Push and Pull

I wake in a panic because it's so warm. In my dreams I was in a burning yurt and I couldn't control the water in a basin to stop the heat from closing in on me.

When I open my eyes the unfamiliarity of the tent sends me tossing onto me other side but my body becomes as still a rock when I realize I'm nose to nose with Altan. He's still sleeping and I stare at his face. He should be relaxed, but his eyebrows are pinched together like he's thinking hard even in his sleep.

It's so hot in the tent. Probably partly because the morning sun is already shining through the leather walls, and partly because I'm sharing the tiny space with a man whose entire presence is fire. Literally and figuratively.

My memory comes rushing back to me at the sight of him. The fire in the nomad's camp, me using my water to save the yurts, Willard throwing me on the ground before Altan, me trying to run. I think about when I tried to use my water to fight Altan. Was that me? could my adrenaline have been so high that I did that without knowing? or could it have been Cai? I'm not sure if I'll ever know the answer. Especially if I'm going to die soon.

I wonder if I'll reincarnate again if I die. I wonder if I'll return to a body on earth...

Altan beside me makes a grunting kind of noise in his sleep, and the wrinkle between his eyebrows pushes even tighter together.

"What are you so stressed about?" I ask him in a whisper so quiet that it won't wake him, "You got everything you wanted... you even have me now."

As if in response, he sighs deeply. And I click my tongue at him. I take my finger silently and I lightly press on the wrinkles between his eyebrows. At my touch, his face softens; his eye brows stop pinching and the deep frown creasing his lips releases.

"There." I whisper, "better?"

I watch him as he sleeps.

Tan skin, smooth and unscarred, his nose has a tall bridge and a strong set of wide nostrils, his eyebrow are messy but in a handsome way, they're the kind of eyebrows that celebrities back on earth would kill for, his eyelashes are long and flutter along his cheek bone as he sleeps, and his hair is shorter since the last time I saw him. He's cut it so that his loose curls aren't as visible but his hair still has the body that I always wished mine had on earth.

He's damned handsome, that's for sure. I'm sure if I could go back to earth and show a picture of him and show it to my friends they would thing he was an underwear model. especially with the six-pack I know he has under his shirt.

If I did show them a picture, I would want to show them one where he smiles, one where he does that half smile he used to always do, that would make his dimple visible.

I bit my lip as stare at him. and I refrain myself from poking the area of his cheek where his dimple would be if he was smiling.

~So this is my future husband?~

I guess I could have it worse.

It's not like there is really a way out of it now. My life is either going in one of two directions and I feel there is no way to stop the downhill train that I'm tied to. I will either marry Altan or I will die before I can. I my heart feels sick at the notion.

I've already died once and somehow survived... What will happen if I die again?

I somehow doubt I'll be as lucky as I was the first time.

My mind runs to the conversation that Altan and I had the previous night. When I told him Cai's plan. It felt almost like I was betraying Cai, like I was betraying my people by telling that to Altan. It's something I'm certain a TRUE Water Mage wouldn't do. They would probably find it honorable to have their life taken for their country. But I'm not a true Water Mage, I'm just me, an introverted, nerdy girl from Seattle who likes pho and to stare at the stars. And I don't want to die. And the only person who can possible stop me from dying... Is Altan.

And he promised me, with stark words that were so fierce I could feel them in my bones. He wasn't even looking at me, but I could feel the intensity in his eyes. Altan promised me that I would no die by Cai's hand.

Now, all I can do it wait and see, wait and see who is stronger, wait and see which track my downhill train will go on. One way an unknown track that leads through a deadly mountain range, and the other way: tracks that lead into a solid wall.... instant death.

I shiver at my own metaphor and look back over at Altan. His golden eyes are open and he's looking at me. I startle, because I wasn't expecting it.

"Good morning." His voice is husky with sleep.

"Good mornin-" I begin, but sneeze instead.

Altan sits up, and concern paints his face. "You're ill." He states.

"No I'm not." I say and rub my nose, "It was just a sneeze."

"You're sweating." he says and scoots closer to me, looking at the sheen of sweat on my neck.

"It's just really hot in here." I say, and sit up too, my head feels dizzy with the movement.

"No it's not." he says, were close to the mountains, it's cold here.

"It is?" I question, cause I'm certain that it's smoldering hot in this tent.

~I mean how would you know? You're a Fire Mage, you probably love the heat... right?~

Altan places his hand to my head, and his hand is surprisingly cold.

~Maybe I am sick... Altan always feels warmer than me.~

"You're burning up." he whispers and moves his hand to my cheek before taking it away.

"Maybe because I cried so vehemently, yesterday." I say, and I'm speaking more to myself, in my past life I often caught colds after I cried too much, and I always claimed that it was because crying weakened my immune system.

Altan nods, "You've been through a lot."

~That's an understatement.~

he sighs and quickly wipes the sleep from his eyes. "Let me get the healer."

He barks something outside the tent flaps and moments later we are joined by a young boy with a mop of curly dark hair. He's much younger than I expected for a healer, but at least he's not that intrusive old man, Healer Gobi, that I met in the Palace.

The boy looks at my tongue and feels around in my sweaty armpits before deducing that it's likely a cold, but could be a flu, or an infection, but we can't be certain right now.

~I mean, I could have told you that.~

Then a sudden thought hits me.

I look to Altan with eyes wide and fear stirring in my gut. "What if it's poison?"