Chapter 70: Bonding with Rachel...

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked. She sat across from Alex at a small table in the crowded campus cafeteria. She had a milkshake. He had a hamburger and fries, which he was eating quickly. They had spent a lot of his break between classes kissing in a pile of leaves. His next class wouldn't be long in coming.

"You're making me a little self-conscious."

"I am?" She was leaning forward on the table, with both hands on her milkshake. "You're watching me eat while you've got nothing. It's kind of awkward."

Her eyes never left his, but she pointedly put the straw of her milkshake in her mouth. Alex paused, met her stare, and then just laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"You. Wow. It's like..." he shook his head, chowing down on another fry. "I don't want to sound like a jerk. I'm really happy you're here. I really like you. But it's just funny. I guess I realized just now that angels probably don't exactly date, do they?"

Rachel opened her mouth as if to respond, then closed it. Then she put her hands over her face. "Yes and no," she sighed. "Wow. Yes, Alex, I understand dating. I've seen it. I'm sorry. I'm being a fucking spazz."

He shook his head. "It's fine," Alex said. "I'm fine. I just felt weird that you were staring is all. I'm good."

"It's not that. Ugh. This sucks ass." She peered out at him from between her fingers. Then her hands fell away. "There's something I haven't told you. And I didn't want to tell you because you're not supposed to talk about your ex during a first date, right? If that's what this is? Are we dating?"

Alex blinked. "I don't know, are we?"

"If you want to be. I'm a little past the dating stage with you, I think. If it's what you need... it'll drive me batshit insane, but I can deal."

"Um." He hesitated, unsure of which way to take the conversation. "What stage are you at?"

"Alex, you've hardly gotten to spend any time with me at all while I've been all over you like the fucking KGB for days. I know things about you that you aren't capable of knowing yourself. I can't answer that and not sound psycho."

"So sound psycho," Alex shrugged.

Rachel inhaled. She seemed a bit nervous. "I'm at the 'run away with him and never look back' stage." She pursed her lips a bit, watching him as if she expected him to bolt. "We can take your other girls, though. I'm totally okay with that. I can share you as long as I can have you all to myself, too."

Alex grinned, then laughed. She laughed, too, a bit nervously. "You're right," he said, "that sounds kind of psycho."

"Then why are you laughing?"

"Because you make me feel good?" He shrugged. "I don't know. I just... do you believe in love at first sight?"

"Funny you should ask that. No. Not for about nine hundred years or so."

"Neither do I. But every time you've been around I just can't help but think how much I like you and how much more I want to see of you."

Her face brightened. "That's really sweet."

"I don't know how else to say it. You're just so alive. I mean, you're really beautiful, but that goes without saying. But on top of that, you're just... I don't know. You feel good to be with. Really good. You're witty, you're smart. You've just got this energy that I want more and more of and I know it's totally strange, but I feel like we just... click."

Rachel nodded. "We do."

"I almost feel bad about saying that."

"Why? Because of Lorelei? Don't. I know you love her. I think that's fucking awesome. I'd never let anything come between you two. Why would that make any difference?"

"Because it's like I'm comparing her to you. As amazing and overwhelming as you both are, that's bound to leave one of you feeling short-changed somehow."

The angel shrugged. "Every relationship is different. Whatever feelings you have for me don't necessarily reflect on your feelings for her or vice versa, or for anyone else. Tell me how you feel about her. Gush about her. Get mushy. Honestly, I'll be happy to hear it. I want you two to be as deeply in love as you could possibly ever be. Neither one of us is going to get jealous of the other, Alex. There's bound to be some friction between us, but I think the worst of that has already passed."

"You don't believe in one woman, one man, then?"

"I'm not against gay marriage, no," Rachel deadpanned. She waited for him to laugh, which after a moment he did. "Monogamous love is beautiful. Polyamory is beautiful, too. Love is beautiful, period. Like I said, jealousy isn't something I have to deal with. I'm happy to... feel the way I feel about you regardless of any other factor."

Alex looked at her for a long moment. He could hear the catch in her voice there. Something more was there to be said, he suspected, but he doubted the cafeteria right before his next class was the time and place for it. He decided to change the subject. "You were going to tell me something about your ex. If you want me to talk about Lorelei, I guess that's fair."

Rachel's shoulders slumped as she sighed. "Yeah," she grumbled. "Guess I better just get this out of the way... I used to be involved with someone. Another angel."

"Okay."

"I used to think he was all that and a bag of chips, but in 1517 I realized he's more like a great big bag of rotting cocks."

Alex nearly choked on the bite of hamburger that was in his mouth. He put the rest of it down. Clearly he was done eating here, anyway.

"It gets into all that stuff I can't tell mortals. But his name is Vincent, and he's... I used to follow him around like a puppy thinking everything he did was cool and awesome. Thinking he was heroic. Then we actually became involved. We were in love for centuries. Or at least I was. Eventually I realized that Vincent is in love with himself, and I started to realize that he's just a big show. Doesn't really do anything meaningful. Doesn't really change anything. He'll never admit it, but he knows it."

"What do you mean?"

"You remember how a demon slain on holy ground is gone forever?" she asked, keeping her tone low so no one would overhear.

"Yeah."

"Well, imagine someone who goes around fighting demons but never really puts any of them away for good. And he's got the same advantage they do in that it's very hard to completely destroy an angel on Earth, just like it's so hard to really end a demon here. He's never really in a position where he might be at risk. That'd be fine, but he doesn't even risk anything even when it would really accomplish something, and yet nobody notices that. He knows it, but he never admits it. He's just a glory hound, really.

"Like that other succubus you and Lorelei ran into Friday," Rachel said, and then winked when Alex's face revealed some surprise that she knew about it. "Told you. Motherfuckin' KGB here. Anyway, I saw that was a potential threat to you, so I let her know I'd go nuclear on her sloppy ass if she messed with you. Hopefully she got the message. But unless she steps out of certain lines, I can't really go after her."

"Vincent could, but he won't. Not until everybody knows she's around and is spun up about it and he'll look awesome for taking her on. He won't act until he's got an audience."

"Everybody thinks he's this big, strong, brave demon-fighting hero. He's all beautiful and chiseled and glorious and thinking about how I used to buy into it all and fawn all over him makes me just want to puke."

Alex fell quiet for a moment. She spoke of the relationship in the past tense, but what it really made him think of was Taylor's ex-boyfriend Gabriel. He had no idea how one could compete with an angel. He wasn't wounded or worried, but it was the first sign that even this relationship – whatever it might become – wasn't necessarily all wine and roses, nor a sure thing. Just like any other relationship.

Naturally, she went on. "Y'know, I gave up my original purpose for him. I was... I guess you could say I was a librarian, is the best way to explain it. I was a keeper of history and lore. But that kept me tied down where I couldn't follow him, so I requested a new role, and I became a messenger. And a lot of that is just me floating around speaking into the ears of loonies and winos. Did he ever thank me for it? Did he ever think about what I gave up to be with him? Fuck no. Ugh. Such a jerk. And most of the time he'd just... just lie there like I was privileged to be fucking him."

The students who walked by heard that, of course. They giggled and moved on. Rachel glanced up at them, then back at Alex, whose mortified facial expression said it all. "Alex, you don't do that. I've watched you screw four different women and you're the polar opposite of my ex. They say male actors in porn are basically just props, but they never saw you in action. You're amazing." There were further snickers from the passersby, and finally Rachel got the point and lowered her voice. "The only reason you'd get lazy in bed is if your partner wanted to indulge you. It's not the same."

"This conversation is beyond surreal right now. Do you seriously watch everything?"

"Just about," Rachel said with a sly grin. "I told you before I'd be watching you whenever you weren't with Lorelei. Now I don't even have that restriction. I won't be looming over you 24/7. You're still going to have time alone for yourself. Everybody needs time alone, I get that. I'm not like co-dependent or something. It's just that you're still so new and fascinating to me, and it's only been a few days. But...there's really only one thing that I'd like more than watching you fuck." The straw went back into her mouth with deliberate slowness.

Alex swallowed hard. He was disturbed by the thought that knowing this about her wasn't disturbing. Still, he was only half reassured by what she had said. "Do you feel like you're over it? With Vincent?"

"Oh, fuck yeah. I've been over it for four hundred years. I mean, yeah, in some ways that might not sound like a lot for someone who's basically immortal, but on the other hand, it's still four hundred fuckin' years. I'm pretty sure he's not entirely over the blow to his massive ego, but I'm done."

Alex nodded. "It's just that you brought him up is all. I mean you remember the date you split and everything."

Rachel sighed. "Not because I still have feelings for him. Alex," she reached out and took his hand. "I remember the date because I remember watching Martin walk up to the church doors with a hammer and nails and some paper, and I thought, 'You know, Vincent would never have the balls to do something like this.'"

"Mart...Martin Luther?" Alex blinked in awe.

She nodded nonchalantly. "You're talking about Martin Luther. Are you seriously comparing me to that?"

"No, not really. I'm talking about having balls. Look, I'm not comparing you to Martin. I mean that was five centuries ago and a totally different context, and neither he nor I knew what that whole thing would become. But to some extent courage is courage. You have the guts to do what you see is right regardless of the consequences, and I love that about you, Alex. Even if you weren't a hero, I'd still adore you for who you are. You'd still be wonderful and I think I'd still be hung up on you."

"I'm still stuck on the Martin Luther thing. Are you serious?"

Rachel looked away, blushing a bit. "I might have had something to do with all that, yes. I mean it's not all making acid stains of the Virgin Mary on highway overpasses and whispering into the ears of guys holding crazy signs in downtown Seattle." She looked back at him. "You did hear what I just said about you, though, right?"

He sank back in his chair. "I don't feel like a hero. I tend to think I'm pretty ordinary. Y'know, the last week aside." Alex searched for words, which left him staring at his plate for a moment. "I mean it's... you know that I was only in that graveyard because I was hoping to impress a couple girls in my photography class, right? And that was just stupid. I knew it was stupid then, too. But I'm just a guy who couldn't even get into the Army. I'm not a hero. I've had a week-long string of good luck. I keep wondering when it's going to end."

"You have no idea how wrong you are about that, Alex."

He shrugged. "I don't know. I mean I feel a lot more self-confident than I used to. I know that. It's not like I don't feel good about some of the things I've done. You always wonder what you're going to do in a really bad situation. Like if you'll have the guts to handle it. I'm really not scared that I'm going to grow up to be just some loser anymore, and I used to really worry about that. But even with everything that's happened, I keep wondering when... like, when's Lorelei going to realize that I'm really kind of boring, y'know? Or you for that matter?"

Rachel frowned. After a moment's consideration, she quietly asked, "Did you know that Lorelei's like a big deal among her own kind? I mean she's not like a duke of Hell, but as succubi go, her name's one of the first anyone would think of. She's something of an icon. Alex, you've stolen her from Hell. The ritual that captured her and I was one thing, but that's not what made her change so much. I know that priest drew on her evil and my benevolence, but I gotta tell you, I've pretty much recovered and I bet she's gotten a lot better, too. I can't really tell a before and after difference for myself anymore. But she's turned away from what she was, and that's gotta be deliberate."

"You've done something that's never been done. something that would of been thought impossible even if it was thought of. You've taught her love, Alex. You've taught her compassion and remorse. It's not that ritual that makes her long for your approval or your love. Magical compulsions didn't send her into that bathroom at the restaurant to talk to that poor old lady. That was you and everything you've taught her and inspired in her, and you didn't do that through luck. I guarantee you, whatever happens now, she's never gonna be the same. And she won't go back to what she was before. Not now."

"Shit like a demon being destroyed happens like once a century or two. But getting one to more or less defect? That's unprecedented. It's not like you changed the course of history or anything, but you've kicked a boulder that's been in place for centuries and made it shake. That's a big deal and oh wow, you are totally beet red right now."

Alex was looking down at her hand in his, fighting the urge to smile. "I don't hear things like this a lot," he shrugged.

"It's all true," Rachel said. "You're a big fucking hero." She grinned more. "What? What'd I say?"

"It's, um..." He bit down on his lips. Under her gaze, he finally let it out. "It's 'big damn hero.' Actually. Is how you're supposed to say it." He kept blushing. "It's a geek thing."

Rachel smiled. "You're Lorelei's big damn hero. And mine. You might feel like a goon sometimes, but you're not. Everybody has self-doubt. Everybody. But all that other stuff you said about being boring is just bullshit. I gotta tell you, Lorelei and I have both been around long enough to know what's important to us and what isn't. We – she loves you, Alex, for who you are. It's not magic. It's not the ritual. It's real. And my feelings are just as real, too."

They were both silent for a long moment. Alex was still searching for words. "You're both just... she's overwhelming. She's so overwhelming. I can't believe I'm worthy of her. And I feel pretty much the same way about you."

"That's how love usually feels. Especially at first." She grinned at him. "And I'll grant that we're both pretty fantastic."

"We were talking about something else before, though, weren't we?"

"I could tell you how awesome you are for days," Rachel winked. "But yeah," she sighed. "We were talking about stupid Vincent and the stupid chip on his stupid shoulder."

"Well, if you're over him, what's it got to do with anything?"

"He's... ugh. There are angels that guard over people, but there are also angels that guard over places. Vincent's more or less got guardianship over this city as a whole. There's politics there, so it's not like he's got as much authority as that might sound, but he's got a voice. He gets listened to. And Vincent is all bent out of shape over you because you've shown him up."

"So you think he's going to do something to me?"

"No. Not directly. That would be taking a risk, which he wouldn't do. But he's going to try to get you stripped of my guardianship. And he might push that through, too, 'cause you've got Lorelei protecting you as it is. When someone's more or less got supernatural protection of one sort or another the guardians basically drop him or her. Usually that's because messing with the supernatural involves turning away from the divine, but even when it doesn't..." she shrugged.

"Wow," Alex breathed. "What does that mean for you and I?"

"It doesn't mean you'll lose me," Rachel said quietly but firmly. She gave his hand another squeeze. "That can't happen now. But it'll weaken me. You get... I'm not sure how close this is into forbidden knowledge territory, but an angel's status and purpose has an effect on what he or she is capable of. Mainly I just wouldn't be as powerful."

"You'd still be you?" Alex asked. She nodded. "And I'd still be able to see you?"

"Yes."

"Then I don't care."

Rachel smiled at him, reminded all over again of how sweet he really was. "You've really got to go to your next class?"

"I've got a test on Wednesday. There's supposed to be a review for it today."

"Can I come with you?"

"We can try it. It's a lecture hall, and people have dropped so there are seats now... but the teacher's aides take attendance."

Rachel shrugged. "I can make myself invisible to every mortal except you just like Lorelei can. Just sit where there's an open seat next to you. What's after that?"

"Uh. Photography."

"Oh," Rachel said. "Right. Do you want me to make myself scarce for that?"

"No," Alex said. "Hell, no. I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I've just gotta do this biology class, and then... I don't know. I already knocked out the other heavy ones today. I could probably skip the rest. I'd really just like to be with you."