Chapter 2 : Walking Death

The sun was rising from the East, the alarm was ringing with the gentle tone as what the owner had set. Chen Li Xue reluctantly opened her eyes and sighed "Another day."

She got up and tidied her bed as what her mom had taught her since young. She walked down the stairs while closing her eyes, just like an automatic robot. She took her towel and went straight to her bathroom. After a shower, she would have her usual breakfast. Two half-boiled eggs and a cup of hot chocolate. Then, she would be ready to walk to school as it was just a five-minute walk to get there.

Along the way, she would question the God that she doubt His/Her existence. She prayed because that was the only thing she could do to preserve her sanity. "God, why do I stay alive? Why do I have another day to walk through?"

Depression. She didn't know that she suffered mental health. She only knew she was stress. She didn't know what was depression. She only knew that she should have vanished from the world.

Since when did she feel so? Perhaps since that day. The day she would never forget for her whole life. The day that the adults that she thought cared for her had blamed the fault that she didn't make unto her. They forced her to do things that she didn't want. They only cared for him. They said he was innocent. The so-called man who ruined their sisterhood with her mom. The man who had damaged to no repair toward Chen Family's bonding. That man, her biological brother that left the house years before, abandoning his mom and sister that had high hopes on him.

She never hated him before that so-called accidentaly-encountered day. If only, they didn't blame and force her to receive him happily. Then, there wouldn't be any hatred. There would never be a day that she wished for death more than anything.

However, each day, she only had a five-minute long to be a walking death. Because as soon as she stepped into her classroom, she would put on her mask, one of the many masks she had.

Like what the Japanese said, human has three faces. The first is to show the world, the second is for the family and friends, and the third is the true self.

As for Chen Li Xue, she had mask for each circle that she was in. A happy-go-lucky girl for her mom, a cheerful girl for her church friends, a kind and mature young girl for her classmate, a crazy potato for her ballet friends, and a strong-headed girl for her relatives.

'Why?' Sometimes, she asked herself why she had to act, and she found her answer. Because no one cared. No one cared if she was in struggle. Because hiding her suffering would be easier rather than explaining it. Because, she knew she was not normal. However, she wanted to be normal.