Apology

Weeks passed by but it felt like days.

Nothing special really happened. We all had our mid term test and I was glad I was done with it when the final test day came. I moved back home last week, but Alec wasn't home then.

We haven't made up yet, and each time I tried to talk to him, something always comes up. It's either his phone rings, someone calls for his attention, or he'd say he had something important to do.

Glad to know I'm not important.

It felt like he was trying to avoid me. I don't blame him actually, I'd avoid me too, but I didn't like the way our relationship was. It felt awkward each time we bumped into each other in school, and It was even weirder when we had dinner at home. Just a soul less 'good morning' when we see each other in the morning, and 'good night' when he leaves the dinning table.

He even started avoiding me to the extent of driving his car to school. Everyday. And that never happens. He rarely drives because he hates driving all the time. Says it's a burden. But now he's going through that burden just to avoid me.

Isn't that just nice?

Of course daddy has noticed the strain between us two. But in his words, he wants us to sort things out ourselves. And that's what I'm sincerely trying to do.

After school today, I intentionally followed him to his car and got in when he did.

He looked at me in astonishment as I got in the front seat, put on my seatbelt, sat comfortably and stared ahead.

"What are you doing?" He asks after a moment.

"You're going home right?" I ask back, ignoring his earlier question, without turning to him.

"Yeah, but-"

"So am I." I interrupt him. "It's not a crime to get a ride from my brother right?" This time, I looked at him.

He says nothing, instead he starts the engine and starts driving.

We've been on the road for almost ten minutes now and no words has been uttered.

So much for talking it out.

"I'm sorry." I suddenly blurt out.

Alec doesn't say anything. He doesn't move, flinch or show any reaction.

"For what exactly?" He asks back after a minute.

"Everything." I respond but it came out more of a question than a response.

He looks outside his window then back to the road. "You need to acknowledge exactly what you did wrong for you to feel truly sorry."

I take in a deep breath before releasing it. "It was wrong for me to act like dad had no right to move on after mom's death. The old man has tried for us two and he deserves his own happiness. I was wrong to think he had to live his life all alone after her death. I was really wrong to think otherwise."

"Then it should be the old man you should be apologizing to, not me." He states.

"And I'm sorry for not recognizing your own feelings." I add and it takes a moment before he shifts in his seat.

Jackpot.

I look down at my hands. "You also lost someone dear to you. Someone you loved. Someone you cherished. You were also in pain, you also had nightmares. you also miss her, I mean she was also your mother." I pause to catch my breath. "But I failed to realize all these because I was so stuck up about my own pain. I mean I lost two people in the space of five years. It wasn't easy for me. I thought that gave me the advantage to act the way I did."

I pause to stare at him. "I was so selfish that I failed to recognize my own twin brother's pain. God knows how many sleepless nights you've had. God knows how many times you wish she was here, holding, hugging you." I pause as I started to feel emotional. "God knows how long you've wished to know how it feels like to have a mother again." I whispered the last part.

That was truly how I felt deep down. I always had sleepless nights because of her. I always had nightmares because of her. I always wished she was here so I could hold her, so I could feel her. I always wished to know how it really felt to have a mom again.

Because she was taken from me just too early.

He shifts in his seat again and clears his throat. "We're here." He mutters and I see our house coming to view.

He parks in front of the house and gets out before I had time to release my seatbelt.

I also hurried to catch up with him and when I got inside, he was at the foot of the stairs.

"I really!" I shout and he stops. "Really hope you forgive me." I take a breath to see if he'd respond but he doesn't say anything so I continue. "Because as annoying as you can be sometimes, and although I really hate it, I really miss you." I add and his shoulders sag. "I really miss my twin brother."

He lowers his head for some seconds, then slowly turns to me and scratches the back of his hair.

It was obvious he was trying to avoid eye contact with me because of how his eyes were everywhere but on me.

"I-I just got a n-new game set a-a-a few days a-ago. I have some assignments to do, but it can be put off for later. I haven't had a c-chance to run a game on it yet, but if you'd l-like to join me for a game or two," I started to smile. "I wouldn't mind at all."

"We could make it interesting and a place a bet or two on it." I add, the smile still on my face and he nods, still looking at everything but me.

I give him a bigger smile and nod. "Sure. I'd love to play a game or two."