Chapter 5

Willow was already sitting at the dining table, when Philip entered the room, her book laying on the table next to her. Clearly she hadn't put it down all day, Philip thought to himself. A soft smile appeared on her face, when she saw him enter the room as she greeted him with a smooth "Good evening." Philip tried to force a smile on his lips as well, but he wasn't too sure if it looked anything like a smile. It sure felt much more like a grimace.

"How was your day?", Willow wanted to know, glanzing up from the steaming hot food on her plate to her brother. He seemed a little off. Like it had been a rough day and Willow couldn't help but wonder, who that visitor had been. She hadn't gotten a chance to find out who it had been or how long they stayed, let alone what the visit had been about.

It took Philip a moment to reply. And when he did, it was only a short "Good." that he knew would not convince his sister in the slightest. It probably came out sounding annoyed enough for her to not question any further though.

"Are you sure? You seem a little off..." Willow dared to question, hoping that it wouldn't anger her brother. She felt like she was moving on thin ice this evening and she surely didn't want it to end like yesterday. "It's fine if you don't feel like talking about it. I just want to let you know that I'm here for you, if you do." Maybe it was time to start moving towards each other again. Maybe she just had to start being there for him, instead of just expecting him to be there for her, she thought.

"I just had a lot to think about." Philip sidestepped bringing up the topic that he so dreaded to talk about, procrastinating for just a little while longer. He would tell her when they were done eating. She shouldn't have to go to bed hungry, because of him.

Willow took that as a sign, that he did in fact not want to talk to her about whatever was bothering him. At least not yet. But she still felt like they made a little progress to get closer again. She noticed that something was off and asked about it and he answered. He didn't get mad and they exchanged a few words without shouting at each other. It might only be a baby step, but it was better than nothing right? Maybe if they kept going like this in a few weeks time they could actually have full on conversations about what was bothering them, what they were thinking about. Maybe even about their father. She would just have to be patient.

Maybe, if they got along better he wouldn't be so set on keeping her on the Cornwall grounds anymore. Maybe he'd even let her attempt some balls. Sure it would take a lot more time to get to that point, but it didn't seem so impossible anymore. They just had to try. Willow knew that it didn't have to be like this forever. They didn't have to be miles apart. They could work on their relationship. And maybe they'd get somewhere close to where they used to be when they were kids.

"Look... I know we didn't get along too well the past few years and especially since our fathers passing, but I thought... I don't know... Maybe we could work on that." Willow decided to bring the topic up. Communication was key right? They just had to be honest with each other. "I know it's gonna take a while. Things like that - people - don't change overnight. But I really want us to get along again. Especially now..." Her hopeful eyes met her brothers.

"Uhhhh... Yes, of course." Philip replied. Obviously he hadn't expected their conversation over dinner to go into that direction. But also realizing that her bringing that topic up made it impossible for him to tell her about the deal he made that afternoon.

"We just have to be honest with each other." his sister continued. A smile had made its way up to her face. Clearly she was happy about the fact that they were talking. And that Philip had agreed on working things out between them. Although he seemed a little uncomfortable and stiff and the moment, Willow brushed that off.

Philip was meanwhile fighting a battle in his mind. How could he tell her now? But how could he not? Why did she have to be so lovable today off all days? Why couldn't she just be as stubborn and annoying as she had been the last weeks, the last years? No, today off all days she had to be the caring little sister! Ugh, what was he going to do? Telling her wasn't an option at this point. But not telling her wasn't an option either!

"Philip?" Willow's small voice snapped him out of his train of thoughts again. "Are you sure you are alright?" Philip looked back at his sister again, the smallest bit of worry in her voice, catching him off guard. "I really don't want to pressure you into telling me but I can see that something is bothering you. Maybe I can help."

"I... I need to apologize to you." Philip finally spoke up, instantly seeing the surprise on his sister's face. "I shouldn't have snapped at you the way I did last night." And with those words Philip had made up his mind. He wouldn't tell her. Not tonight at least. He just couldn't get it over himself to hurt her like that. Not today. Not with her looking at him like that.

"I forgive you." Willow answered in the blink of an eye. "I do realize that you have a lot to take care of now that father..." she trailed off there, not wanting to mention his death again. "I might not know how one manages a business let alone an estate as big as ours, but I can just imagine that it is a lot. So I am not blaming you for being stressed and on the edge because of it. I am sorry for not being more considerate about it." An unsure smile was tucking at Willow's lips. This dinner felt like huge progress. She made a few steps towards her brother and he made some steps towards her. She never would have expected him to apologize to her, but he did. And she was very grateful for that. They were definitely moving in the right direction.

Philip was stunned into silence. How did his sister get so thoughtful in the cause of a day? What made her change so much? Did she somehow find out about the deal? Had she listened in on him talking to the Grand Duke this afternoon and hoped to prevent the deal from happening if she acted all grown up? The deal was settled and done though. Nothing would change that. He threw a suspicious glance at his sister, who had turned her focus back to the food on her plate.

She couldn't have overheard something right? He made it quite clear to her that she should keep away from the study, now didn't he? And she wouldn't just go behind his back like that. Not after the fight yesterday. But what if she did? Was that why she said that thing about honesty? To make him feel guilty enough to tell her all about the deal, so she could talk him out of it? Philip's thoughts were running wild again.

"So... Who was that guest that you received today?" Willow's innocent voice snapped him out of his thoughts once again. "That's none of your business!" he replied sharply.

His sister was clearly taken aback by his sudden mood swing, nearly choking on the piece of meat she had just been about to swallow. But she quickly picked up her courage again. Maybe she had been a bit too forward.

"I'm sorry." she apologized quietly. "I just thought... we were on the same page about that being honest thing..." she trailed off once again, trying so hard not to be bothered by her brothers refusal to talk to her about his afternoon.

"Doesn't mean I have to tell you about every single detail of my day, now does it?" Philip snapped back at his sister.

"No of course not." Willow replied in a quiet voice, deciding that it would probably be better to keep quiet for the rest of dinner. Obviously she had gone too far and might just have ruined tonight's progress with that. Why couldn't he just tell her about his afternoon and that guest? She was just trying to make some small talk to keep their conversation going, for Christ's sake! This shouldn't be such a big deal.

Willow's appetit now out the window she quickly apologized herself, got up and left the room. She didn't want this conversation to lead into another fight and she could feel the anger rising within her. Stomping up the stairs louder than necessary and closing the door to her room a little too hard, to a point where it could nearly be considered slamming it, she finally let herself fall down on the bed.

Why couldn't her brother try to make the tiniest bit of effort too? The dinner started so well. He even apologized to her! But then he went right back to his old self, shutting her out and getting mad at nothing. And HE dared to accuse HER of being childish. The irony of that! HE was the one acting like a child. There was absolutely no need to snap at her like that just because she asked a simple question. It wasn't even a really delicate question. Why did it have to remain such a mystery who had visited the Cornwall Estate that day?

Snorting at her brother's outburst Willow got up from her bed again to get out of her gown and ready for bed. Undoing at least a million buttons and the lacing on the corset and removing all the extra layers as well as the hooped skirt, Willow was finally left in her undergarment about 15 minutes later. It really was ridiculous how long it took to get dressed in the morning and to get undressed again at night. What a waste of time.

What would she have given to just throw on some trousers and a button-down shirt and be pretty much ready to go. But no, she had to spend at least half an hour a day just getting dressed and undressed. And for all that effort you'd expect those gowns to be practical, but they weren't. Not even in the slightest. If the hem of your skirt was just ever so slightly too long you'd constantly trip over it. Not to even mention that hooped skirt that needed a ton of space. Why couldn't women wear trousers and shirts too? At least give them the freedom to choose.

If it wasn't for that stupid gown and the pressure of society and her brother on her to wear it, she would be able to sneak off of the grounds tonight. Just for a little while. No one would even notice that she was gone and no one would miss her at night time. Plus since it was dark no one would see her sneak to the back off the garden and back to the house later on. She'd just have to wait till everyone was sleeping. But Willow couldn't very well go in one of her gowns and she had nothing else to wear.

She could sneak into her brothers room and borrow some of his pants, but the risk of getting caught was too high. Especially tonight. And he would be furious if he were to find her in his room.

Sneaking in when he was already asleep was an option to be considered, but there was still the risk of him waking up. Willow remembered him being a rather light sleeper as a child. She had admired that quality of his, when she had been just a little girl. He had been awake the second she opened his door, when she couldn't sleep. If he were to still possess that quality, which was to be expected, it would be impossible to sneak in and out without him noticing. Not even mentioning searching his room for the right clothes in complete darkness. No, that was about as risky as sneaking in during the daytime.

Where else could she get some mens clothing from? The servants each had a small room downstairs in the basement, but sneaking down there was probably even more impossible than sneaking into her brother's room and even if she would manage to do that, as servants they probably each only had two sets of clothing and a good one for church. They would notice the absence of something quite soon. So that wasn't an option either. Ugh, there had to be a way to get a hold of some mens clothing!

Willow was running out of ideas.

Hold on one second... Maybe not the very button but the very top of this house held the answer to Willow's question. There was a chance that some of her father's clothing was stored away somewhere in the attic. No one had forbidden her to go up there so no one should mind if she did. And she could always say she was just looking for some books or her mother's jewelry or whatever, if someone were to ask.

With that plan set in her head all that she really needed was luck on her side. She really did hope to find some old clothes from her father up in the attic and it seemed possible. Plus she had nothing to lose. The only risky part really was bringing those clothes down from the attic to her room, once she found them. But she could worry about that when the time for that came.

Willow felt that spark back inside of her. Freedom seemed a little closer now. Although there was this little voice in her head, telling her not to do it. She had just made some progress in getting closer to her brother. She had gotten so mad at him for not telling her about his afternoon and now she was planning to sneak off and break his most important rule? She did feel like she was betraying him. Him and the tiny little progress they made. Shouldn't she make the first step in this? Shouldn't she be the one to start being honest with him?

The young duchess was undecided on what to do. On one hand she was longing to finally get off of those grounds again and get a taste of freedom and on the other hand she felt obligated to the promise she made to her brother today.

Maybe she didn't have to make a decision about it now. She could see how things between her and her brother would progress. If things went well, she surely wouldn't feel the need to run off. And if things went bad, she could still go up to the attic and search for those clothes. Who said she had to make her mind up about that now?

What Willow was sure about though, was that she wanted to go up to the attic. To explore a little. Who knows what one could find up there? She would like to find some things from her mother. It would mean a lot to her to have something from her. It didn't have to be something huge. Maybe a photograph or a piece of jewelry. Anything really.

Or she might find some more books up there. Willow was already tired of having to go to "her brother's" study when she wanted a new book. She wished they had an actual library. It didn't have to be big. Just a room that was just for books and that didn't belong to anyone. But you couldn't always get what you wanted, right?

Maybe Willow would find some old maps up there too. Of far off places. Or a compass. Willow couldn't wait to go up to the attic now. But she also knew that going up there now was not an option. She wasn't supposed to be seen in just her undergarment outside of her room at all and she couldn't be bothered to get dressed again. Once a day was more than enough. And she didn't want to bother Elise with it either. Plus there was a high chance that Philip would send her right back to her room and to bed when he saw her strolling through the house this late.

There was no way around it, she would have to wait till tomorrow. But she could continue dreaming about the treasures she'd find up there. Why only didn't this idea come to her any earlier. Attics tended to have a scary exciting thing about them.

Willow had read books about dead bodies being found in attics before. Surely not a book that her brother would have approved of but he never found out and she surely wasn't planning on telling him. Not even if she had promised to be honest.

She would be honest from now on though. Which, as he stated correctly at dinner, didn't necessarily mean that she had to tell him everything. But she could be more open. She could tell him about how she spent her day and maybe he'd come along and tell her about his day as well. Willow knew that she needed to be patient. But patience had never really been a quality of hers. She had always been too bubbly for that. But she would try her hardest.

Tomorrow would be a new day and she did hope that it would be a good day. She hoped that her brother would have calmed down and that whatever had been bothering him today, could be left in the past. She so badly wanted to start fresh. And she was willing to give it her all.

But Willow knew that this wasn't something that she could fix by herself. It takes two to do that. And if her brother wasn't at least giving them a chance and putting in the slightest bit of effort, all her troubles would be for nothing. She could only hope that she made her point clear at dinner tonight and that he could see that she had every honest intention on fixing the things between them.

Willow hoped that she didn't ruin it all by asking about his afternoon. Had she been too curious? Too demanding? Maybe... Should she apologize for it tomorrow at breakfast? Maybe... But she couldn't keep apologizing for trying to make conversation with her brother. Willow didn't see any wrong in that and therefore there was no need to apologize, right? But it might make things easier if she did apologize.

She would just go with the flow. See how her brother was behaving the next day and if she felt like an apology was a good idea, she'd apologize. No matter if she regretted asking him about his afternoon or not. But to be honest, she really saw nothing wrong with that question.

---------------------------

I would highly appretiate it, if you take the time to leave a comment.

Let me know what you like and dislike and feel free to point out mistakes.

Thanks!