IT'S TOO LATE

-In the shadows of my mind you seek comfort but it's in my mind that you destroy me -

***

"Are there any available flights this weekend?" My voice trembled

"There is one today at 7pm, would you like to switch them?" She answered with a calm voice, I don't know if she heard the way my voice was trembling but she did not mention it.

"Yes I do" it's a miracle she can hear me.

"Okay Miss I'll switch them right away" I could hear her typing something " Is their anything else I can help you with?" She asked.

"No thank you" I said more confidently this time.

"Okay, thank you for callin-" I cut the call before she could finish, I've heard it before where the fun in hearing her say more.

"Now I pack" I said to no one exactly, there is alot to be packed I need help. Before I could talk myself into not calling I picked up my phone the cracked screen glistened , it was 5:30 in the morning.

After I ran out of the club, I called an Ulendo even if it was expensive I just had to buses weren't going to be available that time in the night, I lived in Avondale at Mrs. Hamoya's house well they have flats in there yard but it's far from there main house, she said I could come and go however I wanted and this is one of them.

I can't believe what just happened, I mean I know I'm not as pretty as Tracy or Natasha or even Lucy but what did I do to deserve this? Well I'm just happy it didn't go too far because God knows how everything would have been.

Getting into the one bedroom house, it's all that flashy and Mrs. Hamoya says it's like no one lives here, I walked right into my living room I had no tv but a book shelf big enough to fill one corner close to the window to my left of the door, in the center is a fluffy white carpet with a coffee table on it with roses I picked from the garden outside.

There is a love seat and a single one , when you walk farther into the house to my left is the kitchen there really isn't much apart from a table in the center a stove and a single door fridge, a counter the runs from the sink to the stove . My floors in the whole house is white, I walked to my room and across it is the bathroom and toilet . Walking into my room I fall face first into the covers and let out a silent scream kicking my feet and arm a full on for if you ask me, sitting up and pushing my hair out of my face I get to packing I want to get everything done before 5 pm and leave this country and never look back, start afresh, anew and I hope this is going to be different.

I have always been quiet and always kept to myself, even when I was pushed, picked on nothing set me off always just kept my head down because what would I do fight back only to be put in my place, useless, worthless just not worth fighting for. Why would I when all I have is myself, I would rather scream in the dark than in the light, the shadows are my family and the light is my enemy nothing good comes out of hoping.

I hoped for friendship only to be made an outcast, I hoped for family only to be left alone with Nuns who would abuse me saying they are shaping me to be a better person, I hoped for love in anyone Human being only to be given hatred, disgusted looks like I slept in shit for a month. I gave up hoping, I gave up believing their is light at the end of the dark hall and I did good I was content with what I had, with who I was and that kept me from losing myself in my depression.

When I met Mrs. Hamoya, I thought it was all a lie , I thought she was going to help me only to throw me back but she didn't do that, she held me when I thought everyone found me repulsive but she was there for me when no one else was and I'm really greatfull for her and for what she's done for me.

I walk to the bathroom to get my toiletries, I'll probably buy more when I get there. Grabbing all I need, I head back in the bedroom open all the drawers and remove all the clothes IAM carrying them all and my shoes too, I don't have much but it's all I have and I'm not going to leave some only for then to just sit here.

It's 8am by the time I'm done with all the packing, from my clothes to my books everything is packed the furniture and the dishes are Mrs. Hamoya's so I'm not touching those she said she'll have the packed up, I haven't told her that I moved up my flight but she's going to understand that I need to leave as soon as possible to leave this all behind she knows more than anyone how important it is to leave. I have to tell her soon because my apartment and the person I am sharing it with is her family, I don't know about that part very well she said she has it all cover so I won't have to worry about it.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I hear a knock at the door, Mrs. Hamoya never knocks it might be Leo Mrs. Hamoya garden helper.

"Leo! The doors open!" I say pushing my bags out of the room to the living room.

"Ummmh it's not Leo actually" I look up only to be graced with Joshua's presence .

"What are you doing here?" I asked I don't know if I sounded hush but he fliched and took a step back. Good he should know his place.

"Rain... Please here me out okay?" He began but I couldn't even look at him in the face without feeling so much anger.

"Hear you out? Hear you out!? Did you even think about how I would feel? Did you even consider the fact that I AM HUMAN TOO!? no now please get the fuck out of my house...please just...just go" I turned away so that he couldn't see the tears that threatened to pour out of my eyes.

"Rain..." He said his voice cracking at the end " I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, I know how bad this is, I really thought it would be a harmless prank and we would go back to just chilling, we were suppose to take you out maybe get you a little high then go for a bite and bring you home, that's what they told me, Micheal said he liked you and that...that he just wanted to tell you how he felt and maybe be friends or more I didn't know I swear I just wanted you to have some fun okay? To get you out of that bubble you put yourself in, I ju-" the sound of a glass crashing is what stopped him.

"Who the fuck asked you to take me out!? Or whatever the fuck you think was right or harmless, I feel dirty, used, humiliated and worst of all I hoped I'd at least make a friend" I let out a humorless laugh " but no, you people will never be worth my friendship, so you can get the hell out of my house and never come back, don't even think of looking for me or even saying my name, now get out" with that I went back into my room and closed the door, holding my breath to hear of he is still in the house, I hear his feet moving and the door closes and I cry, I cry untill I have no more tears left, I cry till my eyes are puffy, my nose is clogged and my lips are swallen .

I hear the door open again and I am ready to just murder him but I hear a soft voice, a voice I'd miss when I leave, a voice that made me feel welcome and at home.

"Rainy sweetie, I was walking by when I heard shouts from here... Are you okay?" That question, Are you okay? Is something I can't answer because I don't know. " Rain?" She's at my door now, tapping softly

"I'm s-sorry Rose , I'm not... I'm not strong enough to handle all this, I've tried, I tried to be friendly and open minded, I thought... I thought I could actually make friends before I leave but... But they are all the same, they are all the same" when I thought I stopped all the tears they came rushing back, it's too early for this shit.

"Rain honey open the door please, let's talk yeah? I'm right here alright, right here" I slowly got up and unlocked the door. Once fully open Mrs. Hamoya rushed in and hugged me, pushing my hair out of my face she held my cheeks " Baby don't cry okay, I'm here and we can talk about it later but first tell me why all your bags are packed I thought you are leaving on Monday?" She asked still hold my face and looking in my eyes , I still haven't removed the contacts and the clothes I had on last night.

"I I uuummmmh changed it today and I'll be leaving at 7pm, I'm sorry I wanted to tell you but my mind was somewhere else then Joshua showed up and everything just got out of hand, and I just want to get out of here" a sob left my lips when I told her that which made her hold me like she used to when I break down, in the little time we've known each other she's been like a mother I never had and a friend I'll always wish for.

"It's okay honey you don't have to tell me anything okay that happened last night, you can tell me later but now we need to get you cleaned up, finish packing and grab a bite before you leave maybe icecream too, yeah how about that?" She pulled away and kissed my tear socked cheek and wiped it

"I would really like that Rose thank you" even though my smile wasn't as bright she understood it, she knew me well enough to know that I'll have to calm down to tell her what happened and I'll never stop thanking her.

"No need for all that,now let's go yeah, oh I need to call someone to get the apartment ready schools aren't going to be open for a week or so" she said grabbing her phone from the pocket of her jeans, for lady who's 39 she is fit she looks like she's in her late twenties or something, with her chocolate brown skin and hour glass figure it's no wonder Sam ( Rose's husband) married her, his from American and his white, he wanted Rose to keep her last name because her mom and her grandmother kept theirs saying how women deserve to keep there last names too and he was cool with that as long as there is a Mrs in front of that Hamoya.

They are the perfect couple, okay I know there isn't anything perfect sure they have there moments but the love they have for each other is pure and beautiful. I have never seen so much love in just a single glance or touch before and that's something I'll always respect, he accepted me into his life just as Rose did and that is something I'll never forget. In Zambia our living standards are different from other countries, while girls passed the age of 18 go to university they get a job and start making out their lives but in Zambia sure you will go to university or college only to come right back home and wait to graduate and start working if it's outside your city or town then lucky you otherwise you will be home, untill you are married and have a stable home then you are free. Everything is about tradition or culture it's what defines us as a nation, our tradition is what makes us different form other countries and even if I don't know where I'm from or what tribe I am I still have that thought of belonging somewhere with some traditional value or something but I have my own and now Rose and Sam's too.

After finishing with everything, it's currently 6:30pm and my flight is at 7pm. We went out for lunch at Nandos and icecream Rose said it's her treat seeing as I'm leaving in 30 minutes, Sam came by to wish me a great flight and promised to come visit they have a family home in Italy which is cool he said I could go there when ever I want which is awesome. Rose said we should have last minute shopping getting things I might need on the plane saying how the food isn't all good.

We are at the airport now and I'm about to board in a few minutes, Rose hasn't stopped telling me how much I will love it and how happy she is that I'll be going to university, I know she doesn't want to say bye I can see her eyes shine with a promise of tears, I know she's holding back then she stopped and ran off, I stood there watching her ran to the exit.

I was frozen, looking at her retreating figure pushing passed people in her way. I know she didn't want to say goodbye but she would have at least said she'll call me or something, with 20 minutes left for boarding I started dragging my begs behind me.

"Wait!" Turning I see Rose running up to me with a gift bag and a box in her hands.

"Rose?" I said

"Did you really think I'd leave without saying goodbye my honey?" With worry in her tone." I'd never do that even if it made me cry like a big baby." She said smiling which made her eyes shine a dark brown like coffee.

"I was just wondering why you left lie that...and what is that?" Pointing at the box made her look down the let out an "oh"

"I got you this to start up the college life, and help you communicate better with Sam and I." Pushing the gift bag and wrapped box into my chest and said " Everyone is boarding now, get going before you miss this flight!" Pushing me backward .

"But Rose I told you I didn't need anymore og-" she cut me short with a hug and kiss on my forehead and cheeks.

"I love you okay, I love you soo much you are like the daughter I never head but I still consider you my baby, I know I am not your mother but I'd like to think that I am. From the first day I saw you I just knew you were special and it's a fact that you are, I cannot begin to imagine how I'll be able to handle anything without you with me but this is what you've been waiting for, I want you to knock them dead, show them the Rain I know the Rain that's beautiful, strong,honest, a fighter and more of all show them your heart never hide baby never hide yourself because you are a true gem. Let them see how unique you are with your eyes that beautiful Hazel shade with a little bit of orange red, show them you are special and don't let anyone tell you different" with that she hugged me and kissed me again and told me she loved me.

I didn't know what to say, I don't know what I did to deserve Rose and Sam they made this come true and the least I could do is show them how thankful I am by making them proud of me. They don't have kids and I think they've always wanted them but life just couldn't grant them that.

"Thank you for everything Rose, if I didn't walk into your store that day I don't even want to think about where I'd be right now, I'll forever be greatfull for taking me in. I love you and more for the love and support you've given me, for believing in me and trusting me. Thank you so much Rose you mean the literal world to me, I love you" I hugged her too with the intensity she hugged me with. Letting go after hearing that I have 10 minutes left for boarding.

Walking away from her was easier than I thought, it's not like i was eager to leave no I felt like I was starting anew and that's the most calm, amazing feeling I have ever felt. It's not like I won't see her again she's coming on the first break we get so that's cool.

There is something about leaving that's always going to be hard and in my case it's leaving the one place I called home, a country I grew to love even when all I have gotten is pain, tears and hatred from people I did not even know but all in all I'm leaving my home behind so it's stings.

"I love you so much Rain! I'll call you when you land alright! I am setting a timer!" That's when I heard a song come out of her mouth and she hugged herself, I watched as the tears run down her face and she looked like she was on the verge of losing it and in that moment I knew what family is, I felt my heart tagging at the mere thought of losing her and what it would do to me.

So I looked at her, smiled and winked at her which made her laugh, and she waved at me. Walking into the tunnel like thing with other people rushing like the plane was going to leave them, this is the first time I'll be flying and to say I was scared is an understatement.

Once in the plane, my seat number was on the back as I walked towards it I noticed it was a window seat. As everyone took their seats, announcements were passed, seatbelts fastened and the plane was in the air.

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3140 words down!!!

I'm getting good at this

Untill time kids ....