Episode 70 - Step by Step

Amari felt a few tears roll down his cheek and he groaned, wiping them away.

"Shit. Sorry, I just thought... I thought that'd be harder." He filled with relief, wondering why he had been so nervous. "Don't be obvious about it, okay? His ma doesn't know, and he's terrified to tell her. That's why I didn't want Taitai to hear."

"Yes, six-year-old boys aren't the best at keeping secrets," said his aunt with a sweet chuckle. "I don't know his mother, but if he has changed and is as happy as you are, don't you think she may already have her suspicions? I didn't really expect it, but my first reaction was anger that you would hurt someone you love, and my second was joy that you actually had someone. Don't you think she would be the same? She's still his mother."

Amari shrugged, genuinely unsure what the result would be. "Their relationship's hard to read. And he gets anxious, so I don't know if his fears're justified or not." He sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Anyway, just keep it to yourself for now."

"Of course we will, dear." She shifted around to her husband. "Lǎo gong, why don't you go watch Taitai while I talk to the boys? I'll fill you in when we're done."

His uncle copied her sweet chuckle and stood. "Yes, lǎo pó."

He walked out of the back room and called to Yangyang, then Amari heard him chatting with Taitai, asking if he would like to help with some chores. The child's excited response made him giggle.

"So, am I allowed to know what's happening back here?" Yangyang teased, but his tone changed seeing Amari's damp eyes and hint of red on his face. "What happened to your cheek?"

"Oh, āyí slapped me. Pretty hard too. I do not recommend making her mad."

"What? Why?" Yangyang voice cracked, and Amari just smiled, motioning for him to pull over a chair.

He waited until Yangyang was seated. "I told them. About us."

"Huh?" It took him a second to understand, then he shifted anxiously and his voice tightened. "Ah. So the slap..."

"She's angry I disappeared for three months and hurt someone I'm in 'that kinda relationship' with." Amari's smile widened, wishing he could see the expression on Yangyang's face. "Seriously, these're the times I'm really sorry I'm blind."

He knew he should feel bad, apologetic, for outing him without his permission. But he also knew Yangyang, and had thought about this over and over for months. Yangyang was so used to hiding, worrying about what people would think, he was too scared to do anything else. He needed acceptance to see that acceptance was possible, or he would never have the confidence to move forward.

Yangyang punched Amari in the side and then there were a few moments of silence before he hesitantly asked, "So, you don't care? That we're... together?"

"Dating," said Amari playfully, trying to make him relax. "Partners. Boyfriends..."

Yangyang groaned. "You're really enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Now I am." He let out a sigh in relief. "I was nervous enough to shit myself earlier."

Zhang āyí let out a light laugh, interrupting their bickering. "No, I don't care. It isn't really my place to care, since I'm not actually anyone's mother here, but even if I was, I would still be happy for you."

She leaned forward off her chair and Amari guessed she was comforting Yangyang.

"When we took our Xiao Li in, he was so angry and unfriendly and distant. He was a little better when he left to live with that Ziggy, but to see him now... I would have never imagined he could change like this. Such a bright smile on his face and sparkle in his eyes." Amari heard her pat Yangyang on the hand. "If you did that, then I couldn't be happier. Welcome to the family, Xiao Yang."

There was a sniff next to him and Amari reached over to squeeze Yangyang's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Ah... No, not really." Yangyang coughed out a laugh, then sniffed again. "I was not ready for this."

Leaving his chair, Amari leaned down to wrap him in his arms, kissing him on the cheek. "See? I told you surprises're awful."

Yangyang's hair brushed over his face as he shook his head. "No, this was a good surprise." He took another few moments to compose himself and then guided Amari back to his seat. "I'm alright now. Sorry."

"No need for that dear," his aunt said sweetly. "You must be stressed, carrying this around with you."

Yangyang shifted in his chair, turning toward Amari. "Why did you tell them? Did something happen?"

"I decided a while ago that when I came back, I'd tell them. They're the only two people left in my life that didn't know." He scratched timidly at the star on the side of his head. "I'm sorry, that I didn't ask you first. I know I should've but... I don't know how your mother'll react, but I wanted to at least be accepted by my family." He huffed. "Though, I didn't know they'd accept it that quickly."

Yangyang reached out and took his hand. "Thanks."

"Yeah."

Amari heard his aunt stand, then felt a hand on his shoulder and a kiss on his head.

"Same for you, Xiao Yang." She took their hands, folding them together in hers. "Now you're both my boys. Xiao Yang, you can't stop visiting us now that our Lili is back. You're family, and that precious child out there is my grandson, so you have to stay in touch."

"Uh, āyí..." Amari turned toward Yangyang as she squeezed their hands. "You're gonna make him cry again."

"Shut up," Yangyang grumbled, but Amari heard a quiet sniff and smiled. He really was just a large, sweet man-child.

Quick footsteps came hurrying into the back room. "Ba!" Taitai jumped onto his father's lap, inserting himself between their connected arms. "What're you doing?"

"Sorry," called shūshu, just behind him. "He was bored."

Yangyang chuckled and shifted, moving Taitai so they were both more comfortable.

"Ba, why're you all holding hands? Are you sad?"

"Of course not." He gave his son a kiss. "We were just having a talk."

"Oh..." Taitai wasn't sure whether he should believe his dad. "About what?"

Yangyang chuckled again but didn't say anything, and Zhang āyí took Taitai into her arms, tickling him. "About things you are not old enough to hear." Taitai giggled and she giggled back. "Have you boys eaten lunch yet? Probably not. Xiao Li must be starving. How about āyí makes you something before you go?"

"Cookies!"

She responded by tickling him again and carried the giggling child out of the room.

When the others had left, Yangyang slid Amari's chair over until they were touching. "Seriously. Thanks." His voice was soft and timid, but genuine.

"Yang ge," Amari said, leaning in close enough to feel warm breath on his face. "I didn't just do it for you. I wanted to be open with my family, so that we can be open with my family." He grinned. "Anyway, the way you act, it wouldn't have stayed a secret very long."

Yangyang pulled his chin in and gave him a deep kiss. "That's probably true." He paused, then let out a sad sigh. "A Li..." It seemed like the next few words were difficult for him to say. "I want to tell ma. About us."

"What?" Amari yanked his head back in shock, almost falling off his chair. "Are you sure? You said you're having issues right now. Maybe it isn't the best time..."

"No. It needs to be done." Yangyang's voice was a bit unstable, but his words were determined. "My emotions were all over the place when I yelled at her, and I can't even tell her why. I can't explain to her how I was feeling, so there's this tension that just hangs there, with neither one of us talking about it."

Putting his arms around Yangyang's neck, Amari crawled onto his lap. Strong hands took him by the waist to keep him stable. "I don't want you to rush just because you feel guilty, or because I did what I did. I wanted you to know you're not alone in this, but I didn't do it to push you. I want you to be ready." He kissed him lightly on the cheek. "But I'll be there, whatever you decide."

"Alright. I'll think about it then." Yangyang stood and lifted Amari in his arms, one behind his back and one under his knees. "But, this feels pretty nice, not worrying about these things."

"Yang ge." Keeping his face straight, Amari did his best to sound annoyed. "There's a difference between coming out and being able to princess carry me around the shop."

"Ah?" Yangyang kept him in his arms as he walked toward the storage room doorway. "They seem the same to me."

Amari hit him on the back, actually feeling a bit anxious now. "Yang ge, put me down! What if customers come in and see us? Plus, we should let shūshu and āyí get used to this slowly."

Yangyang set him down gently, laughing. An arm stayed firm around his shoulders and lips pressed hard against his cheek. "Wèi, Xiao Li... Why are you more worried than I am? When did you start caring what other people think?"

"Oh, shut up," he muttered, taking Yangyang's hand and leading him between the shelves to the front stairs. "C'mon. I'm hungry."

Yangyang only laughed again, letting himself be pulled along toward the smell of cooking food.