I said his name firmly, a slight purr of delicacy to my voice. I saw him swallow hard as I ran my hand down his now hardened bulge. My cheeks heated, along with my entire body. My clothes suddenly felt restricting. Something about announcing my desire out loud made my tongue feel tied, but my overwhelming lust pushed me forward. 

"I want you to have sex with me."