Chapter 9

"Do you want me to stop?" He whispered.

His soft lips glided up my inner thighs. He opened his mouth sucking gently on my flesh and I arched my back as a loud moan raked my body.

"No, don't stop." I moaned.

Emerald eyes connected with mines and he smirked. Keeping his eyes on mines, he opened his mouth revealing his tongue. He dipped his head slowly never breaking eye contact as he licked the outside of my lace panties.

I gasped suddenly sitting up in my bed. Beads of sweat trickled down my forehead slowly as I placed my hand across my chest, willing my heart to slow down.

"Hey, are you okay?" Royce groaned sleepily.

I looked towards my phone that read 4:06am and shook my head trying to clear the dream.

"Uh, yea, I'm okay. I just had a bad dream." I said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yea, go back to sleep it's still early." I said.

Royce tugged my arm gently, pulling me back onto my pillow and close to his side. "I've got you." He said.

I smiled gently. "I know you do."

A few hours later the house was more alive. Royce was getting ready for work while I sat on the living room floor finger painting with the girls. I always try my best to have more quality time with them on Saturdays. Sometimes my work keeps me so busy that it's hard to just sit back and relax. The entire living room floor was covered in plastic and paper as the girls painted to their heart's content. They giggled as they mixed different colors and slapped their little hands over the papers.

"Ooo, doesn't this look like fun." Royce said entering the living room.

"Yea, I've been trying to find things they can do together. They're so different so it's hard to find things they both enjoy." I said.

"Well, look like you can add painting to the list of things they like to do together." He said.

I nodded gazing at them. "Are you gonna be painting all day?"

"No, I'm meeting Cat and Julia at the park later. That way I can have a little girls time and kids time." I winked.

"Oh, my lady the multitasker." He chuckled.

He leaned down to kiss me gently. "I'll see you when I get home."

"Bring dinner because I'm not cooking."

"Yea yea, see ya later girls." Royce said to the girls.

He crouched down next to them while still keeping his distance from the paint. "Tell Roy see ya later." I said.

"Bye Bye Roy" Lily said.

"Bye Bye" Peppa responded. They refused to move there focus from their task.

Royce rubbed his hand through their hairs before standing. "See ya tonight babe."

The minute Royce was out the door my cell rang. "Hey."

"Hi sugar mama." Cat said.

"Hey what's up?"

"Just making sure we are still on for this afternoon."

"Of course. The girls are doing some art work at the moment, but I'm soon about to get them cleaned up and give them a snack. It's soon time for their nap anyways, they were up from before seven am." I said.

"Oh okay. Is three pm good?" She asked.

I looked at the time and realized it was shortly at ten. "Yea three is good. I'll text Julia and let her know."

We ended the conversation quickly and I watched the girls paint for a few more moments, before deciding to wrap it up. Of course that was easier said then done. They threw a fuss at first, but eventually allowed me to take them away from their art work. After a not so quick bath, I gave the girls a snack and we went upstairs to my bedroom. I got into bed and played some music from my laptop while the girls nursed. I ran my fingers through their dark hairs as I watch the sleep slowly take them over. I love my daughters. From the moment I held them in my arms I felt like the world stopped spinning and it was just me and them. Even though the circumstances surrounding their birth is a mess, I can't bring myself to regret any moment with them. The more they grow and their features change, the more I am haunted by my stranger. My dreams are plagued with him, he's walking around in nearly every thought and no matter what I do, I can't shake him. Royce means everything to me, but I feel like I'm running away for something I'm meant to go towards. Lily and Peppa has nothing from me except my curls. Everything about them reminds me of my stranger and as much as I try to fight it I can't. I ended up taking a small nap along with the girls. I was woken up by Peppa sitting on my chest and running a brush through my hair. I opened my eyes slowly and watched her above me quietly. She was so quiet and focused on her task, I almost didn't want to disturb her. I shook my head gently, signaling that I was awake and Peppa's full green eyes met mines.

"Hi momma." She smiled.

My heart was about to burst with joy at the sound of her little voice. "Hi baby. Are you fixing Momma's hair?" I asked.

"Pwetty hair." She said as she continued to brush it.

I allowed her to continue for a few more moments, but at the sound of my drawers opening, I sat up quickly pulling Peppa firmly to my chest. Lily was standing at my drawers and slowly tugging out all of my clothes. I groaned, I should've known, this little girl is always up to no good.

"Lily, no baby. Put them back." I said.

I sat Peppa on the bed and went to pick up the clothes off the floor, clothes I'd have to fold again later.

"That is enough excitement for you." I picked her up and tossed her in the air gently, before kissing her cheeks and she giggled happily.

With Lily secured to my side I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and noticed that it was already two pm.

"Come on babies, you wanna go to the park?" I said.

I reached for Peppa and secured her to my other side and headed to their room. I dressed them in their cute Mickie Mouse outfit, tied their shoes and placed their Mickie Mouse caps on their little heads. I snapped a few pictures of them to send to my mom.

"You girls look so beautiful." I cooed.

They were messing around with Spot while I tidied up the house. I was just finished packing their bags when the phone rang. "Hello?"

"They look so adorable!"

"Hi mom" I laughed.

"Oh I could just bite their little cheeks. Where are you guys headed?"

"We're going to the park with Julia and Cat."

"Oh that sounds lovely, I'm glad you're getting them out the house. It's a beautiful day."

"I know. It's a good time to talk with the girls while my girls play." I said.

"Good, I was just trying out a new recipe today." She said.

"Ooo, sounds like we're coming over for dinner tomorrow?" I asked eagerly.

"Eh, that's what I was calling you about. I can't do dinner tomorrow evening."

"Why? This is the second sunday you ducked out on sunday dinner. Why are you messing with tradition?" I asked slightly bummed out.

She is always jumping down my throat about not spending enough time with her and when the opportunity presents itself, she postpones?

"Well, to be honest I have a date tomorrow." She admitted.

I froze. A date? "A date? With who?" I asked.

"Honey don't worry, he's just a customer who's been coming over to the restaurant for months now. He asked me out a few weeks ago and I agreed."

"Hold up, a few weeks? Mom you've been dating some guy for a few weeks and I know nothing about it?"

"Ava, I didn't want to talk about something so new. I just wasn't trying to get anyone's hopes up. I figured I'd wait until it was more serious."

"Mom if he's cutting into our sunday tradition it already is more serious. It's not like you to keep things from me." I said annoyed.

We tell each other everything, next to Cat my mom is my next best friend. Why would she keep her relationship from me?

"I'm sorry Ava I was going to tell you really soon I was just seeing where it would go."

The sound of Spot barking and the girls screaming brought my attention back to the kitchen. It's safe to say Spot is officially traumatized.

"You know what? We are going to talk about this later I've gotta go, I'm already running late." I said.

"Okay honey, you guys be safe."

I hung up from mom and grabbed the girls away from tugging onto Spot's fur. He made a run for it quickly and I knew I wouldn't be seeing him until later.

"Now Lily I expected that from you, but not you Peppa." I laughed shaking my head.

Shortly after, I got the girls settled into the car and we made our way to the park. By the time we got to the park it was 3:30, Julia and Cat were already sitting on the bench. I got the girls out of the car along with their bags and headed towards the bench with the girls.

"Hey ladies, sorry I'm late." I said.

"Pshh, coming late is your new norm since you've had kids." Cat said.

"We honestly thought you'd come later." Julia chuckled.

"Funny." I mumbled dryly.

"Look at aunty girls!" Cat moved to scoop up the girls in her arms and spun them around.

I smiled and watched silently as the girls had a mini reunion with each other. I gazed around the park and noticed there were more kids out today than usual. The park was split into two sections and the larger section was meant for the bigger kids. They played on their colorful swings, slides, monkey bars and ran around excitedly. The smaller section was intended for kids around Lily and Peppa's age. It was smaller and a lot more easier for them to play on. Once Julia and Cat were done greeting the girls, I set the girls bags on the bench and pulled them onto the playground.

"Come on girls, let's go play."

For the next thirty minutes we played with them, taking them on the slides and pushing them on the swings. Their little cheeks were red as they giggled with glee and I couldn't be more happier. After we were done playing, Julia and Cat went back to the benches and I pulled the girls over to the sand box where two other kids were playing. I assumed the kids parents were the ladies sitting in another bench near the sandbox and I approached them, tugging the girls along.

"Hey, is it okay if my girls play with your kids?" I asked.

"Oh yea of course, that's not a problem." The lady said.

Her dark hair was pulled into a messy ponytail and her smile was polite. "Great, I'm Ava and this is Lillian and Penelope, my daughters."

"Your daughters are so beautiful. I'm Sharon, this is my friend Alex." She said pointing to the strawberry blonde who was smiling politely next to her.

"That's my daughter Kevy and Alex's son Josh." She continued.

"Aww great, thanks a lot. You're kids are beautiful too." I smiled.

I pulled the girls back towards the sandbox and kneeled between them. "Come on guys, do you want to play with Kevy and Josh?" I asked.

The girls watched the kids curiously and they smiled back sweetly. "Hello, this is Lily and Peppa, say hi girls."

"Hi." They whispered in unison.

"Hi!" Josh yelled, while little Kevy waved politely.

I got the girls settled in the sandbox and got a few of their toys for them to play with. Once I was satisfied by their playing I headed to the bench with Julia and Cat, which thankfully was only a few short feet away from where the kids played. I watched and listened as the girls played with ease with the other kids.

"They get along nicely with new kids. A lot of kids have trouble with that, especially twins." Julia noted.

"Yea, that's why I decided to take them to the park more often. That way when it's time for school they wouldn't have too much of a problem." I said.

"They are just so cute. You know if I hadn't seen you pregnant I wouldn't believe they were yours?" Julia said.

Cat chuckled lightly and I rolled my eyes. "Geee, thanks." I said.

"Oh you know what I mean. They just don't really look like you." Julia said.

"That's because they look more like their father." Cat laughed.

"They don't look like Royce either." She said.

I glared at Cat instantly and her eyes widened for a moment. She had the nerve to look guilty and mouthed sorry. Julia looked between us confused for a moment. "Hold up, Lily and Peppa aren't Royce's?" She gasped.

Her head continued to swivel left and right waiting for her suspicions to be confirmed. "No, okay." I sighed.

"Why didn't I know this?"

"Julia it happened a long time ago and I try not to dwell on it." I said.

"So wait, you and Royce were together for what, six years? Did you guys take a break or something?" She asked.

I sighed and massaged my temples with my fingers gently, this is exactly why I avoid this topic.

"Holy shit. You cheated? I'm applaud Ava, you don't look like the type. I'm a little impress actually." She smirked.

"Please stop." I rolled my eyes.

"Does the guy know about the girls? Is he around?" She asked eagerly.

"No he doesn't know, no he's not around and it happened almost three years ago. I was drunk okay? It's hard enough not to think about him when the girls look just like him, but now I have to see him in my dreams constantly and I really don't want to talk about it." I whined.

"What?!" They said simultaneously.

"Wait, wait, what dreams, are you dreaming about him again?" Cat said.

I sighed and nodded a little chagrined that allowed that piece of information to slip. "Since when?" She asked.

"God since 2016 okay? The dreams never stopped." I admitted. "So you've been lying to me this entire time, why?" Cat asked confused.

"What is it about the dreams that have you so coiled?" Julia said.

"Ugh, I dream about that night okay? It's like everything I forgot is starting to come right back and I can't control it. I'm not just remembering his eyes, touch or smell anymore, but also his words, the sound of his voice the things he did to me and how I reacted. God, the more I remember the more I'm beginning to realize...."

"What?" They asked.

They leaned forward eagerly as if I was telling an enticing story. "I'm beginning to realize that I wasn't as drunk I thought. The way I responded to this man was crazy, it was like I was an instrument and he was the musician. I think I blocked it out for so long because I was afraid and ashamed." I said.

"Oh you dog." Julia gasped playfully.

"It's not funny." I mumbled.

"Do you have feelings for him?" Cat asked.

"What? No no, but I can't deny that there was something about him that night that made me act so recklessly." I said.

Saying these things outloud to others made me feel a bit better, but at the same time I felt horrible about these conflicting thoughts when I want to be with Royce.

"Am I bad person?" I asked suddenly.

"No, God no." Cat said.

"Ava, you're human, you're a grown woman and it's okay to make mistakes and express your feelings on it. You shouldn't feel bad for being honest with yourself, but if it bothers you so much you should talk to Royce."Julia said.

"God, no way, I'm already walking on egg shells as it is with Royce. If I tell him how I've been feeling he's going to back pedal and lock me out for sure. We just got back in a pretty decent place I don't want to disrupt that, maybe I can sort through these feelings on my own." I said.

The girls looked at each other doubtfully.

"Maybe you should try looking for their father again? Your feelings may just be stemming from you wanting the girls to know their real father." Cat suggested.

"Maybe, but it was hard to find him back then, so it will be damn near impossible to find him now. And Royce would not like that in the slightest."

"Try taking some time for yourself. Once the girls are to bed, try doing something to help you relax and sort through your feelings." Julia said.

They both made valid points that I must consider, but at the same time sorting through my feelings was the last thing I wanted to do right now. There were too many other things that I needed to deal with. A few hours later Lily, Peppa and I said our goodbyes to the girls, packed up and made our way home. When we pulled up out front I didn't expect to see Royce's car home. He wasn't suppose to get off until a little later. I got the girls out of the car and we headed inside. Spot greeted us at the door first and Royce joined him right after.

"Hey beautiful." He said, taking the bags out of my hands.

"Hey girls!" He grabbed the girls quickly and gave them a little spin and a toss.

"Did you have fun at the park with momma?" He asked.

They giggled clapping their hands excitedly. "You're home early." I said.

"Yea, a flight was cancelled so I came straight home." A delicious smell passed my nose and I inhaled deeply.

"You cooked?" I asked surprised.

"When I didn't see you guys home I decided to surprise you." He smiled.

"Aww, how sweet." I reached up to kiss him gently.

"I'm gonna let the girls wash their hands and then we can eat." I said.

Royce cooked homemade spaghetti which was the girls favorite. It was more than easy to get them settled in to eat.

"The food is great babe." I said.

"I'm glad you like it." He smiled.

I loved when he can relax and be his normal self, no tension. "So I am off tomorrow and I was thinking we can relax around the house." Royce said.

"Oh yea, that sounds very nice and very needed." I said.

"Good, we can watch movies, order pizza, play games with the girls, eat ice cream and just relax all day." He suggested.

"That sounds like a great idea babe, I couldn't agree more." I sighed happily.

After dinner, Royce and I struggled through the girls bath routine and quickly dressed them in their pajamas. While I went through my night routine in the bathroom, I watched as Royce read the girls a bedtime story quietly. I smiled softly gazing at them. Royce and I are far from perfect and there are so many things we have to resolve, but as for now, things are good. I jumped in the bed with Royce and the girls and they moved towards me instantly. Normally I'd nurse them in their room before I put them in their cribs but tonight I just wanted them closer. Royce clicked off the lamp while they nursed and we settled into a comfortable sleep.