Episode 108 - Light

The song ended and Amari let out a light, breathy laugh, barely hearing his family making noise from the floor. He lifted a finger to his left cheek and could feel the tiny indent, which only made him smile wider. A moment later, two large, warm arms wrapped around his shoulders, and a face nestled itself at his neck.

"You're pretty incredible, you know?" Yangyang's voice was soft and sweet, and Amari shook his head.

"Only when I'm with you," he whispered in his ear, and he flushed at his own words, wondering if Yangyang had blushed too. He felt a kiss on his hot cheek, then Yangyang went to the piano, leaving Amari to take a deep breath and collect himself.

"We're gonna play around some more later," he said into the mic. "But first, I'd like to sing something special. Since I'm not just marrying a person, I'm marrying into a family, I wanted to sing a song for Taitai."

He made a gesture for his new son to come up on the stage, then listened to the little bells jingle closer until they were at his side. Grabbing a stool and a guitar, he led Taitai over to the piano, and Yangyang took him in his arms, setting him onto the bench. Amari placed the stool next to the mic stand, adjusting it so he could play and sing.

"Taitai, you won't be able to fully understand this song until you're older, and I wish I could've sung it to you the day you were born. From now on, we'll sing together all the time, okay?"

Taitai shook his feet, jingling his little bells. "Okay, Li ba. I'll get really good at piano and guitar, and we can jam. It'll be fire."

Amari huffed at how cute and innocent he was, clearing his throat as Yangyang chuckled. "Yeah, okay."

He nodded for his husband to start the intro, then the violins joined, then he plucked at his acoustic guitar. For over a minute, instruments were added, louder and louder, until they came to a halt and it was only his voice and the piano.

Sleeping At Last's Light was for a child just coming into the world, but Amari wasn't with Taitai as a baby. He didn't hear his first cries, he wasn't there to follow him as he took his first steps, and he wasn't listening when he said his first words. He came a little late into his son's life, but he didn't love him any less because of it.

Yangyang loved Amari unconditionally, despite the awful things he hid deep inside, but the innocent Taitai didn't see any of that. With his new family came a chance for Amari to be better - to become the person this child wanted him to be, not the broken person he was. Yangyang had pulled him out of the darkness, but Taitai helped him turn that darkness into light.

He took a few breaths after the music stopped, then smiled at the blur of husband and son, who had risen from the piano bench, Taitai in his father's arms. Amari stood from his stool, but Yangyang reached out a hand, stopping him in his place.

"We have one more thing. Since you already admitted you like surprises." He chuckled softly. "Can you get them out of your pocket Taitai?"

Taitai rummaged in the pocket of his pants, then pulled out something small, handing it to his father.

"Thank you," Yangyang said, giving him a kiss before putting him on the stage. He took Amari's hand and kissed him gently on the cheek. "Actually, I ordered these when you came back in September, but then you went and shocked me with a proposal, so I saved them for this instead."

His voice was a higher-pitch than normal, light and sweet, excited and nervous, and he pulled the engagement ring from Amari's finger. After a few moments, he attached a chain around Amari's neck, the wood and steel hanging down to his chest. Then, he took Amari's fingers and ran them along the outside of a new ring.

"Along the top is a mahogany wood, warm and bassy like me, along the bottom is black vinyl record, and between them is a steel electric guitar string." Amari felt each piece and Yangyang took it, slipping it over his left-hand ring finger.

He gave the other ring to Amari, guiding him to his own hand.

"Mine is maple, bright and beautiful like you, with a phosphor bronze acoustic string." The deep voice was so gentle, Amari felt his eyes water as he slid the ring over Yangyang's finger. "We never exchanged rings when we were married, but I think that tradition is important." He let out another light chuckle, and whispered, "Because afterward, you kiss."

Pulling Amari into his arms, he kissed him, deep and long as wild cheers and whistles hit them from the floor and around the stage. Placing Amari's head on his shoulder, Yangyang tightened his grasp.

"I love you, Amari Lee."

"And I love you, Li Yangyi." Amari's voice was just as gentle and quiet as Yangyang's, his eyes wet and his cheeks flushed, and he buried his face into the vest in front of him. "Jesus... When'd you even think of this?" He spun the ring with his thumb. "It's perfect."

Yangyang rubbed his back and then grabbed his shoulders, moving him further away. "Alright. I think A Li has had enough cringe for the night, yeah?" Amari let out a laugh, breaking the emotional tension. "Let's try to fill up your bottomless pit."

He picked his son up and led Amari off the stage, where they were assaulted by their friends and family. Yinyi and Minwoo both leapt excitedly onto Amari, chattering away about how romantic Yangyang was and how adorable their Xiao Li and hyung was.

Yangyang's mother joined her son next to them, giving him and Taitai a hug.

"You know I'm stubborn, so I don't always show it, but I love you very much. I have always been proud of you." It was the most motherly tone Amari had ever heard from her. "And I always worried about you. That you wouldn't find a path that would make you happy, but also let you live comfortably."

She pulled him down to her and kissed him on the cheek. "First your ba passed, then you chose music, then Taitai... I was scared for you. But, I don't think I have anything to worry about now."

Amari heard Yangyang sniff and clear his throat. "Ah, ma, what the hell..."

"Don't cry ba," Taitai said sweetly from his arms, and his father laughed.

"I'm alright, Taitai," he replied, his deep voice composed. "I was just surprised. Your nǎinai needs to go back to being stubborn. At least I know how to handle that."

She gave him a light slap, making him chuckle, then turned to Amari and shooed Yinyi and Minwoo off his shoulders. Pulling him into her arms, she hugged him tightly.

"Thank you, Xiao Li," she said in the same motherly tone. "I know you'll take good care of my boys."

Amari let out a soft laugh, hugging his new ma back. "I think it'll usually be the opposite, but I'll do my best."

She gave him a quick pat and then let go, heading away without saying anything else. A warm hand grasped his and squeezed. Though he would never say it, Amari knew Yangyang had been waiting a long time to hear those words from his mother.

"Alright, enough sentiment, hein?" Ziggy shouted loudly from the bar. "Let's eat, before this food is cold and all of our efforts are wasted!"

There was scrambling for seats, chatter and laughter, and Amari pulled out a chair next to Yangyang and Taitai. As they sat, one by one their small collection of family and friends came over to chat - the Zhangs, Joe, then Cate and Ziggy and Yinyi and Minwoo, and finally Ren and Yangyang's bandmates.

The last time they had all been together was Yangyang's birthday, with his mother leaving in frustrated disappointment and the two sneaking out the back, banned from the Li home. Now, only five months later, they were gathered again to happily celebrate a marriage. Amari took in the smells of food and the sounds of voices and laughter, and smiled.

"That's a dimple smile," Yangyang playfully pointed out, leaning closer. "What are you thinking about?"

"We keep having these moments," Amari said, running through the past year and a half in his mind. "I keep thinking, 'It doesn't get any better than this,' and 'I've never been happier than this,' but then there's another moment that's better and happier. How's that possible?"

Yangyang chuckled and kissed him on the cheek. "Maybe that's what life is. We'll keep learning, and growing, and loving, and there'll be a lot more of those moments."

His voice was deep and kind, calm and sweet - Amari's favorite sound in the world - and Amari nodded in agreement.