Chapter 92: Keep Yo' Dick Away From My Momma...

"I'm not mad at you for not telling me, Alex," Onyx decided finally. She walked between Molly and Alex as they picked their way through the debris-strewn foyer to the demolished entrance. Occasionally a young man or woman, having just found his or her belongings in the cloakroom, scurried out of the house. They watched, but didn't interfere. "I mean, I kind of am, but I'm irritated by the situation, not by you. We were both keeping a big secret from one another. More than one in fact."

"It really means a lot to me that you thought I was in trouble and wanted to help," Alex told her. "And then when you actually saw the real trouble I was in, you dove right in after me there, too. We'd be dead without you. And it's not like... I mean, Friday was really special, and you're really special to me, but it's not like I could expect you to put your neck on the line for me just from that."

"We like helping people where we can," Onyx shrugged. "Granted, this is way more than just looking for a lost pet or helping someone get over the flu quick, but it's something Molly and I agreed we want to do with our lives... just hopefully without all the crazy violence. And anyway, we had to confront these other freak wizards sooner or later. You don't have to make it out to be something personal."

Molly nudged her hard. "Yes, he does," she grinned.

"Okay," Onyx sighed, "Alex, I'm completely hung up on you. There. I've said it. I've said it in front of both of you. I want to keep seeing you."

He didn't know whether to be thrilled or to feel awful. He felt a little bit of both. "Wow. Um. Onyx... I really don't want to push you away. I want to keep seeing you. But you see what my life is like."

"Yeah? So?"

He didn't know how she could be so mellow about it. "You don't think it would be amazingly complicated to keep seeing me?"

Onyx just snorted. "Have you met Molly?"

"Hi," Molly waved cheerfully. "I'm a permanent complication. Break her heart and I'll turn you into a drooling, retarded, leprous mutant."

"I'll admit that I think you're crazy to think you can see anyone else when you've already got three girlfriends," Onyx conceded.

"Uh. Two."

"Lorelei, Rachel, and that other girl, right? Taylor?"

"Taylor's not exactly a girlfriend."

"You're her best friend and you're all mushy over her and you're sleeping with her. Close enough." Alex had to grant that. He shrugged while Onyx continued. "But apparently you've got the stamina for it since your demon girlfriend helps you with that. I just don't know where you're going to find the time. But I'm not asking for a deep commitment here. I just want to keep dating you and let things go wherever they go. My bet is it'll be pretty great."

He thought about pointing out that Taylor seemed even more interested in Lorelei than she was in him, but that seemed tangential. "Onyx, I really... god dammit, I really like you. More than just 'like.' I really want to be with you, too, but I'm already... I mean this is just crazy. And to top it all off, I can't really be sure if you really like me for me or for the things that Lorelei's done to me, and that's just not fair to you."

Again, Onyx smirked. So did Molly. "What?" Alex asked. "Seriously, every time I think a girl is attractive, she looks back at me like she's going to jump me right there. And half the time I can't even resist! I'm a pig! And I'm probably doing it to you, right now, and I can't even control it!"

"You're not a pig," Molly snickered. "You're more like a dog. A loving, happy, cuddly, horny, dirty, dirty dawg."

Alex slapped his hands over his face. "Oh my God, it's happening right now. You're totally giving me a pass on all this because I'm totally having that effect on you 'cause I think you're hot, too."

Molly and Onyx smiled broadly at one another. "Really, now?"

"Yes! Oh my God, Molly, you're smoking hot! I've got a horrible crush on you! Onyx, I told you before, I was in that cemetery taking pictures because I figured it'd give me something to talk about with both of you. Either of you. I didn't know you two were a couple. I just figured I'd... oh, man, this sounds really lame, but I seriously would've been happy to go out with either one of you." The witches burst out laughing. "Why is that even funny?"

"Alex, your magic sex hormones or whatever don't work on us," Onyx managed to tell him. "And sure, what you did with the graveyard was kind of juvenile and stalkerish, but it sounds like you at least knew that. But we, um... we've been talking about you almost since the semester started weeks ago."

He blinked. "What?"

"Onyx and I have kind of been open to a dating arrangement for awhile now," Molly explained, "but there just wasn't anyone. And then school started, and you were there, and it's just been a matter of making sure everyone's feelings were settled first."

"Your little 'effect' on other women doesn't work on us because we know how to ward ourselves against things like that," Onyx said. "The reason I asked you out on Friday was that I won the coin toss with Molly before we went to school that morning. Otherwise she would've hit on you."

Alex looked at her with his jaw hanging open.

"In fact, if we're all really coming clean here," Onyx added, looking at her boots sheepishly, "I, um. I cheated."

"Huh?"

"I kinda cheated on the coin toss," Onyx said in a small, guilty yet amused voice.

"You bitch!" Molly exploded.

"I'm sorry," Onyx offered with a meek look of apology rendered insincere by her obvious smile.

"What do you mean?" Alex blinked.

Molly looked at Onyx in exasperation as her lover tried not to giggle. Eventually she turned her attention on Alex. "Wow, you really are really dumb sometimes, aren't you?" she asked him.

"Yeah, kinda," Alex shrugged. As if to demonstrate, he was completely surprised when Molly stepped forward and threw herself against him in a rough, hungry kiss. Behind her, Onyx just laughed. When the assertive redhead finally let him go, Alex just breathed, "Oh."

"Onyx and I are really in love," Molly explained softly. "We also really like sex. We've talked about enjoying some alternate plumbing if we found the right guy."

"There's some rituals that work a little differently depending on the equipment," Onyx added. "But mainly we just thought you'd be a lot of fun."

"You, um," Alex blinked. "Really?"

"I just didn't expect to get all emotional about you," Onyx shrugged.

Molly hadn't let go of him. "I don't really mind. I think I can see how that'd happen"

"You'll see better once you've had a chance to really get to know him," Onyx predicted.

"You're really okay with everything?" Alex asked.

"Depends," Onyx shrugged again. "Are you? We think you're perfect. We both really like you. Obviously you're a good guy. You're in a great committed relationship, so you're not likely to get overly dependent or clingy on us. Your other girlfriend... girlfriends are okay with it. And like I said, you've got the stamina." She walked closer to him to run her fingers through his hair.

"You caught the part about my other girlfriends feeling it when I have sex, right?"

"Yeah, we're not asking you to bring them along," Onyx said.

"Yet," Molly interrupted with a mischievous grin.

Onyx frowned a bit, but her frown was unconvincing. "It does sound like a good way to make sure they don't feel left out."

"And the part about women throwing themselves at me?"

The amusement shared by the two women was unmistakable. "Sounds like a terrible burden," Molly said.

"Yeah. That's a real curse," Onyx murmured. She leaned in to kiss his neck.

"The Curse of the Guy Who Gets Laid a Lot," Molly suggested.

Onyx snickered, but kept kissing his neck. "Yeah. But it's not your fault you've got a hungry sex demon to feed. What kind of friends would we be if we weren't understanding about your domestic challenges?"

"You honestly think that I'm not having that effect on you two right now?"

"Meh," Onyx shrugged. "Worse things could happen."

Molly gradually pulled off of him, clearly liking what she had just stolen enough to go for more at the next opportunity. Onyx looked like she was about to take her place. Then they heard Drew's voice behind him say, "Hey, pimp daddy. Your other girls say they need you outside."

There were blinks of embarrassment from both Alex and Onyx. Molly clearly had no shame and simply chuckled at them both as she took Onyx by the hand and dragged her away. Alex followed, but was stopped by Drew's hand on his chest.

"I got somethin' I gotta say," Drew said firmly.

"Um. Okay?"

"I see what's goin' on here."

"Uh...yeah, I know it's weird, but they're all cool, and—"

"Alex. I'm sayin' I ain't stupid."

"I know you're not. You're one of the smartest people I know."

"Right. So I see what's goin' on here, know what I'm sayin'?"

"...maybe?"

"If you ever. Ever. Come near my momma or my sister with your dick—"

"Woah! Drew!" Alex threw his hands up. "I'm totally not gonna do that!"

"Ever!"

"Drew, it's cool! I'm not gonna hit on your mom! I would never do that!"

"Are you sayin' my momma ain't fine?"

Alex blinked. He was horrified. "Drew, I love your mom! She's like my second parent! I would never do that!"

"And that's another point. Yo' momma's like my second momma. If you ever try anything with your momma, I will beat you so hard—"

Alex buried his face in his hands again. "Oh my God. Drew, you're my best friend. I'm not going to try to sleep with your mother or my mother. Holy shit, I'm so sorry about all this." When he finally pulled his face up again, however, his friend was grinning at him.

"Got you," Drew said, then hugged him.

"Jesus. You're a bad man."

"I am," Drew laughed, "I am." He pulled back. "But if you ever. Ever."

"...what about Jason's mom?"

Drew grunted. "Shit, you don't know about me an' Jason's mom?"

Alex winced and started walking. "I'm sorry I even brought that up. You took that way further than I was gonna go."

Drew followed. "Took Jason's momma way further than she meant to go, too."

Groaning all the way, Alex found the others gathered around Lydia. He couldn't help but make a face as he saw her.

"Technically, she belongs to you, Alex," Lorelei said. She remained on the bench with Taylor sitting very near her for both support and comfort.

"What, you can't be serious with this, can you?" Alex blinked.

"By what passes for law in Hell, you are now her master. At least until Ba'al's crown is secured by another. Should you claim her before then, she will remain yours."

Alex looked at Lydia, who stared at him with her eyes full of hate. "I don't want her. What can we do with her?"

"How about we not just shoot this prisoner?" Jason asked aloud.

"I can take her to a place where she'll be judged," Rachel offered. "This chick has transgressed like a motherfucker. She'll face a fair trial and then it's the swift, sure boot of justice right up her fucking ass."

"Sounds good to me," Alex shrugged.

"We should take our leave, then," Lorelei suggested, "though we should also take some care to obscure the evidence here. There are good reasons to hide such events from the mortal world at large. Whatever the resources of the vampires and the Brotherhood were, they will not be in good order tonight."

"I can take care of that, too," Rachel assured them. "It'll all burn to nothing before I resolve the matter of Princess Skankula here."

"We're going to need a ride back to Seattle," Onyx said. "We left our car at Alex's place."

"Yeah, ah'm thinkin' ah don't wanna take anyone anywhere in mah truck with it all full'a bullet holes," Wade mused. "Reckon we're gonna have to steal us a car or two from th' parkin' lot there from what's left, at least t' get us back t' the gas station."

"If Lorelei can get you a new vehicle, I can make sure your old one disappears," Rachel said. "You might want to grab anything you want out of it before you go."

Wade sighed. "Easy come, easy go, ah guess. Maybe ah'll just have t' report it stolen."

"I can aid you in making the appropriate arrangements," Lorelei told him. "There are ways to handle these things."

"Hey, we have to set the gas station attendant loose, too," Jason reminded Wade. He was still dutifully watching Lydia. "Though how we're going to get him to keep his mouth shut isn't something we worked out."

"Leave that to me," Lorelei said. By then, Alex had sat down next to her and gathered her up into his arms and was holding her gently.

"Any reason we need to stick around here, then?" Alex asked. There was a collection of shrugs and shaking heads. He picked Lorelei up, cradling her as she leaned her head against his shoulder.

Rachel stepped over to him, making sure that Jason and Wade still had their eyes on Lydia as the angel turned from their prisoner to kiss Alex on the cheek. "I'll catch up, lover," she smiled softly. Then she whispered into his ear, "Might be awhile, though. I might be in a little trouble with my bosses."

"What?" Alex blinked. "Why?"

"For falling in love with you," Rachel murmured to him. "For making love with you. Angels aren't supposed to do those things with mortals."

"I wish you had told me."

Rachel just tossed her head. "It's what I wanted. You are what I wanted. I love you, Alex. I will always love you. You're..." she blinked, then shrugged again. "You're my hero."

It was Lorelei, held between them in Alex's arms, who dared to interrupt: "Don't delay long," she told the angel quietly. "The three of us have a great deal to work out." Her eyes were heavy with meaning, and though her tone was even, it had just a hint of welcome.

Rachel might have blushed in that moment, but Alex couldn't be sure. Despite the angel's natural radiance, it was a dark night. "Where are you taking her?" Alex asked, gesturing to the prisoner.

Rachel didn't bother to suppress her grin. "I'm gonna have a little chat with my ex."