Chapter 23

MCKINLEY P.O.V

After my stunt at Luke's birthday party, the guys took all of the alcohol in my apartment, downstairs to theirs. Luke had become concerned. He watched my every move no matter what I did. I hadn't drank in the two weeks since his birthday, not even when we went out to dinner. I was starting to get annoyed with them. Anytime Luke wasn't around for some reason, Ashton or Calum were.

"What's the deal?" I asked Ashton as I cooked dinner. I hadn't mentioned them all sticking around. I knew that they were concerned but I hadn't done anything further to make them concerned.

"What do you mean?" He sipped on a milkshake I had made him.

"I mean how come theres always one of you in my apartment?" I asked stirring the stir fry I was making. "If Luke isn't here, either you or Calum are here up my ass."

"I'm not up your ass." He rolled his eyes. "We're just worried."

"About what?" I had been feeling great. I had been working more hours at the office. I was working out sometimes with Luke when he would ask me. I wasn't sure what they were all so concerned about.

"We just think you drink a lot." I was totally confused by that statement.

"What?" I hadn't drank since the party and they all drank much more than I did. "Why because I had to get my stomach pumped?" He nodded just as Luke and Calum came through the door with someone else I had never seen. I felt the need to attack him. How dare any of them accuse me of being an alcoholic when they themselves were borderline alcoholics. I only drank with them and every so often had a glass of wine.

"Hi." Luke greeted me like nothing was going on. "We uh, this is Madison. She's a counselor." I was totally shocked that they were having an intervention. I shut off the stir fry and looked at all of them.

"You're serious." I almost laughed by how ridiculous they were being. I couldn't believe that Luke just never said anything to me about it. He just carried on like everything was normal instead of bringing up his concerns. I would have gladly had a conversation with him about it.

"Yes we're serious." He answered leading me into the living room and sitting me down on the couch. They all sat around me while Madison brought out a notepad. I suddenly felt so attacked and like I wanted to close in on myself. Thankfully Nicole, Michael, and Lynn weren't here or I would have probably had a panic attack. I kept my hands in my lap, keeping my eyes down. I had never felt so betrayed by them. Not even when Luke packed up his entire life, broke up with me, and moved.

I tried to listen to what everyone was saying but I had zoned out. I knew that they had good intentions, but I felt like this was pointless and that they could have come to me first without bringing some stranger into my home.

When Luke started talking I looked up at him. He was mostly talking to Madison, telling her things he had noticed. Then he turned to me.

"If something doesn't change, we can't be together." The words ripped my heart out. The breath caught at the back of my throat and I nearly choked on it. Tears automatically sprung in my eyes, that was the last thing I wanted. Our fun drinking days had never been a problem before. I wasn't sure why all of a sudden they decided to get serious about it. All of the trust that we had started to build back up was knocked down with a few simple words. I couldn't help but feel like all of it was my fault.

I didn't feel like I was an alcoholic. Hell my dad was, ruined most of my childhood from it. I had been careful enough to enjoy alcohol without it being a problem. I never relied on it to keep me going. I didn't need it everyday.

I pressed my finger's to my mouth trying to stop the sob from coming through them. I quickly wiped my tears keeping my head down. I could actually feel my chest cave in. I really felt like this was it for Luke and our relationship. I thought we would move in together and get married and live happily ever after. I was more mad at myself for letting myself be so blind and naive. I right away just let him back into my life and I thought things were amazing. I guess things were just going to good for me.

"I don't think I had that big of a problem." I whispered, stuttering over my words as I cried.

"You had to get your stomach pumped! Twice!" Luke shouted making me jump. Ashton rubbed my back as I cried.

"And you never thought to mention your concerns before this? I haven't even had a sip of alcohol since that happened!" I grabbed a few tissues off the coffee table to wipe my eyes.

"Cause we took all of the alcohol out of the apartment." He fought back. From that moment, I promised myself that I would never take a sip of alcohol ever again. Hell, I would never even buy it again. "I love you, I really do, I want to be with you. But I'm sick of fighting battles with you." This was the first time I had heard of us fighting any battles. We hadn't even so much as bickered since getting back together.

I could tell how quickly I was breathing and how fast my heart was pumping but I couldn't calm myself down. I had no idea that it had been such a big deal to Luke. So much so that he wanted to break up with me. I never wanted to be the person to cause him any type of heartache.

Madison came up with a plan of care. And I agreed to talk to a therapist at her office. I went to my room as soon as she left. I wanted to be alone but knew the guys would never allow that. Luke came into the bedroom behind me as I prepared to get in the shower.

"I was serious."

"I know." I mumbled. I would give them whatever they wanted. I would go to the therapist, I would do anything. I didn't want to lose Luke. I closed the bathroom door so I could strip and get in it without anyone bothering me. I let the hot water relax me but no matter what, my mind was racing. They were never going to believe me when I said I was fine.

Once I had scorched my skin to the point where I felt like it may fall off, I got out. I dried myself, did my face routine, and got dressed. I walked back into the kitchen where the guys were eating and got myself a bowl. I decided to take mine back to my room.

"McKinley, wait."

"I wanna be alone." I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge as I headed to my room. I sat in the dark with just the tv on, watching Supernatural while I ate. Once I was done, I chugged the water and laid down under the covers.

I had no idea where my relationship with any of them stood at this moment. I don't know if I was still Luke's girlfriend. I don't know if Calum and Ashton still wanted to be my friends. I knew nothing. And it was killing me inside.

I laid there for what seemed like hours before the door swung open.

"You awake?" Ashton asked.

"Yeah." I said back laying on my stomach looking at the wall.

"Luke and Calum left." This was the first time since we got back together that Luke didn't want to stay the night with me. "Figured you could use a friend." He slowly came into the room, waiting for my permission to let him lay with me and when I didn't say anything, he got under the covers and laid facing me. "He's just worried."

"He wants to break up." Over something that isn't even a problem.

"No he doesn't. He just said that to scare you into getting better."

"I don't have a drinking problem."

"Most people who do have a drinking problem, say that they don't." I sighed and rolled over, facing away from him. It didn't matter what I said, they were never going to trust me. My mind was racing all night. I couldn't fall asleep. It didn't help that Ashton was snoring but all I could think about was the fact that if Luke didn't think I was improving, he would leave me.

The next morning I got up and got ready for my appointment with a therapist. Madison said she would also be joining us at the appointment. I had snuck out before any of the guys could insist on driving me.

I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork at the office but was called in pretty quickly after passing it all in. It wasn't my first time going to see a therapist but it was my first time being accused of having a drinking problem.

"Do you think you need an inpatient care facility?" The words took me by surprise.

"No." I answered right away. I don't know if I answered too quickly or something but she asked again and added 'are you sure?'. "I haven't had anything to drink in two weeks. I don't crave it. I don't need it to survive. I don't have a drinking problem."

"I'm here to help you. Lying will not help." I sighed. I just wanted one person, one, to believe me when I said I was fine.

A week later the guys invited me to dinner at their place. I was sitting at the island in their kitchen while Ashton cooked. Luke had been keeping his distance but still came over to check on me daily. I had actually gotten in contact with my primary care doctor and got on anxiety and depression medication that I hadn't taken in a few months since I had been feeling okay. Lately I had started to feel like I was a hot mess.

"You don't seem to be improving." Luke mentioned when he sat down next to me.

"What do you mean?" I was so frustrated, I wasn't sure what more I was suppose to do. It had only been a week. It had now been three weeks since having anything to drink and I thought I was doing good. So much so that I was started to be convinced that I did have a drinking problem. I mean if three people were saying I had a drinking problem, it had to be true right? "I'm on new medication."

"You look like a hot mess." He answered.

"I haven't been sleeping well. Like I said. I got new meds." I answered taking a sip of my drink and before it got to my lips he took it from my hand and sniffed it before taking a sip. I was defeated. I stayed quiet, not wanting to cause anymore problems for myself. I just wanted them to believe me. At this point I was just waiting for the words to come from his mouth.

Ashton called for Calum to join us as he set plates in front of us. I ate in silence as they chatted. When I was finished I thanked Ashton and got up to clean my plate.

"I can do it." Ashton said grabbing my wrist as he came over.

"It's fine." I gave him a small smile while I cleaned the plate, fork and knife.

"When's your next therapy appointment?" He asked.

"Tomorrow." I answered. "I think Madison will be there again. She was at the first one." I commented as I dried everything I washed. "Why does Luke hate me?" I whispered. I just wanted everything to return to normal.

"He doesn't hate you." He sure acted like it. "He just wants to make sure you aren't going to hurt yourself."

"I'm not hurting myself." I answered putting the towel down. "And I'm not an alcoholic." I teared up. "My father was an alcoholic who ruined my childhood. Who treated me like shit. Who mentally abused me. I am not that man. And I never will be." I quickly rushed out the door and to my apartment. I made sure to lock the door behind me before going to my room and laying down under the covers. No one would ever believe that I truly was okay.

*LUKE P.O.V*

Ashton had told me about McKinley's outburst when he was in the kitchen with her. She had told me the stories of what her father had done. The awful things he said to her. Ranging from telling her it was okay if she got pregnant at 16 to telling her that she was a stupid bitch and he hated her.

"You know, maybe we did take this a little too far." He said to me.

"Ashton, she needed to get her stomach pumped twice. That's not normal." I answered.

"But that doesn't mean she has a drinking problem." He answered. "She hasn't had anything to drink since she had her stomach pumped. She's not an alcoholic. And you're making her seem like an awful person." I sighed at his words. I never wanted to make her feel like she was a bad person or that she wasn't good enough to be with me. I loved her but I never ever wanted to see her laying in a hospital bed helpless like I saw her after my party. "I understand why you're worried about her but this has gone too far."

"God." I ran my finger's through my hair. I knew he was right but I had no idea if she was going to forgive me for all I had done. "Fuck. I told her if she didn't get better that I would leave her. When there was nothing for her to do. She was already fine." I quickly put a shirt on before rushing to her apartment. I knocked but no one answered. I tried to open the door but it was locked. I had left my key downstairs. I called her praying that she would answer.

"Hello." She said as soon as she answered.

"Can you come let me in? I owe you an apology." I said right away. How could I be so stupid? If she was struggling with alcohol, I should have gotten her help. Instead I accused her of things, I told her I would leave her. I was acting like a horrible boyfriend and I knew that it wouldn't be easy for her to forgive me.

"Just an apology?" She questioned.

"Please just let me in so we can talk." She hung up but a few minutes later I heard the lock unlatch and the door swung up. She moved to let me in and closed the door behind me. "I'm sorry. I should have never just accused you of that. I should have come to you with my concerns. I was just concerned about you having to get your stomach pumped. You had no idea how scary it is seeing you in a hospital bed, looking dead."

"You have no idea what it's like to be accused of that. Knowing that my father actually is an alcoholic and my boyfriend and my friends were accusing me of that. I haven't had anything to drink in three weeks." She said crossing my arms over her stomach and sitting down on the couch. "Why didn't any of you believe me?" She cried. I right away pulled her into my arms. She deserved so much more than what we did to her. I laid us down on the couch.

"I'm so sorry." I held her. "I'm such an idiot. I acted on impulse. I'm sorry." She gripped me as hard as she could. I knew how much it terrified her when I said that I would leave her. But we all knew that wasn't true. I was and always would be totally in love with her. "I love you. I love you so much. I'm sorry I'm such an idiot. I should have talked to you when I had concerns. I should have listened to you."

"I love you." She said into my chest. "I just wanted your support." She said in barely over a whisper.

"I do support you. I just had a weird way of showing it." I answered rubbing her back. She stayed quiet. We were both just breathing in each other. I did love her. More than I had loved anyone else in this entire life. I knew she knew that I loved her. I knew that she loved me. She would always be the love of my life.

"Were you really going to break up with me?" She asked moving her head so she could see me.

"Never." I answered holding her tighter with one arm and softly ghosting my finger's over her back with my other hand. "I love you. So much that it hurts my body." She giggled a little pushing her nose into my shoulder. "It's you, baby. You're endgame."

"You're gonna marry me?" She asked.

"I'm gonna do more than marry you. I'm gonna propose. We're gonna have a huge wedding. I'm gonna take you on your dream honeymoon. I'm gonna impregnate you. Maybe twice. And we're going to live happily ever after." I answered looking down at her. "I want a life with you." I answered kissing her forehead. She smiled moving a little to plant a kiss on my lips. I held the back of her neck so she couldn't pull away as I deepened the kiss. She sighed into my mouth giving me the perfect chance to slide my tongue into her mouth. She sucked my tongue before moving back and biting my bottom lip. "Maybe we shouldn't." I pulled back, breathing. I moved my finger's to my lip that was swollen.

"Why not?" She asked sitting up and moving to sit on my lower stomach. She ran her hands over my chest.

"It's not that I don't want to, I just don't want you to think that we fight and then have sex." I answered holding her hips.

"I don't think that." She answered grabbing the hem of her shirt and lifting it. I could see her under boob as my hands moved around to rest on her stomach. I slowly ran my hands up and as my hands moved, hers moved to take her shirt off. I right away gripped both of her boobs and flicked her nipples to make them hard. She quickly lifted my shirt over my head before the door swung up. She quickly laid down on me to cover herself while I tried to grab a blanket.

"Oh shit, sorry guys." Nicole looked at us. Calum was right behind her. They had been sleeping together for weeks. Calum smirked as he followed Nicole to her room.

"Enjoy kids." He shouted before I heard the door close.

"Is it weird for you that they're sleeping together?" I asked her as she sat up and kissed my chest.

"No. They're quiet." Clearly because I never heard them. She kissed down my stomach and down my happy trail before unbuttoning my pants. I lifted my hips so that she could pull them down. Usually we wouldn't do this in the living room, with other people in the house but she didn't seem to care at this minute. I was able to get my hands in her sleep shorts but she got off the couch to step out of them. She then pulled my boxer's down and got back on top of me, slowly grinding into me.

I held her hips to guide her as I became rock hard under her.

"Baby." I moaned. "We don't have a condom." I whined as she held me in her hand and sunk down on me.

"I don't care." She kissed me and swiveled her hips. "You said you wanted to impregnate me." She giggled as she bounced. I bent my legs so she could lean back to bounce a little easier.

"I didn't mean now." I held her hips and dug my thumbs into them. I laid back and let her do as she pleased. She held her boobs as she bounced and held her boobs. I moved my thumb to rub over her clit. She moaned loud and almost lost her focus but she opened her eyes and smiled down at me. I sat up and pulled her to my chest as I thrust into her. She moaned into my neck as I sped up.

"Fuck, Luke." She bit my neck making me groan. "Please." She cried out. "Don't stop." She moved her arm to rub her clit as I wrapped my arms around her. She cried out as she came and clenched around me. I groaned trying to hold off so that I could lift her off me but instead she pressed down on me and I shot inside her.

"Oh shit." I laid back breathing hard. She laid on my chest. Thankfully she was on birth control and I was hoping that it was doing its job. We chilled for a few minutes before I sat up. She wrapped her arms and legs around me. I carried her to her room and into the bathroom to turn the shower on. She kissed me as I set her down on the counter and waited for the water to heat up.

"I love you." She smiled, resting her arms on my shoulders.

"I love you." I smiled kissing her. I helped her off the counter and into the shower. She washed my body as I watched hers. I helped her watch her hair before wrapping my arms around her and holding her. I couldn't imagine a life without her. I never wanted to see her laying in a hospital room, after having her stomach pumped every again. The next time I wanted to see her in the hospital, is when she was giving birth to our baby. But that wouldn't be for a few more years. For now, I would enjoy her. In every way I possibly can. But next? A proposal.