As I slowly turned to face the voice, I already knew who's it was. Yet I was worried to see them again, juts in case they hated me for leaving them to their fates and trying to fight for my family. When I was finally facing her, I could see what had happened fully, her left eye was now missing, a massive scar running down her face to her chin. Her hair had been burned off and was left with stubble on the top from what was left. Yet after all her damage she still smiled seeing me, and all I could do was look at her with sadness, I felt as if I had betrayed her.
"I'm... happy to see you're alive.." she added to her last statement, slowly approaching me, getting closer and closer till only a hands length could fit between us. I felt awkward to say the least, and as I began to speak she quickly began to hug me, like an older sister seeing her little brother for the first time in a while. In shock I didn't know what to do, my arms just kind of flailed around as he hugged me but I soon realised that it'd be more awkward to reject it, quickly wrapping my arms around her and embracing her.
"Same to you..." I replied to her softly, a smile forming on my face that slowly began to fade. Ash and Mak both began to walk away with a small wave as me and Phyora headed to our old room. The whole way there we were both silent before we both got in and sat opposite each other on the beds. It was awkward for a moment before she broke the ice.
"I don't blame you for leaving... But I wish you were there with us." she began looking at the ground.
"I understand. I just can't bring myself not to blame myself for them not being here now." I replied, I began to stare at the ground also, neither of us making eye contact. "I read what happened during your fight so you don't need to tell me anything." I quickly added at the end before standing.
"I see, well that's good." She replied as I slowly walked over and pat her on the head as I turned to walk out the door.
"We just now have to fight for their memories, for what they were worth." I began to open the door, before she quickly stood up and slammed it closed.
"Stavn, Caleo... there was something weird with him before the battle." she remarked quickly as she headed back to the bed and sat.
"Weird as in what? He was already a pretty weird person." I remarked.
"Extremely weird, he was walking around the camp at night constantly leaving and asking to join patrols and scouting parties. Then I watched him fall in the battle, but we never found his body. Just his sword." she quietly said looking at the floor once again.
She then began to explain everything in better detail for an hour, as we slowly moved through the halls to a sparring room and began to watch some spars together whilst discussing. She added to it by giving more detail on what he had been asking and how the sword was completely clean of any blood. His movements the day before the battle and the weeks prior. Giving me a better insight to what had been happening in the battle as well, about how they were told that they'd overwhelm the enemy with sheer numbers and skill.
When we had finished speaking it felt as if everything had been said, and as the last spar for the night finished up we both headed to our room. Then without a word we both went to our bunks and fell asleep. During that night again I had the nightmares and burst awake screaming my lungs off.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" I shouted, panicked by this one being more violent than last, suddenly Phyora burst awake and saw me sweating and holding my head in my hands, traumatised over the dream. She quickly moved over and sat on my bed and put her arm around me to keep me sane, for the first time after something like this had happened I had finally gotten somebody who was there for me. I slowly began to explain what I would see when I fell asleep and the reasons behind it, Phyora confided in me that she too has had these sorts of dreams but with the people she was afraid of and cared about.
"There are ways to get past it." she remarked still holding me tightly with reassurance.
"These dreams of yours are your brain telling you to hold yourself accountable. Telling you to do better as a whole and never forget those who you cared about. At least that's how I thought about it." she added as I remained silent trying to think clearly.
"That doesn't sound right... why should I be held accountable for things I didn't personally do? Why do I deserve to be punished for the crimes of others?" I remarked before it slowly hit me why I had been having these dreams. It was guilt, during this whole ordeal of dreams my guilt had been a massive part of why they were being caused. I felt guilty due to circumstance of what happened that fateful night where I first found out the plan to murder the emperor.
"I see... Phyora can I confide in you something?" I asked quietly before spilling all I had about the night I witnessed the plans to kill the emperor. As I spoke Phyora slowly let go of me and headed back to her side of the room, her face becoming more pitiful of me and slowly turning sour.
"So you could've stopped this but didn't?" she remarked, her eyes fixated on me as I tried to hide my face from her.
"Possibly... not everything could've been stopped but initially... yes." I replied the words muffled through my arm.
"I don't blame you for being afraid, but you should've said something." she replied in a more calm tone, she had began to understand my thoughts.
"By the time I remembered to say anything it was already done. I'm sorry." I slowly muttered removing my arm from my mouth, tears beginning to roll down my face.
"I won't forgive you, but I won't hold it against you, and since this whole ordeal has happened anyways... I won't say anything to anybody." She said as she crossed her arms before slumbering back into her bed.
I sat there for a few moments in disbelief, I hadn't been left off the hook, no, I had now been told to basically do better from now on and fight to protect the lives you've helped lose. That was my duty now, to fulfil my part and protect those I cared about. Before heading to sleep myself I smiled fully, coming to terms with who I was now and muttered softly under my voice.
"Thank you, Phyora."