Fan the Flames

Despite having returned to the comfort of his room, Felix was no less calm than he would have been doing this in the middle of the street. Upon getting through his door he had made his way to the night stand and grabbed his phone ready to say everything but he now starred blankly at the screen.

Pacing back and forth as he read the caller id over and over. Felix tried to piece his words together. The language that had always come so naturally to him seemed to be out to lunch in this crucial moment. All he could put together was that he had to call Becky, but what he would say to her escaped him. Would he apologise and ask for forgiveness? or Would he talk it out and hope she sees his side now? Either way a language of communication was required and his tongue was twisted.

He brought himself to take a seat and breath. Eyes closed as air went in through his nose and out through his mouth. He continued until he felt his heart beat calm to a steady pace. "There's nothing to worry about." He told himself attempting to manifest the sense and answers he hoped would eventually come to him.

Taking one last look at the phone in his hand, he swiped the contact and brought the phone to his ear. Whatever it is he needed to say he resolved to find it as the conversation went on.

brrr brrr The ringing echoed in his head. Would she pick up or would it go to voice mail? His disquiet mind grew noisier with each passing ring.

"Hello?" A voice spoke to him after the fourth ring.

"Hey, how are you?" He tried to break the ice.

"I'm fine." She responded between yawns. Her lack of energy and slight slurring of words making it obvious to him she had not been up long.

"I have some stuff I want to say to you before I lose this chance."

"Alright. What is it?"

"Firstly, I want you to know I'm sorry about what happened last night." He gave a short pause expecting an interjection but she said nothing. "I said some hurtful stuff and I regret that. I shouldn't have let my anger get the best of me."

"I'm sorry too." Becky finally interjected, "I was out of line for some of the stuff I said and could have acted better."

"We both took it too far." Felix breathed a sigh of relief with how well the conversation was going.

"Yeah, I'm glad you realize you were overreacting as well." She added. Her words drilling cracks into the bubble of relief he had allowed himself to feel.

"That's the same reaction any guy would have had if they found some stranger hitting on their girl." He replied, choosing to defend himself rather than submit to what her words implied. "But I agree we were both out of it."

"Fine as long as agree that you took it too far."

"You wanted me to just stand there and watch what he was doing?" Felix asked. The palpitations of his heart growing unsteady.

"What was he doing Felix? You just misread the situation as always." With the end of her sentence Felix felt his bubble completely shatter. What made him think this conversation would go well? He asked himself wondering if what he had breathed was a sigh of relief or loss. The composure he had been trying to keep dropped as their conversation turned sour. Leaving his mind in a mess that caused the connection between his brain and mouth to drop.

"Always? You mean all the other times men have hit on you and you played dumb?" the words coming out much more venomous than they had sounded in his head.

"He was not hitting on me!" Becky raised her voice.

"He looked at you like all he could see was you naked on his bed and you are telling me you do not think that was flirting?!" Felix joined her in increasing the number of decibels he used.

"Will you stop assuming things!" She burst, "I've known Dan since high school, he isn't some creep like that."

"Oh so he's 'Dan' now?"

"What do you mean by that?"

"You only called him Daniel last night. Why are you suddenly all buddy buddy and using nick names?"

"Is that seriously all you took away from everything I said? What does it matter how I call him?"

"It matters to me!" Felix shouted. His heart raced as the blood inside him boiled with anger, "Why can't you see that I care about who you hang around? I care about what the intentions of others are with you. Even when you can't see the negatives."

"I'm an adult! You don't get to decide who I hang out with!"

"I'm your boyfriend. I should be allowed to at least guide you before you end up in a bad situation!"

"Yeah because you were so great at picking friends yourself." her sarcastic tone came clear through, "It's not like I'm a fan of all your friends either. How about I start choosing who you get to hang around too?"

"Well at least my friends are constant. Unlike your ever changing circle of party girls and fuck boys."

"They are a constant pain in the ass if that's what you mean."

The bickering between the two continued. Tempers raised with neither ready to let up their argument. For every hurtful thing one said the other responded with something nastier.

"Can you just forget about this please." The full volume of Becky's voice came through the phone with perfect articulation. "I'm sick of running in circles about this. Daniel is just a friend alright!"

"Fine! To you he is a friend, but to him you're definitely not." Felix offered what he thought could be an alternative option.

"Can we just stop talking about last night?" She whined the energy draining from her voice.

Felix looked ahead of him. Staring at the navy blue curtains that draped his windows and hide him from the light of the outside world. Taking a few breaths, he composed himself as best he could before speaking his next words.

"We're not going to get anywhere screaming like this." He spoke calmly, "Look. I can agree to be less protective, if you agree to be more guarded about the people you let near you. Not everyone has good intentions."

"Fine. I will be less sociable with people I don't know well." She twisted his words to how she interpreted his request.

"Alright." He conceded not wanted to start another argument. "I'll talk to you later."

"Mmm Bye." She responded and cut the call before he could add anything more.

Felix let out a defeated sigh as he pulled his phone away from his ear and carelessly tossed in onto his nightstand. The after effects of their screaming match had paired with the lingering effects of his hangover to leave his throat sore and head spinning.

"Why can't we be on the same page about anything?" He lamented the thought as he burrito-ed himself in his blanket. Not even the top of his head was left visible while he drifted off hoping sleep would play its part and give him a release from reality if only for but a few hours.