Episode 86 - A New Limbo

Content Warning: NSFW, sexual content

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Yangyang let out a hot breath and slumped forward, his hands pressing into Amari's back. "What are you doing?"

A muffled giggle drifted up from Amari, his mouth too full to respond. Breathing heavy through his nose, he used a finger to caress Yangyang between the legs as his head bobbed up and down. Yangyang groaned, then his large hand cradled Amari's chin, pulling himself free. Taking a quick breath in and out, Amari smiled, kneeling on the edge of the bed.

"What? I can't take care of you?" He teased him by gently wiping a thumb over his lip to the corner of his mouth. "You're always taking care of me."

He was pushed back, Yangyang crawling onto the bed to hover over him, but Amari immediately flipped their positions. With a smirk, he was back down at his waist, swallowing him again. Yangyang let out a shaky breath, his hips tensing, and after a few moments, Amari let him go, moving his tongue further down.

Yangyang startled and reached for his face. "What are you doing?" he exclaimed, and Amari giggled again.

"What, Yang ge?" he taunted between licks and bites, then pressed a wet finger to Yangyang, playfully encouraging him open. "You're not curious?" He received a low growl in reply and was turned hard onto his back, strong arms pushing him into the mattress.

"Why, are you?" Yangyang asked, his voice low and his breath so close Amari could feel every word against his cheek. "Not happy in this position?"

Amari firmly gripped his jaw and touched his lips to his ear. "Never," he whispered. "Aggressive Yang ge's so fucking hot. I love him." Yangyang buried his head in Amari's neck, then bit as he pulled their hips tight together.

::So easy,:: Amari thought with a light huff.

Placing Amari onto his lap, Yangyang moved up his chest and neck, every spot he touched turning red, until his tongue was shoved roughly into Amari's mouth. Suddenly, a condom was in Amari's hand, followed by a small bottle. Between fierce and wild kissing, Yangyang mumbled impatient commands and Amari followed. His teeth ripped at the packet and he urgently covered Yangyang in latex and silicone as lips smothered his soft moans and hands forced him closer. Then he felt fingers, first his, then Yangyang's, hurried and eager, pushing and stretching together. Finally, Yangyang's arms wrapped underneath, raising him and sitting him down, slowly forcing him open.

Amari turned to take a few breaths and Yangyang plunged him downward in one swift motion, thrusting himself inside until his burning skin pressed into Yangyang's thighs. The sudden movement made him cry out, clawing at Yangyang's back and hair, eyes brimming with tears.

Teeth bit at his ear, then his neck, then Yangyang bent him backward toward the bed. "Put your arms back," he ordered in a low, bassy voice, and Amari obeyed, propping himself up onto his palms. With one hand on the small of his back, Yangyang took hold of him with the other, his grip strong and the speed intense.

"Yang ge..." Amari's body quivered and he could barely form words between his heavy breaths. "I can't... if you do that..."

"Then don't," Yangyang growled in reply.

It was too much, too fast. With a large, audible exhale, his elbows buckled, and Yangyang's wet hand quickly caught his collapsing body. Lifted up, Amari's arms clasped tightly around the man's neck, his breathing tight and scattered as Yangyang continued to drive himself deep inside. His sounds, his every touch - he was feral, like a beast finally released from his cage, starved and desperate. When he finally finished, Yangyang fell backward onto the bed with a loud groan, Amari slumping on top of his chest.

Using his clean hand to wipe away the few fallen tears, Yangyang kissed the corner of his eye. "Did it hurt that much?" he asked, instantly turning from fierce to gentle. Amari only grunted quietly, feeling sensitive and sore.

"I'm sorry." Yangyang carefully hugged him, then kissed his shoulder, his face nestling into the crook of his neck.

Amari shook his head at the apology and wrapped his arms tighter. They laid silent and still for a long while, listening to each other breathe, their chests rising and falling in harmony. Though he was aware of the consequences and could have easily stopped even his wild side, Amari had teased Yangyang intentionally to provoke him. He was pent up and needed the release, but he was too exhausted to get there on his own, so Amari had to coax him over the edge.

It was barely another new year, and in the past few months, Yangyang had transformed into a different person. He had applied to his old college as a special studies student, taking classes in èrhú and gǔqín to refresh his skills. He took every job Joe gave him, sometimes working late into the night, finishing recordings while Taitai slept. Through Joe's recommendation, he even had some offers from local symphonies to play his traditional Chinese instruments.

Worried that session gigs were unreliable, he still kept two part time jobs, and when he was free, he made sure to tutor Amari in his GED subjects, and play with Taitai or help him with his homework. Everything combined meant hardly any time to sleep and no time for himself. Amari was proud of his determination, but also resentful that his mother's words had pushed him this far.

Because neither of them wanted to rely on her anymore and Yangyang was always busy, Amari spent his free time with Taitai, keeping him company at the apartment, or picking him up from school and bringing him along to his evening classes at the VIBE center. He was comfortable being alone with Taitai indoors or with sighted people around, but the fear of something happening while they were outside hadn't gone away.

Instead, he would call Ziggy, Cate, or Minwoo to join them, and they only took the bus between school and home, or school and work. Taitai wore his bells and was accustomed to holding hands or getting piggy-back rides, usually reaching out first or asking for the bells himself, but Amari still panicked near streets and in crowded places.

Of course, he couldn't show that fear to Taitai. Every trip became a game, and the child would hang from his back, playing his eyes even when he didn't need it. At just six years old, Taitai began to memorize bus stops and schedules, leading Amari to the correct ones at the correct times. It never failed to make Amari smile, knowing how similar he was to his father.

Since they spent so much time at the VIBE center, Taitai had easily made friends with some of the older kids, participating in their guitar lessons or other after school groups and activities. They called him 'dìdi' and Taitai called them 'gēge' or 'jiějie'. While Amari felt terrible that Yangyang couldn't spend the time he wanted with his son, he was also grateful Taitai could be surrounded by so many different kinds of people, and that he and Amari had this chance to grow closer.

Snuggling into Yangyang's neck as the two rolled sideways, Amari felt drained, and not just from the rough sex. Softly tracing his fingertips along the muscles in his back, he wondered how Yangyang dealt with the stress, always staying gentle and happy on the outside. The man was delicate in many ways, but that was one strength Amari would never have. He took what he could, helped where he was able, but it wasn't even a fraction of the effort Yangyang gave each day.

It felt like he had made so much progress, but Yangyang had really only exchanged one part-time job for another. He still didn't know what to go back to school for, or if he wanted to go back at all. After dropping out with only a year left, many of his credits were still valid, and he could easily pass a second audition. Yangyang knew he couldn't continue this way, just stringing together part-time jobs and musician gigs, but that was all he knew. Despite his persistence, he was stuck in limbo again, unable to decide on something worthwhile but practical, and Amari always in his head, refusing to let him choose something for the sake of money.

Underneath his outwardly cheerful nature, Amari knew Yangyang was frustrated and felt inadequate. He felt pressured by his mother's words and plagued by anxiety, but all Amari could do was assure him they had time. Yangyang clearly felt some urgency, as if they were in a hurry, but they were already together. Marriage was ultimately just a signature on a piece of paper. Even if they lived together, they had conflicting schedules and were too busy to see each other often. Those things aside, they were already a family.

Yangyang was stubborn in everything, though, even his fears and insecurities, and Amari knew each comforting speech was only a temporary fix to ease those worries. It was a tiring role he had no experience with, being constantly optimistic and encouraging, but there were no other options.

"Hey, Yang ge," Amari whispered gently into Yangyang's ear. There was no response, only a light snoring, and he smiled. "Okay. I guess I'll clean up for you."

After washing himself and carefully wiping Yangyang down with a wet towel, he grabbed his ankles and swung his heavy body until it laid fully on the mattress, wincing at the pain in his back and stomach. Grabbing a fresh blanket, he crawled up next to the sleeping man, covering them both. Listening to his soft breaths, curling up against his warmth, Amari closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep.