Awkwardness and Apologize

I watched in anger as the hostler led the palace mount, I'd been riding for the past week, out of the stables and then to the mounting block.

My eyes were glued to the saddle and the horse's back. There were two pads on the top left side of it. The top pad was for supporting the right leg and the bottom kept the left leg in place. Together the pads were supposed to rent the female from falling out of the absurd side saddle. I glowered at it.

"Miss Adamare," the hostler said softly. I turned my glare on him.

"Why did you not settle her properly?" I asked coolly. The hostler's face became confused.

"I-she-the saddle is on properly." He protested.

"Maybe, but that is not the saddle I requested. Please go put a proper saddle on her." I retorted. That hostler looked around wildly.

"I-I can't" he said finally, lowering his crimson face.

I put my hands on my hips, "Why not?"

I heard a horse ride up beside me.

"Because I told him to put that saddle on your horse." a smooth male voice said from above me and to my right.

My face flushed as I glared up at Prince Pharon.

"My dear little cow," he said warmly, "you are female. That is the proper saddle for a female. Please mount up, you are holding up our ride."

"Are you telling me, I have to use that to ride with you?" I asked coldly.

Prince Pharon smiled, "I'd be honored if you rode with me, Miss Adamare." My hands clenched and I bit my tongue. Prince Pharon's smile became strained, "Please mount your horse, Miss Adamare."

"I am waiting for the hostlers to change the saddle." I replied, crossing my arms over my chest.

"They're not going to do that." Prince Pharon said. His voice had become tight with irritation.

I smiled at him, "Then, I will not be joining you." I turned on my heel and started away.

Five steps later Prince Pharon's horse was in front of me, blocking my path. I glared up at him again.

"You cannot simply miss the mating events, Miss Adamare." Prince Pharon said crisply.

"Oh really? Maybe you should ask your brother how he feels about it. When presented his backside to me, he said, 'I was excused from the mating events'. He even was kind enough to put a bow on his present." I snarled, not able to contain my anger any longer.

Prince Pharon paled, then flushed and I heard several gasps from the other females.

I began to stomp past Prince Pharon once more.

I felt a tug around my middle as I was magically pulled into the air. I landed with a soft thump before Prince Pharon on his horse.

His arm wrapped around me and I stiffened. I could feel the undersides of my oversized breasts sitting on his muscular forearm.

I risked a glance up at him. He was frowning in confusion.

"If you want me to ride that bad, I will. There's no need for us to be so close, your Highness." I said as I swallowed the sour taste in my mouth.

"I like being close to you." Prince Pharon said distractedly. All his attention seemed fixed on his right arm.

I laughed and lightly slapped his shoulder, "You're not nice to tease me like this, your Highness. Let me down." He frowned and shifted his arm.

I giggled as if he'd tickled me, "Your Highness-"

"Prince Pharon, Miss Adamare is my partner today!" Lord Glade snapped as he rode up beside us. His horse's hooves thudded into the hard-packed dirt. "I demand that you give her to me."

Prince Pharon sighed exaggeratedly, "I suppose I must. However, both of you shall ride beside me." He said with a queasy smile. His faced had turned pale and he'd begun to sweat. That, I knew, was from the headache that came with feeling what your eyes don't see.

Prince Pharon released his arm and I slid gracefully from the horse. Lord Glade bent and offered his arm down to lift me. I gave him a flat look.

"I'll ride my own horse, my Lord." I said walking past his arm. I could feel several of the participants smirking at me while the others glared.

When I got to my horse, I turned and smiled at Prince Pharon. Then I bent and undid the saddle's straps. It plopped to the ground raising a small puff of dust.

Only then did I stand on the block and mount.

I didn't enjoy riding bareback. I always had to concentrate on what I was doing so I didn't fall off. It was difficult, but even bareback was better than that accursed saddle.

Using my knees and the reins, I urged the horse to a trot.

"Miss Adamare, we aren't ready to go yet." Prince Pharon shouted as I moved further away.

Looking back over my shoulder, I called, "Have Miss Goldleaf join you." Once more I nudged the horse's sides with my knees and flapped the reins. The horse took off at a gallop.

I laughed as I heard the shouts behind me.

After a little while, I had arrived at my clearing. I trained there for two hours. Then I brought the horse back to the stables and went to my rooms to shower and change.

***

As I opened the door, I saw Kane sitting on the far loveseat with his head in his hands. When I entered the room, he stood looking pale and distraught.

"I-" I raised my hand to stop him.

"I need to shower and change. When I am done, I will hear you out. I believe I owe you that." I said coolly. Kane's eyes widened and his dusky lips bowed upward slightly.

as I reached the bedroom door, he suddenly said, "I need a shower too." I blinked and then looked at him with a blush.

His face became shocked and turned red, "That- I didn't mean- that wasn't me!" He stammered. My eyes narrowed.

I had sensed a change in his presence recently. Could it be that he had gotten a partner at last?

"That's fine." I said to stop his stammering. He stopped immediately and let out a short breath.

I then realized what I'd just said. My face turned hot. "I just meant that I don't mind your smell, not that you can shower with me."

Hastily, as Kane was still gaping at me, I escaped through the bedroom door.

***

"So," I said. I sat across from Kane with my hands folded neatly in my lap. I did not offer him tea. "What did you want to say?" My heart gave a sudden lurch.

Kane bowed his head and began speaking rapidly, "About the woods, I'm sorry. I Don't know what the High Lord has told you, but it was my partner. He really likes you and-"

As Kane had talked, my confusion had grown until I realized he was talking about two days ago. I had to stop him then.

"In return for rescuing me, I am willing to hear you out. Is this really what you want to talk about?

Kane's eyes widened and his lips formed soft round 'oh'. He wrapped his left hand around his right fist and stared at them gravely.

"All I can say is that I'm truly sorry for that day." he said softly.

"Is that it?" I asked. I wanted more. My mother had died that day.

Kane looked up at me. His eyes were full of emotions. "I've thought, over and over, about what I would say if I got the chance to apologize. I didn't light that fire but I knew-" Kane broke off as he winced and clutched his head.

I frowned, "Your partner?"

Kane nodded, "He wants me to lie and say that I'm innocent, amongst other things." Kane's voice was a little breathless from pain.

"I knew you knew." I told him after a moment, "You were different all day. I'd catch you looking at me like I was a lame animal."

"I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't." Kane's voice was thick as he lowered his gaze again.

"Duke Essenvir wouldn't let you?"

"That wouldn't have stopped me." Kane said looking up at me from his hands. "I'd have lost you, if you went back. Rhana had gotten his father to agree to let him keep you as a pet. You were going to be his 'kitten'." I stiffened.

Kane continued, "They waited for you to return all day. I thought I could- I don't know, hide you somewhere, protect you somehow. But I knew if I told you, you'd go back, and they'd catch you. I'd have lost you." Kane's voice caught.

His words from that day drifted back into my mind, 'I love you. Please stay with me.'

My throat suddenly tightened as heart gave another weird lurch. Pain shot through my chest as I felt like a hand was squeezing my heart.

I swallowed and met Kane's eyes. He abruptly stood.

"I- I have to go." He said. His jaw worked. My eyes widened as I gazed up at him.

"Why?" I whispered. For the first time since seeing him again, I didn't want him to leave.

He raked a hand through his tangled hair and gave a hollow laugh, "Because with you looking at me like that, I'm beginning to lose control and you'd never forgive me if that happened. Ishmael really likes you."

I paled as I immediately understood what he meant. He gave me a long, searching look.

"What would you have done, if our roles had been reversed?" he asked, "If Sir Henry was going slaughter my family and let Camelia keep me as her pet? What would you have felt knowing you would see me every day but could never talk to me again?" His hands clenched and he let out another hollow laugh. "It's pointless, your mother died because of me, because I didn't want to lose you. I'm sorry."

Shaking his head Kane crossed the room and threw the door open.

I jumped to my feet, "Kane!" He paused, his hand on the door. "I don't know what I would have done, and I don't know if I can forgive you." Kane's shoulders tensed and he slowly nodded. "However, I need a training partner and I don't know anyone else that I would want to go with m-"

"Yes." Kane said. His head whipped around. His eyes were hot as they met mine.

"Then let's meet for breakfast tomorrow at 6." Kane gave me a ghost of a smile and nodded once before hastily stepping out of the room.