Conscience

Chapter Two

"Rose-colored girl!"

"Do you know each other?" the lady asked, you can see to my auntie and his mom that they're confused why her son knows me, "No. She just bought me a ja—" I walk towards him and put my hands into his mouth. That mouth should be punished like fuck.

"We're close. Yes. Very close" I grinned, I put my arms around his shoulder but his height is not cooperating with me so I need to adjust him. I pulled him downwards for me to reach his shoulder.

"Oh, you're in the same university, aren't you?" his mom exclaimed, "Pardon?" I replied, and I realized...

"Is this the son you're talking about? The Media Arts student?" I asked, she just smiled at me. I instantly look at the guy next to me. I removed my arms that surrounded his shoulder, I looked at his mom again and smiled like I needed to act so that I know him, so well.

"Yeah. Hahaha," I chuckled, I can't talk without consideration because, in reality, we're strangers. My conscience is the real enemy here, next is the asshole beside me.

"I guess, I need to go. Thank you for your time" I stated, I slowly traveled my feet into my house, but there's unhappy whispered words that I heard as I walked past those people.

"She's been like that. Her mother left, a lack of attention and care leads to how awful she is now." My auntie whispered but why did I still hear those words. It is a depressing phrase, that even single great happiness can't hide. I slammed the door too hard to make a scene make them stop. My head hanging low, I can't move my feet because of the devastation I felt.

My head slowly rising and my eyes starting to stare where I am; A dark room with a quiet surrounding, the memories that we do in this house, how this house are bursting with joy, all of us are having a mile-wide smile, and what more painful is that all those memories that we filled in this house became a dark, empty, and full of devastation. A place where I can longer call a home

"Millie!" a familiar voice happily calls my name, I happily turn myself to where that voice came from. I saw a woman waving her hand, giving me a sweet smile while she was waiting for me.

"Mom!" I called her while I'm about to go neat.

"Call your sibling, we're going to eat after I finish this," she said, and I followed what she ordered me. I call both my sister and my brother to get ready for our dinner. I take them to the bathroom and wash their hands. After we cleaned our hands, we went straight to the small table we have.

"Mom, where's dad?" my brother suddenly asks while we're preparing dinner. I stared at my mom, but it seems like she doesn't know what she should say about it.

"Your dad? He's coming I guess" I answered, his head hanging low, and his lips are quivering because of the disappointment he felt.

"Let's eat!" I said energetically, but the house was filled with sadness where I can't argue with it.

"I'll buy ice cream," I said, his head rising instantly when he heard the 'ice cream'. I smiled at him and gave him dinner.

While we're having a peaceful dinner. The house is quiet but peaceful. That's better than feeling whimpering or your heart pounding because of the feeling that there's a monster coming in.

All are surprised when someone opens the door and slammed it hard. My heart raced instantly. I felt something cold pass to me. I suddenly froze and was dazed about what happened next.

*slammed*

"NO!" I suddenly screamed out of fear. I felt pain in my chest as I heavily breathed. All my body was trembling because of that shitty memory.

I went my eyes on the house door because I heard knocking on it. I wanted to not open but it doesn't stop knocking. I forced myself to walk to reach the door even It's hard for me to move any part of my body.

My hands located the knob of the door and as I pulled the knob, it opened and saw who the person was knocking at my house. I quickly shut my door when I saw the guy that made my blood pressure up, but he immediately prevented the door from closing.

I heavily sighed and decided to open the door bigger and wider. I saw him staring out of my house, it seemed he was memorizing all its parts.

"What are you doing here?" I asked,

"Oh. I wanted to give you this" he lends his hands holding a container, it must be food or whatsoever.

"Did I tell you to give me that?"

"Can you at least be appreciative of what I do right now? My mom wants her to give you this, and she knows what happens between us. That we're just strangers, with awful memories"

"And let's forget about what happens between us, can't we?" I see sincerely in his eyes.

"I just pissed off that day because of the attitude you showed on me, but I want to be your friend. Promise! I am no longer pissed off with you" he raised his hands above his shoulder.

"Oh," I nodded, "How can you be so sure that you're no longer pissed at me?" I leaned my body to the door and crossed my arms.

"I am sure, precisely" he confidently said with a smile on his lips.

"Let's see if you no longer get pissed off into me" I grab the thing he brought here. I opened the container, I saw a porridge that seemed just cooked, you can see the smoke from the porridge. I looked straight at him and threw the porridge in front of him, slowly.

His face became bland and a dark squitter glance traveled at me. I gave him a teasing smile, to be even more pissed at me. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily, I scoffed after seeing him like that.

"I'm not pissed off," he said, "If you could see your face right now, you'll recognize that you're telling a lie"

"But I'm not" he gave me a fearless glance

"Liar" I exclaimed,

"Guess who's the one who gets pissed off right now" suddenly whispered,

I grunted. This guy is just playing me. I was about to close the door but his hands grabbed mine so I immediately removed his hands and faced him.

"I'm sorry." he said, "What now?" I irritably said,

"Can we be friends?" he asked, I just nodded at him to close the door.

"What now again?!" I shouted; he is so naughty as fuck!

"Let's go to university together"

"What?!"

"I can't no longer be late tomorrow," he said,

"As if I care" I answered him,

Suddenly, his hands were about to reach my hands but my entire self couldn't do anything about it. I just froze while he reached and finally held my left hand.

"Just for one day," he said as I felt his seriousness. I guess he badly needs my help. Besides, it's just for a day. Nothing will happen.

What I am thinking?

I shook my head to be conscious of my thoughts. I can't afford to be defeated again by my conscience, never.

"Please"

Fuck. Suddenly I lost what I was saying lately. I hate people saying 'Please' in front of me. I can lose my composure in a blink of an eye. I stared at him, I couldn't tell that I don't want to help however, I want to help him. I just closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh.

"Fine. Just one day"

"Really? Thank you!" He said; He's about to hug me but I removed my hand that he was holding in his hand and then quickly closed the door of my house.

"Is he supposed to hug me?" I asked myself while my hands are on top of my chest, feeling its fast throbbing.

"Pervert," I said after I went to my bed.

The next day…

At Exactly 6 am, I lock my house and about to go to my university. As I walk, until I reach the gate, I don't see any Miggy standing nor seating waiting for me. I rolled my eyes cuz I'm thinking he's still on his bed gasping and snoring.

I called his account. He added me the night after we had a conversation. I immediately accept him cuz I feel something is gonna happen, like this time. Finally, he answered my call.

"Yah!" I scold him. What I don't like is waiting for someone like he is the most precious thing in the world.

"Hmmm," he groaned. My jaw clenched to hear him groaned like that.

"I'll give you five minutes to get ready. If you're not in front of me within five—" I just threatened him with my words.

*end*

"Did… did he just end the call?" I asked myself while staring at my phone. I released a deep sigh while controlling my emotion at this point.

But I need to wait for him. I've promised, and I can't break any promises I say. And besides, five minutes is not taking me any big deal so after five minutes. I'll go. I know five minutes is short enough so I don't get bored. However, I don't know why these five minutes take forever.

*thirty seconds*

We are close.

*twenty seconds*

Close. Just a little patience.

*ten seconds*

I felt I'm counting down like what I always do at the end of the year just to welcome the first day of next year.

*five seconds*

In just five seconds, I heard a few quick footsteps. I turned to the place where those footsteps came from. I saw a person rushing to reach me. I felt those remaining seconds are getting slower and slower, destiny seems to be helping him.

*One*

He put his hand into his knee as he caught his breath as he ran towards me. I remain standing while staring at him, he rests himself for a minute. I was so surprised when I saw his eyes unexpectedly. His smile again appeared on his face; those smiles were like a down-to-earth. I took my eyes off him. I was staring at him too much.

"I'm here" was the first thing he said but I ignored it. I walked past him.

"I'm sorry if I ended the call a while ago. I didn't know that you're going to University as early as I woke up. He chased me while he explained, I just nodded and never talked again. Fast forward, we've just arrived at the bus station. We just need to wait for a bus to come up. Suddenly, the bus arrived. We take a seat and just wait for the bus to move.

None of us open any kind of conversation and I think that's fine. I want to get attached to him more. I want to end this and just bring my ordinary life, lonely bullshit.

We were close to our destination so I got up and followed by my companion. The bus stopped, we just waited for the door to open. As the door opened, I got off the bus right away. Again, we're walking but heading to a coffee shop near the university.

"Where are we going?" I heard him asking,

"Having some coffee" I replied,

We went inside at the coffee shop, I said just to me on the table and he agreed to it with a smile on his face. I ordered one caramel macchiato and espresso. There are only a few people inside of the coffee shop so I didn't struggle to order. I went back to Miggy together with what I ordered. I gave him the caramel macchiato cuz I don't like caramel. I prefer a bitter taste to a sweet one. I was seated in the chair in front of him. I grab my book and start to read it. I don't have any quizzes today but I still need to read.

"Is this how your day was made?" I raised my gaze to him,

"I need to review some things," I answered, then I turned my gaze back to my book.

"I see" he just ended our conversation. After that, I couldn't hear him saying something but I bothered that he was like that. I took a glance at him to make sure he's okay. Through my examination, his body is kind of trembling so I searched for something that makes him tremble like that. I noticed the aircon was behind him, so he catches all the air that releases in that aircon.

My eyes went to him, I know it's atrocious to make fun of anyone but I can't help it seeing him like that. I just smirked a little bit to release my tiny laugh and for him to not know about it.

"Are you cold?" I said with a worried tone. I feel that he's staring at me when I said that that's why I took my eyes and faced him.

"Can we go outside?" he whispered. I couldn't help but scoff at him, I saw him see me so I took my eyes off him and grabbed my book, and brought it back to my bag.

"Don't scoff at me!" he yelled. That makes me laugh more but I need to stay my composure. I stared at him straightly.

"Don't shout at me" I said then I turned my back on him. I smiled when I walked and he's about to chase me again.

"Thank you for today," he said, now inside of the university. He said his class was about to start at 9 in the morning. Gladly, we arrived here at 8 in the morning.

"K" I just ended the conversation with him. I was about to go but someone yelled at Miggy's name.

"Miggy!" I saw a guy running to us, I guess he's the one who's calling Miggy.

"People!" Miggy called,

"Man!" I thought it was just one person calling him but I was so wrong. Four people were going to us, two boys, and two girls. Wow! I didn't expect a freshman to have a lot of friends.

"You're not late" a girl commented,

Maybe they felt that I'm here so their eyes went ahead of me. They looked shocked when they saw my face. Am I looking like a ghost to them?

"M-Miggy, What Millie is doing here?" another guy whispered at Miggy but I still heard what he told this scumbag.

"Do you know her?" Miggy could not believe they knew me. How did they know me?

"Of course! Almost all the medical students know her" the guy explained. Oh, I didn't know that I'm famous enough to be known as a freshman.

"I have to go. I guess you and your friends are having a company to handle with" I said, I no longer waited for what he would say. I still need to review transfers for upcoming quizzes and lessons.

I went to the medicine building right in front of the university entrance. I'm heading to the cafeteria inside of this building. I was about to take a few steps in the stairway when someone grabs my hand. I certainly knew who this.

"What is it now?" I asked him,

"Let's review our lesson in microbiology," he said. He's Shan Atkinson, my colleague but not a friend. I don't know if I can consider him as my friend because I don't know anything about him except his name, and I think he feels the same way as me.

I could say, my day is quite ordinary. Nothing much special happens. I didn't see Miggy together with his company, which for me is a good start to erase him from my entire life. I'm heading to the cafeteria where I always went but I just passed behind the cafeteria because I'm a lazy person walking back for me to reach the front of the cafeteria.

While I was walking behind my building. I noticed four people, I guess they're waiting for someone but I didn't know that it was me. When they saw me, all of them were marching ahead of me. They're not intimidating, they just walk ahead of me. I remain my feet on the floor and I let them do what they're trying to do with me. I gave them a grave look to see what they were up to me. I didn't know any of them.

"Millie Roberts," a guy with a bucket hat said my full name.

"Who are you?" I asked them while I'm still in my position. They are closer and closer to me. I suddenly felt something grabbing my hands because I was shocked, I was about to knock him off but I immediately stopped myself when I saw how terrified she was. I thought it was a guy, she was wearing a baseball cap and when she protected her face with her arm is the time when I see her hair hiding on her back.

"Again… who are you?" I asked again. The girl I was supposed to punch was adjusting her posture and standing again.

"We're friends of Miggy. I'm Sheila" the girl said,

"Greg," the guy with bucket said,

"Sisi," I thought that there was only one girl here. But this Sisi is a girl wearing a pastel hoodie.

"Marco," the other guy said,

"I believe that I didn't tell you to introduce yourself to me," I said with appease manner. They became blank when they heard what I said.

"But… we believed you love to know us," Sheila said and forced herself to laugh. One by one his companions laughed while I still had a grave face because I didn't know what part of what she said was quite funny to laugh at.

"But I'm not" I defend myself. I saw they released a heavy sighed in front of me.

"Let me tell you straight" I stared at the guy when he stepped close to me.

"We want you to join us for Miggy's surprise birthday party," he said,

"Please, join us" the girl with the pastel hoodie provoke me,

"I decline," I said then I walked past them. I don't want to be there. I don't know them and I want to cut anything that I and Miggy have. The girl who I was supposed to punch ran towards me and tried to stop me. I closed my eyes while I calmed myself for the reason that they are so annoying. She expands her hands and her feet as far she could for me to preventing walking into them,

"But you're his friend, aren't you?" she asked when she's still stopping me. I stared at her with an icy gaze that I think she felt the coldness of my stare.

"I'm afraid we're not," I said sarcastically.

"Please, just for his sake. He wanted to have a surprise party on his birthday" she begs me to be there. I noticed that she's getting a thing to her pocket. I saw it's an envelope after she got it. She went ahead of me. She grabbed my hand and placed the envelope there.

"Please, join us" I can see her sincerity to all the words released in her mouth. They just want to have a great party for their friend, but I'm not his friend more like a foe. They finally walked away from me, I looked at them until I could no longer see their backs. After that, I put my eyes on the envelope she gave to me. Although I wanted to go, I want to cut everything that connects to me and Miggy. I just want to be a lone-wolf like everybody knows.

My feet marched until I went to the cafeteria I planned to go to. As I walked in the door of the cafeteria, my eyes saw a trash can beside the door. I once again looked at the envelope and I discarded it.

After the long day, it's the usual day that I always encounter every day. As I walk and wait for the bus. It was quiet, bland, and yet I felt it so surreal. This is what I always encounter every day, but now why am I feeling that I'm not used to it? I can sense that I lost again but not with my conscience, it's my emotion. I want to feel like I'm over the moon.

When the bus is about to stop. I ran at my high speed to reach the door of the bus so I could get off outside. When my feet feel the paved road. I rapidly ran back to university, most specifically in the cafeteria where I discarded the envelope. I ran out of breath but it didn't bother me to stop.

I think of myself like an idiot to throw something and eventually, I run back again to the university just to pick it up. I have reached the front gate of the university. The university is so dark that the only source of light is the cafeteria which closes well later. I saw a guard when I'm about to enter the university. I guess he's trying to stop me.

"I left something!" I just shouted at him without stopping myself from running. I'm heading to the cafeteria but the trash beside the door where I discarded the envelope is gone. I went straight to the woman in the cashier area.

"Miss, where is the trash can besides at the front door?" I asked her while I'm gasping. The woman looked frozen when she saw me, but I need her answer where the hell that trash can be?

"I need your answer" I added,

"At the back" she answered. I ran after she answered me. When I came to the back of the cafeteria there were five trash cans I saw so I didn't doubt rummaging through just to find the damn envelope I threw. While I'm digging and finding the envelope. I saw a man like he's finding something like me, I noticed it was Shan. What he's doing here? Why is he here?

"Hey! What are you doing?" I asked him. He just gave a gaze and proceeded on what he's doing.

"What are you looking for?" he asked while he was still digging in the trash can. I need to find it now so I didn't bother to be a bitch this time.

"An envelope" I answered, he just nodded at me so we started to find the envelope. A few minutes later, I sensed he stopped finding the envelope but I just ignored it.

"Is this what you are looking for?" he asked. That's why I immediately stopped and took a look at what he found.

That's it. I grabbed the envelope in his hand and opened it to confirm this is what I was looking for. I see that it is the same envelope Miggy's friend gave to me. I left Shan there and hurriedly ran to the address that says in the envelope. I went out to the university and after that, I took a taxi and gave the envelope to the driver and drove me there.