Journal Entry #1

January 11, 2018

My therapist suggested I start writing out how my day was and how I felt about it. I dunno, sounds kinda stupid to me but I might as well give it a shot. This entry is more of a "get to know me" segment, if you're going to read my entries might as well get to know me. Today I had an appointment with my therapist, at 10 in the morning. And since I'm writing in a journal he gave me I guess you can tell how that meeting went. I go to therapy now after I tried to OD on benadryl, don't judge, and went to a psych ward where they diagnosed me with clinical depression. My mom has constantly been obsessed with making sure my grades are up and that I'm doing well in school, it makes sense since I'm a junior (grade 11) and graduate in a year. My dad is out of the picture, he occasionally will text me a "hi" or "how are you" but never more than that. But he sent me a message about a girl he's been dating, an accidental text to the wrong person I suppose, and immediately told me he was joking...sure dad. I have an older sister but she has moved all the way out to California, living in Ohio currently, and is a neurologist. So naturally my mom had high expectations of me as well, which kinda led me to hate myself even more. I had a boyfriend, the athlete who was likable and he was pretty nice. Aside from the cheating on me constantly, beyond that he was a catch. We broke up a bit before my visit to the emergency room, mainly because I found out he was cheating on me with a "friend" of mine and I found out because her and I got into an argument and she accidentally spilled the tea. I don't want to go too much into detail and bore you so I'll try my best to summarize me. I keep my grades up, I keep my head down, and most importantly I stay away from parties and shit. I know what that scene is like and it's just not worth it, I prefer Netflix or just drawing stick figures on gum wrappers than a bunch of drunk people wobbling around. My family is pretty much not together, my dad is gone, my sister left, and now it's just my mom and I trying to keep our heads above water. She's doing a far better job than I am though. I don't really stand out, I'm pretty damn average, I think the only way I stand out is that I ignore everyone if I can and at my school people just LOVE socializing. Kinda hard to not talk when someone keeps snapping their fingers in your face like your deaf and then when they see you glance at them continue talking. I honestly don't have many friends, or any. I have one online friend that I trust, I've known him for years. He lives all the way in Arizona though, not close by. This is pretty me and my life, if you like it then what's wrong with you? And if you don't, at least we can agree. I guess till next time I write in you journal.

-Auroa, or Arry for short