Forever Founded By Fear

The floorboards creak beneath my numb ass as I rock us back and forth. I rock Lily as she cries away her fears. I stroke her beautiful golden curls. I hold her tighter with every flinch and squeal that comes from her as Maxwell continues to rage downstairs. Shattering things, breaking things, screaming vulgar words I've never even heard of.

The crimson dripping from my nose stains her golden hair, clumping it together as it dries, dripping faster with every rock forward. I try to comfort her but I don't know how. I'm her mother and I'm incapable of consoling her. So I just rock her as she shakes violently, absolutely terrified. Half at the raging now going on downstairs and half at what she just had to watch my step-father do to me.

The bedroom door shakes, the hinges screeching as a fist pounds against the door. Lily screams in response, pushing her hands against her ears and crying harder.

I scream out, "Leave us alone!"

When it only riles him up more I hold Lily closer, praying that the door will hold against him. My face tingles as tears run down it, as I pray to Goddes Hecate for our safety, as I try to calm Lily down.

"Mama's okay baby, you're okay and mama's okay. Everything's okay."

I assure her over and over again, fisting the back of her shirt to keep myself from screaming and crying with her, at the pain pulsing through my body. Her shaking is erupting pain from everywhere. I hold her for hours though, even after the banging and yelling cease.

*_*_*_*

Watching the scene unfolding outside, I keep my arms wrapped around me as if it will help ease the pain. I watch in absolute boredom as the ridiculous fight escalates, a large crowd forming around the two males. Even from inside the classroom, I can hear the shouting clearly. They're most likely some random boys fighting about some random nonsense that doesn't even make sense.

Letting out a long breath, I turn my attention to the book in my hands. I've read Romeo and Juliet numerous times but if I'm going to get an A for Joshua's paper, I need a refresher. He'll probably break one of my limbs if I get anything less than an A grade.

"Fancy finding you here."

Speak of the devil.

I look up, almost in exasperation, wondering if he actually stalks me. Wondering why I can't just have one peaceful day. Just one. It seems as if his pride and joy is tormenting me. He won't even leave me alone outside of school.

Joshua walks further into the room, creeping closer towards me. I know what he wants, it's not the first time he's wanted my service on school grounds. Whenever he gets horny he seeks me out, before even Melissa a lot of the time. There's a small part of me that is smug as all shit about it. Smug about the fact that he loves to tell me how worthless I am, how ugly, how inexperienced I am, and then he always comes crawling to me. Comes crawling to me first. I agree with him on most things he says and calls me, however, we both know that him calling me inexperienced is an outright lie.

"C'mere," Joshua orders. I do so. Standing in front of him, he traces the back of his fingers along my jawline. That finger trails down my neck and around my left breast. Before he gets any further than that, another voice sounds.

"What's this?"

Joshua jumps back, his hand leaving my body within half a second as I also jump back. Damon is who stands in the now open doorway.

"None of your business. Leave," Joshua orders him. He has everyone wrapped around his finger with the type of wealth and power he and his father have. Except for Damon. Damon is everyone's exception.

A scoff comes from Damon, his lip curling as he crosses his arms over his broad chest. He stares at us silently . . no, he stares at Joshua. His hands are in fists, tightly hanging onto his shirt sleeves. Even through the shirt I can see how tight his forearms are, his shoulders just as tight. Even after years, he's still a ball of anger and anxiety.

"Get out, pig. She's my project partner so it's my business. Piss off." Both Joshua and I frown, confused as hell. Did he mishear Ms. Knox the other day?

Joshua demands, "What?"

"Ask Ms. Knox. Get the fuck out."

My heart begins to slow down and Joshua scowls before looking back at me, glaring. His eyes are piercing, promising me a world of violence before night's end.

A smirk now begins growing on Damon's face as Joshua does not respond to him, "Cat got your tongue, Joshua? Leave my partner the fuck alone." Surprisingly, Joshua obeys. As he leaves I rush back to my seat and the safety of the window beside it. Once the door is closed again Damon takes his usual seat, staring at me.

When I say nothing and don't look at him, he speaks, "I asked her by the way."

My head pounds as my brows furrow together, as I look up at him.

Seeing my confusion, he elaborates, "Ms. Knox and Ms. Dyer. I asked if I could switch partners with him. They agreed in case you were wondering."

I hesitate on answering him, not wanting to be sworn at. It's irrational and I know that. Considering our history, how long we've known each other, I shouldn't be afraid of him. He was practically brothers with Jake for years and was never like him. He was always on my side.

Then again, people change.

So I answer him with a question, the most neutral thing I can think of, "Why?"

Surprise lights his face, clearly not expecting me to speak. Knowing that I've kept to myself since mom died.

It's so sad. The fact that the best of friends, even intimate friends, can become strangers again. That we went from late-night kisses to not even knowing how to talk to each other.

"He's a self-absorbed pig. You don't deserve to be treated like that."

Not wanting him to see the tears forming in my eyes, I look back down at my novel. He continues talking, either ignoring or not realizing my desire to end the conversation.

"Why spend breaks in here? Where are your friends?" It strikes a nerve. I don't know why or what nerve, but it hurts. I don't want him to know how many friends I lost when mom died. I don't want him to know he wasn't the only person I shamefully pushed away. I don't want to answer him, so my only choice is to deflect the question.

"Where are yours?"

His lips twitches as he dips his head, "Touche, Amaya." Hearing him say my name sends a shiver up my back, just talking to him does. We've barely said ten words to each other for years. Why is he suddenly talking to me again now? What does he want?

"So, what themes do you want to do for our essays?"

"I don't know yet," I respond, looking at his green eyes. I've always thought they looked like freshly mowed grass or a shiny ripe apple. They turn into this darker shade when he's angry, green like maybe . . . maybe like basil leaves. He's always had amazing eyes.

"Jessica and I were going to do the love theme. Let's just do that, yeah? Pretty simple." I nod in confirmation, waiting for his next question, having sensed one coming.

He asks me, "We'll start tonight? Our skit I mean. At my place?"

Exhaling, I teeth my bottom lip, having known this was eventually coming. Although I'd hoped it wouldn't be today. Or tomorrow, for that matter. I work most afternoons, through most nights. I'm working tonight.

Seeing my hesitation he adds, "No? Tomorrow then?" After a moment of thought, I nod. He nods back and holds out his hand, "Phone."

Without question I pass him my phone, surprising him once more. He looks it over, turning it over in his hands. My chest aches as my heart thumps against it, scared that he'll criticize me. It's not by choice that I still have an iPhone 5. I'm sure he has the iPhone 12, most people in the school do.

Damon unlocks my phone, no password required, and clicks into my contacts, only to stop short. I know it's not normal for a nineteen-year-old to only have six contacts. I'm sure he has a few dozen.

When he finally gets off that screen, he creates a new contact under his name before handing the phone back to me.

Quietly, he tells me, "I'll text you later."

He then abruptly stands and leaves the room rather quickly. It strikes a nerve, knowing that we used to be able to sit and talk through countless nights. Everything changed when mom died.