Here To Stay

"So I was wondering if I could get...."

We were at lunch. By 'we', I mean Mia and I. We are sitting by our table, eating while Mia's busy talking about something.

I'm not going to lie, I wasn't paying attention.

It's been a week now. A week since my last confrontation with Matt.

It's not like I didn't want to confront him anymore, it just that he wasn't even available to be confronted. He came to school when he felt like. He sat for the classes he wished to sit for (even though he spends most of the time sleeping).

It was like he didn't just care for anyone or anything.

I'm here trying my best to be friends with him, but he just keeps shoving me off.

"Alexis?"

I don't even know anything about him. I don't know his age, his favorite colour, his favorite food, his likes and dislikes.

Although I doubt he'd have any.

"Alex??"

I don't even know where he's living. I don't know his home address, I don't even know his phone number!!!!

"Alex??!!"

I slightly jump when I hear my name and I turn to the source.

Mia looks at me with a disbelief stare.

"Wow." She scoffs, looks away, and immediately looks back at me. "Here I am, spewing all my life problems at your feet, but your mind was far away."

"I'm sorry." I give her a small smile. "It's just that....." I trail off.

"What's it? Tell me. What's making you ignore me?" She asks

I gently lean forward and rest my hands on the table.

"It's just that I don't get it." I begin.

"Get what?" She knits her eyebrows in confusion.

"I didn't do anything wrong did I?" I ask.

She looks confused for a second before shaking her head.

"Recently," She begins. "I don't think so."

"Right!" I agree. "So why did he talk to me like I did something wrong?!"

Mia rolls her eyes and sighs. "Oh boyy. Should have seen this coming." She mutters as she takes a sip from her milk.

"I mean, sometimes I can be a little annoying," I continue. "And I know I told him indirectly I wouldn't leave him alone."

"Correct." Mia agrees as she picks up her phone from the table.

"But that does mean he should put me off like that." I huff.

"It doesn't." Mia mutters as she scrolls through her phone.

"I just wanted to help him because he seemed lonely."

"He does." She mutters again.

"It's not like I'm hung up on him or something."

"Or something." She adds and I give her a look.

"In fact, I won't have anything to do with anymore."

This time, she looked up from her phone.

"You can't do that." She says.

"And why's that?" I raise an eyebrow and fold my arms together.

"Because you're already attached to the guy."

"I'm not." I defend.

"Alex." She sets her phone on the table. "You never listen to any warning I tell you about Matt. You always talk about him. I don't know how, but somehow, we always end up talking about him." She continues. "You get less distracted when he's not around." She finishes and I scoff. "Like now." She adds and I look away before looking back at her.

"All what you just said, is gibberish."

"Sure sure." She nods.

"I'm not hung up, nor attached to anyone, especially him." I say. "I assure you, when he's in eyesight, I'd avoid him. Act like I don't know him before."

"Well he just came in now." Mia says, staring behind me. "Let's test how much you're hung up on him."

I turn to see him walking to a nearby empty table, sitting there with a huff and he rests his head on the table, probably sleeping off.

I watch him as he sleep and I feel the urge to stand up and walk to him immediately.

"Don't be shy." Mia teases. "He's right there. Just get up and walk to him. Let me prove to you that you're really attached to him." She says and I glare at her.

"If not for the fact I haven't seen him in a week, I wouldn't bother."

She rolls her eyes. "Sure sure."

"Fuck you."

I say and gently stand up.

"Love you too hon." She says with a glint in her eyes and I roll mine.

I walk to his table and stop right in front of him.

His shoulders sag a little and I frown.

Was that because of me??

"What do you want Dalton?" He asks in a gruff voice.

"H-how did you know it was me?" I ask him, stuttering a little.

"Do you need something?" He asks instead.

I look around to see a few people looking at our direction before I sigh and turn back to him.

So much for people minding their business.

"I know it's not my business or anything," I begin. "But I didn't see you through out last week." I pause. "What happened?"

"Like you said Dalton, it's none of your business." He says coldly and I frown.

"I really didn't mean that."

He raises his head and gives me a confused look. "What?"

"I didn't mean that it wasn't my business."

"What?" He says again.

"You know," I take a seat beside him.

"I never asked you to sit."

I shrug. "Too bad. Already seated." I give him a small smile. "What happened?" I ask him again and he rests his head back on the table.

"It's none of your business Dalton."

Why do I feel he's never going to tell me?

I sigh again for god knows how many times and look around.

Students were chattering about one thing or the other. The school divas were in a corner doing their over exaggerating makeup routine, the jocks were at another corner being douches and talking shit. The wannabes were trying to act their part, nerds were at one side studying as usual and I look to the table where I was seated to see Mia talking with Alec.

I sigh and turn back to Matt.

"Matt?" I say gently.

"Hmm?" He gives me a reply.

"Why do you like being lonely?" I ask him and he looks up

"Why do you ask that?"

"Well, you're always on your own, you hate people, and you give out deathly glares when someone tries to talk to you." I say and he lets out a small chuckle.

"I guess I just like being alone."

"Why?"

He shrugs. "That way I won't get too attached when they leave."

What?

"Everyone leaves at one point." He continues. "Be it intentional or not, they'd still all leave. So what's the essence of getting all attached when you're just going to leave at the end?" He asks, but continues before I could say anything. "It's better to not get attached to anyone than to be all sappy by the time they're gone."

I knit my eyebrows. "But it's the memories that's left behind that make it special and it makes you remember them." I say softly.

"It's the memories that's left behind that makes the pain worse and hurt more." He says back. "It's the memories that haunt you at night giving you nightmares," He looks ahead. "the memories that makes it hard for you to move on, the memories," He looks at me and I see his expression's changed.

It was cold, distant, and deadly.

"That makes you regret everything." He finishes. "So it's better not make any memories with anyone in order to avoid all that." He says looking straight in my eyes.

"Have you ever lost someone close to you?" I blurt out.

What???

Immediately those words came out, my eyes widened.

Isn't this great?

Something in his eyes flashed but I couldn't point out what it was.

"I think you've talked with me enough today Dalton." He says hostility back in his voice.

Me and my big mouth!!!

"Just know I'm never leaving." I tell him. "I'm here to stay." I continue. "For good."

"Yeah, that's all true until you do leave." He says and rests his head back on the table, completely ignoring me.

"But I'm here to stay." I mutter to myself. "I don't know how, but I'll make sure I do."